Charity

[Becky23]

Hi there. I have been grappling with some feelings related to charity and am hoping you folks can give me some input.

#1 I am new to the church and really have come to it only as my daughter is attending a local Christian school as an alternative to public school. We like the school and the community at large, but I am really turned off by how often they ask for money. We not only pay tuition to send her there, and drop money in the collection plate every Sunday,... but every Tues they send an envelope home for Wed chapel collections, and more than twice a month we are asked to give money or goods to some event or cause. Is this normal? Is it bad that I feel resentful of these requests?

#2 I struggle to understand how and when I should give to others. When I see someone my age or younger standing on a corner begging, I wonder if they are a drug addict or refuse to work when they are able to. I've given money and food to homeless people before and have been stunned at their ingratitude at the amount or choice of items given. I've seen well dressed people in Mercedes pull up to food banks and load up on free food and be choosy about what they are taking home. How do you show Christian charity to others when there are fraudsters and ungrateful freeloaders everywhere?
Hope this doesn't come across as stingy or selfish.

 

[Tenchi]

Hi there. I have been grappling with some feelings related to charity and am hoping you folks can give me some input.

#1 I am new to the church and really have come to it only as my daughter is attending a local Christian school as an alternative to public school. We like the school and the community at large, but I am really turned off by how often they ask for money. We not only pay tuition to send her there, and drop money in the collection plate every Sunday,... but every Tues they send an envelope home for Wed chapel collections, and more than twice a month we are asked to give money or goods to some event or cause. Is this normal? Is it bad that I feel resentful of these requests?

Uh oh. Beware. Christians who are truly following God's will, confident that they are doing as He has directed them to do, are always also confident in His provision for their work. As a result, they won't feel the need to clamor for funds, pressing folks constantly to give. You might find the biography of George Mueller very instructive regarding this matter.

#2 I struggle to understand how and when I should give to others. When I see someone my age or younger standing on a corner begging, I wonder if they are a drug addict or refuse to work when they are able to. I've given money and food to homeless people before and have been stunned at their ingratitude at the amount or choice of items given.

Give in emulation of God's generosity to you. He gave His only Son for you when you weren't in the least deserving of such a gift. And He has given you much materially throughout your life, at least some of which you haven't used to His honor or glory but for selfish purposes. God makes the sun to shine on the just and the wicked, too, right? It seems to me, then, God would always want you to err on the side of generosity rather than feeding a stingy sensibility, however "justified" you can make it seem to yourself. And so, I give when I have something to give to whoever asks me even if I strongly suspect they will abuse my generosity. In view of God's incredible generosity to me, I can do no less - especially as His hands and heart to the lost world around me.

 

[Hidden In Him]

#1 I am new to the church and really have come to it only as my daughter is attending a local Christian school as an alternative to public school. We like the school and the community at large, but I am really turned off by how often they ask for money. We not only pay tuition to send her there, and drop money in the collection plate every Sunday,... but every Tues they send an envelope home for Wed chapel collections, and more than twice a month we are asked to give money or goods to some event or cause. Is this normal? Is it bad that I feel resentful of these requests?

I attended a church in my mid twenties that pounded away at giving relentlessly, so I know how off-putting it can be (after three weeks in a row I think I left that church actually).

#2 I struggle to understand how and when I should give to others. When I see someone my age or younger standing on a corner begging, I wonder if they are a drug addict or refuse to work when they are able to. I've given money and food to homeless people before and have been stunned at their ingratitude at the amount or choice of items given. I've seen well dressed people in Mercedes pull up to food banks and load up on free food and be choosy about what they are taking home. How do you show Christian charity to others when there are fraudsters and ungrateful freeloaders everywhere?

Yeah, I didn't read all of Tenchi's answers for lack of time right now, but I saw the word "beware" at a glance, and I would have to agree here. Not saying you close off, as I will often give a little here or there just so people don't feel completely rejected, and a little spare change won't hurt me any. But MOST of the people on the street are going to be spending it on drugs or alcohol, you can be virtually certain of that. But then many are at various stages of addiction, and struggle to make it through the day because of it.

