Blazin Bones
Member
Given that the site now seems to be supporting Christian Mingle, what are your thoughts on dating sites regardless of their christian/non christian relativities?
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Christians and dating sites?
- Thread starter Blazin Bones
- Start date
faithtransforms
Member
I know people who have found the love of their life on dating sites and I know people who have ended up in disastrous relationships that were started on a dating site (myself included). I think they are ok. But for Christians, I think we really need to just trust God. I believe God has someone planned for you already, so I pray to God that He will prepare me for my husband and prepare my husband for me. Some people think its your own choice. I agree, you CAN choose, but I don't think it will be God's best. I truly believe God brings people together for His divine purpose.
Blazin Bones
Member
Prayer and patience, not the best at the second either, worked for me. I think online relationship can work as I've seen it happen, but who knows who you are compatible better than God?
Nick
Member
I would prefer to get to know someone first rather than actually trying to seek someone out who I [may] be interested in. I am finding it extremely difficult to trust God and pray and be patient, but I know that's the best thing to do. Trust the God will bring you and your partner together (if that is His Will) in whatever way He chooses for you.
Personally I think that God may use these dating sites to bring compatible people together, but as a personal preference I don't really like dating sites. So I guess I don't really like them, but see not much wrong in them. I'd say it's more of a personal preference thing that changes with circumstances. As faithtransforms said, dating sites have worked great for some and not-so-good for others.
Personally I think that God may use these dating sites to bring compatible people together, but as a personal preference I don't really like dating sites. So I guess I don't really like them, but see not much wrong in them. I'd say it's more of a personal preference thing that changes with circumstances. As faithtransforms said, dating sites have worked great for some and not-so-good for others.
Personally, I have found dating sites to be a bad environment to meet people, as everything on them is so permeated by the desperation to meet people.
I have had far more luck meeting people by joining groups (both online and offline) that might revolve around a hobby or interest, and getting to know people in a much more relaxed, non goal oriented way.
I think it echoes what has been said about letting God bring a partner to you. If you arent looking too hard, maybe it lets you be yourself more, and better in tune with God, and then one day, your perfect match will find you rather than the other way around :-D
I have had far more luck meeting people by joining groups (both online and offline) that might revolve around a hobby or interest, and getting to know people in a much more relaxed, non goal oriented way.
I think it echoes what has been said about letting God bring a partner to you. If you arent looking too hard, maybe it lets you be yourself more, and better in tune with God, and then one day, your perfect match will find you rather than the other way around :-D
I think it can be worth trying. I found my fiance on the internet, but it wasn't a dating site [rather a mailing list for finding new friends with common interests, and then it developped into something more... so amazing]. The internet has the advantage that it can bring together people with similar interests, and values... So I think you can try but just don't become too desperate and obsessed ;)
LaMexicana
Member
I've been on a couple and it's actually super frustrating for me because the matches aren't for real. I've mentioned this before on here but you put that youre Christian and looking for a Christian man, well, half the men on the site pop up because everyone seems to consider themselves Christian but they don't necessarily have a relationship with the Lord so you have to sit there weeding people out when that's supposed to be the job of the website.
Other than that, I still get the jerk guys that don't really read your profile or care about what you actually want in your life. They're just looking for a hook up and that's super annoying.
Also, please state your real height! This whole adding a couple inches just doesn't work...just sayin'...
So I think they work for some, they just haven't for me but I think I'm too close minded to go through with anything.
Other than that, I still get the jerk guys that don't really read your profile or care about what you actually want in your life. They're just looking for a hook up and that's super annoying.
Also, please state your real height! This whole adding a couple inches just doesn't work...just sayin'...
So I think they work for some, they just haven't for me but I think I'm too close minded to go through with anything.
inhopeofglory
Member
Well, I met the love of my life (now my wife!) on the aforementioned ChristianMingle website (for real), so... :D
The key to these sites, I believe, is to a) trust God and b) be detailed. By that I mean that you shouldn't be on them because you're desperate (if that's the case then there's a heart issue to deal with first), but that if you do use them it should be with the implicit trust that the Lord can and may use them in your life. He certainly did in mine!
Regarding compatibility, God has given us all a mind which I believe He expects us to use. We all have different personalities, different opinions, different interests. It IS possible to use those things to build a "template" of sorts, which can give some indication of the likelihood of a strong friendship and eventual relationship with someone. That is not to say that God can't do something unexpected - He knows us all better than we know ourselves - but at the same time I think it's folly not to use what we know about ourselves to aid us in the process of discovering who God would have us marry.
Practically, when I first went on ChristianMingle I purposed to put as much relevant information on my profile as possible - e.g. I stated that I was looking for someone equally serious about their faith, I made reference to some Biblical positions to which I hold on various subjects that a potential spouse would also have to hold to if there was to be any possibility of marriage, and so on. On my wife's part, she stated that she was only interested in a possible marriage relationship, and that no-one should contact her if that was not a shared aim of being on the website (i.e. no penfriends, no "just wanting a chat"), as well as outlining a lot of her priorities and interests. I've found that if you put enough pertinent information on the profile, it automatically (generally) eliminates a lot of "just-lookers".
