I desperately need some advice very badly

[Riniel]

Hello everyone!

I desperately need some advice from some Christians...

It's been a while since I've been on the forums, and I mostly came here looking for advice about dating, and courtship. The last time I was here, I was having trouble finding a man for marriage that had the same interests as myself, specifically fantasy, scifi, and nerdy things in general.

So, I have found a great guy. He loves so many things that I do, and he is a genuine Christian as well. I'm having a lot of fun getting to know him, and when we met for the first time, I felt like he and I really had a connection.

However, there is a problem that I don't know how to think about this, or what God wants me to do. I really need some advice, and I know this is a matter completely up to God, but can anyone shed some light on what I should do?

Okay, so... This man has been previously married. He had been married for 10 years, and one day out of the blue about 4 years ago, his wife called him at work and said she had a revelation. She told him that she no longer wanted to be a Christian, and she wanted a divorce because she had been having a commited relationship with another man while she was still married to the guy I'm interested in.

So, she was so determined to be divorced from him, that she got it done in a total of just a little over 2 months. Before she divorced him, he took her to their pastor to try to work out the marriage. When she told the pastor blatantly that she wanted to date other men, and she no longer believed in God, my friend decided to take her to a marriage counselor. She said the same exact thing to that counselor, and at the point she said I'm done with this, it's over, goodbye. My friend did not want to end the marriage, and he did everything he could, but she refused to continue to stay in the marriage.

For 2 years, he felt like he was sinning against God, because he let this happen and didn't do more to work out the marriage. Then he told me he was reading the bible and found a verse that spoke to him, and he felt at peace and felt that God allowed this to happen and it was His will for the divorce to take place.

So, that isn't the only problem though... In that marriage they had 6 children together. She has custody of the children.

This is weighing heavily on me, because I feel like this guy was sent to me for a reason and possibly God hand picked this man for me.

I've been praying about it, but I'm having a hard time with the fact that he is divorced and has 6 children. The children are not a huge part of his life, but I still don't know if this is territory that I should flee from as fast as I can, or get to know him some more and live with his past. If he ever got custody of all the children, and I did go ahead and possibly marry him, I don't know how I could live with that. I don't want to sound shallow, but 6 children would be very overwhelming to me. I have high anxiety as it is.

I am so conflicted because I met this man by accident. I mean, he has everything in a man that I want in a husband. I just don't know what to do. I need some help, can someone please give me some advice as to whether, or not this is something I should pursue, or give up.

I have never been married, and have no children. I just wanted to let you all know that, so you can get a full picture.

Thanks!

-Riniel

 

[Danus]

Well, everyone is an example of something which we can learn from, so everyone in our path in life is there for a reason.

Speaking of reason, God gives us common sense to use as well. 6 kids, Ex-wife has custody. the kids aren't a big part of his life, and you have his side of the story about how the divorce came about. What's that equal to you?

To judge it, picture a scale. On one end is your desire to have a relationship.On the other is a potential relationship with all this stuff added as weight. Which way does the scale tip for you?

 

[Classik]

Welcome back
We really missed you.

-----
About the OP...wow. There are a lot of things to consider.

Points:

1. Your post doesn't tell us if this guy is (seriously) interested in you.

2. Your meeting him was accidental (probably planned by God)

3. He is a Christian - GOOD
4. Divorced.
5. Has six children


Let's say this guy has interest in you.
I think you quite know what's gonna be involved, especially points 4 & 5

A 'yes' would mean having those children as your own children (if you are to go by what most of us would consider 'CHRISTIAN-LIKE),
this also would depend on your culture...

Take 1, 2 and 4 seriously.

(You need to reconsider 2 again): Accidentally!. Prompted out of desperation???

-----
I may not be an expert in this matter but.., I will advise you to pray seriously about this. If both of you should say a sincere yes (after you have satisfactorily prayed to God)...then be ready for a 'till death do us part' relationship.

My culture permits us to accept the children as my own, i.e to the woman... Of course you would have the final decision.

IF GOD IS BEHIND THIS YOU DO NOT NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THE CHILDREN.....THIS IS THE REASON YOU MUST PRAY AND FAST.









Good luck

 

[e.seaman88]

I would not say that I am an expert in this matter but I can see how this is troubling you. I am a mum of 2 and I am 24 my eldest is 3 and my youngest 5 months and from my own experience I know that looking after children is a very hard job. Now I do not know the ages of the 6 children in question. But I presume that some of them are quite young and some are a little older (as their marriage lasted 10 years).

