Difficult wives

[Pizzaguy]

It's about the unlucky husband who has to deal with a difficult wife.

And I tried to turn it into being about FINDING a wife, over 50, who won't act like she's out to destroy the relationship before we are even MARRIED!

Sorry if I sound cynical or something... but I treat women very well and I don't think I should be forced to "eat crap" just to have a wife.
But some say I am ignorant and don't understand that "all women" treat their husbands poorly.

I just don't believe that.... My Mom never talked like that to Dad - and he's the model I use for how to treat women - Dad was very respectful to Mom, even when she was not around, he NEVER made ANY negative remarks about her.

 

[reba]

This song is a better fit....
When I became of age my mother called me to her side,
She said,"Son, you're growing up now pretty soon you'll take a bride.
And then she said, "Just because you've become a young man now,
There's still somethings that you don't understand now,
Before you ask some girl for her hand now
Keep your freedom for as long as you can now."

My mama told me, "You better shop around, (shop, shop)
Oh yeah, you better shop around." (shop, shop around)

Aha, got some things that I want you to know now.
Just as sure as the winds gonna blow now
The women come and the women gonna go now
Before you tell em that you love em so now.

My mama told me, "You better shop around, (shop, shop)
Oh yeah, you better shop around." (shop, shop around)

A try to get yourself a bargain son.
Don't be sold on the very first one.
A pretty girls come a dime a dozen,
A try to find one who's gonna give you true lovin'

Before you take a girl and say I do, now,
Make sure she's in love with-a you now.
My mama told me, "You better shop around."

[Instrumental]

Ooh yeah, you try to get yourself a bargain son.
Don't be sold on the very first one.
A pretty girls come a dime a dozen,
I gotta find one who's gonna give you true lovin'.

Before you take a girl and say I do, now,
Make sure she's in love with you now.
Make sure that her love is true now.
I hate to see you feelin' sad and blue now."

My mama told me, "You better shop around (shop, shop)
Aha, Don't let the first one get you
Oh no cause I don't want to see her with you
Aha, Before you let her hold you tight, ah yeah yeah make sure shes alright
Before you let her take your hand my son
Understand my son, be a man my son I know you can my son <!-- end of lyrics -->

 

[Tony Hyman]

Was this thread about unscriptural divorce and adultery? I thought it was just about dating. Maybe I misunderstood something.

Obediah I was merel looking at one of the causes of being single in the first place.There could be many reasons why people find themselves single after a relationship or lawful marriage some through unseen unfortunate circumstances which the Lord no doupt understands .What I was trying to convey is that we should under normal marital hurly burly circumstances 'work hard on understanding and listening to each other in a partnership to make it work, and not fall the easy way out ,everytime we disagree and walk away as Satan presents his alternative temptations.I for one am no angel when it comes to losing my cool when things dont go my way.But I pray to God for His forgiveness and help me maintain self-control when living with my faithful wife.Our marrage has not been a easy ride all the way these past 38 yrs .But praise the Lord we can enjoy the fruits of 4 children and grandchildren as God intended our lives to be.I hope I now make some sort of sense in terms of this thread prtaining to traits in relation to difficult wives.Oh! and dont forget the mother in law ;if she is still around.

 

[Obadiah]

What I was trying to convey is that we should under normal marital hurly burly circumstances work hard on understanding and listening to each other in a prtnership to make it work, and not fall the easy way out ,everytime we disagree and walk away as Satan presents his alternative temptations.

Oh! and dont forget the mother in law ;if she is still around.

I was so lucky to get a mother in law that I truly like and respect!

 

[handy]

One thing I would like to mention here, just to put in the is that I found a lot of difficulties finding decent men to date once I got into my 30's. There simply were not that many truly decent, godly, intelligent, emotionally stable, responsible men to date when I was in my 30's. The best dating partner I had in my 30's was when I was dating a guy who was 22... and while it might be socially acceptable for a guy to date a woman that much younger than him, believe me, it's not for a woman to date a guy that much younger. Fun while it lasted, but it was pretty clear that there wasn't much of a future for us...just too many social hardships that neither he nor I were all that willing to buck up against.

