So, I would like to share my recent experience that really strengthened my faith. It took me a long time to believe in God in the first place. I was pessimistic about His existence and when I was about 11 or 12, I considered myself an atheist. I believed there was no God. But I really struggled with the concept of death and was really scared of it. So then, having no other "solution" for death, I started to at least hope that maybe there is God. Then much later in life, I read the Bible and started watching some religious programming on TV. I attended a church a few times and started to believe more and more. At times when I was going through tough situations, and those situations had a happy ending I believed that God had helped me, but somehow at other times I still wasn't confident that God existed. I hoped rather than believed.
Then over the years, and I mean really long time my faith grew a little stronger and then a little more. And then around year 2018 I finally felt it in my heart that I am confident and have no doubt that God exists and Jesus is real and is watching over our lives. I got Baptized, and after that, things started changing even more. I felt the presence of God, and peace surpassing all understanding. However, in spite of that, in my daily life there was still a lot of turmoil. I always wanted a good relationship with my parents and my sister, but we didn't really get along, and I grew disappointed and bitter. I really struggled with forgiveness, didn't really understand it, even though I tried. Somehow my favorite quote was "Do not judge and you will not be judged." Yet I judged and labeled and wouldn't forgive. Then by the grace of God, I was able to forgive. Then went through a few negative experiences - some people said something, and it hurt, and I went back to unforgiveness, and even wished punishment and death and hell on those "offenders."
Then I had issues with my health and thought I was terminally ill, and I realized that was because of unforgiveness. So, I found it in my heart to forgive again. It wasn't just words, I really felt it, and then my sister called me and wished me happy birthday, and her little daughters also wished me "happy birthday," which I always hoped they would, and it meant a lot and made me feel happy and I thought, this is berceuse I once again forgave. However, deep inside I thought maybe my sister is not being sincere and doesn't really mean it.
Then last year things took a turn for the worse, I got more and more bitter. Thought that everyone was trying to hurt me, and I was really hurting, and turned this pain into real bad hate of everyone, started using really foul language, even in my thoughts. Thought that everyone was rude, condescending, arrogant, judgmental, immoral, belittling me, that everywhere there was violence, lust, racial animosity, and there was no one to be friends with or look up to. I didn't want to watch TV or listen to the music, So, I kept reassuring myself "well at least I'll go to Heaven, and they won't."
Then one day I just woke up, and all of the sudden felt - there is no God, and religion is a big lie. And I felt even more angry, and disappointed and scared. Finally, I ended up in a hospital and stayed there for a month.
When I got back home, I still felt there was no God, but I wished He existed. So, I started reading books, and whenever there was mention of God or Jesus I felt "well, I know He does NOT exist, but let me at least pretend that He DOES exist and keep reading," weird huh? In other words, I really wanted for him to be real, but somehow felt that He isn't. So, I just stayed in bed, reading, wouldn't go outside. My mom got me to go outside, which I did reluctantly.
And then all of the sudden things just started to turn around. First of all, my parents and my sister started treating me really nice. And in the past we had our share of arguments and failing outs (as I already mentioned). Now they really show that they care about me and are supportive and want me to succeed and we are bonding in a way that I could never thought possible and my little nieces seem to like spending time with me, and all that means the world to me.
And now I feel like I live in a totally different world than before. People in the building are all polite and greet me in the elevator and in the lobby. There are in particular several people who didn't even say "hi" to me in the past and now they say, "thank you," if I moved my cart out of the way in the laundry room, and say "hi, have a good day," And in the grocery stores the cashiers are extremely nice, the examples are endless. And I go on youtube a lot and comment on music videos, and people react to my comments and say really nice things to me.
I lost a lot of weight, no longer overweight - thank God! I now take walks early in the morning and in the evenings, and I just can't stop being in awe of God's beautiful world and nature - air, sky, clouds, sunsets and all the magnificence that He has created. And my parents got a cat - Ruby. My other cat - Lucy passed away last November at the age of 17. I miss her but now we have Ruby and she is still a kitten and she's cute and funny, and I am not replacing Lucy, but I think Lucy would like Ruby. And all the animals are God's creatures, and they are so beautiful and pure - a real gift.
So, after all these positive things started happening, I found faith again. Even though I had been disappointed and didn't believe anymore, God just showed me love and mercy and gave me all these great experiences that I just mentioned. And all this made me reflect and reinvestigate myself, I found a lot of flaws, like for example cheating on the job - fudging some numbers because I didn't know how to complete the task I was given. It was a long time ago, and I totally blocked it out of my memory until now. I feel really ashamed of that. and I am working on fixing the flaws, and making sure I don't sin again. Feel like Scrooge in Christmas Carol. As for forgiveness, I was able to forgive again, but I am really worried that I may slide back into the familiar - "oh this person said something hurtful, this person didn't treat me right, etc." I am doing all in my power, including writing this testimony in order not to go back into my unforgiving ways.
