Christian Forums
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
-
-
Guest, Join Papa Zoom today for some uplifting biblical encouragement! --> Daily Verses
[__ Prayer __] Mental health situation :-(
- Thread starter Claudya
- Start date
Paul1965
Member
Thanks for your prayers.
Yeah all kinds of stress and exhaustion can result in mental instability. Self discipline and self control are hard work for our brains, so when our resources are exhausted those are the first things to fail.
I read your prayer request thread and I know you too are struggling with exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Although I didn't write anything I did pray for you and I hope you'll find ways to relax and recover. Because you will be of no use to your family when you're totally burnt out. :-(
My breaking point is really not very far. I've always been rather unstable when it comes to human relationships.
Oh well if only I had taught him anything. Unfortunately he'll see my irrational behaviour as a confirmation of his view and will be less likely to take my argumentation seriously. Throwing stuff like a 5 year old child isn't really something that convinces people. (He's just lucky my aim is so bad. And he's lucky he was out of range for a punch.)
Anyway, since he's also a christian brother there must be an other (non-violent) way of dealing with him? Especially after that incident... he's in my home group after all. Today at the end I told him to "f--- off" (well that's at least the closest translation)...
Well on the one hand, honestly, it feels awesome to be angry and attack those that hurt me. Part of me felt good seeing all the destruction and mess I made. On the other hand hatred and anger are the path to the dark side of the force, right? Christians shouldn't feel like that, should they?
Hm I understand that self harm is quite shocking to outsiders.
And it's true I need to get rid of it. That's one of the things I need to focus on.
But the truth is, hurting myself physically isn't the problem, it's a solution. A very dangerous and misguided solution, but in that moment it's an effective way of relieving emotional pain. And it's the only available way in such a stressful situation. Part of the therapy I just started will be to make me learn other less destructive ways to handle my feelings.
But the true problem isn't the self harm, but the pain inside. Self harm actually makes me feel better for the moment. (Though that bump on my head really hurts now.And the scratches will be hard to explain at work tomorrow.)
Thanks again for praying. If you want, pray that God teaches me to care for other people (or interesting things and projects) rather than getting too absorbed in self-pity.
I'll keep praying for you, too!
Always great talking to you. Wish I could learn more about your life instead of talking about myself all the time.
With regards to the self harm, I know exactly where you're coming from. Most of my tattoos on the insides of my arms are to cover many deep self inflicted scars from lit cigarettes butted out on myself when feeling it was all too hard. And yeah, at the time the pain was a rush and momentary release from other things.
Re scratches at work? I suppose as a Christian, telling them you have a new kitten of you fell into a rose bush is out of the question.
Angel
Member
I agree that admitting yourself to the hospital is what you need to do. They can observe you closely and start you on medication. Wrtie down everything you feel and take it to your counselor. I will be praying for you.
R
r3alchild
Guest
First thing is to go and get diagnosed, you need to know what illness you have if any before you can do anything. I have had mental illness all my life so if you find out your the same and you need some pointers I can help.
Claudya
Member
With regards to the self harm, I know exactly where you're coming from. Most of my tattoos on the insides of my arms are to cover many deep self inflicted scars from lit cigarettes butted out on myself when feeling it was all too hard. And yeah, at the time the pain was a rush and momentary release from other things.
Re scratches at work? I suppose as a Christian, telling them you have a new kitten of you fell into a rose bush is out of the question.
I was thinking about telling them it was a karate accident but one of our clients we are taking care of is a karate student, too, and he probably knows karate accidents don't leave that type of wounds. And it doesn't look kitten-like anyway. More like angry-adult-lion-like.
Sorry to hear you had to go through that kind of stuff, too. Did you overcome that "habit"? How did you do that?
Claudya
Member
For today we decided I'm not goig to go to the hospital, but we're gonna have to take a several week therapy break for bureacracy reasons (time that the paperwork needs to get the health insurance's approval) and I might end up spending that time in the nut ward.
Medication is something I'm trying to avoid. There is no specific medication for Borderline Personality Disorder. I noticed that my mood was more stable when I was on anti-depressants. But my favourite course of action would be to learn that I can stabilise my mood with my own behaviour and my own skills.