I don't think the issue is women, or men... it's just sort of the way life goes. Most people pair up in their 20's... by the 30's most people with solid character and good qualities are already married. It's not that there aren't any decent people once past 35 or so... just that they are far fewer and further between and harder to find.

I'm thankful that God brought Steve into my life. Between the time I was 28 and broke up with my first fiance and the time I met Steve, 9 years later, I rarely dated... and the few that I did date, most didn't warrant a second thought. Really, now that I think on it, only the "kid" did.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Part of the issue is learning not to have short fuse. Of course, it can be dressed up in a number of alternative ways.

As true as that is--and absolutely required as a Christian--it does not change the situation. But you are absolutely right. To borrow the cliche and overused (antique, lol) phrase, short or non-existent fuses need not apply.

The psychology driving the phenomenon is deep...very deep. (Okay, two words in one sentence that spell check nailed me to the wall on, lol.)

 

[Jethro Bodine]

It's about the unlucky husband who has to deal with a difficult wife.

And I tried to turn it into being about FINDING a wife, over 50, who won't act like she's out to destroy the relationship before we are even MARRIED!

Ah, the wisdom of being fifty and over...you realize that BEFORE you commit to the relationship. Perhaps you can take some comfort in that(?)

Sorry if I sound cynical or something... but I treat women very well and I don't think I should be forced to "eat crap" just to have a wife.

I know you're trying to be polite, but, IMO, you don't have to apologize. It's a very real problem.

...some say I am ignorant and don't understand that "all women" treat their husbands poorly.

...or that YOU'RE really the problem.

My Mom never talked like that to Dad - and he's the model I use for how to treat women - Dad was very respectful to Mom, even when she was not around, he NEVER made ANY negative remarks about her.

Ditto for me.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

What I was trying to convey is that we should under normal marital hurly burly circumstances 'work hard on understanding and listening to each other in a partnership to make it work...

'Partnership'. But we're talking about a situation where there is no partnering and sharing of, and working through, godly marital goals.

One of the hardest things to accept is realizing there is nothing just one person can do in a situation like this. Contrary to what many people will tell you, marriage is a two way street. It takes two people cooperating together to make a good marriage, not one, no matter how dedicated to God the one is. Thus the problem with the scenario in the OP.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

One thing I would like to mention here, just to put in the is that I found a lot of difficulties finding decent men to date once I got into my 30's. There simply were not that many truly decent, godly, intelligent, emotionally stable, responsible men to date when I was in my 30's.

And no honest Christian would argue with you (remember this is the world we're talking about here, lol). But were they 'difficult'? You know, irrational, unreasonable, combative, unfair, contentious, provocative...

The best dating partner I had in my 30's was when I was dating a guy who was 22... and while it might be socially acceptable for a guy to date a woman that much younger than him, believe me, it's not for a woman to date a guy that much younger. Fun while it lasted, but it was pretty clear that there wasn't much of a future for us...just too many social hardships that neither he nor I were all that willing to buck up against.

Yes. I couldn't agree more. Stay in your age group, folks. It may be fun for a season, but I can see in the long run how quickly the difference in the pace of change in each person would destroy the relationship.

I don't think the issue is women, or men... it's just sort of the way life goes.

I definitely disagree. If we took the time to break down the specific behavioral traits of what's happening in the OP we'd see this is decidedly a problem primarily in women. Men have different kinds of struggles in relationships. And I could summarize them, but I've learned not to load the shot gun that will just be turned against you sooner or later. The women can spell them out in another thread I suppose. Like I said, this is a flesh problem. By nature we are wired differently. It's hormonal.


Folks, does this cynicism make my butt look big?

 

[Pizzaguy]

What I was trying to convey is that we should under normal marital hurly burly circumstances 'work hard on understanding and listening to each other in a partnership to make it work...

