[__ Prayer __] Dealing with the anger

[AngelsAmongstUs]

If you've read my previous posts, you'll remember the narcissistic abuse and PTSD I've mentioned.

I'll get some flack for this, but sometimes I check social media profiles of the people involved (yes, I know I shouldn't, it's an unhealthy compulsion that I'm working on righting), and it pains me when they're posting about how amazing their lives are, etc, etc, etc. Or cracking the same vulgar jokes or posting porn, laughing along with their friends. I guess I just want them to feel what I've felt and still sometimes feel. Who's to say they're being honest and totally straightforward about their carefree lives, but still.

It pains me that society doesn't bother to dig deeper into these people's private rottenness while more and more victims are being created. I'm no saint, but I absolutely did not ask for any of what happened to me.

I have an anger problem. It sometimes feels like I want to wrap my hands around their throats and scream, "Wake up! Stop what you're doing to people, stop exploiting the vulnerable and the weak, see what you truly are!" And as for their "fans"... Don't even get me started. You know how it is; if you're someone's friend and they haven't been totally straightforward with you, naturally you're going to believe their side of the story when it comes out about what they've done in the past, and they'll dog on the one who's already feeling damaged enough.

I know that at heart I'm a kind person who detests violence (physical or otherwise), that I can't stand conflict, that I don't want to walk around with hatred in my heart. It all goes against Jesus's teachings. But what can I do? Perhaps I'm envious of those people's fame, money, popularity... I have no need to be, I have enough of what I need.

But I still feel like punching walls and people and I'm not sure how to handle it. And I'm a sinner like everybody else, but at least I don't sit in Church with a straight face while, just the night previously, I drank myself silly and groped a woman against her will; I don't go to Church every Sunday while I'm juggling two women and my kids teach Sunday school; I don't take advantage of someone who, for professional reasons, opened her home to me by luring her into bed every night while my wife is thousands of kilometers away, blissfully awaiting my return.

Maybe I'm just ranting right now because I have nobody to talk to. At least I've been better these past few days thanks to new medication and all the prayer sent out to me, in spite of the hardships at home. I guess I just need a friend. Maybe to post here more. Thanks in particular to Christ_empowered and Eugene for always responding when I post. All prayers appreciated, as always. Blessings to all.

 

[Eugene]

.
Good morning sister in Christ @AngelsAmongstUs. Part of God's work in us is bringing forth truth to our lives, and we will soon become aware of comparisons such as you expressed that "you are a sinner like everybody" else." That becomes a revelation many never come to and they go through life thinking all is well.

Php 2:3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. When we come to this knowledge we can become servants of love to our brethren without dissemination, or broadcasting their faults; we're just as bad if I'm stating it correctly.

Consider the following situation.
http://christianforums.net/Fellowship/index.php?threads/forgiving-someone-you-hate.53686/

 

[Wrg1405]

If you've read my previous posts, you'll remember the narcissistic abuse and PTSD I've mentioned.

I'll get some flack for this, but sometimes I check social media profiles of the people involved (yes, I know I shouldn't, it's an unhealthy compulsion that I'm working on righting), and it pains me when they're posting about how amazing their lives are, etc, etc, etc. Or cracking the same vulgar jokes or posting porn, laughing along with their friends. I guess I just want them to feel what I've felt and still sometimes feel. Who's to say they're being honest and totally straightforward about their carefree lives, but still.

It pains me that society doesn't bother to dig deeper into these people's private rottenness while more and more victims are being created. I'm no saint, but I absolutely did not ask for any of what happened to me.

I have an anger problem. It sometimes feels like I want to wrap my hands around their throats and scream, "Wake up! Stop what you're doing to people, stop exploiting the vulnerable and the weak, see what you truly are!" And as for their "fans"... Don't even get me started. You know how it is; if you're someone's friend and they haven't been totally straightforward with you, naturally you're going to believe their side of the story when it comes out about what they've done in the past, and they'll dog on the one who's already feeling damaged enough.

