Can't find a church right for me?

[zaileej90]

Hi. I am twenty. I'm married and thinking of starting a family. I wasn't necessarily raised in church, but God has always been an important part of my life. He's always been in my home, thanks to my grandparents, and I want to make sure that my children are raised with Him as well. We've had a few different churches and it always seems like it just isn't right.

The last two I went to, I just felt that every little thing I done was being judged and that isn't how I want to feel in church. This last one, there was this one person who was just very opinionated and kind of a smart alack. They would even interrupt the pastor and correct him on things in the middle of a sermon. It got to the point where I was dreading going to church, and that is DEFINITELY not how I want to feel in His house.

I am very easy to get along with, normally. I'm not confrontational at all. I am very kind-hearted and I try to look for the good in every single person. I just don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't find a church that is right for me. Plus, I want to be closer to God. Do I have to go to church to be closer to him, or can I do it on my own? Like read the Bible and watch the Sermons on tv? I talk to God constantly, He is always with me. I can feel him. I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing by not going. What should I do?

 

[WIP]

I wonder. If you're looking for a church that will make you feel good, maybe you're looking for the wrong thing? Be careful here. I'm not saying that a church atmosphere should make you feel bad but I think if we are really listening we should perhaps feel convicted.

You said that in one church you felt that you were being judged. Was it really the rest of the congregation judging you or was the Holy Spirit convicting you?

This is my opinion but I don't believe a church service should be a lively party-like performance. I believe a church service should be taken seriously with reverence and deep respect. After all it is God almighty that we are focused on, not our friends. I don't attend a church service in order to get something out of it but to put something into it. Namely, to praise and glorify God. In the end I am rewarded as I do walk away with something from the service but it isn't a high as though I just came home from a great ballgame. Instead it's a peace and contentment from spending time with our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

Can a person do it alone? I suppose anything is possible but I think it is very risky. I believe we need to spend time in fellowship with other believers. It can help us stay focused and provide additional accountability lest we wander astray.

 

[Alabaster]

I have a neat book that was recommended to us by one of our pastors: "Stop Dating the Church: Fall in Love With the Family of God", by Joshua Harris.

Chapter 5 is entitled, "Choosing Your Church: Ten Things That Matter Most"

I do believe that when it comes to finding a church for us, we need to be able to answer these 10 questions:

1. Is this a church where God's Word is faithfully taught?

2. Is this a church where sound doctrine matters?

3. Is this a church in which the gospel is cherished and clearly proclaimed?

4. Is this a church committed to reaching non-Christians with the gospel?

5. Is this a church whose leaders are characterized by humility and integrity?

6. Is this a church where people strive to live by God's Word?

7. Is this a church where I can find and cultivate Godly relationships?

8. Is this a church where members are challenged to serve?

9. Is this a church that is willing to kick me out?

10. Is this a church I'm willing to join "as is" with enthusiasm and faith in God?



If you can answer yes to all, then you've found yourself a great place to call home.

 

[dobro]

We are definitely living in the last days do you need to go to a denomination that is tied in with the worlds tax system no. Denominational churches are divisionary.People baptised into christs death and who are born of his spirit they are the church. In the city I live in the Pastors are more like business men they sell a watered down Gospel and chase church growth and believe that great gain is godliness. Jesus name is used like a franchise they are blind shepherds leading the blind. The best fellowship I have had is in house churches where you dont worry about paying rent or building insurances and spend most of the time reading and studying the word of God and letting the spirit of God without any worldly influence guide you into the truth. Christ in you the hope of Glory.Babylon come out of her my people that you be not partakers of her sins.

 

[Mike]

At the risk of sounding like I'm setting the bar low, I believe we ought to be careful in our criticism of churches and denominations. You can find honest Godly shepherds as well as false ones in denominational and non-denominational churches. Same with the members of them.

To the OP, welcome to CFnet!

I agree with WIP and Alabaster (to a point). I see where Alabaster's going, but two things with this list:

1. It will be difficult to find one that meets all of these points all of the time.
2. It will take time to find out if all of these points are true once you strip away all the window-dressing of a church.

Many churches can appear wonderful when visiting, but our brokenness in a fallen world dictates that there will be issues at some level that we need to overcome. This leads to my agreement with WIP. What are you looking for in a church? In joining a church, you are joining a community of believers who should be seeking to know God more. People are broken and flawed. If we're looking for the perfect church with perfect people, I expect that we're going to be disappointed. But if you enter into a church community knowing there will be imperfections, but you are willing to accept them, you can become part of the solution rather than the problem.

WIP also had a good point about your perception. Could you have possibly perceived judgment that wasn't truly there? Could you have been a little self-conscious, feeling like an outsider. I think it's only natural to feel this way sometimes when joining any group that has established relationships.

You will make an honest pastor's day by having a private meeting with him, and asking him, "What do you believe? What does your church believe?" This will tell him he has a person in front of him that is seeking Truth and considering his church for the right reasons and not because it's in a convenient location or for the social interaction. His answer will tell you (providing you are grounded in your faith) if he is leading his church in a biblical way. two-cents

 

[Sparkey]

I'm looking for a church too and enjoy the journey. When I consider what church will become my church home, I want a place that is family based and includes teaching kids. I also want a place where I can learn and hear from God.