If you were to start a relationship with this man you will also be starting a relationship with his past as well as his future. Which will involve his children. If you love this man then you must also take the time to get to know his children and love them too.

Children are hard work my dear and the children will find this just as hard as you are too. Pray about this but my advice is to look within yourself as well. Are you willing to love this man's children as much as you would love your own children?

I hope that I have been some help to you. I will pray for your cause my love.

God be with you

 

[handy]

Hi Riniel, we've missed you. Good to see you here...

Wow... I can sort of relate to this because before I met Steve, I met a guy who was married before and had 6 kids as well... so I know how very, very carefully you need to tread here. Like you, I had serious reservations about moving into a relationship with him. I wound up not dating him any longer and honestly it was about a year later that I met my Steve.

I'll be very up front with the fact that I do not believe that God hand-picks mates for us. I just don't think He does and, with the exception of the story of Issac and Rebecca, which one can read in that way if one wants to, there is no example of God appointing a certain mate for someone in Scripture. What He does do is give us principles to apply to our selection of a mate.

Principles that, if his side of the story is true and complete, you won't be violating. She committed sexual immorality against her husband and walked away from the marriage... his divorce is permitted by God and he is free to marry.

But, your concerns about the 6 kids are very valid. You are not being shallow at all. You would be foolish not to be weighing this very, very carefully before pursuing.

Here are some thoughts... after having 6 kids, he most likely wont want more children, and even if he does, supporting 6 kids that he doesn't live with isn't going to allow for much resources for more kids. You don't say whether or not you want kids yourself. If you do want kids, you may never be able to have your own with this man and if you do have kids with this man, they will not have his complete resources available. These are very valid "deal breakers". Seriously, I wouldn't have married the guy with 6 kids for this reason alone.

And, of course, if you don't want children, do not, do not, never ever, marry a man with kids.

Another thought... you say the six kids are not a huge part of his life.

Well, they should be. Just because she has custody doesn't mean that he should not be interacting with all six of them on a daily basis. Phone calls, going to school things when he can, being with them physically for every moment he has visitation scheduled, working with he ex-wife closely to see to it that all of their needs are met... His kids should occupy the greater part of his free time.

If they aren't, that is a huge, huge red flag about this man's character.

Riniel, I know that you are single, lonely and ready for a mate. But, I really advise you to move on from this one.

 

[farouk]

Hi Riniel, we've missed you. Good to see you here...

Wow... I can sort of relate to this because before I met Steve, I met a guy who was married before and had 6 kids as well... so I know how very, very carefully you need to tread here. Like you, I had serious reservations about moving into a relationship with him. I wound up not dating him any longer and honestly it was about a year later that I met my Steve.

I'll be very up front with the fact that I do not believe that God hand-picks mates for us. I just don't think He does and, with the exception of the story of Issac and Rebecca, which one can read in that way if one wants to, there is no example of God appointing a certain mate for someone in Scripture. What He does do is give us principles to apply to our selection of a mate.

Principles that, if his side of the story is true and complete, you won't be violating. She committed sexual immorality against her husband and walked away from the marriage... his divorce is permitted by God and he is free to marry.

But, your concerns about the 6 kids are very valid. You are not being shallow at all. You would be foolish not to be weighing this very, very carefully before pursuing.

Here are some thoughts... after having 6 kids, he most likely wont want more children, and even if he does, supporting 6 kids that he doesn't live with isn't going to allow for much resources for more kids. You don't say whether or not you want kids yourself. If you do want kids, you may never be able to have your own with this man and if you do have kids with this man, they will not have his complete resources available. These are very valid "deal breakers". Seriously, I wouldn't have married the guy with 6 kids for this reason alone.

And, of course, if you don't want children, do not, do not, never ever, marry a man with kids.

Another thought... you say the six kids are not a huge part of his life.

Well, they should be. Just because she has custody doesn't mean that he should not be interacting with all six of them on a daily basis. Phone calls, going to school things when he can, being with them physically for every moment he has visitation scheduled, working with he ex-wife closely to see to it that all of their needs are met... His kids should occupy the greater part of his free time.

If they aren't, that is a huge, huge red flag about this man's character.

Riniel, I know that you are single, lonely and ready for a mate. But, I really advise you to move on from this one.

handy:

Hi. I know that what you say (highlighted above) is a view that is honestly held. I'm just wondering which specific Bible passages are viewed as teaching this.

