Hi
Claudya
When I was younger I was told that I had too many emotions. What the heck does that mean anyway? I mean, who tells somebody they have too many emotions? Well, the people who don't know how to deal with deep emotions... That's who.
The way I see it, God made you just the way you are and you have a purpose. What I'm learning is that every thought can become captive to Gods word in a way that makes this world a better place. Sure, life isn't fair and its never going to be fair. Sometimes people outright suck and sometimes we are part of that problem and we make life for ourselves and others suck.
Some people make me angry and its hard not to have an emotional outbreak. But I found out that the way I react really makes me no better than the narrow minded jerk I'm angry with. Really, when I loose my temper, I'm as much of a narrow minded jerk as the one I'm angry with and even though I'm right ( I better be lol) doesn't give me the justification to make matters worse.
Every day I try to do one good thing to honor the two daughters I've lost to death. You see, I want to be part of the solution to this broken world and I don't want to add to this worlds pain. I want to heal, and in order to heal, maybe I need to learn how to heal others because there is something special that happens inside when you serve another human being with no expectation for anything in return. It just makes you feel good because you've just made this world a better place.
You see, I've experienced a lot of suffering in this world and life isn't fair. I know people who see things that aren't fair and they war against them with no concern who gets caught in the crossfire. They end up dying with heart attacks and in general die unfulfilled and miserable. You see, this world isn't our whipping boy where we get to justify our bad behavior. Rather, its a world where we have a choice to either put our focus on Jesus and make this world a better place or we can contribute to this worlds brokenness and simply leave it more broken than when we first entered the room.
I know you have some struggles, but know that you have people who believe in you, and see the good in you and your potential. Gods doing a good work in you through your suffering just as scriptures says that Jesus was perfected through suffering (Hebrews 3). You see, Jesus embraced that which was going to kill him (cross) because he knew it would bring a whole new world into existence... A better world with a better hope. Will you embrace your emotions and accept that you are wonderfully made? Will you embrace the things that will kill you so you can be set free? In other words, are you willing to go to those dark places in your life and say,... There's a better way to live and I will no longer be mastered by that which brings more suffering and pain into this world. I will die to those thoughts and be born again with Jesus as my example and hero who I want to pattern my life after.
Take care and I hope greatly for you.
