[__ Prayer __] ...and its ALL YOUR FAULT!

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks, everyone.

This has just been stressful, that's all. I acknowledge that I was wretched and I don't deserve the grace shown me. That's why its called grace--its unmerited favor. Anyway, people occasionally scream out about "federal warrants." Ugh. I don't know what to make of it, honestly. I get the impression that if I had a federal warrant, I'd be in jail by now.

I'm really glad I found this place. When I came here initially, I was fresh out of Teen Challenge. I knew *about* Jesus, but I didn't know Him. I didn't get to know Jesus until a little less than 2 years ago. Now, the seeds planted by Teen Challenge and stuff I learned here before repentance are finally bearing fruit. I realize I have so much to learn, so much growing to do, and I'm excited.

Mental illness ain't fun. I used to take every pill known to man. Then I was ECT'd and I tried to turn anti-psychiatry (Thomas Szasz...The Myth of Mental Illness....). Not good. Now, I accept my madness. Maybe 1 day I won't need meds. Maybe I'll always need meds. Either way, I keep my eyes fixed on The Lord and try to live right.

I'm hoping that this open animosity towards me will simmer down. 6 years ago, I attacked a close family member. It was stupid, and could have ruined both our lives. I was in 23 hour lock down for 6 months. Then, I went to Teen Challenge for 1 year and stayed out of state for an additional year. The charges were dismissed and there is no longer an arrest record. Basically, even though my family has forgiven me and moved on and they're unbelievably supportive, this community....not so much. Sometimes, I don't quite feel safe, but there's not a whole lot I can do about the situation.

I'm blessed. They don't use the state mental hospital much around here, and my ex-shrinks insisted that I wasn't crazy, so I could have gone to prison. If I had gone to a state mental hospital, I probably wouldn't have become a Christian. I'm officially "in recovery" now, which is fairly rare in modern day society.

 

[AirDancer]

Take heart in that, eventually, the local animosity will subside, Christ_empowered ... especially when they finally learn that their words are not affecting you the way they hoped. Additionally, when you have completed your studies at Liberty U, you'll have a future to build...a future that could potentially take you away from where you currently live.

Continue to pray for those who hurl the epithets at you. Perhaps your prayers will be the catalyst for them turning their lives to our Lord!

 

[Brother Mike]

Thanks, everyone.

Mental illness ain't fun. I used to take every pill known to man. Then I was ECT'd and I tried to turn anti-psychiatry (Thomas Szasz...The Myth of Mental Illness....). Not good. Now, I accept my madness. Maybe 1 day I won't need meds. Maybe I'll always need meds. Either way, I keep my eyes fixed on The Lord and try to live right.


I'm blessed. They don't use the state mental hospital much around here, and my ex-shrinks insisted that I wasn't crazy, so I could have gone to prison. If I had gone to a state mental hospital, I probably wouldn't have become a Christian. I'm officially "in recovery" now, which is fairly rare in modern day society.

Well, you were able to get things out, so that helps. No instead of mentioning the past mental illness, a step of faith would replace all that with the way God see's it.

So anytime you think to bring up mental illness or medications, you stop and say I am looking forward, I am what God says I am.

I worked with a Lady who was completely healed from schizophrenia and bi polar. All the Lord had me do was have her to confess two scriptures and keep it in her pocket and read it constantly. Amazing, she did exactly as I told her.(Easy to find complainers, hard to find doers)

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
(2Ti 1:7)

For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.
(1Co 2:16)

So she just confessed these every time she was about to bring up the past again, and said this instead. I have a sound mind, I am full of Power and peace. My mind is like Christ's.

It was like half a year later she did this and one day to get refills on meds (1,200 a month) she said a light just came on, and those scriptures became so real that she suddenly knew she no longer was mentally ill. It just dawned on her as if there was never an issue, so she had the doctor cancel all meds but one that she needed weaned off from because of the danger.

That was many years ago, she is doing fine today, never taken medication again, teaches and helps with children.