But the one thing you want to guard against as a woman is making yourself look like an easy mark, and whatever you do DON'T pick anyone up or give anyone a ride. I've heard horror stories about people who gave people a ride in order to witness to them, and ended up being directed to a drug infested apartment complex and then murdered for their car. And there are indeed people who are just plain users and cons, and will not respect you or appreciate your charity if you give it. They will just use you. So if this is something you wish to engage in regularly, I would ask the Lord to keep increasing your discernment so that you know when to give to those who truly need it and find ways to resist and refuse those who do not.

Blessings in Christ,
Hidden In Him

 

[tdidymas]

Hi there. I have been grappling with some feelings related to charity and am hoping you folks can give me some input.

#1 I am new to the church and really have come to it only as my daughter is attending a local Christian school as an alternative to public school. We like the school and the community at large, but I am really turned off by how often they ask for money. We not only pay tuition to send her there, and drop money in the collection plate every Sunday,... but every Tues they send an envelope home for Wed chapel collections, and more than twice a month we are asked to give money or goods to some event or cause. Is this normal? Is it bad that I feel resentful of these requests?

#2 I struggle to understand how and when I should give to others. When I see someone my age or younger standing on a corner begging, I wonder if they are a drug addict or refuse to work when they are able to. I've given money and food to homeless people before and have been stunned at their ingratitude at the amount or choice of items given. I've seen well dressed people in Mercedes pull up to food banks and load up on free food and be choosy about what they are taking home. How do you show Christian charity to others when there are fraudsters and ungrateful freeloaders everywhere?
Hope this doesn't come across as stingy or selfish.

In the past, because of my immaturity, I indiscriminately gave money to everyone who asked for it. But eventually I learned that giving money to someone who misuses it is doing them a disservice - it's called enabling. I don't give to people on the street, because I believe that most if not all of them use it to feed addictions or laziness. If someone is really in need, there are many organizations who can help such people. Most people who end up begging in the street have been discerned by the charity pros to be lazy or addicts, and is the reason they can't get more help from them, so they try to get it from those who don't know them. If you're really concerned for them, you have to spend time talking to them, and asking why they aren't working for a living. That's what the charity pros do. Just handing money over to people you don't know is the easy way out of a sentimental hook, and is spiritually lazy. If you're giving to your church what is reasonable, and thoroughly investigating any charity orgs you want to support, then you should not feel guilty about saying "no" to anyone else. That includes the school. If the school staff goes the extra mile in helping your child with something, then to want to give more to support what they are doing is a good thing. But if they are simply doing their job, then isn't tuition paid enough? I get many requests for money from orgs I don't support, and I disregard them all. To me, it's junk mail.

 

[Tenchi]

Luke 6:38
38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you give it shall be measured to you again.

It's amazing the justifications we make for stinginess, for being ungenerous. And so many of our justifications sound sooo plausibly right! That stinking wretch, staggering toward me with his hand out will just be enabled by my generosity to continue in his wickedness. Maybe. But God daily gives to each of us of His Son, of His Spirit, of His power and love, sustaining us all materially when He knows we are going to do things that are sinful, that defy His commands, that may even harm others in various ways. Isn't He, then, the Great Enabler? Doesn't God know better?

We sure think we do! Unlike God, we won't be party to enabling the wretch to continue in his wretchedness. We're wiser, more morally-prudent, than to give our money into the hands of those who will only use it for evil ends. Though God does this every day, giving life to the atheist, and the drug addict, and the African gang lord abusing children and raping women, and the global elites conspiring to enslave the world, we know to be far more...careful with our resources. And so, we convince ourselves that closing our hand to the begrimed beggar is for his good, our stingy spirit is right and proper, actually showing the beggar how much we care! Imagine if God had this attitude toward us. We'd all have been consigned to hell long ago! Thank God, His generosity is not like ours!

 

[Who Me]

more than twice a month we are asked to give money or goods to some event or cause. Is

Is this a large church, that is a congregation of several hundred every Sunday?
Does this church have 24 charities that it supports?
Because 24 charities in one church, no matter how large seems excessive.

I would ask questions about these charities, where are they, what do they do, what is the churches involvement?

You don7 have to give unless you think the cause is a good one. Treat the charities as you would any Investment, how well organised is it, how responsible financially is it, how accurate are its reports, how often does it report, how much of the giving gets to the area of need.

Ask these and other questions, any resistance to questions tells you there are questionable practices and have nothing to do with it.

 

[WIP]

It's amazing the justifications we make for stinginess, for being ungenerous.