Hope that helps because I don't have much more to offer. The Holy Spirit joins us into the body of Christ and I trust Him to continue to bring me to places where I can worship Him in truth and raise my kids (or help with my grandkids as the case may be) before Him. That's the part that I really liked hearing about when you asked your question -- that you wanted to find a place that will join in your responsibility to your future.

My amen to your prayer!

 

[matt633]

Keep visiting churches, but attend more then one service. What exactly are you looking for in a fellowship? Do they pray healing for the sick? Do they help the poor? Do they cast out demons? Do they make disciples of the nations (locally and abroad)? Do they preach the good new of the Kingdom of God? Are the members manifesting the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)? How involved are the members in the ministry? Are the members being challenged?

Best to ask God to lead you to the assembly your seeking

 

[Alabaster]

At the risk of sounding like I'm setting the bar low, I believe we ought to be careful in our criticism of churches and denominations. You can find honest Godly shepherds as well as false ones in denominational and non-denominational churches. Same with the members of them.

To the OP, welcome to CFnet!

I agree with WIP and Alabaster (to a point). I see where Alabaster's going, but two things with this list:

1. It will be difficult to find one that meets all of these points all of the time.
2. It will take time to find out if all of these points are true once you strip away all the window-dressing of a church.

LOL! I appreciate your points. I simply posted a great rule of thumb from chapter five of a book that deals in depth about the issue. The amount of time spent determining a good church wasn't included in my post. I am sure that God expects us to be diligent, but then again, He is the one who leads.

For me, it was important to find a church in the community where we had recently moved. First, I committed the task to God. We went to one church which is an excellent church in our community which I had visited before for various events. When we were there we met up with people we had known at our previous church. When speaking with them, rather than they greeting us and welcoming us, they all began talking about our former pastor and were negative in their complaints. Wrong thing to do! The Lord spoke to me immediately and said, "This is not the place for you. These people have demonstrated a bitter root." We never went back. The next week, He brought to mind a church in the area that I had noticed years ago. We walked in, sat down and were inundated with friendly people who greeted us with love! During worship, I said, "I am home". I knew the Holy Spirit was in that place before the pastor even said a word. God led us there, there is no doubt whatsoever, and every one of our family have grown distinctly since we have been members there.

Sometimes it takes time, but when God is allowed to be in charge of the search, it doesn't have to take much time at all. I didn't have a whole list of criteria for that church to measure up to beyond what is mentioned in my list. I simply needed to know that this was a place where the Holy Spirit was welcome. If He is, He will lead.

 

[Danny63]

Hi. I am twenty. I'm married and thinking of starting a family. I wasn't necessarily raised in church, but God has always been an important part of my life. He's always been in my home, thanks to my grandparents, and I want to make sure that my children are raised with Him as well. We've had a few different churches and it always seems like it just isn't right.

The last two I went to, I just felt that every little thing I done was being judged and that isn't how I want to feel in church. This last one, there was this one person who was just very opinionated and kind of a smart alack. They would even interrupt the pastor and correct him on things in the middle of a sermon. It got to the point where I was dreading going to church, and that is DEFINITELY not how I want to feel in His house.

I am very easy to get along with, normally. I'm not confrontational at all. I am very kind-hearted and I try to look for the good in every single person. I just don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't find a church that is right for me. Plus, I want to be closer to God. Do I have to go to church to be closer to him, or can I do it on my own? Like read the Bible and watch the Sermons on tv? I talk to God constantly, He is always with me. I can feel him. I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing by not going. What should I do?

I read and re-read your op a few times, and I put in red a section I want to address, please do not take this as judgmental or confrontational, but I would like to ask you, are you saved? What I mean is this, have you made a personal commitment to except Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour? Have you confessed your sins to him and repented? I ask this only for one reason; to make sure we are on the same page when it comes to the next part of your op. See here is the thing, wip and mike are correct in saying to you that you may be hearing the Holy Spirit convicting you and not people judging you. If you have not found Christ as your saviour but have always believed in God, because He has always been in your life, well quite frankly that is not enough, you need to make a confession of your sin to Him, and repent and turn your life over to Him personally. Again I am not judging I am just asking. I am sure you are, but I want to make sure you get what I am saying.

See no matter what Church you attend you will find things you love and things you hate, things you agree with and things you do not agree with, alabasters list is a great reference but not a perfect science because like Mike mentioned you probably wont find all those wonderful attributes in one church.

So I would say to you, first be sure your a true follower of Jesus Christ, then secondly as stated in this thread already, depend (ask) the Holy Spirit to lead you to the right place to be. Don't be afraid of denominations if that is where God leads you, I think there are many great denominations out there and all have a different style to worship and teach God's Word. Don't be afraid to ask questions to the pastor about what they believe in and find out their doctrinal beliefs and statement of faith to be sure it adds up to Biblical Truth. God will direct you to the place He wants you to be if you ask.

God bless you.