'Partnership'. But we're talking about a situation where there is no partnering and sharing of, and working through, godly marital goals.

One of the hardest things to accept is realizing there is nothing just one person can do in a situation like this. Contrary to what many people will tell you, marriage is a two way street. It takes two people cooperating together to make a good marriage, not one, no matter how dedicated to God the one is. Thus the problem with the scenario in the OP.

Agreed. Back in the early 90's, Mr. and Mrs. (oh, what WAS their name? Le't call them the "Potters") were celebrating 50 years together. The whole church (about 175 people, including all the little kids) were at the church for the party. At one point, a girl about my age at the time (30 or so) asked Mrs. Potter "... How DO you keep a marriage together like you two have?"

I will NEVER forget her answer - or Mr. Potter sitting behind her shaking his head "yes" - "... Well, dear, you just have to learn to overlook a lot..." The girl asking the question got all huffy and offended.

I later asked a friend's wife (about 10 years older than me) why this girl got offended. Mary responded, "Mark, she just got married last year. Mrs. Potter, in essence, told her that she had to 'let it go' and that a wife is not always right, and that trying to change her husband is NOT the way to make a good marriage. Mrs. Potter took from her all that she thought she knew about being married and labeled it 'nonsense', which it is."

When I married in 2010, I was ready to compromise, to throw my routine out the window, to work on her needs first, to laugh and love and not worry about all the little things. But LaRita had a different concept of marriage. Her way was the only way, and hurtful remarks were just how she treated everyone (even at work - someone put four screws in two of her tires for that - cost us over $475!)

I left 7 weeks after the wedding, LaRita walked out of our first counseling session the following week -after telling me and the counselor off.

Next come the lady from last month - no, I'm not taking insulting remarks, snide baloney in public around other people, the silent treatment because she disagrees with something I said, etc.
I"ll be fine alone. At least at my age - sex is less and less of a problem, the body is not programmed to reproduce at age 53! ;)

 

[Jethro Bodine]

...LaRita walked out of our first counseling session the following week -after telling me and the counselor off.

Which highlights the particularly hard thing about all this...just trying to address the situation in itself incurs the wrath of the offending party. You can't live with the problem, but you can't bring it up either because of the fallout for doing so. It's a no win. All you can do is resign yourself to the will of God and be quiet and 'entrust yourself to your faithful creator'. Which I suppose is what God wanted all along anyway.

Next come the lady from last month - no, I'm not taking insulting remarks, snide baloney in public around other people, the silent treatment because she disagrees with something I said, etc.
I"ll be fine alone. At least at my age - sex is less and less of a problem, the body is not programmed to reproduce at age 53! ;)

Yes, I'm doing more and more of my thinking above the belt buckle these days. Which I suppose is what God wanted all along anyway. (Hey, didn't I just say that, lol?)

 

[Deborah13]

Solomon says the woman "whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains" is more bitter than death (Ecclesiastes 7:26 NIV).

This is Solomon feeling sorry for himself and trying to blame all his problems on women. Very much like Adam blaming Eve.

But what does God say Solomon's problem was? Not "biological" lust for women. Solomon chose the women he chose because of who their daddys and connections were. Solomon's lust was a lust for power and wealth. Then he allowed them to do whatever to keep the peace and then allowed himself to participate in their paganism.

'I-am-the-man-of-the-house--and-you-must-submit approach to the situation?

I think we've had a thread about what this "must submit" might look like? What do you think it should look like?

 

[Deborah13]

The good, friendly, descent woman who is unattached by choice but still willing to date is rare and very hard to find.

It's interesting that you mention this. I have heard the very same thing from a woman. Only that men are very available to date but that they want more than a date without being married or the are looking for a meal ticket.

 

[handy]

Waylon Jennings & Tompall Glaser

Put another log on the fire
Cook me up some bacon and some beans
And go out to the car and change the tire
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.