The Word has power to bring to pass what God said it would do. If we meditate on it, soon the Word will replace our belief system about ourselves, and the things in the World.

just a couple scriptures to replace any talk about mental illness or past things. Instead of saying I was mentally ill, you just change it to I have a sound mind, and according to what I have herd in the Word, it will be for me also.

Blessings.

 

[Angel]

I have a question... what about those who walked down the wrong road with you? Are they being harrassed too?

I will pray that they see how much they are hurting you and stop. I will pray that if they are so called Christians, that they would see you for who you are now and not for what you were. And that they would treat you like they love themselves.

That's the great thing about God, isn't it?

 

[Edward]

Brother, what do you expect these people to do? That's who they are. They will not stop insulting you so you best get used to it and understand that it's because you're now a Christian that they do it, and will not stop. This is promised to you in scripture, like it or not. BUT! The trials and pain that you suffer in this life will be recompensed. You have a lot to look forward to...but not in this life, so get content with it. People who live in the past...have no future.

Jeff's right. I've read your posts the last year and you do show signs of growth. You're doing ok brother, we all have good days and bad days. Just keep clinging to the Lord, and reading that scripture. You come here as much as you need to, to get prayer and support from your family, your brothers and sisters in Christ. We're here for you like we're supposed to be. You're getting good advice today. Let go of the past and look to the future.

You know what I like about you brother? You're no hypocrite. You lay your cards on the table with candor and honesty, and no crap. So you're growing and being blessed because of it and it shows. Consequently, you've got quite the prayer team here praying for you, myself included.

Your neighbors will not stop. They're dead in the water. They are the ones with problems...the lost souls. So keep that in mind and perhaps have some compassion for them as such. So you was a wretch. But through grace have you been set free and your chains are broken! Rejoice brother! You have so much to be thankful for...What a testimony you have, wow.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks, everybody.

Yeah, when I stop to think about my progress, I realize God has done and is doing wonderful things. I don't just mean mental health stuff, like "oh, I'm such much more *stable*," although that's certainly part of it. I mean...I don't live in fear near as much. Fret not because of evil doers. Worry not about the morrow, for each day has enough cares of its own. That sort of thing.

Ed's right. I mean, I was despised before repentance. Now, at least there's an element of persecution to the whole thing. I was less than 0 when I came to repentance. Over the past nearly 2 years, I've become physically and mentally healthier, more normal (more masculine, socially skilled, able to handle college-level work, etc.). And the community's response? "Oh, now he has schizophrenia."

I know talking about my frustrations with the situation won't get me anywhere, its just...wow. The people treating me--and you always have to take every mental health label with a grain of salt--say I"m "in recovery." Part of that is because community mental health around here functions on the "recovery model," so the idea is to get people stabilized and on their merry way, lol...the other part is that "recovery," in my case, is an understatement. I was hopelessly lost, pre-repentance, and now...I'm not. But the community despised me, anyway, and so now, I'm not just regarded as "mentally ill," I'm regarded as having *that* dreaded mental illness, schizophrenia.

Undoubtedly schizophrenia is a real problem. Its also a label, a stigmatizing one, and a social role. "Schizophrenia" in my case means I'm not to be taken seriously, in need of psychiatric treatment, hopeless. Being labeled with "schizophrenia" seems a convenient way for the community around me--which has never cared for me--to dismiss me, label me, stigmatize me, and once again...blame me for all my problems.

Truth is, I've grown up and good bit, and I continue to grow. My own sins hampered my growth, but all that involuntary ECT and such...wow. I don't know if it was the trauma, the brain damage, or a mix, but, wow..."psychiatric treatment" really put the brakes on my maturation. Anyway, I'm also more intelligent now than I was a few years ago. Our God is a God of restoration...I mean, I'm no super genius, but I now have the raw material (social skills, intelligence, etc.) to apply towards having a future. I didn't have that before Christ.

