Christian Dating MEANT to be fun?

[Navigator]

I want to preface this with the statement that I think having fun in dating is important and I wouldn't expect anyone to be dating someone else whose company makes them completely miserable 24/7. But I'm having more and more of an issue with a lot of the Christian dating articles out there clinging to the phrase: "Christian dating is supposed to be fun!" So if you're not having fun, you obviously aren't doing it right.

Where is that Biblically can I ask? To me, with my understanding of the Scriptures, myself, and everyone else on this Earth are pretty MESSED UP individuals. When two people who are broken come together, should there not be struggle? Should there not be imperfections? My qualm isn't even that Christian couples should never have fun, but rather, Christian dating is not just butterflies and rainbows.

What are everyone else's thoughts on Christian dating at large, but specifically how it looks to live that out. Is it all fun? Is it dominated by misery? Is it both? Am I crazy?

 

[Obadiah]

I don't see why Christian dating should be any different than non-Christian dating in the fun aspect. Of course it's not always fun because, like you said, people are imperfect and always have problems. If the person you are dating is a potential marriage partner, then learning how to work through those problems without just immediately bailing out of the relationship is an especially valuable lesson to learn early on. But just because the Bible doesn't have a specific verse that says something like "Thou shalt only have fun when dating" doesn't mean it's not supposed to be fun! I feel sorry for anyone who dates and maybe even eventually marries someone they can't have fun with. Of course, I know there are those out there who claim that the only purpose for dating is to find a mate is not to have any fun because that, afterall is serious business. But I've never seen that command in scripture either and don't think it's at all fair to put that kind of pressure on the dating Christian couple.

For me personally, if I was going to date someone and found I couldn't have fun with them at least most of the time, then I'm going to look for someone else to date! And I'll bet they would feel the same way too!

 

[Nathanael Chong]

As for me, I will date one person, and one person only: my future wife. I will wait for God to show me the one, and wait for God to show her the one (which would be me). Until then, I will not date.
Therefore, if the relationship is within God's will and when we're both God-fearing, the relationship will surely be fun. Of course, as has been pointed out, there will be struggles, but don't worry! If God brought us into this relationship, it will be all right.

 

[Obadiah]

As for me, I will date one person, and one person only: my future wife. I will wait for God to show me the one, and wait for God to show her the one (which would be me). Until then, I will not date.
Therefore, if the relationship is within God's will and when we're both God-fearing, the relationship will surely be fun. Of course, as has been pointed out, there will be struggles, but don't worry! If God brought us into this relationship, it will be all right.

How do you anticipate God will show you this if you refuse to date anyone so you can get to know them?

Also, is this scriptural or your own idea? And if scriptural, what scripture says this? (Keeping in mind, the thread seems to be about dating and whether it should be fun or not. It is not necessarily about marriage since that is not a necessary result of dating.)

Edit: Nathaniel, I just noticed your profile says you are in Malaysia. Is this possibly the way things are customarily done in Malaysia? Never been there so I don't know.

 

[Nathanael Chong]

How do you anticipate God will show you this if you refuse to date anyone so you can get to know them?

Also, is this scriptural or your own idea? And if scriptural, what scripture says this? (Keeping in mind, the thread seems to be about dating and whether it should be fun or not. It is not necessarily about marriage since that is not a necessary result of dating.)

Edit: Nathaniel, I just noticed your profile says you are in Malaysia. Is this possibly the way things are customarily done in Malaysia? Never been there so I don't know.

Thanks for trying to understand; it helps me.
Do I need to know someone well in order for God to tell me whether she is the one? Though there is no Scripture passage in the Bible that says, "God will show you who your spouse will be," there are a few times when something like this happened.
Adam didn't have to get to know Eve for God to give him that revelation. God just did, when it was the right time.
Another example of God revealing to someone a specific person is when Samuel met David. Though it may not have anything to do with marriage, it shows how God can give a revelation.
Also, why do I want to build emotional attachments with someone whom I may never marry? It is better to save yourself some heartbreak and let God guide your life.
I fully understand that this thread is focusing on dating and whether it should be fun, and that was what I was trying to point to in my previous post: that if the relationship is within God's will, it will turn out all right.
As for whether this is the way things are customarily done in Malaysia, no, it may be as much a strange belief here as it may be in the West.
Hope I have cleared some things up.

 

[Navigator]

I hope I didn't give off the impression that I am a Scrooge when it comes to having fun with a person I date.

To Obadiah..great insight into Christian dating.I agree it should be fun, but that should not be the MAIN focus in my opinion. Pressure makes diamonds, and I think the struggles in a relationship can make or break a couple's future together. They can persevere and come out on the other side stronger than ever, or they could wither and die (relationally), both of which require immense struggle and effort. I think as Christians, we should model the working hard to stay with a person if you've come to a place that you feel and you have prayed that you will be able to love them forever. Too often, I see or hear of relationships that get hard, excuses are made, and things just end. And the rebuild if there is any...is rarely productive. Why can't we do that? And why when the relationship loses its fun do some move on? I do believe that love is a choice which leads me to @ Nathanael...

I think God can give revelations FOR your future spouse but that is very hard to do if you do not know them, as Obadiah pointed out. You don't have to share your deepest darkest secrets and get emotionally connected, but we are called to community with sisters and brothers, so why if you are genuinely attracted to the PERSON (not just the beauty) of a sister would you not pursue? Could you not ask God if this sister is someone you CAN CHOOSE to love forever? I don't agree with the soulmate mindset. I think God knows who you are to marry, but that is because He is all knowing, not because two souls were made for each other. Thoughts?

And I'm not super worried about a topic divergence, as long as it's good discussion :wink

 

[Obadiah]

...I think as Christians, we should model the working hard to stay with a person if you've come to a place that you feel and you have prayed that you will be able to love them forever. ...

Yeah, agreed. You know, so many times simple semantics make such a difference. When I read the word "dating" in a discussion of if it should be "fun" or not, I think of "casual" dating, not what you are describing here. Once things have progressed to the point of feeling you might love that person forever and are seriously asking God if this is the person to marry, well, I think that is way past casual dating. This is where I'd start to think of it more as a "relationship" than a "date". But if you can't have fun with a person on a casual date, I think the chances are slim of ever developing a healthy relationship or ever having a happy marriage with them.

I wonder too if part of the reason this isn't really discussed much in scripture is for cultural reasons? In Biblical times I don't think people really "dated" like we do in our society. In that culture girls were property and were purchased from their father by the man. They didn't really go on dates, have fun, and make a mutual decision to marry because they both loved each other. That was unheard of (not saying wrong, just unheard of among the Israelites at the time scripture was written), so maybe that's why the concept of dating really isn't mentioned?

 

[Obadiah]

Speaking of God showing us which direction to go in matters (in any matter, not just dating or marriage), I've always felt He gave us a brain to use, and we should use that brain he has given us to the best of our ability while at the same time rely on Him for guidance in using our brain. Then once we have done that, THEN ask Him for his confirmation or different directions if those are needed. To me it's good to ask Him for guidance while we make decisions, but not to just dump it all in his lap right away when we could do a little thinking and trying on our own as well. There has to be a balance. While it's true that God could miraculously put our future spouse in front of us (as he did with Adam) and make us aware of that (Eve was Adam's ONLY choice so not much room for confusion as to what God intended!) for the vast majority of Christians this is not the reality of how God deals with us. Sure wish it was. That would make things so much simpler!