I think we have to be careful about passing judgment. Are we not also to be diligent and make wise choices. While we are instructed to help those in need, are we not also to be good stewards of what God has provided?

I think it's important to take some care not to enable sinfulness. The real challenge is knowing when someone is truly in need and not in want. In 1 Timothy 5:22, Paul instructs Timothy to be careful about laying on of hands too hastily and sharing in sinful behavior. I see things like this happening in our churches today. Pastors marrying couples that he/she knows have been living together in a sinful relationship, both heterosexually and homosexually.

Likewise I think we, whenever possible, should exercise discernment as best we can. The Holy Spirit can sometimes be very helpful here. And, once we choose to give, forget about it and let God sort it out.

I remember one time while I was entering a Walmart parking lot, I noticed a fellow sitting on the curb with a sign asking for money to buy food. At first, I pretty much ignored this individual and went about my business, however, while I was in the store, I kept thinking about that person. I resisted the feeling and even as I was driving out of the parking lot and saw him, I continued to go on my way. The feeling to help him continued to grow until after about a half mile down the road I couldn't help but return and give that man something. As I was going back, I made the decision to give him whatever cash I had in my wallet. Turned out to be about $20.00. I also had a pocket New Testament I had received from the Gideons some time earlier and I placed the cash inside an handed it to him. I will probably never know what became of that man. Did he buy food with the cash or something else? What about that Scripture I gave him? Did that influence his life? I can only hope both of those things helped him.

 

[WIP]

Is this a large church, that is a congregation of several hundred every Sunday?
Does this church have 24 charities that it supports?
Because 24 charities in one church, no matter how large seems excessive.

I would ask questions about these charities, where are they, what do they do, what is the churches involvement?

You don7 have to give unless you think the cause is a good one. Treat the charities as you would any Investment, how well organised is it, how responsible financially is it, how accurate are its reports, how often does it report, how much of the giving gets to the area of need.

Ask these and other questions, any resistance to questions tells you there are questionable practices and have nothing to do with it.

In our church, the pastor never speaks on the topic of giving, tithing, or offering except to announce when we will collect our offering during the Sunday worship service. We have a council of laypeople that manage those funds. We are a small congregation of about 30 people.

Once each year, we meet as a congregation to decide how to use those funds and for the past 20 years or so, we have regularly supported 10 to 12 different charities in addition to the pastor's salary, utilities, maintenance costs, etc. Additionally, some congregants like to earmark extra support to some of our mission projects as well as other charities funneled through our church to remain anonymous in there regular giving. In the 25 years that I have been a member of this church, we have never been short of funds. It is our belief that God will provide as necessary to fulfill His will.

 

[Becky23]

Uh oh. Beware. Christians who are truly following God's will, confident that they are doing as He has directed them to do, are always also confident in His provision for their work. As a result, they won't feel the need to clamor for funds, pressing folks constantly to give. You might find the biography of George Mueller very instructive regarding this matter.



Give in emulation of God's generosity to you. He gave His only Son for you when you weren't in the least deserving of such a gift. And He has given you much materially throughout your life, at least some of which you haven't used to His honor or glory but for selfish purposes. God makes the sun to shine on the just and the wicked, too, right? It seems to me, then, God would always want you to err on the side of generosity rather than feeding a stingy sensibility, however "justified" you can make it seem to yourself. And so, I give when I have something to give to whoever asks me even if I strongly suspect they will abuse my generosity. In view of God's incredible generosity to me, I can do no less - especially as His hands and heart to the lost world around me.

Thank you Tenchi - you have given me much to think about. Particularly the idea that God has given me much in various gifts that I may not deserve and therefore its not my place to decide what anyone else deserves. This gives me some confidence in the idea of giving more from a place of it being the right thing than from a place judgment blowing my blessing on one person and not another. Because who am I to know? Thank you.

 

[Becky23]

I attended a church in my mid twenties that pounded away at giving relentlessly, so I know how off-putting it can be (after three weeks in a row I think I left that church actually).


Yeah, I didn't read all of Tenchi's answers for lack of time right now, but I saw the word "beware" at a glance, and I would have to agree here. Not saying you close off, as I will often give a little here or there just so people don't feel completely rejected, and a little spare change won't hurt me any. But MOST of the people on the street are going to be spending it on drugs or alcohol, you can be virtually certain of that. But then many are at various stages of addiction, and struggle to make it through the day because of it.