Blessings.

 

[e.seaman88]

There are some things that I agree with in the last reply. It did flag up with me about him not spending too much times with his kids; but I don't know the whole situation and I am aware that some mothers deny access after nasty break ups.

I will pray that you find your answer soon but as the old saying goes "a watched pot never boils" you won't find it while you're looking for it


I wish you all the best Rineal

 

[Pard]

I don't know your heart, only God does, but let me just turn this around for a moment, so that any fear and resent can hopefully be removed and so that you can view this a little more objectively.

Imagine that you had been married before and had six children before your then husband decided to tell you he no longer wanted to be with you and had been cheating on your for a while with another woman. He gets a divorce and ends up with the children and you are left all alone in the world. Then you meet a great guy who is exactly what you had been praying for and you tell him about your life before he met you. Would you want him to make a decision about marriage based on the person he knows or the past? Especially when it was a past that was out of your control?

If this is the man God led you to than it's going to be fine because God has it all planned out. Chances are he could get custody of his kids because the court doesn't look kindly on the person who was adulterous and initiated the divorce (even if that person is female). You are looking at this in the wrong light though. If it is God's plan, let it just happen. Think of how much of a blessing you can be on those children! They have a pretty awful mother, by the sounds of it, and you could be the mother they need.

 

[Riniel]

Wow. I didn't expect to get so many replies... So, I'll touch base om a few things people said. One he told me the mother won't let him see the children, even though there is a court order.

My sister had her son taken away from in the same county courthouse as this guy that I'm interested in. This particular county has a very corrupt judicial system. My sisters ex lied that she was a drug addict, and would shoot up heroin and it would kick in so fast, she couldn't pull the needle out and her children were exposed to her this way. All of that is a huge lie, so I can see how my friend got his kids taken away, and how his ex gets away with violating the court order. because my sisters ex fire the same thing. My sister hasn't seen her son in quite a few months.

My friend told me that he tried to take it to court and they didn't do anything about it. I don't even think his ex allows him to talk to his children on the phone, or otherwise.

Okay, now about his resources... Him and I have talked about marriage, and I've asked him, if you got married and your wife had children, how could you afford to provide for six children, and any other children you may end up with. He told me he pays child support every month, and still has plenty of money left over after he pays all his bills and everything else. I still worry about that part too. I can't work, and both him and myself come from families where our mothers stayed at home. I also told him that I want to home school if I have children. I only want 2 children, or 3 maxium. He told me that his ex home schooled all of their children and they even lived in a 5 bedroom brand new home that was close to 2,000 sq feet. However, I know that the resources could be an issue.

Now on to the last post... I have prayed to Yeshua and Yahweh very deeply about this. I asked Yeshua to please show me an undeniable sign of what I need to do. I need His guidance more than ever. This is one of the most important decisions you can make in your life. I know this man likes me a lot, and he upholds to Torah very seriously. I have looked at it from a perspective that if it were me, I wouldn't want a man to judge me because of a situation that was out of my control. I also would hope that God bring me a man who would accept that I had many children. So, I'm very conflicted, and I just don't know what to do.

Should I continue to get to know him, and see what happens?

Thanks everyone!

-Riniel

p.s. handy, thank you very much for welcoming me back. I missed you guys too!

 

[Riniel]

So, I feel God really spoke to me today about the guy I was interested in..

Some things happened that showed me that he is not right for me. I prayed to God about it, and I think he answered my prayer concerning this man as a potential candidate for courtship. He and I went on our second date today, and he was pushing me to become his girlfriend, and he kept talking about marriage, and he even told me that he hopes if we work out, that he could marry me in six months... My parents have prohibited me from even talking about marrying someone's until the courtship has been one year. Yes, I still follow the rules my parents have laid out for me concerning marriage.

A few other things took place that bothered me, so I ended it with him. We never had a courtship, so I didn't consider myself as taken, and I'm still single.

Almost every guy I meet that I think I like, something bad happens. Maybe God doesn't want me to find someone to eventually marry. Maybe I'm meant to be single forever.

I think I might give up.

 

[handy]

If he was pushing you for marriage on just the second date, I have to wonder if he is really that interested in you... or is he looking for a replacement. Steve and I fell in love very quickly, but even we didn't start discussing marriage for about 4 months of mutually exclusive dating.

