[__ Prayer __] Creepy

[Christ_empowered]

I seem to somehow be a notorious mental patient…

And it never ends. I’m 40. My parents are my support system. They own the place I live in. I haven’t been in a mental hospital ? in over 16 years now.

I think ? ordinarily I’d at best be a 3rd class citizen. As is I have a serious misdemeanor and I receive treatment as a voluntary outpatient at a local clinic. And…

I receive disability mostly because my parents were able to make it happen. SSI which brings Medicaid coverage and some funds. I’m thankful ? for disability especially since I am disabled in part by psychiatric treatment itself and my former shrinks deliberately ruined my health and life.

Sorry for rambling. The SSI amount I receive is substantially reduced because of my parents support. That’s one reason they worked with a lawyer to set up a plan for me to have what I need and still keep disability. I’m thankful ? and blessed ? and…

I seem to be hated. But I don’t know very many people around here. It’s odd because it’s the general area I grew up in but…

At 40 I’m an outsider and stranger in my hometown. Happens…

Again sorry yo ramble. People have threatened to have me arrested and threatened to beat me up and I actually live in a decent modest part of a small southern city ?. I even have a great view!

It’s stigma and labels ?️ and being on the new welfare system in America and yet having a decent life and occasional nice things and it’s…

I’ve had hiv for probably over 20 years. Never treated. Healthy. I tested positive the shrink wanted me in a homeless shelter and took me off insurance…

Never ending cycle of labels and punishment and sins and more punishment…

Until Jesus Christ truly intervened.

So…

Please pray ? for my parents and me. I’m frustrated and not so much afraid as…

Well frustrated and somewhat angry.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Me again lol ?

You’re just mental patient…that’s literally what some random lady said to me…well more like at me…fairly recently. I was preparing for gas at one of those bigger newer convenience stores ? that sell food and have tables outside etc. so…?

Love your enemies. Let go of bitterness and wrath.

Following Christ is challenging! But good challenges, not pointless hurdles.

Honestly?!? My dad took me out today and got me a haircut ?. The hair cut is respectable and it seems to have helped more than most psych pills ?. And…

I’m blessed ? at least in part to do good for others. But how?!?

 

[Christ_empowered]

Me…again lol ?

Some people deliberately woke me up a little before 2 am today. Not a big deal in my little bubble ? but…?

I’m wondering ? how to do…something anything…with my new life in Christ. But I’m also wondering ? if maybe there’s a reason…

For me to be spared brought out of darkness and now made increasingly whole…

At 40? At 38 my parents commented on how I looked refreshed. It was my little b day dinner ?️ that’s why I remember it. They jinxed me on gray hair though. lol ? they commented on how they didn’t see a single gray hair…

And now I have a lot of gray in my temples and I see random white hairs all over. Oh well lol ?.

But…more seriously ?: I’m 40, surprisingly healthy and of sound mind and…

I feel more and more like a stranger in a strange land.

A friend in the not too distant metropolis calls me now and then. We’ve known each other for 25 years now. I mostly let her talk although she does read my writing which is kind of her.

My elderly Pentecostal widow long distance friend has her adult son back in her life. I have my actual parents back in my life. Some friendships aren’t meant to last long.

My long term counselor seemed distracted almost irritated last time. I only see him every 8 weeks and it’s practical talk about moving forward no deep dives so…?

My med check with the psych nurse practitioner was ok . Stable same ? same dosages no major problems.

No one will hire me. That’s been the case since age 17. When I did try to work I was picked at mercilessly and worse. Disabled because of schizophrenia? I’m not the only person ?‍ in this situation…

As I type this out some women upstairs are talking about my psych labels ?️ loudly enough for me to hear ?. That means it’s deliberate. I’m not angry ? but I’m frustrated at times…

To be expected?!? I live a quiet surprising comfortable modest lifestyle…no drugs no booze no fun pills ?…

And the junk seems to intensify as the blessings increase. Push equals ? pushback?!? Makes sense intuitively…

Here’s hoping ? for solid sleep ? tonight.

 

[Who Me]

I've said it many times, get involved with a .ocalchur h, both on Sunday and in what ever charity work they do.

We all need people to interact with. We need people we can serve or serve with.

You also need people.e who know you, know your situation, who can stand as character references, supporters and advisors.

The only way you will get them is to make the scary effort to attend church.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I’m really decidedly not wanted here at least by some rather vocal people. Ugh ?

