Daughters boyfriend living with us

[jen.llz]

My daughter is 18 and her boyfriend is 20. They have been together 18months. I’ve always known him and his family through our church however is parents have spilt up (his father has been abusive to his mother for years) He doesn’t get on well with his dad and hates how he treats his mum. He had been living with his mum but just recently his mum has went back (again!) to his dad. She’s left him so many times over the years.! So he has nowhere to go and we are letting him stay here until something else gets sorted. I feel we can’t just turn our backs on him and living with us he is seeing what a family can be like, no abuse. We all love and respect each other. I know the situation is not ideal but what do I do? I don’t feel I can kick him out. My older (christian) brother thinks I should make him move out and he shouldn’t be staying with us. I just don’t know what’s right. I feel we need to show him love and be here for him until he either feels he can go home or finds somewhere else. Is it really wrong what we are doing? It’s not going to be permanent. My brother is making me feel really bad!

 

[Hidden In Him]

My daughter is 18 and her boyfriend is 20. They have been together 18months. I’ve always known him and his family through our church however is parents have spilt up (his father has been abusive to his mother for years) He doesn’t get on well with his dad and hates how he treats his mum. He had been living with his mum but just recently his mum has went back (again!) to his dad. She’s left him so many times over the years.! So he has nowhere to go and we are letting him stay here until something else gets sorted. I feel we can’t just turn our backs on him and living with us he is seeing what a family can be like, no abuse. We all love and respect each other. I know the situation is not ideal but what do I do? I don’t feel I can kick him out. My older (christian) brother thinks I should make him move out and he shouldn’t be staying with us. I just don’t know what’s right. I feel we need to show him love and be here for him until he either feels he can go home or finds somewhere else. Is it really wrong what we are doing? It’s not going to be permanent. My brother is making me feel really bad!

Well, my answer here is going to be that this is a situation where you need the leading of the Holy Spirit, and day by day because things can change. Forgive me if I am assuming something incorrectly, but I am guessing there is already a certain amount of sexual intimacy, yes? If so, have they discussed marriage at all?

Blessings in Christ, and welcome to our forum.
Hidden In Him

 

[GodsGrace]

My daughter is 18 and her boyfriend is 20. They have been together 18months. I’ve always known him and his family through our church however is parents have spilt up (his father has been abusive to his mother for years) He doesn’t get on well with his dad and hates how he treats his mum. He had been living with his mum but just recently his mum has went back (again!) to his dad. She’s left him so many times over the years.! So he has nowhere to go and we are letting him stay here until something else gets sorted. I feel we can’t just turn our backs on him and living with us he is seeing what a family can be like, no abuse. We all love and respect each other. I know the situation is not ideal but what do I do? I don’t feel I can kick him out. My older (christian) brother thinks I should make him move out and he shouldn’t be staying with us. I just don’t know what’s right. I feel we need to show him love and be here for him until he either feels he can go home or finds somewhere else. Is it really wrong what we are doing? It’s not going to be permanent. My brother is making me feel really bad!

He belongs at home with his own family.
YOU are not his family.
He has to come to terms with his situation and might ask for help.
A long term living arrangement with your family will not work out in the end.
Are you willing to keep him with you forever?
I doubt it.
Let him go home.

 

[Who Me]

I just don’t know what’s right

There are a number of issues here.
1st is the sleeping arrangements. He has his own room.
If not he has to leave. No sex out side of marriage is the rule .

What is he doing, at school/college or working?
If working is he paying rent, if at school who pays his fees etc.

He attends church with you, is involved in the youth work?

What are his parents views?
Have you talked to your pastor about this and what help, other lodgings can the church offer?
What help has the church offered to his mother, what, if any, counselling is available to his father.

 

[Knotical]

Has the leadership of the church been notified? Your pastor and elders should be involved at this point as they have a member of their church who does not have his house in order and needs Godly help/counseling to get things sorted out.

 

[Corbin]

Your kindness in helping this young man reflects Christ’s love. Have you considered discussing your concerns with a trusted church leader to find the best way to support him while addressing your family's needs?