Anyway, I'm glad you've found clarity about it.

I doubt if you're meant to be single forever... believe me, at 24, you're still pretty wet behind the ears. It's a rough time, because for the next few years you're going to see most of the people you know, pair off and get married... and, that will be disheartening, no doubt about it.

But, God knows His plans for you and if you truly desire to get married, I doubt He has called you to eternal singlehood. Just be patient.

And, do be embracing your freedoms and opportunities while single. I was single for a very long time and while that time of my life was lonely and my self-esteem took a hit... it was also the time I was able to go on missions for the Lord, travel out of the country, pack up my bag and move from California to North Carolina for no other reason than because I wanted to... there were just things that I could do as a single person that I cannot do now that I'm married with kids. Those things have given me not only a lifetime of memories, both good and bad, but also they helped give me the experience I've drawn upon to help me in my marriage and as a mom.

 

[Classik]

I doubt if you're meant to be single forever... believe me, at 24, you're still pretty wet behind the ears. It's a rough time, because for the next few years you're going to see most of the people you know, pair off and get married... and, that will be disheartening, no doubt about it.

Very true.

 

[Classik]

In GOD's timing no time is too late. Hope and Pray - God knows about this problem of yours.

 

[Riniel]

I'm actually 27.. lol

 

[handy]

My apologies... don't know why I thought you were 24... for some reason, I just did...

At 27, you're probably well into the time you're seeing friends get married, getting invited to showers, being asked to be bridesmaid... yep, I went through it all. Between the time I was 25 to the time I was 28, was bridesmaid in 5 different weddings and lost count of how many more I was invited to... Add that to the already natural desire to be married and the feeling that one is getting "too old"... it can be discouraging to say the least.

Just continue to be wise. Steve and I started discussing marriage before a year was up, but it's not a bad plan at all to stick with... or at least wait to discuss marriage until you've have a well established relationship... one in which he's met your folks and you've met his. And, always pray to God that He will close the door if He realizes this "one" wouldn't be a good match for you.

(Sorry if I'm "preaching"... I just remember it all so well. )

 

[Riniel]

I don't consider that preaching, handy.. I feel that you are giving me advice that I desperately need. my mum isn't really a good source for advice. I mean I do talk to her, but she doesn't want to interfere in my decisions, because if she gives me bad advice she thinks I'll be mad at her.

So, I broke things off with that guy. I wrote him an email, and he wrote me back trying to back peddle on the marriage thing. He's been very open, and assertive about marriage, and he told me he hopes to be married to me in 6 months. He said "I might as well get them married to me, before they can think about it too much." that was a red flag for me, because I don't want to toot my own horn, but I'm above average in the beauty department. I get a lot of men who want to date me, and I have very high standards. I think he was hoping that I would enter a relationship with him, then marriage, so he could have me and once we're married, I can't back out.

I've been single 7 years, and it's because my number one requirement is the man has to be a Christian. So, that weeds out a large chunk of men already.

This guy was kind of cute, but he had horrible hygiene. He smelled of B.O. so bad, it was very difficult to get through the date. He hugged me, and I wanted to vomit. I had asked him earlier that day, what he wanted to do and he said, "well we can go have lunch, go to Powell's book store, then go back to your place and you can make me dinner and we can watch a movie." I live with my parents, so him coming to my house wasn't a big deal, but he told me to buy ingredients to make something Mexican. I was sooo not going to buy whatever he wanted, I don't have much money right now, so I called my mum and told her that Daniel wanted dinner and asked her what we have. So, we settled on spaghetti and this guy is at least 300 lbs. he ate so much food, normally with my mum, dad, and me spaghetti will give us left overs for the next night. well, my dad is out of town, so it was just me, mum, and Daniel, and he ate two heaping plates of spaghetti, 4 pieces of French bread, 3 Italian sausages, a salad and it cleaned me out completely! He also was making orgasm sounds while eating, it was very weird... Then he went and plopped himself on my couch and made my mum and I clean up... I thought it was soooooo rude. Then he left his disgusting B.O. on my couch, and got food all over my couch too. Oh, and he also made me buy my own lunch. He invited me to lunch, and in the car he was like, "so, I ate lunch already, so you're going to have to buy your own lunch because I don't have any money..." why invite me to lunch, then tell me to buy it myself. I thought that was rude too.