Most people have learned (usually as kids and teenagers) how to regulate their own emotions so they can live a mostly level-headed life. But I haven't. So I gotta learn it. It's like someone that didn't learn to play a musical instrument as a kid may be bad at music in general, because they didn't learn it at the right age. But they can still learn it as adults, it's just gonna take a lot more conscious effort and time.
So it wouldn't make sense to medically dampen my emotional swings if I want to learn to control them. Just like it wouldn't make sense to remove the strings from a guitar when you want to learn how to play it.
(Also I'm afraid anti depressants would make me gain weight.....)
Writing things down is a good idea. At least write down my general mood or major mood swings and out-of-control behaviour, plus some outside conditions, every day. I'd laugh my head off if I find out that my moodswings are correlated to the weather or my monthly cycle.
stovebolts
Member
Claudya
Sorry to hear that you've been having a down time. I think I'm on the upswing of mine, as you probably recognized just before Christmas. Life goes on, and God is good, but sometimes you just need to take it one day at a time, or better yet, one moment at a time.
Something I learned, is you can't force anyone to change their mind, and arguing with them usually doesn't change their mind either. You can present your case, but unless the other person is open to it, you're wasting your time. When I recognize I'm in that kind of a situation, I try to step back once I've made the mental connection that I'm actually in that kind of situation (because often I'll just be talking and then bam, it hits me... this guy is arguing with me). So, when I recognize that situation, I will do one of two things. I'll recompose myself and guard my words and if I engage, it's mostly with pointed questions. I ask questions because it gives me a better idea what kind of person I"m dealing with. If they want to force their opinion on me and just want to argue their case, then I simply change the subject and I don't engage. If they are caring and compassionate, I'll listen to see if I can glean any wisdom from them.
I want you to know that we all have our breaking point. Some of us can control our emotions a little better than others, but we all have those kinds of emotions. Anger isn't a bad emotion. Usually it warns us that we're in danger, or something isn't right. But we do have to be careful with anger and we want to rid ourselves of it as quickly as possible.
There is an example where Jesus gets angry with the religious elite, and in his anger, he tells a man with a shriveled hand to stretch out his hand. What I take away from that, is that we should use our anger to do good. In the case of Jesus, he healed a man and made him better, even in opposition. We also need to know that when we do good, it's going to make other people angry. If we look at the story, these religious elite start plotting the death of Jesus. Why? Because he did good, and they didn't like it.
So, the question I ask myself is, "Who do I want to become"? Do I want to respond in revenge and add more chaos, more hurt, more pain to this already broken world? Do I really want to contribute to problem, or do I want to be part of the solution? Where there is hurt, to I want to bring healing, or do I want to pour salt in the wound and add to the suffering that's already surrounding us? I know, I know, it's a lofty goal and it's certainly not the easy road. When somebody hurts me, my natural instinct is to hurt them back... but I found out that the satisfaction I get from hurting them back only makes me feel worse the longer I behave that way... and why do I want to be like the people I hate? What makes me any better when I respond in the same manner as those I disagree with? And when did the competition to see who could get the most angry really decide who was right?
Sometimes I don't know what to do when I get angry, but I've created a list of things I wouldn't do and thats a start. It takes self control.. sometimes a lot of self control. But we have God's spirit, and it's times like those that we need to remind ourselves that God can strengthen us, even in the worst storms. So create that list of things you won't do and then start thinking about what you could do that would make the situation better so the next time you get angry, you'll rise above the ignorance of others and be an example to them, even if it makes them angry.
Take care of yourself.
Sorry to hear that you've been having a down time. I think I'm on the upswing of mine, as you probably recognized just before Christmas. Life goes on, and God is good, but sometimes you just need to take it one day at a time, or better yet, one moment at a time.
Something I learned, is you can't force anyone to change their mind, and arguing with them usually doesn't change their mind either. You can present your case, but unless the other person is open to it, you're wasting your time. When I recognize I'm in that kind of a situation, I try to step back once I've made the mental connection that I'm actually in that kind of situation (because often I'll just be talking and then bam, it hits me... this guy is arguing with me). So, when I recognize that situation, I will do one of two things. I'll recompose myself and guard my words and if I engage, it's mostly with pointed questions. I ask questions because it gives me a better idea what kind of person I"m dealing with. If they want to force their opinion on me and just want to argue their case, then I simply change the subject and I don't engage. If they are caring and compassionate, I'll listen to see if I can glean any wisdom from them.