I know that at heart I'm a kind person who detests violence (physical or otherwise), that I can't stand conflict, that I don't want to walk around with hatred in my heart. It all goes against Jesus's teachings. But what can I do? Perhaps I'm envious of those people's fame, money, popularity... I have no need to be, I have enough of what I need.

But I still feel like punching walls and people and I'm not sure how to handle it. And I'm a sinner like everybody else, but at least I don't sit in Church with a straight face while, just the night previously, I drank myself silly and groped a woman against her will; I don't go to Church every Sunday while I'm juggling two women and my kids teach Sunday school; I don't take advantage of someone who, for professional reasons, opened her home to me by luring her into bed every night while my wife is thousands of kilometers away, blissfully awaiting my return.

Maybe I'm just ranting right now because I have nobody to talk to. At least I've been better these past few days thanks to new medication and all the prayer sent out to me, in spite of the hardships at home. I guess I just need a friend. Maybe to post here more. Thanks in particular to Christ_empowered and Eugene for always responding when I post. All prayers appreciated, as always. Blessings to all.

Hi precious sister.

I must admit that I have not read your previous posts, I've read this one now.
All of us have something we struggle with and that we truly hate that it's part of us.

Eugene is right, when we come to the realisation that we are sinners then God is doing something. The Holy Spirit is working in us and all God wants is for us to be willing to co-operate. When we do that he says "Right let us work at this" notice US, it's a partnership. It's a partnership between you and him, furthermore between you and me, you and Eugene, you and Christ_empowered. We are all the family of God and Jesus said

Matthew 22:36-40
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

And as Paul puts it

Galatians 5:13-14

For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Just on a side note think about a certain disciple/apostle called Peter. As angry hot head, shoots from the hip, mouth engages before his brain fully proecesses, falls out with fellow apostle Paul. Look what Jesus did with him.

Now you haven't seen Jesus in the flesh. Peter had. So Peter having seen him, and we see what he did with him just think how much more he can do with you who hasn't seen him.

John 20:29

Jesus said to him, “Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

You my precious sister is a sinner, I'm a sinner, we are sinners. We have that in common. We also have something else in common. We are sinners saved by grace and not works, we are children of God who looks upon as his children, we have a Father in heaven who has many children. That being the case we are family. Called to love each other.

So rant away, talk to us. Hopefully over time you wil come to trust us.

Before I sign off though I just want to send a prayer up for you.

Heavenly Father thank you for our precious sister and that you have bought her to this on-line family. May she relax with us and settle in with us. I pray for wisdom and your love to be present in all communications.

I do pray for a friend, a physical friend. Place someone in her life who will walk alongside her. Someone filled with your wisdom, knowledge and love.

 

[Christ_empowered]

sorry I didn't respond sooner. I couldn't think of anything to say for a little while there, honestly.

I've been messed over, too. Oddly enough, I was messed over by the "mental health professionals," so for a loooong time there, I was a burned out, wanna be 70s style antipsychiatry dewd, filled with impotent rage and basically broken and desperate.

The Lord has moved mightily in my life to get me to see that I need to forgive, big time. I thought of myself as Mr.Nice Guy, easy going, forgiving, all that. Maybe on the surface, sure. Inside, I was an unrepentan wretch like anybody else, and getting saved changed a lot, but...its still a life long thing, this walk with The Lord.

I read some CS Lewis for a class once in which he basically said that baby Christians think they/we have it all down, and then we have to reach up to The Lord to get what we need to do what we're called to do. Its funny...I read that, and I was thinking "I'm so humble and far beyond that!," and now I'm praying to God to provide me what I need to forgive 7x70, etc.

I'm just making convo, I guess. I get a lot of where you're coming from, and I'm still in a somewhat similar situation, so...l don't have a whole lot in the way of sage advice or insight. Just personal experiences and such.

I'll keep you up in prayer.