[__ Prayer __] conflict...

[Christ_empowered]

I pretty much...mind my own business, especially where I live. i have some outdoor plants, I keep them trimmed, watered, etc. i offer up a friendly wave, now and then...

and last time I was met with a grimace, so now I...stay to myself.

i just heard someone saying they're 'calling the office' (home owner's association). thing about that is...

its a mix of renters and owners, then people whose relatives own it...and I'm in the category of people who live here, parents own it. the rental % is supposed to be kept at 20%ish or lower, I think...not to be snobby, just...its a way to reduce turnover, keep things safe(r), etc. (that's my understanding, anyway...). OK, so...

I don't want to sound like I'm being victimized and I've never done anything wrong, but...I rarely even watch TV, so noise is minimal coming out of my apartment. now, a couple times, I've gotten sick (I have a sensitive stomach), and then thrown up and...not to be gross, but when I throw up, its like The Exorcist, seriously...obnoxious, maybe, but I try to turn the vent in the bathroom on, to cover up the noise. and...

-sigh- the HOA dues are always paid, on time. I was getting notes on my windshield, complaining about me "parking crooked" (I was in the white lines, but...OK), so I've been parking in the other spaces, not too far away, to avoid conflict. and...

I don't know if I -can- avoid conflict. about 1 year ago, shortly after i moved in, the upstairs people had a leak in their bathroom. apparently, they -had- to know they had it. anyway...it kept leaking, and by the time i got my parents to get the HOA involved so a plumber would come out...

it came close to damaging my/their ceiling in that area. then there were angry emails from the owner to my parents, blah blah blah....

so, i dunno. I'm (now...) labelled as "Schizophrenic," blah blah blah...I know this sounds uppity, I guess (LOL...I'm good at that, apparently...), but I honestly think I answer to Jesus, I answer to my parents, and I follow the law and the rules the HOA has (pretty straightforward...try to be an OK neighbor...), and...

-sigh- I honestly think there's social class issues, here. For instance: when I was driving a used SUV, no notes on my car. conflict, sure...no notes. my parents got a new vehicle, I ended up with their truck (not new, but low mileage, nicer), and...

notes. 1, 2, then a third that I think wasn't for me...why they put it on my windshield, no clue. and...

blah. blah. blah. people yell out about me "living off welfare!" and psych labels from back in the day, and complain about "where's the MONEY coming FROM?" and "they were supposed to get his dad fired from () !!!" and...

yeah. yeah. I -was- a wretch, when I got saved 7 years ago, I'm blessed beyond measure, I'm thankful...

I don't think I'm a -problem neighbor- in any real sense. so I"m frustrated. not angry, not paranoid...frustrated. blah.

thanks.

 

[humble soul]

sounds to me like you have legitimate complaints. In no way your fault.
in fact it makes me glad to live in a house not an apartment.
my brother lived in an apartment for over a decade and was never happy there. Noisy neigbours. Arguments and tense strata meetings.
You are being challenged in your faith.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, humble soul .

I kinda thought as much...a test or maybe just...life, with the end goal of building some Christian character or...I dunno.

there are other 'issues,' here...angry former psych 'professionals' who defrauded my family and me...plots to destroy my parents' careers...etc., etc., etc.

but...taken all together, it looks an awful lot like THE LORD has seen fit to spare and then bless both my parents and me, too...

and His work in our lives ((especially mine, it seems)) doesn't 'sit well' with some people in this area, blah blah blah...

I'm trying to turn the junk into gratitude to THE LORD for His kindness, in general and towards me, specifically. as in "he isn't working!" = I do not have to work at a job that the former psych 'pros' will turn into a punitive exercise in 'behavioral modification' (long story), etc. oh, and...i really cannot work, for a number of reasons, so...there's that. and..

'he's supposed to be in PRISON!' = Praise THE LORD that He's seen fit to spare me and redeem me, and now I even have a clean official background check (I know this, because I dropped 20 to see for myself recently).

on and on it goes. I dunno...yes, it gets tiring, and yes...blah blah blah...could be 100x worse and then some, if my enemies and (it seems) my parents' enemies had their way. -shudder-

thanks for your thoughtful reply, support, and prayers.

 

[humble soul]

in an ideal world, your parents could find better accomodation for you I guess. Is relocating out of the question?

 

[Christ_empowered]

probably. 'wherever you go, there you are.' right now, anywhere i go, i'll be a dependent, and...yeah. at least here, my parents are close by, i get to see them and they are able and willing to protect me from...well, a hostile community. ugh.

good news...they own this place. while they were looking at small houses, i got to thinking about a decent condo. my thinking was...instead of a small house, with all the upkeep, why not a cool condo? plus...safety in numbers. people harass me here sometimes, but no one's laid a hand on me. if i was out in the boondocks with all the stigma and such attached to...well...me, who's to say that someone wouldn't break in or beat me up or something? -shudder-

i guess this condo complex is...sort of a step above living in most apt. complexes in this area, but with more turnover (I think...) than a home-owning neighborhood. so, it is what is. I get the sense I made a former counselor from way back angry, somehow...don't know why, except he's a very short, bitter, venomous old man. i quit going to him when his attitude got out of control, and i guess he's (still?) angry about it? I dunno...

i get taunted, some with the same stuff as when i lived with my parents (kinda lame past a certain age, I guess, but...welcome to life with "Schizophrenia," I guess...). "he got old" and "he ain't sposed to be living off of them!" and "who does he think he is?" and "where's all the money coming from?" and...and...and...

blah blah blah. its actually somewhat -less- intense, here, than at my parents' place. one time, these people over at a neighbor's house there were yelling at me...so I turned up my MP3 player, and started walking towards their backyard fence. they got -so- loud, another neighbor turned their lights on (it was...10.30ish at night, I think...), I headed back into my parents' place, and the other neighbors talked it out with the loudmouths. I dunno.

see, this is just...frustrating. -ugh- but not really -dangerous- dangerous is...being bashed on the head with a pipe during a 'random' attack, which happened to me over 10 years ago. blah.

ugh. i should add that my parents are now, fairly recently, in the 'well to do' range for this area. they were working class intellectuals, then (to quote the locals) "rinky dink middle class, over-educated hippies," and now they're (apparently...) "fat cat intellectuals." LOL. so...

they're -not- rich, which puts some limitations on where i can live, etc., but they do have enough resources, clout so that -around here- I can have the stigma and all floating around me, but I can also have a decent, modest, nice place and more or less do as I please, within reason...

blah. I've rambled, yet again. I don't know...what to do, where to go, or...anything, really. the shrinks made me -so- obviously brain damaged back in the day, and now I'm...well, I don't know about brain damage, but I'm healthy and bright eyed and smart and normal and...

-sigh- sad thing about -my experience- with the 'helping professions' ? they never wanted to help -me- achieve -my- goals...it was all about control, punishment, labels, pain, deliberately inflicted trauma and brain damage, and...

now? now, I do believe THE LORD has seen fit to set me free from all sorts of oppression and bondage...

right smack dab in my general hometown area. ugh. --friction-- , old enemies, etc.

ok. finished, for now. thanks for your support, replies, and prayers.

 

[Christ_empowered]

ugh. me, yet again. i really think...

maybe I need the 'atypical' tranquilizer...maybe one day, by God's grace, I'll be a-OK without it...either way...

I could -really- do without all the mental health junk. and...sadly...a lot of it is junk. at the end of the day, its about power, profit, and control. blah. :-(

 

[Christ_empowered]

me, yet again.

OK, so earlier this evening, I was chilling in bed, drowsy from dinner and...

I hear this nasty spitting noise then a -BAM- ! I was afraid someone had broken my outdoor plants. It was that loud. I waited a minute, filled up water jugs for the plants (they needed water, anyway), and went outside. plants are fine, overheard some dude saying "he's nothing special, blah blah blah" (I couldn't make out the rest...) and so...

I dunno. I've heard (because they wanted me to hear) people talking about how I"m HIV+ or whatever. I dunno. I got a + result nearly 15 years ago, age 20. I'm 35 now, healthy, never had "standard medical treatment," never offered "standard medical treatment," so I'm kinda thinking...

well...God is, in fact, truly Good (note the capital G). And also...do I have it, really? Because God has seen fit to make me so -normal- now...I'm average height (I was 5'7 at age 20), no premature aging (that was supposed to be 'irreversible'), even my hair is back, thick and crazy (hair loss...also supposed to be irreversible, and my fault, for teenage DIY hair dye disasters). so...

yeah. I would want to move, but my parents own this place. plus, I like the place. I was driven out of -2- technical schools, 1 state college, 1 urban area (that went with the state college), 1 small town, my hometown, and now...

maybe I need to stay put? My parents are only 15 minutes away, I visit them often, they sometimes come here. I have what I need + a lil bit extra.

oh, and I was bullied at my volunteer job. i do, sometime...hear voices...but I can spot those, its hard to describe...its less and less frequent for me to experience that, and I can spot "that's my mind, replaying junk" vs "that's a real, live bully..."

and these were real, live bullies. hiv-status stuff, drug use stuff from way back, blah blah blah. I dunno...its...frustrating, trust me. I kinda don't want to go back. I like helping a non-profit, but...I left, an hour early, and one of the other volunteers made a face of disgust. what to do? is it really...I don't know, I don't know...its not fear, this time, its more like...

why go out and be bullied, when I can stay here or do...something, anything...and not be stuck there, being bullied?

ok. I'll pray on it...I've taken to praying for His perfect will for me...maybe some of this conflict and friction is somehow going to help me see what work He has for me to do? i dunno.

thanks.