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2 Christians having an affair

S

Soulsearching

Member
I am a Christian woman and he is a Christian man. We met and started this over a year ago in my office. To top if off we are both married with children. I am tryin to cut things off...but he believes that we can continue to love God thru our divorce and still be together. We know we started off on the wrong...but now we have become closer. And we have really fallen in love. Yet I don't have peace about the divorce. He thinks it will be bad at first but then at least we will have each other. Also, should I confess to my current husband?
 
Hi and welcome to CF.net. I've not come to condemn but my first reaction was to think you've got to be kidding; is this a test? If you're on any semblance of reality, you must know that no good will come of this as it surely destroys other's lives.

What you seem to bring out even if you're not aware of its implications is the reach Humanism has on our society; what feels good, do it in so many words. You would sell out your family to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season? Do you not realize that what your boyfriend is doing to his wife is what he will do to you also? He is not an honest man as he uses you.

As Christians we can be forgiven indiscretion, but it can have consequence that lasts a lifetime; you might read the story of King David's life and the terrible things he suffered as a result of lust. Take your sin before God and ask for His help before you make even more mistakes, and He can restore your marriage to be something that glorifies Him.

I will suggest you avoid all contact with him, and make sure he knows your intentions if they are honorable. Seduction can be deadly if allowed to be brought to fruition, and there ways to avoid it. Turn from the way of destruction in this; the day of salvation for you and your family, and I'm not speaking of your eternal life in Christ.

:waving
 
Eugene...I hear what you are saying. The way things unfolded between us are irrelevant to where we are now. I want to walk away completely because I have no desire in hurting out kids. I understand that everyone else's lives would be completely altered FOREVER. I don't want that at all. My intentions were never to hurt anyone. Obviously it's too late for that. Where I get confused is when he has said "divorce is not the unpardonable sin and we can start a new life." He thinks we can move on as obviously both our marriages are broken. My husband lacks in many things. But he does love the Lord and is a good man. We have been married for ten years, started our walk four years ago we are a young couple, and have two teenagers and a 8 year old. As for "him" he has four as well. For a moment I have come to actually belive that we can have a normal life. But then the doubt sets...is this God telling me to stop?? This is where we are now...two days ago he asked his wife for a divorce..I am frightened to death and he is not accepting that I am fearful of what is in store. I broken and affraid because of the pain I have caused God.
 
Dear heart, God has absolutely no problem forgiving you for He sees only the nature of Christ when He sees you. I reckon what I'm saying is that if you go and cut off an arm the consequence of that will affect you as long as you live; it can't be repaired. The union you have with your children will never be the same and they become subject in some manner to another man that is not faithful: ramifications may turn up years from now in their own lives.

If there is anything you can do to salvage your marriage I recommend it because as you age you will find that God gives us love and will bless the union He put together more than you can imagine at this time. At this present time in my life I look at God's gift of a wife to me and she becomes more beautiful with each day. The times of anger, conflict, desperation, and struggle lent to us by our Lord are the things we remember He brought us through for His glory.

The doubt you experience can altogether be God's will expressed to you; it's certain He would not set you on the course you contemplate. My prayer for you is that you come to the realization of the danger on all sides, and choose to follow a path of righteousness God attempts to lead us all in.

May you be blessed in your decision to follow God in Jesus' name. :amen
 
Leave this man alone. Get him out of your life, confess to your husband, and do everything in your power to reconcile and make it right.

Even if the two of you divorce your current spouses and marry each other, you will still be living in sin. You will still be adulterers.

"<sup class="versenum"> </sup>Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery." - Luke 16:18

"And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery." - Mark 10:12

If you walk away from your husband for this man, you will be living in sin. Period. You can be forgiven for making a mistake. Absolutely you can. But there's a big difference between making a mistake and deliberately living in it.

If you openly and deliberately defy the will of God, and continue to live in sin with this man, blessings are not something that you can expect, and you can hardly expect to honestly call yourself a follower of Christ.

Get away from the other man.

Confess.

Reconcile.

