Deavonreye
Member
Hello, I'm Deavon Reye. I was born in the christian church [not literally]. Gave my heart to Jesus in Junior High, even though I was raised inside the ideologies and believed what I was told. I said the "sinner's prayer" many times [back when I thought that anytime you "sinned" you had to "ask Jesus into your heart again", and I recognize the innocent nature of that]. I went to church with my family every Sunday and on Wednesdays and got involved in the youth group. I was charged by the words that the preacher/youth pastor preached, and grew to love it, including "end time theology". I enjoyed singing the music and eventually go involved with playing on the worship team. I was just fine, until my mid 30's.
This issue had nothing to do with "a desire to backslide by getting into drugs, sex, fowl language, etc." but my own thoughts about what I was beginning to learn and personalize in the Sunday services and eventually my own biblical studies. These issues continued, though I "continued to serve". Counsel from pastors and church leadership suggested that I "get deeper into the word of god" . . . and so I did. Praying, reading the bible. asking for guidance, but I soon realized something that I hadn't understood all my life. I didn't know it in my past, but figured out something vitally important. When I looked back, all I had was my own perceived notions that I had gained from years sitting under the instruction of a "man of god", but nothing else.
Even though I had been totally and completely sincere in my actions, I had no real reasons for them. I would pray and would feel nothing, . . . again, even in my sincerity and longing to make a connection with god. What I came to understand is that I had a "faith" because of what others TOLD me, . . . not because of anything personal. I "feared an eternity in Hell". I was captivated with the "love of salvation that saved a sinner". But as I discovered, these concepts were just . . . that. Concepts. They had no real life to them, even though I earnestly tried to develope them into my life.
Ultimately, I decided to work my way through the bible to find out what my issues were, so I did so, with a journal waiting to write down my thoughts. To my surprise, I found so much that troubled me, . . . more than that which gave me content. I ended up documenting those issues and finally compiled them into a book. It isn't a complete work. More troubled me then I put in this book, . . . . perhaps for a later "part II" book.
That's a bit of my story. I am not here as "an atheist". I still look for that which is real. What won't be "real" are those things that "require faith", regardless of whether or not a book states that "faith" is important. I still look for something with substance, . . . that which is also grounded in morality and ethics as any faith that lacks these qualities will have no affection in me. Feel free to ask questions. I may ask questions of my own.
Regards.
This issue had nothing to do with "a desire to backslide by getting into drugs, sex, fowl language, etc." but my own thoughts about what I was beginning to learn and personalize in the Sunday services and eventually my own biblical studies. These issues continued, though I "continued to serve". Counsel from pastors and church leadership suggested that I "get deeper into the word of god" . . . and so I did. Praying, reading the bible. asking for guidance, but I soon realized something that I hadn't understood all my life. I didn't know it in my past, but figured out something vitally important. When I looked back, all I had was my own perceived notions that I had gained from years sitting under the instruction of a "man of god", but nothing else.
Even though I had been totally and completely sincere in my actions, I had no real reasons for them. I would pray and would feel nothing, . . . again, even in my sincerity and longing to make a connection with god. What I came to understand is that I had a "faith" because of what others TOLD me, . . . not because of anything personal. I "feared an eternity in Hell". I was captivated with the "love of salvation that saved a sinner". But as I discovered, these concepts were just . . . that. Concepts. They had no real life to them, even though I earnestly tried to develope them into my life.
Ultimately, I decided to work my way through the bible to find out what my issues were, so I did so, with a journal waiting to write down my thoughts. To my surprise, I found so much that troubled me, . . . more than that which gave me content. I ended up documenting those issues and finally compiled them into a book. It isn't a complete work. More troubled me then I put in this book, . . . . perhaps for a later "part II" book.
That's a bit of my story. I am not here as "an atheist". I still look for that which is real. What won't be "real" are those things that "require faith", regardless of whether or not a book states that "faith" is important. I still look for something with substance, . . . that which is also grounded in morality and ethics as any faith that lacks these qualities will have no affection in me. Feel free to ask questions. I may ask questions of my own.
Regards.
:
