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Children not conforming to the norms...

Classik

Classik

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What should parents do in such cases where a child disagrees with the parents on issues that are both right from the two perspectives?

Lets take a look at the world 'today'. Or are there certain 'whatevers' that can't be change in this present world? E.g respect (mom and dad claim there is no decency with what our youths do these days. They refer us to their own days)
 
When you feel you are old enough and wise enough to do things your way.......... move out, start paying the thousands of dollars it costs to house, clothe, and feed you (not to mention the dozens of other things that keep coming up), and have a ball doing things your way.

No problem............ whine, or walk. The decision is yours.
 
Times will change but intergrity,character,values and morals will never change.If your Children have been brought up with Christ and these values their is a good chance they will be fine.Not always.You just have to cut the cord when they become adults knowing you have done the best that you can.
 
Willie T said:
When you feel you are old enough and wise enough to do things your way.......... move out, start paying the thousands of dollars it costs to house, clothe, and feed you (not to mention the dozens of other things that keep coming up), and have a ball doing things your way.

No problem............ whine, or walk. The decision is yours.
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:lol When a son or daughter really change is when they get out on their own and have to support themself.I think this is very valuable for them to do before they get married.Let them get a taste of life and supporting themself.I did not .I went right from my parents house to getting married.....mistake #1.
 
I'm all for a child displaying independence and initiative. But, all through life, it comes down to this.... You can only enjoy as much of those two virtues as you are willing to pay for with your own money and your own sweat.
 
When it is appropriate and you know that child can make a living on their own.It is a totally different story with those who can not support themselves and are physically or mentally disabled.I have heard of kids coming back later and living with their parents and I am all for this if something has happened in their lives beyond their control.Such as being layed off from a job and they come back home until they can get back on their feet.
 
Kathi said:
Times will change but intergrity,character,values and morals will never change.If your Children have been brought up with Christ and these values their is a good chance they will be fine.Not always.You just have to cut the cord when they become adults knowing you have done the best that you can.
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Let's assume a condition here: there children are also good Christians - but they have their own perspectives.
 
Classik said:
Let's assume a condition here: there children are also good Christians - but they have their own perspectives.
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What do you mean by "they have their own perspectives".A Christian is a Christian.
 
Classik said:
Let's assume a condition here: there children are also good Christians - but they have their own perspectives.
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Hard to respond without being given specific examples.

My dad gave me more independence in my teen years than I had before then, especially since that was one area I never really gave him any trouble on. (I mean, I knew what kind of things he wouldn't want me doing and avoided doing them.) Because of that I was trusted more than I might have been otherwise.

My parents were against rock music and later on I began to disagree with them on that view. They never had nor set up any rules limiting what music I could listen to, but if they had I would have had to obey them. Talked with my parents about music sometimes, and because we talked honestly they trusted my judgment.

Even now as a young adult still living at home for the time being (going to ease into more independence, starting with getting a job and helping pay bills), there are still rules I have to respect if I'm going to live under my parent's roof. But it's also understood that as a legal adult what I do in privacy is my business. I'm allowed to watch what I want, listen to what I want, do what I want (within reason), etc, but if it's not something my mom would approve of then I can't do it in front of my little brother.
 
Thanks. Are your parents Christians - Born-again?
 
questdriven said:
Hard to respond without being given specific examples.

My dad gave me more independence in my teen years than I had before then, especially since that was one area I never really gave him any trouble on. (I mean, I knew what kind of things he wouldn't want me doing and avoided doing them.) Because of that I was trusted more than I might have been otherwise.

My parents were against rock music and later on I began to disagree with them on that view. They never had nor set up any rules limiting what music I could listen to, but if they had I would have had to obey them. Talked with my parents about music sometimes, and because we talked honestly they trusted my judgment.

