[__ Prayer __] Mental health situation :-(

[Claudya]

This afternoon I was thinking about admittig myself to a psychiatric ward - after slapping myself, cutting myself, scratching my forehead with my fingernails, willfully hitting my head against a heavy oak wood restaurant table and throwing my plate at another person. Not sure I hit him but my flying plate mowed down and destroyed pretty much everything on the table.

My mood has been bad for a few days, I already lost control of myself and slapped myself on thursday and on friday, but I'd attributed to being sleep deprived and exhausted after the long week of work, exercising, frustration with university bureaucracy, and too little sleep.
But even after a calm saturday I was still feeling lousy this morning, but I tried to somehow get my mood into a better shape, focusing on good things (like the sunshine, attending church service, and so on), tried to focus on other things, or tried just to tell myself that I only need to wait it out until things get better naturally. Of course I tried to pray, too, and tried to remember that only God's love matters and I can cling to it until I feel better...
Church service was good (well I felt terrible but the sermon was good), afterward I was invited for lunch in a restaurant by an elderly lady that I'm friends with. Her husband didn't want to join us, but two other guys from our home group came with us. We went to a rather noble restaurant and that's where all that stupid stuff happend just because one of those guys is a judgemental uncompassionate arrogant uneducated buffoon (and because I have the emotional maturity of a 4 year old).

I can't tell you how helpless I feel, having worked on becoming more emotionally stable for such a long time, but in the end all I can do is delay the point of losing control by a few minutes.
All the prayers don't seem to change a thing and all the skills I learned for controling my emotions aren't effective. I know it takes time and practise. But right now I'm a time bomb.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my shrink anyway, and since I can't hide all the bruises and bumps in my face anyway I'm just gonna ask him to admit me to the local psychiatric hospital.

 

[Kathi]

Please do not forget that God is always by your side and that he loves you very much.When we are too weak and distressed to pray the Holy Spirit prays for us.I am so very sorry that you are going through this Claudya.My son is very sick and disabled and I think I have an idea of what you are going through.No I am not you so only you and God totally know.I do understand why some people are very cruel and not compassionate at all when it comes to anyone else than themself.They just do not have a clue what it is like to be in your shoes.If they were to step into your shoes for awhile they would change their tune.I will pray for you.

 

[Kathi]

For all those who suffer on this Earth and remain faithful to Christ they shall receive a beautiful crown.


) The Crown of Life – (Revelation 2:10) “Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. Indeed, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life.” This crown is for all believers, but is especially dear to those who endure sufferings, who bravely confront persecution for Jesus, even to the point of death. In Scripture the word “life” is often used to show a relationship that is right with God. It was Jesus who said, “I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10). Just as things such as air, food, and water are vital for our physical lives, Jesus provides us what is required for our spiritual lives. He is the One who provides “living water.” He is the “bread of life” (John 4:10, 6:35). We know that our earthly lives will end. But we have the amazing promise that comes only to those who come to God through Jesus: “And this is the promise that He has promised us—eternal life” (1 John 2:25).

Read more: http://www.gotquestions.org/heavenly-crowns.html#ixzz2uAowcVgL

 

[Claudya]

Please do not forget that God is always by your side and that he loves you very much.When we are too weak and distressed to pray the Holy Spirit prays for us.I am so very sorry that you are going through this Claudya.My son is very sick and disabled and I think I have an idea of what you are going through.No I am not you so only you and God totally know.I do understand why some people are very cruel and not compassionate at all when it comes to anyone else than themself.They just do not have a clue what it is like to be in your shoes.If they were to step into your shoes for awhile they would change their tune.I will pray for you.

Thank you for your prayers.
Sorry to hear of your son. Is there a chance his situation is gonna get better?

The guy who triggered my little tantrum today isn't actually cruel or evil, he's rather nice, but really ignorant and uneducated, yet he thinks that his mere opinion outweighs an entire branch of social/medical science. When confronted with research results backing my position he'll insist that he has his opinion. And he even dares use my personal problems as an argumentation against my position. It makes me feel so helpless and angry and worthless that I can't change his opinion (because that evil voice in my head that keeps telling me that I'm worthless will use that oppurtunity to show me what a bad debater I am).
Well a sane person would either ignore; or patiently try to educate such an individual, but not lose their self control and destroy stuff because of it. A sane person wouldn't depend their wellbeing on other people's opinions about science.

God I hope I'm gonna be able to keep myself stable the next days.

 

[Eugene]

Dear Sister Claudya. May God bless you in this trial of your faith, and I will pray for your best at this time in Jesus' name.

 

[Deborah13]

I will continue to lift you up in prayer. I can't fathom how difficult this is for you. But I believe with all my heart that there is a huge victory coming to you.

 

[reba]

Well a sane person would either ignore; or patiently try to educate such an individual, but not lose their self control and destroy stuff because of it. A sane person wouldn't depend their wellbeing on other people's opinions about science.