Come on baby you can fill my pipe and then go fetch my slippers
And boil me up another pot of tea
Then put another log on the fire babe
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday
And don't I warn you when you're gettin' fat
Ain't I a gonna take you fishin' with me someday
Well, a man can't love a woman more than that.

Ain't I always nice to your kid sister
Don't I take her driving every night
So sit here at my feet cause I like you when you're sweet
And you know it ain't feminine to fight.

So put another log on the fire...

Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/waylo...another-log-on-the-fire-w21qbfh#ixzz2YyLTq3dz
LetsSingIt - Your favorite Music Community

Scout's honor, we played this song at our wedding reception. DJ asked about three times if Steve was serious he wanted played.

 

[reba]

Handy that is too cool

 

[farouk]

Waylon Jennings & Tompall Glaser

Put another log on the fire
Cook me up some bacon and some beans
And go out to the car and change the tire
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.

Come on baby you can fill my pipe and then go fetch my slippers
And boil me up another pot of tea
Then put another log on the fire babe
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.

Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday
And don't I warn you when you're gettin' fat
Ain't I a gonna take you fishin' with me someday
Well, a man can't love a woman more than that.

Ain't I always nice to your kid sister
Don't I take her driving every night
So sit here at my feet cause I like you when you're sweet
And you know it ain't feminine to fight.

So put another log on the fire...

Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/waylo...another-log-on-the-fire-w21qbfh#ixzz2YyLTq3dz
LetsSingIt - Your favorite Music Community

Scout's honor, we played this song at our wedding reception. DJ asked about three times if Steve was serious he wanted played.

Kind of broader than the DJ's Hallelujah Chorus repertoire...

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Solomon says the woman "whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains" is more bitter than death (Ecclesiastes 7:26 NIV).

This is Solomon feeling sorry for himself and trying to blame all his problems on women. Very much like Adam blaming Eve.

No.

Perhaps this gives a little more insight into what Solomon was driving at:

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." (Proverbs 21:9 NIV)

And apparently he thought it was worth repeating:

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." (Proverbs 25:24 NIV)

He also says:

A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm;
restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand." (Proverbs 27:15-16 NIV)

The quarrelsome 'difficult' wife is a very heavy burden to bear...a very difficult burden to restrain.

God didn't send us these scriptures to somehow blame men for the problem. He sent them so the women to whom they apply can humbly learn from them and cease being difficult. There's no reason for any woman to get defensive about them and start blaming men. Just take responsibility for not letting yourself become that difficult quarrelsome woman.

But what does God say Solomon's problem was? Not "biological" lust for women. Solomon chose the women he chose because of who their daddys and connections were. Solomon's lust was a lust for power and wealth. Then he allowed them to do whatever to keep the peace and then allowed himself to participate in their paganism.

You'll have to provide some support for the 'lust for power and wealth' theory. He was enticed by foreign women like Samson was. That's what I see. And there's no question that it led him astray into the worship of their gods. What it doesn't explain is the nature of some women to be difficult. That's not Solomon's fault. Consider David's first wife, Micah. She was not foreign, and yet she was bitter and difficult.

I'm trying to be understanding here. I know it's a biological thing...a hormonal thing. You learn a lot about life and the nature of things in fifty years...that is when God takes you on the hard road where those things are learned.

 

[handy]

And no honest Christian would argue with you (remember this is the world we're talking about here, lol). But were they 'difficult'? You know, irrational, unreasonable, combative, unfair, contentious, provocative...

...hmmmm Don't forget controlling, abusive, impatient, nagging....

One of the men I dated in my mid-30's left his wife of eight years when she was pregnant with their 6th child because she was being "difficult"... I call that pretty irrational and unreasonable right there. To leave your pregnant wife and children because of her being "difficult" when she had been made to be perpetually pregnant for eight years (he didn't believe in birth control, he told me this himself) is very unfair.