I want you to know that we all have our breaking point. Some of us can control our emotions a little better than others, but we all have those kinds of emotions. Anger isn't a bad emotion. Usually it warns us that we're in danger, or something isn't right. But we do have to be careful with anger and we want to rid ourselves of it as quickly as possible.
There is an example where Jesus gets angry with the religious elite, and in his anger, he tells a man with a shriveled hand to stretch out his hand. What I take away from that, is that we should use our anger to do good. In the case of Jesus, he healed a man and made him better, even in opposition. We also need to know that when we do good, it's going to make other people angry. If we look at the story, these religious elite start plotting the death of Jesus. Why? Because he did good, and they didn't like it.
So, the question I ask myself is, "Who do I want to become"? Do I want to respond in revenge and add more chaos, more hurt, more pain to this already broken world? Do I really want to contribute to problem, or do I want to be part of the solution? Where there is hurt, to I want to bring healing, or do I want to pour salt in the wound and add to the suffering that's already surrounding us? I know, I know, it's a lofty goal and it's certainly not the easy road. When somebody hurts me, my natural instinct is to hurt them back... but I found out that the satisfaction I get from hurting them back only makes me feel worse the longer I behave that way... and why do I want to be like the people I hate? What makes me any better when I respond in the same manner as those I disagree with? And when did the competition to see who could get the most angry really decide who was right?
Sometimes I don't know what to do when I get angry, but I've created a list of things I wouldn't do and thats a start. It takes self control.. sometimes a lot of self control. But we have God's spirit, and it's times like those that we need to remind ourselves that God can strengthen us, even in the worst storms. So create that list of things you won't do and then start thinking about what you could do that would make the situation better so the next time you get angry, you'll rise above the ignorance of others and be an example to them, even if it makes them angry.
Take care of yourself.
Christ_empowered
Member
I'm personally scared of mental hospitals, so I'd advise you to find a less dramatic solution. Then again...I'm in the Southern US, you're in Germany...things are probably better where you are. Personal preference, honestly.
AIR
Member
i will pray for you, sister. Last night I had a huge anxious attack, I don't know where it come from but I just kept repeating 'Jesus help me, Jesus help me, Jesus help me' something like that and in a few minutes I fell asleep. I felt so anxious, very deep inside of me and I think I was sweating and my heart was beating and I was totally scared. Again thinking that does nothing exist that I can't escape this feeling but I think first time I didn't really turn my face to friend or jumped out of bed. I just prayed and prayed tried to accept the emotion because only that way I can get through it.
Usually I just go walk around when I feel anxious but God promised me that he takes my anxious away if I ask it.
I'll pray for you! hope me and you and everyone else will get normal someday, atleast in Heaven.
Usually I just go walk around when I feel anxious but God promised me that he takes my anxious away if I ask it.
I'll pray for you! hope me and you and everyone else will get normal someday, atleast in Heaven.
A
agua.
Guest
Gday Claudya how's it going today. Have you heard of cognitive therapy. You probably do it anyway.
Claudya
Member
Hey!
Short update (because during the weekdays my time is usually filled with offline stuff):
I had my psychotherapy appointment on monday morning and we talked about that emotional melt-down and whether I should seek a therapy in a hospital. My shrink would approve of that, but I'm a bit uncertain. I'd miss my martial arts classes, work, church, cf.net, I couldn't take care of my future professional carreer, and would be a mentally ill person all day. And progress achieved within the save environment of a psychiatric ward doesn't transfer well into the real world.
Yesterday I took the day off at work. My boss understood the reason, but he asked me to write down a suggestion about how my colleagues should deal with my illness and what I think would help me when I feel bad. Unfortunatley I couldn't do that homework because I have no idea what would help me. Nothing I ever tried did help. Realising that made me even more hopeless. And I had a saddenig phone conversation with some old friend of mine.
Today I went back to work. In the morning I left for work way too late and I felt so sad and defeated that I didn't know how to survive the day. But I obviously did survive it, I enjoyed the spring weather (I work outdoors most of the time) and had some fun and made some little progress with my current project. So work was a good distraction.