Get your crap together.

Now.
 
I have literally driven myself crazy wondering who I could ask for help. I can't go to anyone in my church, how could I go to any of our friends?? For what ever reason I was led here. The straight forward answers I am getting here are exactly what I am needing to hear. Sitting on the fence and not putting my foot down by making a decision has prolonged this.
I'm remorseful to god, my husband, both our kids and his wife. I have felt like trash and always made myself feel better because I care about this man. I am being assured by you guys that my gut-feeling and God tugging at my heart.. is what has stopped me from making another mistake. I want people reading this to know I would have never thought myself capable of this. Please guard yourselves and in all make you wife a priority. In all I have not been the priority to my husband. (I am not making excuses) however, today my husband can tell you himself that he sees where he went wrong. I wish that the things and attentiveness that he has showed the last two months he would have begun a year ago. I'm making the decision to stay married as that is what God wants. And if I believe any of what I say I do I must. Whatever the future holds, either way, is going to be painful. The other man does hold a place in my heart. I beg you guys keep me and our families in your prayers. This is going to hurt. Thank you for loving me in Christ with out knowing me. Again, the things of the spirit have shown themselves true.
My sincere gratitude.
 
Dearest Soulsearching:

Run, don't walk, away from the toxicity of the illicit relationship you're in. Kneel in sincere humbleness and confess your sins to our Lord. And whatever you do, do NOT tell your husband of your unfaithfulness. You alone will have to live with the knowledge of this affair which will (hopefully) be history in short order. Our Lord will answer honest prayers for healing, according to His Will and in His time. But He won't abandon you; He is faithful in His love.

You're in my prayers, my friend.

Blessings.
 
AirDancer said:
Dearest Soulsearching:

Run, don't walk, away from the toxicity of the illicit relationship you're in. Kneel in sincere humbleness and confess your sins to our Lord. And whatever you do, do NOT tell your husband of your unfaithfulness. You alone will have to live with the knowledge of this affair which will (hopefully) be history in short order. Our Lord will answer honest prayers for healing, according to His Will and in His time. But He won't abandon you; He is faithful in His love.

You're in my prayers, my friend.

Blessings.
Click to expand...

I agree with everything, but what is high lighted in Bold

James 5:16 tells us to do the opposite..

Soulsearching, asking your husband for your forgiveness is critical because, if you never see this man again and you confess your sin to the Lord, the sin will still eat at you until you confess to your husband and humble yourself, asking for his forgiveness and then you both come to the Lord in prayer and maybe seek some healthy marriage counseling. If he decides to divorce you, he has the Biblical right too Matthew 19:9. You have received some wise responses and I will not drill the point home further. You know what you must do, the question is.. Will you?
 
AirDancer said:
And whatever you do, do NOT tell your husband of your unfaithfulness.
Click to expand...

I disagree. Lies of omission are still lies, and I don't think lying to our spouse is the right way to do things. Furthermore, would it be better for him to find out now from her, or later down the road from a 2nd or 3rd-hand source?

Trust me. It's far better for him to hear it now and hear it from his wife.
 
Matthew G said:
I disagree. Lies of omission are still lies, and I don't think lying to our spouse is the right way to do things. Furthermore, would it be better for him to find out now from her, or later down the road from a 2nd or 3rd-hand source?

Trust me. It's far better for him to hear it now and hear it from his wife.
Click to expand...

Agree 100%
 
Thanks for calling me out on this one, [MENTION=90960]Atonement[/MENTION] & [MENTION=69295]matthew[/MENTION]G

After re-reading what I posted, I noticed that part of what I meant to write didn't get written. The line should have read:

"...And whatever you do, do NOT tell your husband of your unfaithfulness and expect everything to be acceptable & back to normal with your husband; it won't."

Thanks again, guys!
 
AirDancer said:
Thanks for calling me out on this one, @Atonement & @matthew G

After re-reading what I posted, I noticed that part of what I meant to write didn't get written. The line should have read:

"...And whatever you do, do NOT tell your husband of your unfaithfulness and expect everything to be acceptable & back to normal with your husband; it won't."