I don't want to seem shallow, but I can't be with a man who doesn't shower, and doesn't help with the clean up after a meal, and makes sounds like he's making love to his food. I don't expect him to do the dishes, but he didn't even help clear the table.

So, with all his marriage stuff, and then his bad hygiene, and his weird love making sounds, I just decided he's not my type. Plus he was a little large for my liking.. I'm a little overweight, but he was a lot overweight. I'm just not attracted to men that large, with bad hygiene to boot.

I know it's shallow to look at someone for their looks only. I don't look at that only though. I look at many other things as well to determine if someone is right for me. His odor bothered me the most though. If he didn't smell, and he didn't push a relationship, and marriage on me, I would have given him a chance even though he's a bit large for my taste.

It's so hard dating! I'm at the point now, that I'm not even going to bother looking for someone, and I'm going to leave it in God's hands. Maybe if I don't try so hard God will bring me someone.

 

[Classik]

I don't consider that preaching, handy.. I feel that you are giving me advice that I desperately need. my mum isn't really a good source for advice. I mean I do talk to her, but she doesn't want to interfere in my decisions, because if she gives me bad advice she thinks I'll be mad at her.

So, I broke things off with that guy. I wrote him an email, and he wrote me back trying to back peddle on the marriage thing. He's been very open, and assertive about marriage, and he told me he hopes to be married to me in 6 months. He said "I might as well get them married to me, before they can think about it too much." that was a red flag for me, because I don't want to toot my own horn, but I'm above average in the beauty department. I get a lot of men who want to date me, and I have very high standards. I think he was hoping that I would enter a relationship with him, then marriage, so he could have me and once we're married, I can't back out.

I've been single 7 years, and it's because my number one requirement is the man has to be a Christian. So, that weeds out a large chunk of men already.

This guy was kind of cute, but he had horrible hygiene. He smelled of B.O. so bad, it was very difficult to get through the date. He hugged me, and I wanted to vomit. I had asked him earlier that day, what he wanted to do and he said, "well we can go have lunch, go to Powell's book store, then go back to your place and you can make me dinner and we can watch a movie." I live with my parents, so him coming to my house wasn't a big deal, but he told me to buy ingredients to make something Mexican. I was sooo not going to buy whatever he wanted, I don't have much money right now, so I called my mum and told her that Daniel wanted dinner and asked her what we have. So, we settled on spaghetti and this guy is at least 300 lbs. he ate so much food, normally with my mum, dad, and me spaghetti will give us left overs for the next night. well, my dad is out of town, so it was just me, mum, and Daniel, and he ate two heaping plates of spaghetti, 4 pieces of French bread, 3 Italian sausages, a salad and it cleaned me out completely! He also was making orgasm sounds while eating, it was very weird... Then he went and plopped himself on my couch and made my mum and I clean up... I thought it was soooooo rude. Then he left his disgusting B.O. on my couch, and got food all over my couch too. Oh, and he also made me buy my own lunch. He invited me to lunch, and in the car he was like, "so, I ate lunch already, so you're going to have to buy your own lunch because I don't have any money..." why invite me to lunch, then tell me to buy it myself. I thought that was rude too.

I don't want to seem shallow, but I can't be with a man who doesn't shower, and doesn't help with the clean up after a meal, and makes sounds like he's making love to his food. I don't expect him to do the dishes, but he didn't even help clear the table.

So, with all his marriage stuff, and then his bad hygiene, and his weird love making sounds, I just decided he's not my type. Plus he was a little large for my liking.. I'm a little overweight, but he was a lot overweight. I'm just not attracted to men that large, with bad hygiene to boot.

I know it's shallow to look at someone for their looks only. I don't look at that only though. I look at many other things as well to determine if someone is right for me. His odor bothered me the most though. If he didn't smell, and he didn't push a relationship, and marriage on me, I would have given him a chance even though he's a bit large for my taste.

It's so hard dating! I'm at the point now, that I'm not even going to bother looking for someone, and I'm going to leave it in God's hands. Maybe if I don't try so hard God will bring me someone.

But sorry, sis...I don't think it's right to think or believe we always would have a perfect mate at the initial stage. You have listed some of his weak points or faults.

Dora should advise you better. Your responsibility would be to direct him aright. Help him do the right thing.
Teach him what he needs to know or do, whoever God brings to you. He himself would try to correct you - all in love (you have your weak points...you may not be aware of it).

*A friend married a terrible cook. This guy gladly taught the wife how to prepare good food.