By a strange coincidence in life, that man that I dated who left his pregnant wife... it just so happens that Steve actually dated his wife before he met me. And Steve said that the guy had been very physically abusive towards her and the kids. It didn't surprise me, because he often expressed himself in that way, slamming his fist down on a table when someone was disagreeing with him during a Bible Study (I met this guy at a single's group through a church), "rough housing"... just the impression he gave off of being very tightly wound and could be set off at any moment. I only dated him three times and left the group not long after wards

And yes, Jethro, men can be very, very provocative. Frankly, it was one of the worst things we had to put up with my dad with.... He would just get into these moods where he was spoiling for a fight and kept provoking someone, anyone, until one happened...

The guy I was engaged to back in my late 20's was like that.

I loved that man, I truly did. And, I was a fairly beaten down kind of person back then because I was in the very long healing process of having lived with being sexually abused. So, I put up with a lot from him and would have married him (and been miserable in life, I'm sure). He was constantly belittling me, putting me down in front of others, "teasing me" (and if I said anything about that, I was accused of having no sense of humor), "correcting" me... interrupting me when I was saying something to him or anyone else if I had made a grammatical slip. He once said to his best friend "She's not as dumb as she sounds...most of the time." I put up with that because this was the way my dad interacted with my mom and like I say, I wasn't in a very healthy place. I made the same mistake I see being made here... thinking all of "them" are like that.

Folks, does this cynicism make my butt look big?

;) Somewhat...

But seriously, just as all men are not like my ex-fiance, or that guy with 6 kids, or even my dad (who I made peace with and had a very close relationship for the last 20 years of his life)...all women are not irrational, unreasonable, combative, unfair, contentious, and provocative.

As we leave off our 20's and move through our 30's, 40's, 50's,etc... we see that most people in life do get married. And, the older one gets, the more one meets up with people who aren't married because they are like this...both men and women.

When people like this do get married and go on to make their spouse's and children's lives a living hell, usually it's because the person who married them had some kind of blinders on... like I did with my first fiance. Blinders made of growing up with the kind of father I did and having extremely low self esteem. Or, sometimes people will marry people like this with the idea of changing them. They figure once they are married, they'll be able to help the other person over being irrational, controlling, provocative...whatever other fault there is. Only change like that never comes from without, it can only come from within, from the Spirit working and changing one.

But, it's also amazing that, when one can get those blinders off and break cycles and get to the point of realizing that all women are not like that and all men are not like that... that's when someone suitable tends to come in.

I had stopped dating for a couple of years, mainly because I just didn't know any single guy who wasn't a mess... and then there was the guy who totally messed up the copy machine and I had to help him get the thing working right again.

And, he wasn't provocative, or irrational, or combative, or controlling, or at least not really much of any of these faults and if, in rare moments of anger, he did get that way, he was always very apologetic about it and knocked it off...

So, there were good guys out there... and I had been working at the same company with one of them all the while. We just hadn't crossed paths yet.

And when we did cross paths... well the odds for others looking for a good person without a lot of issues got worse because we married each other.

 

[Deborah13]

You'll have to provide some support for the 'lust for power and wealth' theory.

I myself was 1 Kings and Deut. Solomon did many things that God told him not to do. He was not suppose buy war vehicles, Chariots and horses, etc. and he was not suppose to marry women from other nations, pagans. He did not obey God. He became very wealthy dealing with pagan nations.
You'll have to look up the scripture if your interested. I don't want to go off topic. My point was his disobedience is what caused his problems.


 

[farouk]

[MENTION=4376]handy[/MENTION]:

Sounds like some folk have the Professor Oppenheimer syndrome.

(Heard of it?)

It refers to the fact that when Professor Oppenheimer and his scientist co-workers in the Nevada Desert in summer 1945 were working on the Fat Boy, to be loaded on Enola Gay.

The syndrome is because of the need to make sure that there was enough space between the fuse and the explosion.

(Pick-up truck drivers on the I-95 seem to have the same problem.)

Blessings.