On my way home I read a book about self-help for people suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (my diagnosis) and although I didn't get past the first chapter yet it sounds optimistic.
For some reason I realised that I am an adult person and most people view me as an adult person and think that I'm tough and strong - that's the opposite of how I see myself. So who's right, them or me?
Now I'm uncertain whether to attend my karate class. I'm motivated and I want to train, on the other hand I don't want to have to explain those scratches on my forehead and I don't feel very stable.
Another question. All the people that were present when I lost control of myself on sunday are part of my home group. There are a few more people in the group that weren't involved or present, but I was really aggressive and hateful to that guy who annoyed me so much. And I feel quite unapologetic about it. So how should I behave when I attend the group meeting on thursday?
Short update (because during the weekdays my time is usually filled with offline stuff):
I had my psychotherapy appointment on monday morning and we talked about that emotional melt-down and whether I should seek a therapy in a hospital. My shrink would approve of that, but I'm a bit uncertain. I'd miss my martial arts classes, work, church, cf.net, I couldn't take care of my future professional carreer, and would be a mentally ill person all day. And progress achieved within the save environment of a psychiatric ward doesn't transfer well into the real world.
Yesterday I took the day off at work. My boss understood the reason, but he asked me to write down a suggestion about how my colleagues should deal with my illness and what I think would help me when I feel bad. Unfortunatley I couldn't do that homework because I have no idea what would help me. Nothing I ever tried did help. Realising that made me even more hopeless. And I had a saddenig phone conversation with some old friend of mine.
Today I went back to work. In the morning I left for work way too late and I felt so sad and defeated that I didn't know how to survive the day. But I obviously did survive it, I enjoyed the spring weather (I work outdoors most of the time) and had some fun and made some little progress with my current project. So work was a good distraction.
On my way home I read a book about self-help for people suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (my diagnosis) and although I didn't get past the first chapter yet it sounds optimistic.
For some reason I realised that I am an adult person and most people view me as an adult person and think that I'm tough and strong - that's the opposite of how I see myself. So who's right, them or me?
Now I'm uncertain whether to attend my karate class. I'm motivated and I want to train, on the other hand I don't want to have to explain those scratches on my forehead and I don't feel very stable.
Another question. All the people that were present when I lost control of myself on sunday are part of my home group. There are a few more people in the group that weren't involved or present, but I was really aggressive and hateful to that guy who annoyed me so much. And I feel quite unapologetic about it. So how should I behave when I attend the group meeting on thursday?
stovebolts
Member
Hi Claudya
Well, I'm glad you did have some fun, and I know you're going to make it through this little bump in the road. I know it feels like a mountain in front of you, but just take it one step at a time and your going to be ok.
I would attend your karate class, only because I think it's important that you get back on your regular routine. It's important. I know it's going to feel awkward going in with all your scratches, so just tell them you got into a cat fight, and the cat won lol! I dunno, just make something up and then change the subject. I'm sure they'll get the idea you don't want to go into detail. If they persist, hold your claws out and hiss at them. Hey, it is a karate class, maybe somebody will take you up on the offer?
As far as your homegroup, I guess this will see how committed they are to you being part of the group. One thing I've learned is it's not good to hang onto that anger. But I also know that it takes time to work through it, and I know you'll work through it. Just try to act in a way that makes the situation better, not worse. Maybe this guy is a jerk, but only because he doesn't know. If you can muster some patience, hold to what you do know and what you know, is that he doesn't have any idea, or very little idea what you're going through. If you act in patience, you can use this as an opportunity to teach him, but only if he is teachable. If he's not teachable, then don't go there with him. If he starts anything with you, even if it's polite, then all you have to say is something simple like < "I don't think it's a good idea at this time to have that discussion. Why don't we hold off on that for a week or two until I can compose myself better".
Your in my thoughts, and I think you're doing all the right things. Keep your chin up and don't give into that self talk that say's your nobody and worthless. Your very bright and articulate, so focus on your patience and self control and know what you're not going to do because if you think about how you can strike out against him if he says this or that, then that's what you'll do when confronted with him again. So make a mental note of what you're not going to do, and then figure out things that you can do that might make it better.
Good luck.