* A wife changed her husband who has been the world most recognised untidy version of a strange man.

* WHATEVER IS IMPROPER IN YOUR LIVES BOTH OF YOU WOULD PUT IN ORDER.

Dora help :help

 

[handy]

Classik, the best help I can give Riniel is to exhort her to be very, very busy any time this guy calls.

That sounded like the date from hell. :eeeekkk

Riniel, again, you're not being superficial or shallow for desiring someone who has decent manners and takes decent care of himself. If a guy won't even clean himself up decently for second date...make sure he has a good shower, shave and is dressed decently... then he is showing a lack of respect for you as well as for himself. There was nothing, nothing at all in your post that sounded even remotely like someone who is ready to be dating women... and especially not ready to marry.

Classik, it's sort of hardwired to think that a potential mate is perfect in the beginning stages and then we see reality...

The thing about reality is that we need to see their imperfections and sins for what they are and decide if these are things that are "deal breakers"... things which one cannot fathom living with for the rest of one's life. For instance, when I was single, no matter how much I was attracted to a guy, if he smoked, that was a deal breaker. I would never ask a guy to quit smoking on my account... but I wouldn't date a smoker either. Same with any guy who did drugs or drank too much alcohol.

I also wouldn't date a guy who showed such little respect as to be a glutton in front of my mother and myself and then not even help clear things up afterwards.

I soon learned Steve's imperfections and persistent failings... his total lack of regard for time for instance...something I struggled with after growing up with an ex-Navy man for a Dad and having punctuality drilled into me. But... annoying as it is, it's an imperfection I can live with. He learned right away that I get very impatient with inanimate objects... if I can't get a gadget to work, I'm apt to throw it across the room... drives him nuts, but he can live with that. Over time, he's gotten better about punctuality and I've developed more patience with things....

But no one, especially a woman, should think about marrying a person with the idea of changing behaviors or character traits. If you cannot live with a person's faults, then don't pursue a relationship with that person.

This isn't about his weight btw... I'm pretty portly myself... so are a fair number of people I know... but just because someone is overweight doesn't excuse their being a glutton or being unhygienic.

 

[Classik]

Classik, the best help I can give Riniel is to exhort her to be very, very busy any time this guy calls.

That sounded like the date from hell. :eeeekkk

Riniel, again, you're not being superficial or shallow for desiring someone who has decent manners and takes decent care of himself. If a guy won't even clean himself up decently for second date...make sure he has a good shower, shave and is dressed decently... then he is showing a lack of respect for you as well as for himself. There was nothing, nothing at all in your post that sounded even remotely like someone who is ready to be dating women... and especially not ready to marry.

Classik, it's sort of hardwired to think that a potential mate is perfect in the beginning stages and then we see reality...

The thing about reality is that we need to see their imperfections and sins for what they are and decide if these are things that are "deal breakers"... things which one cannot fathom living with for the rest of one's life. For instance, when I was single, no matter how much I was attracted to a guy, if he smoked, that was a deal breaker. I would never ask a guy to quit smoking on my account... but I wouldn't date a smoker either. Same with any guy who did drugs or drank too much alcohol.

I also wouldn't date a guy who showed such little respect as to be a glutton in front of my mother and myself and then not even help clear things up afterwards.

I soon learned Steve's imperfections and persistent failings... his total lack of regard for time for instance...something I struggled with after growing up with an ex-Navy man for a Dad and having punctuality drilled into me. But... annoying as it is, it's an imperfection I can live with. He learned right away that I get very impatient with inanimate objects... if I can't get a gadget to work, I'm apt to throw it across the room... drives him nuts, but he can live with that. Over time, he's gotten better about punctuality and I've developed more patience with things....

But no one, especially a woman, should think about marrying a person with the idea of changing behaviors or character traits. If you cannot live with a person's faults, then don't pursue a relationship with that person.

This isn't about his weight btw... I'm pretty portly myself... so are a fair number of people I know... but just because someone is overweight doesn't excuse their being a glutton or being unhygienic.

Thanks.

There are extreme cases that should be avoided.

but there are some faults that are fixable. This is precisely what am talking about. (I know there are everlasting faults though)


Now that our friend, the wife, is a wonderful cook.

 

[Riniel]

Great... Now Daniel is writing me emails begging me to give him another chance, and texting me...

How should I get rid of him? I've thought perhaps telling him just how disgusting he is to me, but I am not the type to intentionally hurt someone.