So, God is great, amazing, omnipotent, love, grace, peace. I got disappointed and didn't believe, and He still lifted me up and showed by people's actions how great the world really is. So now I believe more than ever, and I will NEVER doubt again that God exists, and I will NEVER complain about my life no matter what happens in the future, and I will NEVER utter an insult or say any bad word about anyone out loud or in my thoughts- "Do not judge, and you will not be judged right
And no matter what, I will never take for granted my family's love and other peoples' being nice to me. Thank you all so much for reading, God Bless!
Then over the years, and I mean really long time my faith grew a little stronger and then a little more. And then around year 2018 I finally felt it in my heart that I am confident and have no doubt that God exists and Jesus is real and is watching over our lives. I got Baptized, and after that, things started changing even more. I felt the presence of God, and peace surpassing all understanding. However, in spite of that, in my daily life there was still a lot of turmoil. I always wanted a good relationship with my parents and my sister, but we didn't really get along, and I grew disappointed and bitter. I really struggled with forgiveness, didn't really understand it, even though I tried. Somehow my favorite quote was "Do not judge and you will not be judged." Yet I judged and labeled and wouldn't forgive. Then by the grace of God, I was able to forgive. Then went through a few negative experiences - some people said something, and it hurt, and I went back to unforgiveness, and even wished punishment and death and hell on those "offenders."
Then I had issues with my health and thought I was terminally ill, and I realized that was because of unforgiveness. So, I found it in my heart to forgive again. It wasn't just words, I really felt it, and then my sister called me and wished me happy birthday, and her little daughters also wished me "happy birthday," which I always hoped they would, and it meant a lot and made me feel happy and I thought, this is berceuse I once again forgave. However, deep inside I thought maybe my sister is not being sincere and doesn't really mean it.
Then last year things took a turn for the worse, I got more and more bitter. Thought that everyone was trying to hurt me, and I was really hurting, and turned this pain into real bad hate of everyone, started using really foul language, even in my thoughts. Thought that everyone was rude, condescending, arrogant, judgmental, immoral, belittling me, that everywhere there was violence, lust, racial animosity, and there was no one to be friends with or look up to. I didn't want to watch TV or listen to the music, So, I kept reassuring myself "well at least I'll go to Heaven, and they won't."
Then one day I just woke up, and all of the sudden felt - there is no God, and religion is a big lie. And I felt even more angry, and disappointed and scared. Finally, I ended up in a hospital and stayed there for a month.
When I got back home, I still felt there was no God, but I wished He existed. So, I started reading books, and whenever there was mention of God or Jesus I felt "well, I know He does NOT exist, but let me at least pretend that He DOES exist and keep reading," weird huh? In other words, I really wanted for him to be real, but somehow felt that He isn't. So, I just stayed in bed, reading, wouldn't go outside. My mom got me to go outside, which I did reluctantly.
And then all of the sudden things just started to turn around. First of all, my parents and my sister started treating me really nice. And in the past we had our share of arguments and failing outs (as I already mentioned). Now they really show that they care about me and are supportive and want me to succeed and we are bonding in a way that I could never thought possible and my little nieces seem to like spending time with me, and all that means the world to me.
And now I feel like I live in a totally different world than before. People in the building are all polite and greet me in the elevator and in the lobby. There are in particular several people who didn't even say "hi" to me in the past and now they say, "thank you," if I moved my cart out of the way in the laundry room, and say "hi, have a good day," And in the grocery stores the cashiers are extremely nice, the examples are endless. And I go on youtube a lot and comment on music videos, and people react to my comments and say really nice things to me.
I lost a lot of weight, no longer overweight - thank God! I now take walks early in the morning and in the evenings, and I just can't stop being in awe of God's beautiful world and nature - air, sky, clouds, sunsets and all the magnificence that He has created. And my parents got a cat - Ruby. My other cat - Lucy passed away last November at the age of 17. I miss her but now we have Ruby and she is still a kitten and she's cute and funny, and I am not replacing Lucy, but I think Lucy would like Ruby. And all the animals are God's creatures, and they are so beautiful and pure - a real gift.
So, after all these positive things started happening, I found faith again. Even though I had been disappointed and didn't believe anymore, God just showed me love and mercy and gave me all these great experiences that I just mentioned. And all this made me reflect and reinvestigate myself, I found a lot of flaws, like for example cheating on the job - fudging some numbers because I didn't know how to complete the task I was given. It was a long time ago, and I totally blocked it out of my memory until now. I feel really ashamed of that. and I am working on fixing the flaws, and making sure I don't sin again. Feel like Scrooge in Christmas Carol. As for forgiveness, I was able to forgive again, but I am really worried that I may slide back into the familiar - "oh this person said something hurtful, this person didn't treat me right, etc." I am doing all in my power, including writing this testimony in order not to go back into my unforgiving ways.
So, God is great, amazing, omnipotent, love, grace, peace. I got disappointed and didn't believe, and He still lifted me up and showed by people's actions how great the world really is. So now I believe more than ever, and I will NEVER doubt again that God exists, and I will NEVER complain about my life no matter what happens in the future, and I will NEVER utter an insult or say any bad word about anyone out loud or in my thoughts- "Do not judge, and you will not be judged right
And no matter what, I will never take for granted my family's love and other peoples' being nice to me. Thank you all so much for reading, God Bless!
