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[__ Prayer __] an "attitude of gratitude"

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OK. So its a Rick Warren-ism. Not a huge Rick Warren fan, but...I'll steal that one.

OK. Ingratitude is -less- of a problem for me now than in years past, definitely less of a problem than before Jesus saved (is saving, I pray will save...) me, but...its still there, and I"m not happy about it.

As The Lord has willed "recovery from psychosis" as well as "recovery from treatment" (read: heavy-handed, involuntary shock), I've come to see...whoa. I really was wretched, and yet..."somebody up there likes me."

Not that getting saved has made me 110% perfect. Far from it. However, The Lord has gone above and beyond to transform me for my good, my parents' benefit, and His glory. I"m thankful.

The way things usually go, I shouldn't really be alive, much less healthy and surprisingly intelligent. I'm not trying to brag about the intelligence, its just...a lot of my "psychiatric treatment" boiled down to shutting me up and making me stupid, so now that I"m smart and I can write well, I'm extra-thankful.

Every day, I wake up in a nice house, in a good room of my own. I take -2- psych drugs, which are covered by disability. My parents love me and they're kind to me. I love them and I'm increasingly kind to them, too, and...truth be told...I was once so filled with darkness and anger that I despised them, at times. No longer.

Mama had professional stuff going on at a beach, so she took me. ME. The bratty ingrate who broke her heart...now she's taking me to the beach, and everything went nicely (oh, except for actually finding the hotel and parking...that didn't go so smoothly, lol...). Dad honestly wanted to get rid of me for a while there, and now he's genuinely kind to me and cares for and about me.

OK. I may not live independently again for a while yet. I'm no longer trapped in sin and darkness, but...between my lingering "illness" and the reality of stigma, I think its a good idea for me to stay with my parents for a while, yet. That's one thing...sometimes, I get so focused on what happened, what I don't have, etc., that I miss the obvious: God has blessed me! and...before that...He spared me, which is -definitely- guaranteed -no one-.

Verna tells me she always counts her blessings. I know she does, and I"m thankful that she's my friend.

So...yeah. "Attitude of gratitude." I need one, I think everyone needs one. Thanks. :-)
 
I dream of having kind and loving parents. That is such a blessing. I can't imagine what that is like, and I think someone can't imagine what having cruel parents is like unless they go through it. It sounds like your trials have started to really turn into blessings. I hope that you won't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you are pretty greatful and moving in the right direction.

I fall into non-gratitude myself, so I am working on this. Things are slowly improving. The future is looking bleak and scary, but I am learning to put my fears and worries into God's hands and trust, and be grateful for what I do have. Sometimes I will say "Thank you for this sweater which keeps me warm. Thank you for my cat who makes me smile. Thank you for the tree on the lawn which is a home to birds and squirrels & grows beautiful leaves. Thank you for the running water in my apartment, and so on." When I express gratitude for the little things it helps greatly :)
 
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