[__ Prayer __] Ugh 😑 adult bullying

[Christ_empowered]

I think part of my problem with bullying now…I’m 40…

Is that I always imagined an end to it. Truth?!? It gets worse and not just for me.

So it’s actually relatively minor but…annoying which is probably the point lol

I’m 40 schizophrenic and living a modest normal life which is something of a miracle in and of itself. And…

I dunno I’m less emo about it and not over thinking it as much but…

Yesterday and again today some man was yelling about my old psych labels saying I have a severe personality disorder and I had my opportunity and…?

I don’t know this dude. I’m already sick of psych stuff to be honest but I keep up with my appointments etc and…

Life goes on basically. I read that people with schizophrenia are labeled with personality disorders especially by doctors who don’t care….

Which would be pretty much every shrink I’ve ever encountered. Even recently my current counselor…I only see him every 8 weeks…

Said some doctors who treated me should lose their licenses?!?! I didn’t press him for details but…

Yeah. So…ramble ramble…it gets rough when I’ve got this new life in Christ and I’m literally just going to my car to go run some errands and some man is yelling out psych labels from 20 years ago and…

Ugh another frustrating thing? Antipsychiatry is a dead end too lol Jesus Christ is The Great Physician and He’s done a mighty work in my life over the past 12-15 years or so.

One problem? A lot of Christs restorative work in my life has involved making me whole…flaws and all…

Despite the shrinks and others in the so called helping professions. What does that tell you?!?

Frustrating…

But I’m looking out my window at a nice view and my plants are doing well and I’m healthy and my parents are healthy and…

Overall Christ has brought me so far that I can let gratitude override frustration from adult bullying. It’s just frustrating and I get this feeling that some people really think that if they say I have abc then I should know my place or they should be able to control me or…

Ugh real world yet again.

Thanks!

 

[Juliarod]

I think part of my problem with bullying now…I’m 40…

Is that I always imagined an end to it. Truth?!? It gets worse and not just for me.

So it’s actually relatively minor but…annoying which is probably the point lol

I’m 40 schizophrenic and living a modest normal life which is something of a miracle in and of itself. And…

I dunno I’m less emo about it and not over thinking it as much but…

Yesterday and again today some man was yelling about my old psych labels saying I have a severe personality disorder and I had my opportunity and…?

I don’t know this dude. I’m already sick of psych stuff to be honest but I keep up with my appointments etc and…

Life goes on basically. I read that people with schizophrenia are labeled with personality disorders especially by doctors who don’t care….

Which would be pretty much every shrink I’ve ever encountered. Even recently my current counselor…I only see him every 8 weeks…

Said some doctors who treated me should lose their licenses?!?! I didn’t press him for details but…

Yeah. So…ramble ramble…it gets rough when I’ve got this new life in Christ and I’m literally just going to my car to go run some errands and some man is yelling out psych labels from 20 years ago and…

Ugh another frustrating thing? Antipsychiatry is a dead end too lol Jesus Christ is The Great Physician and He’s done a mighty work in my life over the past 12-15 years or so.

One problem? A lot of Christs restorative work in my life has involved making me whole…flaws and all…

Despite the shrinks and others in the so called helping professions. What does that tell you?!?Brother

Frustrating…

But I’m looking out my window at a nice view and my plants are doing well and I’m healthy and my parents are healthy and…

Overall Christ has brought me so far that I can let gratitude override frustration from adult bullying. It’s just frustrating and I get this feeling that some people really think that if they say I have abc then I should know my place or they should be able to control me or…

Ugh real world yet again.

Thanks!

Brother! First of all, I am so grateful all the amazing work the Lord has done in your life, the restoration and healing which I know is always ongoing. I am so sorry for the continued bullying by this man and any others that the Enemy might send your way. You are covered under the abundant power of the blood of Christ and His sacrifice for you. Your sins are forgiven. You are redeemed and the Enemy has no authority in your life anymore. May the Lord shut this man up and bring more peace and support to your life. May you radiate that love and may others come to Christ through your amazing testimony. Stay encouraged, brother! Amen

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thank you

It’s been rough at times lol I’m dealing with it better in Christ.

 

[Juliarod]

Thank you

It’s been rough at times lol I’m dealing with it better in Christ.

remember you are not alone. We are here for you!

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thank you

I’m a pariah in my community. It’s partly my shady pre Jesus past and also my schizophrenia and also…

Honestly?!?! I wouldn’t go so far as to call it persecution but God’s work in this world is always met with opposition. God has done some great things for my family and me. These great things seem to fuel some of the contempt that people have for me and I think for my parents too….

They never told me a lot about their experiences but I sensed that their social lives were more difficult after they got big promotions. Weird? Or normal? I dunno

Oh and I’m healthy despite having never been given treatment for hiv. Long story but it’s been nearly 20 years since the back positive and I was already burned out and…

No treatment. Healthy. Not burnt out. God is Good

But people?!? Oh man

 

[Christ_empowered]

Continues today. I live in a condo/apartment complex community. It’s easy to yell things out and people can’t see you. Ugh I sound crazy . But…

Not too long ago I came home and some cigarettes were on my front porch area. They’d been put out but I could tell the brand. Came in and my place reeked. Thankfully I have an air purifier. Cranked that up to max lol

It’s actually a decent neighborhood. I’m not wanted here it seems but in general it’s quite modest but pleasant. My building even has its own garden area.

