[__ Prayer __] die to be born again

[Christ_empowered]

I've been thinking on that part of the Christian experience, and...its interesting. At the time, The Roman Empire had already been hit with various mystery cults that had somewhat similar beliefs (regarding dying to be born again) in pursuit of salvation, etc. Growing up, I was more intrigued by mythology and such than by Christianity, so I thought about it sometimes....what it'd be like to die and be born again, as someone new.

Well, by a miracle, I got saved 4 1/2 years ago. Now...I'm different, inside and out. I'm actually becoming genuinely thankful, which is huge. I was homely as a teenager, then straight up ugly at times, then way too androgynous-looking pretty for a lil while and...blah blah blah. Various mainfestations of ill-health, I guess (?). I'm blessed that The Lord spared me and saw me thru.

Now, I'm healthy. I'm smart. I'm smart to the point that even my IQ estimate is good now. That's strange, because now...I realize that IQ isn't that important. Psychiatry is kinda lame. And yet...I am thankful to be smart...I just don't put near as much faith in mental health, inc. or the sacred IQ scale.

I just...I really need to be more genuinely thankful and appreciative. At 23, when I had my nervous breakdown and I was given more shock "treatments" and a disastrous brain operation, it had been party over for a while. Scarred follicles (that=NO regrowth, btw), rotting teeth, brain damage, tics, all kindsa problems, apparently cancer or some other life-ending malady. No, not making this up.

Now...I have "too much hair," apparently. My teeth are good to go. I'm smart, no tics, remarkably healthy all over and....I'm completely different. God is good!

Thing is, it is kinda sorta bitter sweet, I guess. I'm healthy, normal, whole...flawed, prone to sins and such, but...whole, for once...and that's a huge blessing. But that other dewd, who was me/who I was? Yeah, he's dead now. That's....crazy, to me. Kinda sad, maybe. Jesus says, somewhere in the NT, that whatever you give up to follow Him...you'll get more in The Kingdom of God. I think about it now and then, and what did I give up, really? Problems? Misery? Childish daydreams? Naivete, perhaps innocence?

I was a homely loser from a working class background. Now, I'm a "mental patient, from an upper class family." God has blessed me, through and through. Maybe I'm just strangely sad because there really wasn't any place in the world for me as who I was, even before I messed up big time? And now...I mean, I'm in the world but not of it. With all my labels and stigma and such, I may never have a j-o-b. I may end up writing and see if that'll pay off. I sure hope so. Anyway, I get to live in peace, comfort, safety and...I'm thankful. I am, really. I just sometimes think about who I was and everything and...I dunno. Sometimes, I feel like he died, and no one cared.

Anyway, I Praise God for His work in my life.

 

[Eugene]

I may end up writing and see if that'll pay off.

I would think not if you repeat the identical story in ten different ways. Of course the list of Star Trek movies continues, and I wouldn't turn down the money they have netted.

I just sometimes think about who I was and everything and...I dunno. Sometimes, I feel like he died, and no one cared.

Jesus cared; it was Him in the reconstruction business concerning your past life and its need. He now presents you to the world as the righteousness of God in Him. Different? I sure hope so!