They tell me i am sane as you put it.. in the forums today i blew up at a guy, most likely i should not have. Like you i was in the right, like you my methods or choice of words could have been better...

Gods love is the best often He send a person to us to show that love. That person my be your shrink or even a stranger... We are not there in person but we care about you and your faith in the Lord is tops.

 

[Claudya]

Dear Sister Claudya. May God bless you in this trial of your faith, and I will pray for your best at this time in Jesus' name.

Amen! Thank you very much, Brother Eugene.
You are always compassionate and caring; you are wonderful reflection of God's love!

 

[Paul1965]

I am praying for you Claudya.
The fact that you "consciously held it together' for so long until overload today is proof you are in fact quite sane I think.
Also with sleep deprivation, long hours of work and rigorous training, exhaustion, even if you don't realize it can make us do some out of the box stuff sometimes...I know it.
Everyone has their breaking point and will eventually snap to get it out of their system. If Mr I"msoooosmartlistentome was a caring person he'd shut up and listen rather than bombard you with his uneducated opinions about you. So he he got his just desserts me thinks..maybe a bit extreme but he must carry some of the blame.
Now you said you're hurting yourself, Claudya, yes talk to your shrink. I won't pretend to know what to say on that score other than lecture you like a naughty little school kid. All I will say is please don't do it as we here care about you and God doesn't want you doing it either.
Like I said I am praying for you
Blessings in His Holy name

 

[Claudya]

I will continue to lift you up in prayer. I can't fathom how difficult this is for you. But I believe with all my heart that there is a huge victory coming to you.

Thank you very much. I hope your heart is right because I wouldn't mind a great victory.
Well I, too do believe that I can get better. I may have certain problems for the rest of my life but there's always ways to adapt and handle those issues.
(Just wish it wasn't such a long learning process.)

Again thank you for your prayers! God bless you.

 

[Kathi]

Thank you for your prayers.
Sorry to hear of your son. Is there a chance his situation is gonna get better?

The guy who triggered my little tantrum today isn't actually cruel or evil, he's rather nice, but really ignorant and uneducated, yet he thinks that his mere opinion outweighs an entire branch of social/medical science. When confronted with research results backing my position he'll insist that he has his opinion. And he even dares use my personal problems as an argumentation against my position. It makes me feel so helpless and angry and worthless that I can't change his opinion (because that evil voice in my head that keeps telling me that I'm worthless will use that oppurtunity to show me what a bad debater I am).
Well a sane person would either ignore; or patiently try to educate such an individual, but not lose their self control and destroy stuff because of it. A sane person wouldn't depend their wellbeing on other people's opinions about science.

God I hope I'm gonna be able to keep myself stable the next days.

People are ignorant.They think they know it all.They think they know what caused your illness and how to fix it.Too bad that they do not know anything.I find that the most peaceful way to deal with these people is to ignore them.

 

[Claudya]

I am praying for you Claudya.
The fact that you "consciously held it together' for so long until overload today is proof you are in fact quite sane I think.
Also with sleep deprivation, long hours of work and rigorous training, exhaustion, even if you don't realize it can make us do some out of the box stuff sometimes...I know it.

Thanks for your prayers.
Yeah all kinds of stress and exhaustion can result in mental instability. Self discipline and self control are hard work for our brains, so when our resources are exhausted those are the first things to fail.

I read your prayer request thread and I know you too are struggling with exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Although I didn't write anything I did pray for you and I hope you'll find ways to relax and recover. Because you will be of no use to your family when you're totally burnt out. :-(

Everyone has their breaking point and will eventually snap to get it out of their system.

My breaking point is really not very far. I've always been rather unstable when it comes to human relationships.

If Mr I"msoooosmartlistentome was a caring person he'd shut up and listen rather than bombard you with his uneducated opinions about you. So he he got his just desserts me thinks..maybe a bit extreme but he must carry some of the blame.

Oh well if only I had taught him anything. Unfortunately he'll see my irrational behaviour as a confirmation of his view and will be less likely to take my argumentation seriously. Throwing stuff like a 5 year old child isn't really something that convinces people. (He's just lucky my aim is so bad. And he's lucky he was out of range for a punch.)

Anyway, since he's also a christian brother there must be an other (non-violent) way of dealing with him? Especially after that incident... he's in my home group after all. Today at the end I told him to "f--- off" (well that's at least the closest translation)...
Well on the one hand, honestly, it feels awesome to be angry and attack those that hurt me. Part of me felt good seeing all the destruction and mess I made. On the other hand hatred and anger are the path to the dark side of the force, right? Christians shouldn't feel like that, should they?

