Christian and Athiest dating

[dt83]

Now I know interfaith relationships can be hard, but have any of you had experience in a relationship where only one of you have faith? I'm an atheist and my girlfriend is an evangelical christian. Now we are compatible in most ways but religion has always been more than a bit sticky. Its not for me, she's simply has her own beliefs and that fine with me. But she literally believes I am going to hell when I die. A while back she even came to me crying because she thinks we won't be together in the afterlife.

I've gone to church with her, read books she's suggested, spoke to her pastor numerous times and of course my beliefs weren't changed. She thinks I'm not giving Christianity a chance and I keep telling her that I can't just choose to believe in her god. Now this is only one aspect of our relationship and I haven't spoken about all the good we have but this seems like a problem that will always be there. Any Advice? O and a little back ground info on us, we've known each other for ten years, she's been my best friend for 7 of that and girlfriend for 3 years. We live together and would like to get married once she finishes her doctorate.

 

[Tina]

If she was a TRUE Christian, she wouldn't be attached to you, much less be living with you or considering marriage. It's totally against the Bible. It's called being "unequally yoked". I can't help but doubt her genuine Christian faith to begin with. I used to briefly date an Athiest guy, but had to break up with him when the relationship got a tad serious because my Christian faith and pleasing what the Word of God (Bible) says was far more important to me than being "unequally yoked" with someone who does not even believe in the existence of God. Your girlfriend is hoping that you will eventually come around and convert to her faith, but will you? If the answer is NO, then I'm sorry, I foresee problems lurking in your relationship. You need to have a heart to heart talk with her.

 

[faithtransforms]

Tina,

I think it is unfair for you to say this girl is not a true Christian. Unfortunately, most churches don't teach on holiness anymore and the doctrine of eternal security makes people believe it is ok to do just about anything because God loves you anyway. The fact that she comes to her boyfriend crying afraid that he is going to hell indicates the genuineness of her faith. Now you and I both know that a Christian should not be living together with anyone and that it is not ok to be unequally yoked. But there are Christians who aren't being taught the truth. I don't think God is going to hold us accountable for what we don't know. True, she should be reading the bible to find out. But if she is going to your average church, even bible reading is scarcely encouraged I'm afraid.

That said, I believe this is a dead end relationship. I am guessing she is one of those girls who thinks she can change/rescue her boyfriend. It is admirable, but it never works.

 

[dt83]

Sigh, mods please delete this thread. I think I'm done with this site. I'm certainly not giving up the girl I love because of a difference in belief. O the bigotry just showed here has been what drove me away from christianity in the first place. So good luck with that.

 

[Free]

Sigh, mods please delete this thread. I think I'm done with this site. I'm certainly not giving up the girl I love because of a difference in belief. O the bigotry just showed here has been what drove me away from christianity in the first place. So good luck with that.

Yeah, that's unfortunate. :gah

Here is the problem dt: The Bible says we are not to be unequally yolked with unbelievers and that sex before marriage is wrong. These things seem to be especially emphasized in Evangelical circles, so I find it a bit strange that your girlfriend finds herself in this situation to begin with. The Bible clearly states that Christians are to be holy with God as our standard for holiness. However, it is what it is.

What your girlfriend needs to realize is that the Bible seems to suggest that there will be no marriage in heaven (Matt. 22:30; Mark 12:25; Luke 20:34-35). Her emotions seem to be misplaced and instead of being sad that you won't be married in heaven, since it is likely you wouldn't be even if you were a Christian, she should be sad that you won't in heaven.

 

[handy]

dt, perhaps if you can understand why the Bible teaches that we are not to be unequally yoked, it wont seem like bigotry as much to you. After all, you did come to Christians seeking advice about your Christian girlfriend, hopefully, you can be open to listening to the advice.

So, why does God not desire us to be unequally yoked with unbelievers? Because that kind of inequality in a relationship becomes harder and harder to work around as time goes by. Often, its not until after kids show up that the inequality becomes insurmountable. Everyone wants to raise their children in their belief system. When those belief systems are diametrically opposed to each other, problems rise up that aren't easily solved. God knows that many marriages falter and die because of this, hence the recommendation not to get into the situation in the first place.

If you don't think I'm right, take some time to ask yourself, are you really going to be OK with your own children having the same worries about you going to hell that your girlfriend now has? Or, are you going to insist that your girlfriend not impart to faith to her own children. It's a no win situation.

