In the past, I have shared with a number of you here my husband's and my own personal issues with his father. Last year after a year of living off of us and watching us sink....we helped him move in with his ex-wife, my mother-in-law, as he was a truly negative influence on our household during my pregnancy with our son. Our hearts are still healing from the damages done....as well as the manner in which he looked at the oncoming arrival of our now beautiful nearly 8 month old boy.
Yesterday....we recieved a call from a homeless shelter from a Mr. Burreson....which we knew could only be one person....my hubby's father. My husband....I had never seen so conflicted with pain, anger, disappointment, and uncertainty as to how to approach another individual.
Please....before saying anything keep these things in mind:
My husband's father was never around him growing up and would frequently neglect him for a date with other ladies as my husband was growing up and trying to get to know him.....
My father-in-law also never was there for any of my mother-in-law's pregnancies. So...more or less my father-in-law had little to no role in his own children's lives from day one....he, himself told me this....
My father-in-law wanted to die in our home. He had even considered suicide after we gave him a roof and tried to help him get his life back together after his second divorce.....we wanted very much to have a relationship with him, but he clearly did not want one with us....his life...had just become too much for him. (We did call the suicide hotline...and they said unless he was an immediate danger to himself or others there was nothing they could do. In other words, they did nothing. I have already called them, as well as e-mailed them telling them what I think of their ignorance in this situation. We also tried to contact mental health services to get him some help....but again...they were of no help to us as they told us they cannot help someone who does not want to help himself.)
The final straw for us came....when we asked him how he was going to handle our son....his response. "I will just have to put up with it...." He spoke as if his grandson was a curse...not the blessing he was that my husband and I waited four years for.
We do not know why he is trying to get in contact with us....it could be for what little of his things we have....maybe even forgiveness....or perhaps to ask us to take him back in....we do not know. All we know is that we are still hurting.....and that if he asks for forgiveness we will try to give it. However, we have decided that because he is so unwilling to help himself....we do not want to run the risk of our son's future again in order to help him. He may be able to visit...but we are not going to want him living with us again after taking advantage of both of us, and also his ex wife who out of the kindness of her heart took him in when we could not afford to have him jobless and suicidal in our home anymore.
At the same time....we are dealing with the possible decision of moving as living close to my parents has only brought us more discomfort as they tend to take advantage of me. As much as I love them...my husband's and my relationship with one another suffers for it. As does our time spent alone with our son....so I ask we are kept in your thoughts and prayers along with my parents, my husband's parents....as this all involves us all.... Just ask God to guide our hearts in the decisions ahead of us.
Yesterday....we recieved a call from a homeless shelter from a Mr. Burreson....which we knew could only be one person....my hubby's father. My husband....I had never seen so conflicted with pain, anger, disappointment, and uncertainty as to how to approach another individual.
Please....before saying anything keep these things in mind:
My husband's father was never around him growing up and would frequently neglect him for a date with other ladies as my husband was growing up and trying to get to know him.....
My father-in-law also never was there for any of my mother-in-law's pregnancies. So...more or less my father-in-law had little to no role in his own children's lives from day one....he, himself told me this....
My father-in-law wanted to die in our home. He had even considered suicide after we gave him a roof and tried to help him get his life back together after his second divorce.....we wanted very much to have a relationship with him, but he clearly did not want one with us....his life...had just become too much for him. (We did call the suicide hotline...and they said unless he was an immediate danger to himself or others there was nothing they could do. In other words, they did nothing. I have already called them, as well as e-mailed them telling them what I think of their ignorance in this situation. We also tried to contact mental health services to get him some help....but again...they were of no help to us as they told us they cannot help someone who does not want to help himself.)
The final straw for us came....when we asked him how he was going to handle our son....his response. "I will just have to put up with it...." He spoke as if his grandson was a curse...not the blessing he was that my husband and I waited four years for.
We do not know why he is trying to get in contact with us....it could be for what little of his things we have....maybe even forgiveness....or perhaps to ask us to take him back in....we do not know. All we know is that we are still hurting.....and that if he asks for forgiveness we will try to give it. However, we have decided that because he is so unwilling to help himself....we do not want to run the risk of our son's future again in order to help him. He may be able to visit...but we are not going to want him living with us again after taking advantage of both of us, and also his ex wife who out of the kindness of her heart took him in when we could not afford to have him jobless and suicidal in our home anymore.
At the same time....we are dealing with the possible decision of moving as living close to my parents has only brought us more discomfort as they tend to take advantage of me. As much as I love them...my husband's and my relationship with one another suffers for it. As does our time spent alone with our son....so I ask we are kept in your thoughts and prayers along with my parents, my husband's parents....as this all involves us all.... Just ask God to guide our hearts in the decisions ahead of us.