So….im beginning to suspect that the bullying may never end. People say I wasted my life but really…

Ugh of course the story is more complicated. Truth is not an issue for people in and of the world especially when dealing with low social status people. And…

I remember my mother telling me that shrinks ruined my life. That was over 10 years ago now and…????

The labels are permanent and they add up. Now it’s severe personality disorder and schizophrenia and pills and…blah blah blah . Thing is….

I’m getting sick of the whole thing but it appears to be part of my lot in life. I’m living a modest but comfortable lifestyle as a high functioning schizophrenic….

When really I’m a born again child of God who was spared death itself from treatment and brought out of darkness after conversion.

Ugh beats poverty. I just…don’t know how to deal with the taunts? It’s been off and on since 2 am…

 

[Christ_empowered]

Some Christians speak of a deep loneliness that happens in their walks. I…get it, I think.

Lots of people are lonely and many are alone. This is not a pity party . I’m saying…

In Christ I went from being a patched together burned out weakling to being made increasingly whole. I am increasingly grateful .

I have a 145-150 iq. I have good social skills. I’m healthy. I’m not effeminate. I even write well when I put my mind to it. And…

On a good day the world says he’s schizophrenic; he’d be in the state hospital if it wasn’t for his family. And…

My real conflict isn’t so much with the mental health industry per se as it is with a world that seems dead set on controlling and destroying me, on bringing up who I was not too long ago, on ripping me to shreds again and again…

And it’s frustrating lol I don’t know many people. I never was a social butterfly . I moved back here the first time tail end of 19 years old and I was apparently expected to be dead in a couple of years. How’s that for ripped to shreds?!??

Now I’m…restored? Redeemed??…and people I don’t know are talking about guardianship conservatorship taking me off disability who’s paying for this apartment? Etc etc etc….

And who really truly cares? Jesus Christ…cast your cares on Him for He cares about you!

Not that other people don’t care but they have limits. My parents care about me thank God but I don’t talk much about the taunts etc because they see a schizophrenic who needs help and maybe a sedative lol .

Our struggle is not against flesh and blood but rather against powers and principalities…

Somehow I ended up in Christs side. He has overcome the world! I’m thankful and yet…

At 40 years old I’m more normal and healthy than ever but more distant from the world around me than ever before. It isn’t moral superiority or a deliberate retreat on my part but rather…

I dunno it is what it is.

The taunting continued today and I dealt with it ok if I do say so myself. God is Good. God is Love.

Rambling…

Thanks for reading

 

[Christ_empowered]

Taunting at 11 and 2 and 3 and 5 and 8 in the morning lol

Some people don’t want me here. My apartment is clean. I stay to myself. But psych records a misdemeanor conviction and expunged arrests…

Make for a bumpy ride. Oh well.

I’m trying to focus more on Jesus Christ and His Goodness vs me and or my little corner of the world . And…

I do worry at times. My parents have resources to a point but they’ve not rich…

And they’ve been retired for a while now. Mama has dropped occasional clues that transitioning from work to retirement is sometimes difficult…

Even with resources they no longer work and they’re also older. I cannot work but realistically…

In my case I suspect that it was my parents deciding that I needed disability that got me disability. It shouldn’t be that way but if they hadn’t been promoted etc…

I’d probably be homeless.

My parents own my place. They were able to buy it outright no mortgage. That was before…just barely before…rents went crazy and property prices went up and up then down and up and…

Yeah

It’s modest nice comfortable and has a nice view. I do wish people would back off.

Ugh I don’t want to end up in a group home or institution or…

On and on and on. I don’t get why it never ends? I went to a newer convenience store place to get a coffee drink and it was…intense. I’m a non entity at best. At first I thought it was nothing personal then I got out into the parking lot and comments and…

Yeah.

Please pray I’m safe my parents are doing well it’s just…confusing me, that’s all…

 

[Christ_empowered]

Me again.

I’m getting less emo about it lol still confused?!

God is Good. People…ugh. It’s not that I want everyone to be super nice and such just…I keep a low profile I got a plea bargain and completed probation over 8 years ago and…

Maybe it’s just the frequency of bad comments etc that gets to me. This is a small growing southern city . Even my hometown is growing…it’s basically doubled in size new people etc. and so…

Confused

I’m not sure that mental patients are ever really members of the community or society really but…

I dunno maybe part of my problem is that I thought that somehow things would change? I’m an outcast. I was a pariah when I got truly saved 12 years ago….

And now it’s more of the same pushback even though I’ve been changed in Christ.

This might actually be the normal state of things for me. I’ll pray to bear up under it better and show Christ.

This is minor vs what could be expected and vs what many people go through….

I think it’s just weird that I hardly know anyone keep a low profile and yet…

Ugh. Happens. Thanks