Because we had so much information on our profiles, when I first made contact with my now-wife I was already confident that there was probably a good basis for a friendship, and likely potential for that friendship to develop into a marriage relationship. Similarly, when my wife received my e-mail, she had some confidence that I wasn't going to mess her around, and she could also see that there were a lot of common interests and beliefs. Our first flurry of e-mails were very heavily focused on theological issues - if there wasn't compatibility in the spiritual, we both knew it was guaranteed that we wouldn't truly connect with each other. Only once we were confident that there were no spiritual "roadblocks" to our relationship did we explore our shared interests, opinions, preferences etc.
The advantage to beginning a relationship online is that you have to communicate. You can't just "hang out" together; you have to talk. The distance - i.e. that it's online rather than face-to-face - also means that you can be more thoughtful about what you say and how you say it, reducing the nerves and self-consciousness that can be such a stumbling block to true communication. That said, you must both be committed to honesty in your interactions or you'll "fall in love" with someone who isn't real. Eventually, it IS important to meet in person, but you can get an excellent start online.
As for "letting God choose", I don't personally believe that He (usually) wants us to be so "hands-off" when looking for a spouse. He rarely just "drops someone into your lap". If you don't go anywhere, don't get involved in church, don't even attempt to meet people (whether online or in person), how do you expect God to bring that person into your life? There's a distinct difference between desperate "searching" and keeping your eyes and heart open to God's leading while living your life and meeting people. Maybe He's just waiting for you to make that step of faith!
That is how it was for me. My life was at a place where I had very few opportunities to meet people of similar ilk in person, whether at church or elsewhere. I felt a little silly at first with the idea of going on singles networking websites, but then shrugged and prayed, "Well, why not Lord? You can do it if You choose to!" And He did!
The key to these sites, I believe, is to a) trust God and b) be detailed. By that I mean that you shouldn't be on them because you're desperate (if that's the case then there's a heart issue to deal with first), but that if you do use them it should be with the implicit trust that the Lord can and may use them in your life. He certainly did in mine!
Regarding compatibility, God has given us all a mind which I believe He expects us to use. We all have different personalities, different opinions, different interests. It IS possible to use those things to build a "template" of sorts, which can give some indication of the likelihood of a strong friendship and eventual relationship with someone. That is not to say that God can't do something unexpected - He knows us all better than we know ourselves - but at the same time I think it's folly not to use what we know about ourselves to aid us in the process of discovering who God would have us marry.
Practically, when I first went on ChristianMingle I purposed to put as much relevant information on my profile as possible - e.g. I stated that I was looking for someone equally serious about their faith, I made reference to some Biblical positions to which I hold on various subjects that a potential spouse would also have to hold to if there was to be any possibility of marriage, and so on. On my wife's part, she stated that she was only interested in a possible marriage relationship, and that no-one should contact her if that was not a shared aim of being on the website (i.e. no penfriends, no "just wanting a chat"), as well as outlining a lot of her priorities and interests. I've found that if you put enough pertinent information on the profile, it automatically (generally) eliminates a lot of "just-lookers".
Because we had so much information on our profiles, when I first made contact with my now-wife I was already confident that there was probably a good basis for a friendship, and likely potential for that friendship to develop into a marriage relationship. Similarly, when my wife received my e-mail, she had some confidence that I wasn't going to mess her around, and she could also see that there were a lot of common interests and beliefs. Our first flurry of e-mails were very heavily focused on theological issues - if there wasn't compatibility in the spiritual, we both knew it was guaranteed that we wouldn't truly connect with each other. Only once we were confident that there were no spiritual "roadblocks" to our relationship did we explore our shared interests, opinions, preferences etc.
The advantage to beginning a relationship online is that you have to communicate. You can't just "hang out" together; you have to talk. The distance - i.e. that it's online rather than face-to-face - also means that you can be more thoughtful about what you say and how you say it, reducing the nerves and self-consciousness that can be such a stumbling block to true communication. That said, you must both be committed to honesty in your interactions or you'll "fall in love" with someone who isn't real. Eventually, it IS important to meet in person, but you can get an excellent start online.
As for "letting God choose", I don't personally believe that He (usually) wants us to be so "hands-off" when looking for a spouse. He rarely just "drops someone into your lap". If you don't go anywhere, don't get involved in church, don't even attempt to meet people (whether online or in person), how do you expect God to bring that person into your life? There's a distinct difference between desperate "searching" and keeping your eyes and heart open to God's leading while living your life and meeting people. Maybe He's just waiting for you to make that step of faith!
That is how it was for me. My life was at a place where I had very few opportunities to meet people of similar ilk in person, whether at church or elsewhere. I felt a little silly at first with the idea of going on singles networking websites, but then shrugged and prayed, "Well, why not Lord? You can do it if You choose to!" And He did!
LaMexicana
Member
So I actually joined christianmingle.com to try it out and got some guy today asking me to shave my head and eyebrows because I had a really pretty face. Can we say creepy?? Eek!
:crazy
:crazy
NestForASparrow
Member
I used to go on Christian Mingle, but I deleted my account several months back. I decided I would follow God's plan instead and marry within the Church I attend.
LaMexicana
Member
I think it's nice to talk to people outside your normal life
LaMexicana
Member
I'm actually surprised I've met a couple decent, funny dudes.Feldew said:
But then I get those 49 year old men that think our "common interest" is trying to find love. Um, did you read my ENTIRE profile? Because there are a few more things in there that are kinda important...
NestForASparrow
Member
LaMexicana said:
Eh. Maybe they have a thing for women who look like they are on chemotherapy.
LaMexicana
Member
I have no idea! It was a little disturbing definitely...he was very pushy about wanting to shave my head. Strange folks.NestForASparrow said: