Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,242
- 10,722
Me again, lol. I'm remarkably lucid and...healthy+normal, now. I have to keep on going and doing what I need to do, even when people around me are being ridiculous.
It gets hard. Then again...part of growing up is moving forward and doing what needs to be done even when there are obstacles or pain or...on and on it goes. My brain turned to mush around 19 or so, and I was childish for my age. 20+23=electroshock (not voluntary, not that it matters). Until I got saved, I was hopelessly childish and...a lot of it came from living in what I'd call an especially sick community. Long story.
Point is...I got saved at 28. I'm now 32. These past nearly 4 years have been productive and...good. Beneficial. He causes all things to come together for the good of those who are called...
I think now I was just like what this college age young woman called me when I first moved home..."one of society's rejects." Ouch. It happens, though...Fallen World, personal sin, satan, everything combined. But now...well, I'm normal. And people keep letting me have it. I'm getting better at brushing it off. Happened when I summoned up the guts to go into the local WalMart alone. Mocking..."oh, he's a DIFFERENT PERSON now! ha ha ha," etc. I just kept doing self check. Then my card was suspiciously declined and I re-ran it ((I'd checked the balance before I ventured out)). See, a couple times...my perfectly good card was declined at gas stations around here..."not in network." Riiiight. Its a MasterCard. And the times they couldn't "get your card to go through...something must be wrong with the strip..." super special, that.
Ugh. I went out for a drive, came back, went around back to come back in the house...somebody out behind the parents' backyard was talking about me never becoming a man or something. I dunno...its so strange to me. I was a homely little button nosed flamer w/ premature aging and now I'm...normal. Too much hair, apparently. No more button nose. And now...now...
darned if you do, darned if you don't. Its not just this stupid town, or The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep"), even America...its the world, isn't it? Up north...even in some other southern states...I'd be in the state mental hospital, probably with no way out. I read that they can also appoint a guardian in some states, to control every aspect of your life...even if your next of kin is alive and doing what they can to help you. Its "therapeutic," apparently. Who knew?
Back in the day, even here, people like me found ourselves locked up in the state hospitals. Thorazine punch for the next 10 years or so. These days, I think prison is the goal, especially since I'm male. They tried it, and I got a (serious) misdemeanor and probation. I think a lot of the static I'm getting is frustration...why do people feel some need to control me? I think maybe people were just more honest and straightforward about it here, at least for a while.
I'm rambling. I --am-- getting better about brushing things off. I am a man, thanks to Christ. I was a wretched mess before, but I'm healthy and normal now. besides, I don't want the "manhood" dudes around here apparently go for, anyway. And...the only way dudes around here would ever even pretend to regard me as a man would be if I "knew my place," because...wow. Maybe it is worse in the south?!
Jesus. My parents. Me. Get it straight, dewd. I have a loving family that protects me from a cold, hard, hostile communtiy (and...world, really...). I'm blessed.
I praise God for bringing me this far. I pray that Christ's work in my life will continue, and I'll mature appropriately and just...live. The right way, at long last.
Thanks.
It gets hard. Then again...part of growing up is moving forward and doing what needs to be done even when there are obstacles or pain or...on and on it goes. My brain turned to mush around 19 or so, and I was childish for my age. 20+23=electroshock (not voluntary, not that it matters). Until I got saved, I was hopelessly childish and...a lot of it came from living in what I'd call an especially sick community. Long story.
Point is...I got saved at 28. I'm now 32. These past nearly 4 years have been productive and...good. Beneficial. He causes all things to come together for the good of those who are called...
I think now I was just like what this college age young woman called me when I first moved home..."one of society's rejects." Ouch. It happens, though...Fallen World, personal sin, satan, everything combined. But now...well, I'm normal. And people keep letting me have it. I'm getting better at brushing it off. Happened when I summoned up the guts to go into the local WalMart alone. Mocking..."oh, he's a DIFFERENT PERSON now! ha ha ha," etc. I just kept doing self check. Then my card was suspiciously declined and I re-ran it ((I'd checked the balance before I ventured out)). See, a couple times...my perfectly good card was declined at gas stations around here..."not in network." Riiiight. Its a MasterCard. And the times they couldn't "get your card to go through...something must be wrong with the strip..." super special, that.
Ugh. I went out for a drive, came back, went around back to come back in the house...somebody out behind the parents' backyard was talking about me never becoming a man or something. I dunno...its so strange to me. I was a homely little button nosed flamer w/ premature aging and now I'm...normal. Too much hair, apparently. No more button nose. And now...now...
darned if you do, darned if you don't. Its not just this stupid town, or The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep"), even America...its the world, isn't it? Up north...even in some other southern states...I'd be in the state mental hospital, probably with no way out. I read that they can also appoint a guardian in some states, to control every aspect of your life...even if your next of kin is alive and doing what they can to help you. Its "therapeutic," apparently. Who knew?
Back in the day, even here, people like me found ourselves locked up in the state hospitals. Thorazine punch for the next 10 years or so. These days, I think prison is the goal, especially since I'm male. They tried it, and I got a (serious) misdemeanor and probation. I think a lot of the static I'm getting is frustration...why do people feel some need to control me? I think maybe people were just more honest and straightforward about it here, at least for a while.
I'm rambling. I --am-- getting better about brushing things off. I am a man, thanks to Christ. I was a wretched mess before, but I'm healthy and normal now. besides, I don't want the "manhood" dudes around here apparently go for, anyway. And...the only way dudes around here would ever even pretend to regard me as a man would be if I "knew my place," because...wow. Maybe it is worse in the south?!
Jesus. My parents. Me. Get it straight, dewd. I have a loving family that protects me from a cold, hard, hostile communtiy (and...world, really...). I'm blessed.
I praise God for bringing me this far. I pray that Christ's work in my life will continue, and I'll mature appropriately and just...live. The right way, at long last.
Thanks.
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