Unless the two of you are never, ever going to have kids (ie one of you is sterile), your relationship is fraught with some really serious problems as to the future.

Now, on the other hand, if the two of you are never going to have kids, or if you are really and truly OK with the idea of your future son or daughter coming to you with tears in the eyes regarding your eternal life, and you do marry, your wife will have to realize that she will be committed to staying in the marriage as long as you are committed to staying in the marriage. But, should you choose to leave her, then she must be OK with letting you go. It really places her in a very unenviable situation. And any children involved in an even worse one.

So, there are some fairly important reasons why it is very problematic for believers and unbelievers to ignore the core differences and pretend they don't matter. Which is why it isn't bigotry for those here to advise against moving forward with your relationship, but on the other hand, sound advice, which you were seeking.

A truly blessed option would be if you were to be come born again. But, your girlfriend needs to understand that this option is something that is solely between you and God and may or may not happen. Any faking on your part to please her won't work and isn't sustainable. She and you really need to take a honest look at the fact that your relationship has some fundamental differences and be honest about how the differences are going to impact your future and the future of any family you might make.

Which is also the reason why not having sex until after marriage is a good idea. It's much easier to make hard decisions regarding relationships when the intimacy of sex isn't involved.

 

[mananmater]

not a good combination...

 

[Ramsey]

Sigh, mods please delete this thread. I think I'm done with this site. I'm certainly not giving up the girl I love because of a difference in belief. O the bigotry just showed here has been what drove me away from christianity in the first place. So good luck with that.

Have you ever been in the military? In the military we have standards that are written down in regulations. If you do not follow the standards, people judge you. Pretty much, if you are out doing your own thing in the military, and don't give a sh$% then you are a dirt bag, and I will be the first one to say a person is. The army creates standards to promote discipline and safety. If you are not following the regs then you are a danger to yourself and others.

Christianity is much the same. We have standards set down by the bible. If you do not follow those standards you may not be a dirtbag, but people are going to look at the standard, and look at your life. That is how people naturally are. Some people are quick to judge, and maybe what they should be doing is showing compansion, understanding, and trying to help, but that is not always the case. Your girl friend sounds like a Christian who believes, but is straying from The Path because of her relationship with you. You are basically living as husband and wife already other then the fact that the there was no ceremony and the government does not recognize it.

There are good reasons for the standards set in the bible. The bible is full of widom and age old understanding of the human condition. It is just as valid today as it was 1000 years ago. That is another discussion entirely though. If you have time, and the will, I would help you understand why.

The bottom line, she most likely isn’t going to give up her belief, your relationship puts her at conflict with God's will and she will want to be married, and the difference in faith is going to be a problem in your relationship that is not going to go away, and most probably, based on what you have shared, lead to you losing her.

You came here searching for answers. The only answers I suspect you will get are: find God or lose her.
God gave us a choice. He wants us to choose to serve him. I challenge you to seriously search for God if you really Love this woman. It is more than just going to church. Read the bible. Find a good community. People will help you, but you have to put your pride aside, and be willing to receive. One of my friends from college was the head of a couple different clubs revolving around Atheism and Humanism. He is now a Christian. It happens a lot.

 

[Blazin Bones]

Moving thread to Singles and Dating.

DT, I would be more than willing to talk to you about this through PM's, but I willl let that be your call.

 

[Sound Silence]

Sigh, mods please delete this thread. I think I'm done with this site. I'm certainly not giving up the girl I love because of a difference in belief. O the bigotry just showed here has been what drove me away from christianity in the first place. So good luck with that.

Well, you shouldn't let the bigotry of people mess with what you believe.
There are a lot of closed minded jerks in Christianity, but you shouldn't let that dissuade you.
There are lot of bigoted atheists and agnostics too.

So with that in mind, rethink your views on God. Try to talk them over with your girlfriend. Keep in mind that you don't have to let believing in God doesn't mean you have to be a bigot.

But, to be honest, there's not really a clean way out of this. Really think about what it's like for her to genuinely believe you are going to hell. Of course, breaking up with her wouldn't solve that, either.

So yeah, you don't have much more options that to try to be more open to the idea.

 

[ChevyRodeo]

if you are dating for fun it dont matter, if you are considering marriage.. then you need to agree on


Religion
Sex
Money
Politics


to get by with minimal arguments. My mom and dad are different religion and they are very happy together. You just have to ask yourself how important it is to you and who important it will be to you later in life.