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Confession

Blake

Member
I have been going through the ringer in every way lately -- family problems, health problems, spiritual problems (isolation, confusion, apathy), mental health problems, and it has all been taking a toll on me. I haven't stepped foot in church for 3 months following a bit of confusion from the enemy, essentially trying to uproot me from where I NEED to be to where I thought I should possibly be... it's too long a story to get into, but at the end of the day, I know where I'm supposed to be. It's just a matter now of humbling myself and getting my feet back in the door. All of this happened directly following one of the highest spiritual seasons of my life. I suppose I got too comfortable, if not perhaps a little prideful.

Please pray for me, for my clear vision, for my spiritual fortitude, and not for a lighter load but for a stronger back, on my behalf. I am attempting to re-light the fire in my altar with God's help, but I am being pressed against on all sides.
 
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Dear Brother Blake, the fights you're experiencing is the chastisement, or teaching of God to your life.
Heb 12:6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
Heb 12:7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?

There's a light in darkness, at the end of the tunnel as it were and Rom 8:28 says: "and we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

I have read the tone of your love of God and know the outcome before it's complete as I watch you in my very steps as I have followed our Lord. One man said it this way in Job 3:3 Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived, but later in Job 23:10 But He knoweth the way that I take: when He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. We read in 1 Pet 1:7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: What? This is conforming me into the image of Christ that he might be the firstborn among many brethren (Rom 8:29)?

I personally suffered with cluster, or suicide headaches for thirty years which kept me very close to God in prayer when I would have rather been out partying. When I retired the first thing I asked God after He had allowed that for me was to tell Him not to make me return to the time of life (Made young again) as Abraham, because I certainly didn't want a redo.

Does God love you and allow this? YES! Knowing you before you were born, He died for you. Will He, or can He lose you? I will never fail, or forsake you. 1 Jn 5:11 And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal (Conditional?) life, and this life is in his Son.

Brother, you are on my heart, and prayer has been offered and will continue every time I see your name on these forums. I look forward to your realized victories in Jesus name.
:wave2
 
I will keep you in my prayers, Blake. I can understand how you feel because I have believed so many lies from Satan and can just relate completely. I pray that God will guide you and that you can grow closer to him and can be ready to rejoice and praise him with other believers for his glory.
 
Your request reminded me of a pastor who told us we should not ask to be taken from the lion's den, but strength to endure it, as to be refined. I can tell you have an immense love for the Lord, Blake! Prayers being said for you.
 
Your situation sounds very familiar Brother Blake. Me too. I think these are either spiritual attacks, or as another Brother made note of, chastisement and teaching for you.

So believe it or not, rejoice in these things happening to you. Either way, whether spiritual attacks or chastisement, are indicators that your heart is in the right place and you are on the right track. Nevertheless, I will pray for you and ask for strengthening of you to be able to endure this season.

Praise the Lord! :)
 
You have my prayers as you go through this time of trial, my friend. Our Lord God loves you so completely! Focus on Him and His Word. Return to your church of choice without any hesitation or concerns. And never lose sight of the reality that our Lord walks with you through this time, even carrying you when need be.
 
Everyone here has said great things...not much to add but I'm here standing with you and everyone else. To keep you uplifted before the Lord. Spiritual pain runs deep and wide but you have already received your victory. Stand still and know God is in full control. Guard your faith. This is for me as well Brother Blake. Let's stand firm and trust Him who brought us thus far.
 
I have been going through the ringer in every way lately -- family problems, health problems, spiritual problems (isolation, confusion, apathy), mental health problems, and it has all been taking a toll on me. I haven't stepped foot in church for 3 months following a bit of confusion from the enemy, essentially trying to uproot me from where I NEED to be to where I thought I should possibly be... it's too long a story to get into, but at the end of the day, I know where I'm supposed to be. It's just a matter now of humbling myself and getting my feet back in the door. All of this happened directly following one of the highest spiritual seasons of my life. I suppose I got too comfortable, if not perhaps a little prideful.