Ugh. Ramble ramble. There's this French, post-modern philosopher, Foucault. Heady, intellectual stuff; I had to read a lot of him in my days as a sociology major (he's a favorite of undergraduate stoners). Anyway, he wrote this one book, Abnormal, on how society handles deviance and deviants. Its like...if you're a deviant, if you're outside the norm, everything about you is perceived as abnormal and/or pathological. So, me, for instance...my masculinity is developing. That's normal. But I'm outside the group around here. My masculinity is perceived as threatening at times, at other times I'm still scrutinized for flaws. "Not masculine enough." "too masculine in some respects, too feminine in others." I'm overweight, largely because of my social isolation. I'm working on it. People are always talking about my weight...and trust me, this is the south; there's plenty of fat people they can talk about, lol. My hair grew back. Its a pretty color. People always talk about my hair, my hair color, "how much deep conditioner does he use?" "what hair color does he put on this hair?" so on and so forth.

My features have matured significantly, and I'm more masculine and conventional looking.Good stuff. God truly is a God of restoration. So, the response is "oh, his people got him plastic surgery" and "he ain't good looking" and "he's had a laser peel" (I used to have premature aging; I now look a little bit younger than my age, but nothing freakish. God's been good to me, and I learned proper self-care. Lots of people look a little younger than their age. But me? Must be some crazy expensive explanation...).

See what I'm saying? Sorry to come here to vent, but its like not only am I stigmatized and labeled, but all the good things that have happened and are happening are explained away in such a way as to make me seem like the most vacuous person ever. Ugh. I get it, now, or I'm starting to: no one liked me, anyway. I've never really been a member of this community, certainly not for the past 9-10 years. Extremely low-status people are expected to "know their place" in society, and I don't. Ugh.

 

[Willie T]

Can you imagine how shockingly these theories of yours would be either proven correct, or torn apart if you were to actually test them?

By, "test them", I mean to move away where no one knows you, and begin a normal life. What do you think would be the results? From what you say, everything should smooth out.... BECAUSE you place the blame squarely upon these local people knowing your past, and holding you down because of it.

But there's a risk, isn't there? If, as in that little story about the old man and the young couples I posted awhile back. the REAL problem is not "those people", then the problem has to lie elsewhere. Are you willing to find out?

What do you think? Is it best not to take the chance to find out? Probably. After all, I plainly told you how to find out the truth of the "federal warrants" you keep posting about...... within an hour or two. But have you done it? I suspect not.

I continually post these kinds of things because I worked, for years, with people who were also terrified to take the chance of seeing if they actually could stand on their own merits. BTW, most found they could. It took away a lot of their Safety Blanket, but it gave them a real life.

 

[Deborah13]

Thanks, everybody.

Yeah, when I stop to think about my progress, I realize God has done and is doing wonderful things. I don't just mean mental health stuff, like "oh, I'm such much more *stable*," although that's certainly part of it. I mean...I don't live in fear near as much. Fret not because of evil doers. Worry not about the morrow, for each day has enough cares of its own. That sort of thing.

Ed's right. I mean, I was despised before repentance. Now, at least there's an element of persecution to the whole thing. I was less than 0 when I came to repentance. Over the past nearly 2 years, I've become physically and mentally healthier, more normal (more masculine, socially skilled, able to handle college-level work, etc.). And the community's response? "Oh, now he has schizophrenia."

I know talking about my frustrations with the situation won't get me anywhere, its just...wow. The people treating me--and you always have to take every mental health label with a grain of salt--say I"m "in recovery." Part of that is because community mental health around here functions on the "recovery model," so the idea is to get people stabilized and on their merry way, lol...the other part is that "recovery," in my case, is an understatement. I was hopelessly lost, pre-repentance, and now...I'm not. But the community despised me, anyway, and so now, I'm not just regarded as "mentally ill," I'm regarded as having *that* dreaded mental illness, schizophrenia.