Even now as a young adult still living at home for the time being (going to ease into more independence, starting with getting a job and helping pay bills), there are still rules I have to respect if I'm going to live under my parent's roof. But it's also understood that as a legal adult what I do in privacy is my business. I'm allowed to watch what I want, listen to what I want, do what I want (within reason), etc, but if it's not something my mom would approve of then I can't do it in front of my little brother.
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It depends on the child and how much independence you give them.Some are very responsible at a young age and some are not.My son was going out on public transportation when he was 12.He was very mature and responsible.My oldest daughter.....NOT.
I think a parent needs to pick their battles.I had rules.Love along with discipline is important.
 
I remember the horrible look on dad's face when he punished us. We thought he was being overly mean. He built us for the future. That pucker on his face contained in it an undertone of true love.


But for my granny....she was one great grumpy gnat. Hehe. Still a lovely woman
 
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Kathi said:
It depends on the child and how much independence you give them.Some are very responsible at a young age and some are not.My son was going out on public transportation when he was 12.He was very mature and responsible.My oldest daughter.....NOT.
I think a parent needs to pick their battles.I had rules.Love along with discipline is important.
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Yeah, has to be taken on a case by case basis I imagine.

Classik said:
I member the horrible look on dad's face when he punished us. We thought he was being overly mean. He built us for the future. That pucker on his face contained in it an undertone of true love.


But for my granny....she was one great grumpy gnat. Hehe. Still a lovely woman
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My dad had no problem slapping sense into us. Hehe. Not literally slapping, but he did used to say "pain teaches". He'd spank us. Though in later years he mostly used grounding, especially after I voiced that I preferred being spanked because it didn't last very long.
 
Classik said:
I member the horrible look on dad's face when he punished us. We thought he was being overly mean. He built us for the future. That pucker on his face contained in it an undertone of true love.


But for my granny....she was one great grumpy gnat. Hehe. Still a lovely woman
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You have to teach your children what is right and what is wrong.Otherwise how are they to know.The Bible tells us to bring your children up with the knowledge of Christ.Sometimes that includes discipline.
 
Its not easy ,but I believe with the pressure of putting potatoes on the table and making time for God in the home is very important.
Living on "bread alone" Matthew 4:4 ie money rules, and actually becomes a "God" replacing the Word of God in the home and not allowing the Home to be guided by faith in the Spirit , needs to be adressed.Children invariably follow the examples set .One cant leave these matters entirly to the Schools or Church merely because "Mom and Dad are to busy keeping up with the Joneses" and superficial appearances which are never satified.The Spirit must be free to work in the Home as well.These are are "our" responsibilities the kids never asked to be there.

The objective is tto get them out of the nest and well primed up in order to avoid rejections nicely written such as "not suitable for perminant employment" or "Unfortunatley your profile doesn't meet our requirements" and of cause the well trodden "Dont contact us we will contact you"
 
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Tony Hyman said:
Its not easy ,but I believe with the pressure of putting potatoes on the table and making time for God in the home is very important.
Living on "bread alone" Matthew 4:4 ie money rules, and actually becomes a "God" replacing the Word of God in the home and not allowing the Home to be guided by faith in the Spirit , needs to be adressed.Children invariably follow the examples set .One cant leave these matters entirly to the Schools or Church merely because "Mom and Dad are to busy keeping up with the Joneses" and superficial appearances which are never satified.The Spirit must be free to work in the Home as well.These are are "our" responsibilities the kids never asked to be there.

The objective is tto get them out of the nest and well primed up in order to avoid rejections nicely written such as "not suitable for perminant employment" or "Unfortunatley your profile doesn't meet our requirements" and of cause the well trodden "Dont contact us we will contact you"
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Sometimes parents can raise a child up with Christ and were wonderful parents and a child can rebel and go the opposite direction.Then all you can do is pray.
 
Thats true Kathi ,I believe the Lord , and The Spirit are aware of whether or not the resonsibilities have been met to the best of capabilities, on the merits of each situation.We only have prayer and Faith towards God as our guide and we hope for the best.
 
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