But the one thing you want to guard against as a woman is making yourself look like an easy mark, and whatever you do DON'T pick anyone up or give anyone a ride. I've heard horror stories about people who gave people a ride in order to witness to them, and ended up being directed to a drug infested apartment complex and then murdered for their car. And there are indeed people who are just plain users and cons, and will not respect you or appreciate your charity if you give it. They will just use you. So if this is something you wish to engage in regularly, I would ask the Lord to keep increasing your discernment so that you know when to give to those who truly need it and find ways to resist and refuse those who do not.

Blessings in Christ,
Hidden In Him

Thank you. I am for sure very cautious of my surroundings, especially now that I usually have one or both of my kids with me, and don't take risks with our safety. But I can't help but feel guilty about the number of people I ignore every day asking for help. I guess I'm trying to figure out how I can help some, without giving to everyone.

 

[Becky23]

Is this a large church, that is a congregation of several hundred every Sunday?
Does this church have 24 charities that it supports?
Because 24 charities in one church, no matter how large seems excessive.

I would ask questions about these charities, where are they, what do they do, what is the churches involvement?

You don7 have to give unless you think the cause is a good one. Treat the charities as you would any Investment, how well organised is it, how responsible financially is it, how accurate are its reports, how often does it report, how much of the giving gets to the area of need.

Ask these and other questions, any resistance to questions tells you there are questionable practices and have nothing to do with it.

Its a smaller church, probably only about 50-100 people in the congregation. The charities they support are about 3 every quarter.

I will look into their backgrounds more.

 

[Who Me]

We are a small congregation of about 30 people.

That is a splendid example of Christian stewardship.

 

[Tenchi]

I think we have to be careful about passing judgment. Are we not also to be diligent and make wise choices. While we are instructed to help those in need, are we not also to be good stewards of what God has provided?

I can find all sorts of plausibly moral/spiritual reasons to give to no one. And I can assure myself so easily that these reasons are "wise" and "diligent," stewarding the resources of God with care. But, again, does God do this with any of us? No. He doesn't. As I said, He makes the sun to shine on both the wicked and the righteous. He gave His only Son for a world of lost sinners, most of whom hate Him.

I've never suggested going out into the street with a bag of money and shoveling mounds of cash into the hands of anyone who might ask for some funds. But when I've got a couple of dollars burning a hole in my pocket and an indigent person approaches me, my impulse ought to be of God, generous, unstinting, and gratuitous. Certainly, I'm not following God's example when I squint suspiciously at the homeless beggar and wonder what he'll do with MY two dollars. As far as I'm concerned, in such an instance what is most important is that I cultivate a spirit of generosity toward others within myself, not encourage "wise" stinginess.

 

[WIP]

I can find all sorts of plausibly moral/spiritual reasons to give to no one. And I can assure myself so easily that these reasons are "wise" and "diligent," stewarding the resources of God with care. But, again, does God do this with any of us? No. He doesn't. As I said, He makes the sun to shine on both the wicked and the righteous. He gave His only Son for a world of lost sinners, most of whom hate Him.

I've never suggested going out into the street with a bag of money and shoveling mounds of cash into the hands of anyone who might ask for some funds. But when I've got a couple of dollars burning a hole in my pocket and an indigent person approaches me, my impulse ought to be of God, generous, unstinting, and gratuitous. Certainly, I'm not following God's example when I squint suspiciously at the homeless beggar and wonder what he'll do with MY two dollars. As far as I'm concerned, in such an instance what is most important is that I cultivate a spirit of generosity toward others within myself, not encourage "wise" stinginess.

There might be a better way to help out. For example, if a person is asking for money to buy food, have them accompany you to a grocery store and buy them a loaf of bread, some sandwich meat, and sliced cheese. They could feed themselves for a few days that way.

One time I was approached in front of a Denny's restaurant for money to buy food as I was entering. I offered to have them join me but they refused. My guess is they didn't want it for food.

About a month ago, I was approached while filling my truck at a gas station. The occupants in the vehicle wanted to give me some jewelry in exchange for some cash to buy gasoline. I doubted the jewelry that looked gold was actually gold but I refused to accept it and just gave them $5 from my wallet. They were lucky I had any cash. They left and moments later I saw them across the street talking to another customer there.

In hindsight, I should have done something a little different. I should have told them to pull up to a pump and I would put $5 into their tank for them.