Now you said you're hurting yourself, Claudya, yes talk to your shrink. I won't pretend to know what to say on that score other than lecture you like a naughty little school kid. All I will say is please don't do it as we here care about you and God doesn't want you doing it either.
Like I said I am praying for you
Blessings in His Holy name

Hm I understand that self harm is quite shocking to outsiders.
And it's true I need to get rid of it. That's one of the things I need to focus on.
But the truth is, hurting myself physically isn't the problem, it's a solution. A very dangerous and misguided solution, but in that moment it's an effective way of relieving emotional pain. And it's the only available way in such a stressful situation. Part of the therapy I just started will be to make me learn other less destructive ways to handle my feelings.
But the true problem isn't the self harm, but the pain inside. Self harm actually makes me feel better for the moment. (Though that bump on my head really hurts now. And the scratches will be hard to explain at work tomorrow.)

Thanks again for praying. If you want, pray that God teaches me to care for other people (or interesting things and projects) rather than getting too absorbed in self-pity.
I'll keep praying for you, too!
Always great talking to you. Wish I could learn more about your life instead of talking about myself all the time.

 

[Claudya]

People are ignorant.They think they know it all.They think they know what caused your illness and how to fix it.Too bad that they do not know anything.I find that the most peaceful way to deal with these people is to ignore them.

Probably. Treat them nice and friendly when they are nice and friendly, but ignore the stupid things they say.

 

[Kathi]

Probably. Treat them nice and friendly when they are nice and friendly, but ignore the stupid things they say.

There you go

 

[Claudya]

They tell me i am sane as you put it.. in the forums today i blew up at a guy, most likely i should not have. Like you i was in the right, like you my methods or choice of words could have been better...

You gave him the rolling pin treatment?
Well even the sanest can lose their control at times, because having temper isn't necessarily insanity. It just happens to me way too often and in a rather self-destructive way.

Gods love is the best often He send a person to us to show that love. That person my be your shrink or even a stranger... We are not there in person but we care about you and your faith in the Lord is tops.

Thank you for your kindness. Wish my faith was only half as big as yours.

 

[Chopper]

Folk? I've been reading your reply's concerning Claudya, I felt that the Holy Spirit wanted me to post this prayer. So I have included all of you. I hope you will agree with me for a miracle for our lovely Sister Claudya.

Dear Yahweh, we have a crises on hand. Our dear Sister Claudya is being tormented by demon forces. We in the Forum are very worried about her. We want to help but don't know how, and she doesn't know how. We know outside evil forces are causing her to lose self-control. All we know is prayer. We read in Your Word that your Holy Spirit groans with requests that we can't utter. The problem is that nothing is working. Our dear Claudya is hurting herself, and we are afraid for her.

Dear Master Jesus. Hear our plea for Claudya, please. Jesus, in Matthew 18:18, 19. You say, "Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth, shall be bound in heaven" We bind the evil forces that are tormenting Claudya, and commit them to waste places, not to return to her ever again. "Again I say, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven." Jesus, we are asking that You, because of our binding those evil spirits and casting them away from Claudya, that you will cleanse and heal her mind. Take away all that those demons have been putting in her mind. They have taken her captive for their evil deeds, please free her for your purpose and will.

We believe by faith that this Word that I have quoted is Truth and it will come to pass by Your great power. What seems like an impossibility for us is possible for You to perform. We are just the branches, you are the Vine. We can do nothing without You, that is why we pray this prayer, asking You to take action for our beloved Sister. We believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that You will do what we have prayed for and even more because You are so much wiser that us.

We want to thank you in advance for hearing our plea, and answering us with Your power to heal and cleanse because we looked to You, our only Hope.

 

[reba]

 

[Kathi]

Folk? I've been reading your reply's concerning Claudya, I felt that the Holy Spirit wanted me to post this prayer. So I have included all of you. I hope you will agree with me for a miracle for our lovely Sister Claudya.

Dear Yahweh, we have a crises on hand. Our dear Sister Claudya is being tormented by demon forces. We in the Forum are very worried about her. We want to help but don't know how, and she doesn't know how. We know outside evil forces are causing her to lose self-control. All we know is prayer. We read in Your Word that your Holy Spirit groans with requests that we can't utter. The problem is that nothing is working. Our dear Claudya is hurting herself, and we are afraid for her.

Dear Master Jesus. Hear our plea for Claudya, please. Jesus, in Matthew 18:18, 19. You say, "Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth, shall be bound in heaven" We bind the evil forces that are tormenting Claudya, and commit them to waste places, not to return to her ever again. "Again I say, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven." Jesus, we are asking that You, because of our binding those evil spirits and casting them away from Claudya, that you will cleanse and heal her mind. Take away all that those demons have been putting in her mind. They have taken her captive for their evil deeds, please free her for your purpose and will.

We believe by faith that this Word that I have quoted is Truth and it will come to pass by Your great power. What seems like an impossibility for us is possible for You to perform. We are just the branches, you are the Vine. We can do nothing without You, that is why we pray this prayer, asking You to take action for our beloved Sister. We believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that You will do what we have prayed for and even more because You are so much wiser that us.

We want to thank you in advance for hearing our plea, and answering us with Your power to heal and cleanse because we looked to You, our only Hope.

Amen

 

[Deborah13]

 

[AirDancer]