Thanks again, guys!
Click to expand...

It's okay I kinda figured it was a mistake, we all make them from time to time..

God Bless
 
AirDancer said:
Thanks for calling me out on this one, [MENTION=90960]Atonement[/MENTION] & [MENTION=69295]matthew[/MENTION]G

After re-reading what I posted, I noticed that part of what I meant to write didn't get written. The line should have read:

"...And whatever you do, do NOT tell your husband of your unfaithfulness and expect everything to be acceptable & back to normal with your husband; it won't."

Thanks again, guys!
Click to expand...

That makes much more sense! :)
 
I would prefer my mistakes not to surface here, tho ... especially in such a heart-wrenching situation like this. SoulSearching needs to be the one to talk with her husband about the situation in order for them to take God-directed steps to resolve their problems.

Blessings!
 
AirDancer said:
I would prefer my mistakes not to surface here, tho ... especially in such a heart-wrenching situation like this. SoulSearching needs to be the one to talk with her husband about the situation in order for them to take God-directed steps to resolve their problems.

Blessings!
Click to expand...

It's okay AirDancer you are forgiven.. Go in peace

SoulSearching has enough wise and healthy responses for her to think about. The only thing left for this conversation is if she is willing to submit to the Lord and to her husband. That is between them three all we can do is lift her up in prayer that she makes the right choice.. Amen?
 
Soulsearching said:
I have literally driven myself crazy wondering who I could ask for help. I can't go to anyone in my church, how could I go to any of our friends?? For what ever reason I was led here. The straight forward answers I am getting here are exactly what I am needing to hear. Sitting on the fence and not putting my foot down by making a decision has prolonged this.
I'm remorseful to god, my husband, both our kids and his wife. I have felt like trash and always made myself feel better because I care about this man. I am being assured by you guys that my gut-feeling and God tugging at my heart.. is what has stopped me from making another mistake. I want people reading this to know I would have never thought myself capable of this. Please guard yourselves and in all make you wife a priority. In all I have not been the priority to my husband. (I am not making excuses) however, today my husband can tell you himself that he sees where he went wrong. I wish that the things and attentiveness that he has showed the last two months he would have begun a year ago. I'm making the decision to stay married as that is what God wants. And if I believe any of what I say I do I must. Whatever the future holds, either way, is going to be painful. The other man does hold a place in my heart. I beg you guys keep me and our families in your prayers. This is going to hurt. Thank you for loving me in Christ with out knowing me. Again, the things of the spirit have shown themselves true.
My sincere gratitude.
Click to expand...

No matter what happens, you will need to deal with the un-godly soul tie that has been created between you and this other man.

This soul tie will keep you in bondage to the desires you have for this man.

If you don't know what I mean by soul tie, then do some research on this subject, and get counsel from those who know how to help you deal with this issue.

Bless you as you turn towards God, and seek to do what is right in His eyes.


JLB
 
I want to keep hearing what you guys have to say...when I say that this is the ONLY form of communication to the outside world..I MEAN it. I can't begin to explain the knots in my stomach because there is no way to expel what is going on in me. I am asking you to not stop. It's been a relief the last two days to log into here and read thru.

I don't know what you mean by soul tie but I will look into it. I can tell you it's going to take ALOT for me to get rid of what I feel for him. We have shared many things this past 14 months. The loss of my grandparents (who were my actual parents) and he almost lost his dad. I realize I can't ponder on those things or it will keep me close. But those are the reality of things. What makes it hard is that I don't know WHERE to begin to rip away someone that is so part of my life. I just don't know how.

On the subject of my husband....the moment I tell him, our marriage will be over, and he all never forgive me. I know what I am dealing with. He just won't. However I see what you are saying Mathew...I see that my sin will fester and will eat me alive. I don't know I could ever do it but I see why it would be necessary. It might eat me up Alive and I might just have to.

Please keep praying for us. Basically, you guys are my only life line at the moment. God reveal to me once and for all what to do!!!
 
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