Please pray for me, for my clear vision, for my spiritual fortitude, and not for a lighter load but for a stronger back, on my behalf. I am attempting to re-light the fire in my altar with God's help, but I am being pressed against on all sides.
Hi Blake, I can address to your Spiritual problems (isolation, confusion, apathy). For a long time as a young and eager christian with depression, I would pray to the Lord for relief from my feeling that I was unworthy of any of God's grace. I would ask the Lord why He did not help me for I was doing everything that I thought He wanted me to do. As a child I was always told that I would amount to nothing and I always had to do some sort of good works to be accepted by my family. I could not understand why I had no answer in prayer. I felt like my prayers would just bounce of the walls. I felt alone and abandoned. Then one day in fervent prayer it was like the room lighted up and God let me feel His grace and gave me an assurance in my sole of peace. The Spirit relayed to me that I was trying to trade works or favor for grace. That is why my prayers never made it past the walls of my dwelling. I was relying on my understanding instead of His gift of Grace, and there was noting I could do or give to obtain it. It was the depression that interfered with my absence of the feeling of Grace and made me feel isolated, confused and apathetic. I was already saved by grace, I'am save by grace now and will be saved by His grace till the end of time. But depression and mental illness will never change God's promise and security of His possessions, of which we are. God does not save us by how we feel, but because He loves us in Jesus the Christ. Read the 103 Psalms it is comforting.

In Christ
Douglas Summers
 
Blake, I have lifted you up in prayer to our Lord. I have no doubt that you shine His light to the world wherever you are, because it comes bursting through everything you say here on CFnet. I've come to be much impressed with your insight, wisdom, and humble nature in this community, and I find myself slowing down to take in whatever you have to share. I know you make our Lord smile, and what could be better than that?

Be blessed.
 
You all have been wonderfully encouraging and I know the Lord has heard your prayers. I woke up feeling renewed. Due to work stress I'd been out of the habit of prayer and praise in my truck in the mornings, but, I asked God to come and dwell with me as I strapped into the truck and put on some Christian radio. One of my all time favorite hymns, How Great Is Our God, came on and helped me enter into an atmosphere of praise... for the first time in awhile the tears flowed and I opened up my heart. I was visited with grace and revived once again. It's funny how our problems melt away in His presence. They're still there, to be sure, but there's no longer an unhealthy fear about them, nor a "woe is me" attitude, or, worse than these, no more of a general result of apathy in my spiritual life because of my problems. I realize that taking a break is the last thing you should do in the face of adversity, we should press in that much more when it's hardest. I'm convinced that God accepts our dry and broken efforts during these times, but in our pride we convince ourselves otherwise. The parable of the publican and the pharisee flooded me as I drove, and I knew that the state of my heart laid bare before God meant more to Him than lengthy and wordy prayers could have at that time. Like a little child who ruins her Sunday dress in the mud gathering flowers for her father, because of his love for her, he won't turn them away. She shows up dirty, she doesn't have a whole lot to give, but she captures his heart nonetheless. That's the kind of love I felt. And it's all thanks to your prayers. Thank you. God loves you all and so do I.
 
Is it just me and a very few others, or does it seem like things are progressively getting worse for a lot of Christians? It seems like it is, to me, and that's thought provoking. Like something big is going to happen soon.

At least we don't have to fear these tribulations. Praise the Lord for that! I liken spiritual trials and tribulations as training for my coming spiritual life. It's like we're in boot camp or AIT for the Lord. That's a comforting thought to me because when things get bad I just remind myself of this. AIT can be pretty hard for some depending on what their MOS is going to be. Hard tribulations = specialized work for the Lord? It helps me to be content and patient.

Livin' the dream, lol. :helmet :lol
 
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When I was first saved, in my mid 20's, I had some massive massive problems. I don't even care to recall them anymore, as it was so utterly painful. One of them for example, was a debt north of $400,000. which in today's $ terms would be probably something north of $1,500,000. That alone was just overwhelming. And then came the adversity from friends and loved ones, who saw the change in me and reacted adversely also. It was just mountain after mountain of adversity, higher than I ever thought I'd be able to "get over." I was literally reduced, mentally, to just taking one step at a time, on a day to day basis, as I stood before these massive unsolvable issues. My older allies in faith told me to buck up, and that God in Christ WOULD come through. And in the process of time, the debts were paid, no bankruptcy, and "most" of the relationship issues were also resolved, in time. I so remember that adversity. It almost makes me want to cry, just remembering the struggles. It is and remains just simply painful. But in retrospect I did learn a LOT about God in Christ, and various solutions came my way that I would have never ever conceived of. Soooo. Top of the mountain, right?

Nope. All the while I was climbing, struggling, and reached the pinnacle, other mountains were being raised ahead, bringing what seemed to be the prior oppression, even more pale by comparison.

Yet, today, I take HEART, knowing my Lord and Savior is ABLE, in whatever challenges are brought, and they ARE brought. God in Christ does bring these issues to us, to show us His Sovereignty over all things, even while we sit in the "shadow" of death. I can almost directly relate to Job in these matters, personally. I can't even imagine the trouble and turmoil Jesus faced, knowing, long in advance, His Fate. Knowing each step of the Way would lead directly to His Death. I just can not imagine. Yet, this last walk to the next mountain, I knew and saw it was coming every step of the way. This to me was "new" ground, which I quite enjoyed, even though the adversity was greater than prior. At least I saw the "path." And it has shown me more things than before.