 

[WIP]

My apologies especially to Becky23. I forgot which forum this conversation was in. We need to get back to answering the OP's questions and stop our side discussion although some of the information we have been providing may be helpful. Nevertheless, there are rules in this Q&A forum and we must abide.

 

[for_his_glory]

Hi Becky23

Charity is very important to those who really need our help. My rule of thumb as there are so many here is when I see someone standing in street corners I always ask God if this person really needs help and He always speaks to my heart in who truly needs help.

As far as giving so many times to your Church, that I can only assume supports the Christian school, you already have to pay tuition and that should, along with all the other tuition's, pay for the needs of this school each year. Giving in the plate on Sunday should be done with a glad heart of giving whatever amount makes you happy to give. Never feel you need to give by possibly being quilted to give no matter how many times they ask for money as you are a faithful giver unto the Lord and that is all that matters.

 

[Becky23]

My apologies especially to Becky23. I forgot which forum this conversation was in. We need to get back to answering the OP's questions and stop our side discussion although some of the information we have been providing may be helpful. Nevertheless, there are rules in this Q&A forum and we must abide.

No worries, I appreciate the conversation. All commenter have contributed something for me to consider and I will think about these situations a little differently going forward.

 

[Josef]

Hey All,
Paul had a little bit to say about giving. Read this passage and I will comment afterwards.

2 Corinthians 9:7-8 Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.
And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work:

Let's define some words for clearer understanding. If you know these old KJV terms, you may not have to read through them.
purposeth - to intend to design to resolve to determine
grudgingly - unwillingly with reluctance or discontent
necessity - that which must be and cannot be otherwise
cheerful - lively animated having good spirits
able - power sufficient, having competent power
abound - to have or possess in great quantity
sufficient - enough equal to the end proposed, adequate to wants

Paul tells us how we should not give, how we should give, and what God does when we give properly.
How we should not give:
Paul says to determine by use of good judgement, and prayer how to proceed. He gives two red flags, if you will, that are to warn us if the giving is right for us.
First, do we have reluctance or discontent over this gift? Do we have that feeling in our gut that something is just not right? I am, in general a giving person. So when I get that deep feeling that something isn't right, I pay attention to it. Personally, I have learned to trust that feeling.
Second, are we giving at the expense of our family's well being? Will my family go hungry? Will my giving affect my son/daughter's getting braces, or some other necessary aspect of life. Meeting your family's needs is always first.

How we should give:
So, the charity has passed these criteria, now how do I give? Am I giving with joy in my heart?
The Greek word for “cheerful” is hilaros. Hilaros means joyful, without grudging, or cheerful. This should only be done with a gracias heart. Why?
Because that is how God gives to us. If we give graciously, with joy in our hearts, we are reflecting the grace with which God blessed us. When we give, it is God giving through us. (That's way way cool.) So if we feel good about it, if there is joy in our hearts, we know it is the right thing to do.
So we give.

What God does:
Here is verse 8 with terms defined in parentheses. (See? There was a reason for all those definitions.)
And God is able (has power sufficient)to make all grace (unmerited favor) abound (have in plenty, to excess) toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency (needs met) in all things, may abound (have more than plenty) to every good work: (so you can give more)

So Verse 8 tells us that God has all power sufficient to make, or supply in excess, with all the unmerited favor you will ever need, so that every need you have is met plentifully; and in so doing, we can pass along that excess by giving even more. (It's a vicious cycle of joy.)

Conclusion:
1. Don't give if it makes you feel reluctant, or discontent.
2. Don't give funds earmarked for the needs of your family. (1&2 are also part of definition of being good a steward.)
3. Give out of the joy that is in your heart.
4. God is able to meet all your needs exceedingly.
5. We can use this excess by giving even more.
Amen.

Keep walking everybody.
May God bless,
Taz

 

[Tenchi]

As WIP has noted, it isn't always money that is the best thing to give to those who ask. I have bought meals and groceries for homeless folk who've approached me begging for money almost as often as I've given cash. I've given clothing, too, and other necessities to the indigent. What concerns me, though, is how much the believer will attempt to control what happens with what they've given (as I've tried to do in the past). Uncertainty as to the desired outcome of giving becomes a reason not to give and is even praised as "prudent" and "loving." Well, such justifications for stinginess certainly aren't of a kind with God's incredible, unreserved generosity toward us!