Undoubtedly schizophrenia is a real problem. Its also a label, a stigmatizing one, and a social role. "Schizophrenia" in my case means I'm not to be taken seriously, in need of psychiatric treatment, hopeless. Being labeled with "schizophrenia" seems a convenient way for the community around me--which has never cared for me--to dismiss me, label me, stigmatize me, and once again...blame me for all my problems.

Truth is, I've grown up and good bit, and I continue to grow. My own sins hampered my growth, but all that involuntary ECT and such...wow. I don't know if it was the trauma, the brain damage, or a mix, but, wow..."psychiatric treatment" really put the brakes on my maturation. Anyway, I'm also more intelligent now than I was a few years ago. Our God is a God of restoration...I mean, I'm no super genius, but I now have the raw material (social skills, intelligence, etc.) to apply towards having a future. I didn't have that before Christ.

Ugh. Ramble ramble. There's this French, post-modern philosopher, Foucault. Heady, intellectual stuff; I had to read a lot of him in my days as a sociology major (he's a favorite of undergraduate stoners). Anyway, he wrote this one book, Abnormal, on how society handles deviance and deviants. Its like...if you're a deviant, if you're outside the norm, everything about you is perceived as abnormal and/or pathological. So, me, for instance...my masculinity is developing. That's normal. But I'm outside the group around here. My masculinity is perceived as threatening at times, at other times I'm still scrutinized for flaws. "Not masculine enough." "too masculine in some respects, too feminine in others." I'm overweight, largely because of my social isolation. I'm working on it. People are always talking about my weight...and trust me, this is the south; there's plenty of fat people they can talk about, lol. My hair grew back. Its a pretty color. People always talk about my hair, my hair color, "how much deep conditioner does he use?" "what hair color does he put on this hair?" so on and so forth.

My features have matured significantly, and I'm more masculine and conventional looking.Good stuff. God truly is a God of restoration. So, the response is "oh, his people got him plastic surgery" and "he ain't good looking" and "he's had a laser peel" (I used to have premature aging; I now look a little bit younger than my age, but nothing freakish. God's been good to me, and I learned proper self-care. Lots of people look a little younger than their age. But me? Must be some crazy expensive explanation...).

See what I'm saying? Sorry to come here to vent, but its like not only am I stigmatized and labeled, but all the good things that have happened and are happening are explained away in such a way as to make me seem like the most vacuous person ever. Ugh. I get it, now, or I'm starting to: no one liked me, anyway. I've never really been a member of this community, certainly not for the past 9-10 years. Extremely low-status people are expected to "know their place" in society, and I don't. Ugh.

It sounds to me like you feel sorry for you. I would think that you would feel sorry for them.
It sounds to me like you are filled with unforgiveness and bitterness towards them. Why? They are the ones who do not know Jesus. They are the ones who will perish if they don't change their mind.
Your prayers for these people could help them. Will you sincerely pray for them?

 

[GrannyJ]

I agree with Deborah. You are the Christian; they are lost souls. You have the power of Christ's love, they have nothing. You have the security of knowing your future is in the hands of Jesus, and the promise that he is with you always. Look on them with compassion, and seriously pray for each of those who persecute you, as individuals, every day. And watch how the power of God changes lives.

 

[Deborah13]

As Granny J said, praying for others changes their lives. You may never see those changes. But I can tell you from experience that praying for others will change Your life in amazing ways.

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah, there's a strong element of self-pity. Time to stop. I've been praying for my enemies, that God will pour out His blessings upon them. I'll keep it up and also pray for their repentance.

 

[Deborah13]

yeah, there's a strong element of self-pity. Time to stop. I've been praying for my enemies, that God will pour out His blessings upon them. I'll keep it up and also pray for their repentance.

Good show, my friend. Every time you pray for them you will grow stronger, I can promise you that.
Jesus said to pray for our enemies. When we do as He says, we get blessed, our soul prospers. I pray for your soul to abundantly prosper in all good things in Him. :amen