Well, I'm glad you did have some fun, and I know you're going to make it through this little bump in the road. I know it feels like a mountain in front of you, but just take it one step at a time and your going to be ok.
I would attend your karate class, only because I think it's important that you get back on your regular routine. It's important. I know it's going to feel awkward going in with all your scratches, so just tell them you got into a cat fight, and the cat won lol! I dunno, just make something up and then change the subject. I'm sure they'll get the idea you don't want to go into detail. If they persist, hold your claws out and hiss at them. Hey, it is a karate class, maybe somebody will take you up on the offer?
As far as your homegroup, I guess this will see how committed they are to you being part of the group. One thing I've learned is it's not good to hang onto that anger. But I also know that it takes time to work through it, and I know you'll work through it. Just try to act in a way that makes the situation better, not worse. Maybe this guy is a jerk, but only because he doesn't know. If you can muster some patience, hold to what you do know and what you know, is that he doesn't have any idea, or very little idea what you're going through. If you act in patience, you can use this as an opportunity to teach him, but only if he is teachable. If he's not teachable, then don't go there with him. If he starts anything with you, even if it's polite, then all you have to say is something simple like < "I don't think it's a good idea at this time to have that discussion. Why don't we hold off on that for a week or two until I can compose myself better".
Your in my thoughts, and I think you're doing all the right things. Keep your chin up and don't give into that self talk that say's your nobody and worthless. Your very bright and articulate, so focus on your patience and self control and know what you're not going to do because if you think about how you can strike out against him if he says this or that, then that's what you'll do when confronted with him again. So make a mental note of what you're not going to do, and then figure out things that you can do that might make it better.
Good luck.
Claudya
Member
Hello StoveBolts
thank you for your message!!
It's always an honour to talk to you because you are a person of wisdom, kindness, and sense of humour. I'm not just saying that to return your compliments or so, but because I really like reading your posts so much.
I did indeed attend my karate class and it went well. The class was rather small today (only 6 people, usually we're more like 20) and each of them came up with a different joke about my facial scratches. Those that asked for a serious answer of what happened, well I politely and friendly told them I'd rather not say, and they all accepted it without any trouble.
Training itself was fun, too. My arms will hurt tomorrow. But there was a moment when I was challenged to stay calm but I did. It really drives me crazy if people catch me doing something wrong and try to correct me. Of course a trainer has to correct me, that's their job, and it's good if they do so I can learn. But it still drives me crazy.
As for the home group I will probably do it as you suggested. I'll discuss neither the topic of our dissent, nor the entire incident during this week's home group meeting because I'm still not composed and calm about it. So in order to avoid another disaster I'll postpone any discussion of what happened on sunday. However, if two people that are part of the group aren't talking to each other and are hating each other the whole group would suffer. So I'd understand if the others would want some sort of solution and peace at some point.
Sorry for speaking so much about myself. My self-centeredness annoys the heck out of me.
thank you for your message!!
It's always an honour to talk to you because you are a person of wisdom, kindness, and sense of humour. I'm not just saying that to return your compliments or so, but because I really like reading your posts so much.
I did indeed attend my karate class and it went well. The class was rather small today (only 6 people, usually we're more like 20) and each of them came up with a different joke about my facial scratches.
Those that asked for a serious answer of what happened, well I politely and friendly told them I'd rather not say, and they all accepted it without any trouble. Training itself was fun, too. My arms will hurt tomorrow. But there was a moment when I was challenged to stay calm but I did. It really drives me crazy if people catch me doing something wrong and try to correct me. Of course a trainer has to correct me, that's their job, and it's good if they do so I can learn. But it still drives me crazy.
As for the home group I will probably do it as you suggested. I'll discuss neither the topic of our dissent, nor the entire incident during this week's home group meeting because I'm still not composed and calm about it. So in order to avoid another disaster I'll postpone any discussion of what happened on sunday. However, if two people that are part of the group aren't talking to each other and are hating each other the whole group would suffer. So I'd understand if the others would want some sort of solution and peace at some point.
Sorry for speaking so much about myself. My self-centeredness annoys the heck out of me.
stovebolts
Member
Thank you for the privilege of speaking to us so openly. I appreciate your transparency.
Have you listened to the song by Red called Perfect life? Lately, that song has really resonated with me. So many fake people putting on these fake fronts. Drives me nuts.