After the Resurrection, Jesus had an interesting take on the matters of His Death. It almost makes me want to laugh, as it seemed to Him, almost, as nothing:

Luke 24:
18 And the one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answering said unto him, Art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things which are come to pass there in these days?
19 And he said unto them, What things? And they said unto him, Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, which was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people:
20 And how the chief priests and our rulers delivered him to be condemned to death, and have crucified him.

As if Jesus didn't know? Probably one of the oddest questions in the entire scripture. What things?

There is GREAT LIGHT. Far Greater than anything we can think of, conceive of, or ask.

Romans 8:18
For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

Very often this is the only HOPE I have. And sometimes that is not much, in my eyes, compared to what suffering has to be faced, presently. It can seem, even this hope, to be a very small tool, but it is enough.
 
Is it just me and a very few others, or does it seem like things are progressively getting worse for a lot of Christians? It seems like it is, to me, and that's thought provoking. Like something big is going to happen soon.

At least we don't have to fear these tribulations. Praise the Lord for that! I liken spiritual trials and tribulations as training for my coming spiritual life. It's like we're in boot camp or AIT for the Lord. That's a comforting thought to me because when things get bad I just remind myself of this. AIT can be pretty hard for some depending on what their MOS is going to be. Hard tribulations = specialized work for the Lord? It helps me to be content and patient.

Livin' the dream, lol. :helmet :lol

Probably what I care for the least is not sharing my personal adversity with too many others, as people who are not of faith can not relate. So I do in fact have what I call a "required" shade over my personal problems. It's nothing morally adverse, mostly financial, some relationship, bad. 3 family members who hate viciously, without any causes apparent. It has led me to cut them off, completely. That stuff really hurts. But in the end it's really no one else's business, and I do not feel "led" to share to any great extent. This world often requires us to put on a false happy face. No one really cares to hear about "oppressions," and if they heard, they couldn't relate anyway. I'll cry quietly, in the dark, away from anyone.

How could anybody possibly relate to God's Active dismantling? Yet that is what has been transpiring with me for quite some time now. God is and has been showing me another side of Himself, a side that I really did not care to engage. The side of chastisements and tribulations. They ARE painful, especially when you understand that it is Divinely Intentional. You ask, God, why are you doing this?!

But I am learning to engage His Methods. The Lord Giveth and the Lord taketh away even faster. But, as Job stepped into, Blessed be The Name of The Lord, regardless!

In the past, I might have fought it. Today it's more like, bring it, and let's see what happens. Today, I have scriptural answers as to why these things happen, and I understand, much much better.

Acts 14:22
Confirming the souls of the disciples, and exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God.

The trail of said entry is paved with our tears. Yet not one tear will be wasted.
 
I have been going through the ringer in every way lately...

...So believe it or not, rejoice in these things happening to you....

REJOICE?!? Really? A brother's peace is under siege and we say, "Rejoice."

Christians and trials! You can't live without them (at least not yet anyway).

And it's true too. Trials come. What's a poor fellow to do? Count it all joy, that's what. Consider it that way; as your chiefest source of joy! God told us (through our brother, James) just exactly what to do. We are to reckon it as joy. And to do this, I would invite you to transport yourself (in your mind, in your spirit?) to that place in the heavenliest where you are being called. Go there before you get there. Imagine yourself with your Father (in Heaven) and then... here comes a little bird to ask a simple question:

"Christian! Looking back on your brief life (our lives were like grass), but looking back and recalling all things that happened, what would you say, more than anything else, happened to you that you are most thankful for?"

You ponder for only a second before answering, "It was my trials."

Even though we would be on the same page I would prompt you to tell me more.

"YES! 'It was my trials,' I say," you assure me as you quote yourself from a moment ago.
You become more and more enthusiastic as you assure me of the truth, "they were indeed my chiefest source of joy!"

Now, I look into your twinkling eyes and I notice a sparkle that wasn't there a moment ago, "Tell me more, please," I say, encouragingly.

"Our Father never promised that the love He gave would not be tested, but He was there with me every step. I heard him prompt me to ask for a stronger back instead of a lighter load. He is so faithful!" "Both the WILL -and- The Way to Accomplish HIS WILL was put into me."