I’m trying to focus on the reality of the situation…I’m surprisingly free no felony convictions no hospitalizations in over 15 years my amazing parents bought this place and I’m law abiding…

But it does get difficult and frustrating. Some lady with a heavy southern accent was just now taunting me outside my window ?.

I’m afraid at times of my future. It’s becoming clear to me that I have enemies…

 

[Hidden In Him]

I’m afraid at times of my future. It’s becoming clear to me that I have enemies…

Everyone who seeks to give their life to the Lord will have enemies. Comes with the territory. The principle scripture here is Philippians 4:8, and focusing on the good : ) I have to remind myself of it as well sometimes.

Blessings,
- H

 

[Christ_empowered]

Focus on the good ?;

My semi diet is going well. I’m not hardcore dieting but rather trying to eat less and more rationally.

My parents continue to amaze me with their kindness and genuine goodness towards me. I’ll probably be over at their place for dinner tonight.

No drugs in over 15 years now not even fun prescriptions lol ?. This is because of Jesus Christ and my family not because of secular treatment for drug use.

I get frustrated at times but my life is peaceful and remarkably…quiet and ordinary in good ways. Nothing chaotic or freakish or…crazy going on here. Praise God!

I do get angry at times but not really frequently and it doesn’t go deep if that makes sense. I’m no longer a bitter angry person and that’s thanks to Jesus Christ.

I get occasional colds etc but not anything major. I’m healthy now and that’s a big blessing.

Ok

Thanks ?

 

[Corn Pop]

I seem to somehow be a notorious mental patient…

You are being too hard on yourself brother as you been through psychological trauma. You need to be kind to yourself and build up your confidence and self esteem. I don't think your mental, I think your smart, articulate, and a nice dude.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks ?

It’s just…weird how I mind my own business and I deal with random aggression and stuff. It’s more unnerving than anything else. I’m also dealing with random people using old psych labels ?️ at me like insults. And…

Cops ? no arrests in over 10 years. I have a single conviction it’s a serious misdemeanor. Started as a felony but I got a plea bargain. So…

I get followed by cops periodically. One time I turned into a gas station ️. All of the pumps were occupied so I drove away without getting gas. The cop followed me every step of the way.

I was in another state with my parents. We were driving to our vacation destination. We’d stopped to get food ? and…

Some cops nearby pointed at me and said that I was a convicted felon. Creepy! My conviction is a class a misdemeanor. In my state it could result in up to 3 years in prison. I did 3 years of probation.

I dunno ? a lot of it is mind games and I see now that’s just how cruel we humans are to each other…

I do remember being at a beach ?️ in another state. Off probation already there with my parents. I had my own hotel room. And…

On my way up to my room some dude called me a punk and started saying junk about me…

I brushed off his junk and went to the room. Decent hotel safe beach ?️ area so the incident was…creepy.

Some woman was driving behind me in my complex. I drive slightly under 10 mph here which is actually a little bit more than the 5 mph the signs say but…

She got all up in my tail and tried to drive around me then parked and yelled at me calling me a punk and…?

I dunno ? other incidents have happened like at a condo in Florida and…?

I don’t get it obviously ? but no one has laid a hand on me. I was getting a lot of flat tires ? again but they’re on warranty at a local tire shop and after the last one…a whole drill bit embedded into my tire…

It’s been ok weird…

Thanks ?

 

[Christ_empowered]

As someone labeled as a mental patient I’m a member of the underclass. It’s strange to think about it….

And I’m grateful ? for Jesus Christ and my parents.

My parents probably wouldn’t be as involved in my life if Jesus Christ hadn’t seen fit to change me so much.

But to the community and by extension society I’m a member of the underclass. Mental patient is a sort of deviant like criminals but different because it’s handled by psychiatrists and…

I dunno ?‍ in my case it’s a lot better than what many mental patients deal with…

Maybe the pushback is to be expected?

I live a decent modest lifestyle. I have some nice things. A lot of the latest round of junk seems to be about me having a decent modest lifestyle and some nice things.

I’m mildly frustrated but mostly trying to get the bigger picture.

I do have the conviction but I was spared a felony. No one hires mental patients with class a misdemeanors but avoiding a felony is a good thing.

Someone in the upstairs unit is babbling about how I should be in the state hospital. I’m literally just sitting here typing ? and doing laundry ?. Crazy huh?

Fret not because of evil doers.

My parents were respectable middle class when I went through it and they retired lower rungs of well to do. Their resources helped get me freedom and also seem to cause resentment towards us as a family and me in particular. That would be the real world ?…often not a fun place.

Thanks ?