Anyway, take care of yourself and enjoy life, cause life's worth living and God is always good!
Have you listened to the song by Red called Perfect life? Lately, that song has really resonated with me. So many fake people putting on these fake fronts. Drives me nuts.
Anyway, take care of yourself and enjoy life, cause life's worth living and God is always good!
Obadiah
Member
I wish I had seen this thread earlier so I could have prayed Chopper's prayer closer to the same time the rest of you did, but I just prayed it anyway and hope I'm not too late.
My heart is heavy for you right now and wish I was there with you to pray for you (Where two or more are gathered... you know the verse.) But I believe God hears and answers just the same when people are distant as well, and now that I know about this you will be in my prayers. Claudya, I for one am glad you're part of this forum and I've benefited from reading your posts. Please always remember that there are those of us out here, even far away, that care and need what God has given you to offer and to do His work in our lives. No matter how bad you may feel, your efforts and desire to follow our Lord have paid off and will continue to pay off, and you will be rewarded for that. Leave your heart, mind, and sole in the care of Jesus and let Him guide you, your doctors, and anyone else he chooses to help you though this.
My heart is heavy for you right now and wish I was there with you to pray for you (Where two or more are gathered... you know the verse.) But I believe God hears and answers just the same when people are distant as well, and now that I know about this you will be in my prayers. Claudya, I for one am glad you're part of this forum and I've benefited from reading your posts. Please always remember that there are those of us out here, even far away, that care and need what God has given you to offer and to do His work in our lives. No matter how bad you may feel, your efforts and desire to follow our Lord have paid off and will continue to pay off, and you will be rewarded for that. Leave your heart, mind, and sole in the care of Jesus and let Him guide you, your doctors, and anyone else he chooses to help you though this.
Claudya
Member
Short (because I'll have to leave in ten minutes) update:
I've been doing very well the last one and a half weeks.
Well I did have pretty extreme mood swings and negative emotions, but no self harm and no "bad" behaviour, most of the time I felt great.
I've seen my shrink again on moday and we agreed that it's pointless to go to a psychiatric hospital right now (because why would you go here for emergency treatment if you feel good?), although I could still do so if I break down again.
On the one hand I'd like to control my mood swings better. On the other hand... maybe it's better to have extreme emotions than to live a shallow life?
I've been doing very well the last one and a half weeks.
Well I did have pretty extreme mood swings and negative emotions, but no self harm and no "bad" behaviour, most of the time I felt great.
I've seen my shrink again on moday and we agreed that it's pointless to go to a psychiatric hospital right now (because why would you go here for emergency treatment if you feel good?), although I could still do so if I break down again.
On the one hand I'd like to control my mood swings better. On the other hand... maybe it's better to have extreme emotions than to live a shallow life?
Deborah13
Member
Maybe just channeling them differently rather than fighting them.
I think that some of the best composers, artists (painting, sculpture, etc), and authors are people with very deep and even some with extreme emotions.
I can feel their emotions in some music genres especially.
Paul1965
Member
Good on you Claudya, it's great to know you're keeping on top of things and I pray that you will keep beating the darkness we sometimes go through.
I fully agree with what you said about extreme emotions Vs shallowness and you know yourself you just need to control the extremity of those emotions. When you feel a situation is going to push past the point you can deal with without losing it, remove yourself from that situation if possible. If you cannot, remember that you have the support and friendship of your brothers and sisters here and most of all God's love and He will never give you more than you can bare. If he has the faith and knowledge in you, that you can bare it, you as His child must have faith and knowledge in yourself.
Keep doing everything you've done this last week and a half and you're on your way to better times Clauya.
Blessings in His holy name
I fully agree with what you said about extreme emotions Vs shallowness and you know yourself you just need to control the extremity of those emotions. When you feel a situation is going to push past the point you can deal with without losing it, remove yourself from that situation if possible. If you cannot, remember that you have the support and friendship of your brothers and sisters here and most of all God's love and He will never give you more than you can bare. If he has the faith and knowledge in you, that you can bare it, you as His child must have faith and knowledge in yourself.
Keep doing everything you've done this last week and a half and you're on your way to better times Clauya.
Blessings in His holy name