Count it all joy, reckon it, think about it as your chiefest source of JOY, brethren, when you fall into (not through any fault of your own, but fall into, oopsie!) diverse and differing kinds trials, knowing this: (again, in your mind) know this: that the trial of your faith, (your God-Trust) produces Endurance. Then it's just a matter of letting YOUR God-given-Endurance *patience* have its way --no work needed, and you are perfect (matured) and complete, lacking nothing. "LACKING NOTHING."

God-Trust (faith) + Endurance (patience) == Ascendance to HIM. BOOM!

_____________________________________________

Complete change of subject (kind of):
Have you heard about how the famous sports guys are hiring sports psychologists to help them win games? I mean, the athletes have millions of bucks to spend, so why not? One of the things that I heard is that the athlete will be instructed to lay down in the middle of a very dark room, and to lay there on the floor, face up -- while the psychologist shines lights (laser show) onto the ceiling. And the athlete is told to keep his/her eyes focused on the light square in the middle.

"Do not look away from the square," comes the command.

So, there he/she is. Laying face up with eyes fixed on a light square in a dark room as hundreds of dollars are being drained from their bank accounts for this "service" (so-called). But then the light starts varying in intensity and the athlete needs to start concentrating in order to remain properly focused. But focus is their forté, so to them? It's no big deal.

That's when it starts getting more interesting. They are told to stay their eye. To focus. But way over there, in the corner of the room and still on the ceiling, are words being flashed. The athlete has to keep his/her eye focused on the center box while learning to read with their peripheral vision. Out of the corner of their eye they are given other familiar instructions about their sport of choice.

They are being trained to have a split focus, but a single mind. They are singlemindedly focused on the target center square and I'm here to tell you that the target center square is our GOD TRUST, even, and maybe especially, as it comes under trial. Count it all joy, brethren! Count it all JOY.
 
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There are things that Jesus will lead His disciples into that are not fun places to go. I know these places, well. This IS the direction that we are eventually led into, and it's quite entirely amazing, in my sights, today, to KNOW this hatred. And YES, this IS a Promise of The Gospel:

Matthew 10:22

And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.

Mark 13:13

And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.

Luke 21:17

And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake.

The first place to face this hatred, is internally. Jesus will cause you to see this, IF you are His, and you WILL experience this hatred. And when you do, you will KNOW why we face tribulations (before the world does, 1 Peter 4:17) and why we are chastised, Divinely Punished! So does Our FATHER, discipline His children!

Hebrews 12:8
But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.

Luke 14:26
If any man come to me, and hate not
his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

John 12:25
He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.

It goes downhill from there, which in Gods Eyes, is A GOOD THING, in this wicked world.

John 15:19
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

When you see or hear the snarl of hatred on the face of strangers, KNOW that God in Christ is with you. I know this snarl, well. The hatred is palpable, and very very REAL. God in Christ walking IN YOU will raise your enemies before your face. DO YOU really want to see "them" AS JESUS SAW "them"?!

1 John 3:13
Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you.

Any takers? Only God in Christ can lead into this matter. To others, HIS DOOR will be locked, shut and tight. Guaranteed.
Do I hear any cheers? No? What is being broadcast is NOT going to be received well. The "church" is way too busy pandering to the world and it's wicked ways, trying vainly and fruitlessly to sustain a wicked world that is failing and passing away.


Luke 6:26
Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets.

Now, who REALLY wants to WALK with Jesus? Anyone? No, it ain't no pretty picture. In the Gospel you WILL offend EVERY person, down to the last one, even our sweet old selves, first and foremost.

John 7:7
The world cannot hate you; but me it hateth, because I testify of it, that the works thereof are evil.

Stand to the OFFENCE of the CROSS and LIVE.

Galatians 5:11
And I, brethren, if I yet preach circumcision, why do I yet suffer persecution? then is the offence of the cross ceased.

Matthew 11:6
And blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me.

IF Jesus ain't insulted you today, you ain't living. This I've learned, there are reasons that Paul DIED, daily. May we all be thusly, Seeded.
Believers get very angry at me for pointing to the fact that "our sin" is of the devil. Yes, even MINE. But, you see, it IS so. Get angry all you want. It is not you that is getting aroused and angered in the hearing. It is your enemy, to whom Gods Hatred is due, and comes upon. THERE, right there with you, is the reason for our tribulations and chastisements. 1 John 3:8.

And when you see this, you WILL in fact hate "yourself." AND LIVE. God in Christ RIDES to divide us.
 
Father in heaven, thank You for thinking good thoughts about Blake. Help him to focus on Your higher thoughts today. Empower him to obey Your Word so that he can live as an overcomer in every area of life in Jesus’ name. Amen.”
 
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