Not sure about what the best way is to word it. I was very close with a female friend of mine...we got too close and went too far sexually. not 'all the way' but certainly past what I'd call appropriate. Because we both felt immature, we agreed we'd stick to being friends, and have been so for the past couple of years. The past week or so I've been feeling extremely heavy hearted, I'm always close to crying because I think about the future and what our friendship will look like. it doesn't seem sustainable because of the history but I plead to God for mercy... I'm just not sure what next step I should take
Dilemma
- Thread starter chezahu
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- Sep 10, 2021
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Greetings and welcome to Christian Forums.
So this incident of getting too close happened just recently then? Why do you think it is not sustainable?
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It happened a couple of years ago. I guess I don't know whether it's possible or wise for us to remain friends and also honour God. If lingering feelings come up, if a future romantic partner takes note of our close friendship and feels threatened... it seems to be inevitable that it ends. This however, is the best friend I've known, she knows me deeply and we are both part of a tightly knit community. I want things between us to be restored but I also feel like I'm being naive in asking God for that.
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Well again, why? Why would you be naive to ask for that, and why is it that the two of you never pursued getting married? Did you talk at all about how you could make a living? I'm assuming she feels the same way you do, correct?
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Guess I should have prefaced this by saying this happened when we were both foolish teenagers and are now both 20... marriage and finances was a conversation that probably felt a little too above us. She seems to feel fine about carrying on as friends,and I want that too but there's a lack of peace. when I said I wanted things to be restored, by the way, I meant our friendship rather than the short but intense romantic stint we had.
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Well, sounds to me like you need to just invest yourself in the Lord more. You have a long life ahead of you, and the trouble is that until He sends you the partner He has for you, your mind can drift because of the loneliness. But if you concentrate on serving Him more and giving yourself to your calling (your spiritual interests), you will be preparing yourself all the more for whoever He ultimately wants you to be best friends with and be a life partner with. That may sound easier to say than to do, but it beats being sad or lacking for peace. But He hasn't given us a Spirit that lacks Peace, so I would just give myself increasingly to Him, and cast this care on Him to take care of it and continue drawing closer to Him. He has your answer, it just sounds like you will have to wait on Him to receive it is all.
- Sep 10, 2021
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Sorry. Typos cleaned up now.
- Sep 10, 2021
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Well that's what forums can be good for. But you never know if they might be happy to talk with you about it or not, all depends on the parents.
But yeah, it's about encouraging one another. Some people have to wait a very long time to find the one they were intended to be with, but it makes you all the more happy when you finally find her, so pray to Him about it and put it in His hands. He's a good God and He knows what He's doing.
- May 16, 2021
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Have a discussion with her and see what her thoughts are on your friendship , be honest with her on what your thoughts are . Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants and the rest of our being goes along for the ride so to speak .
Welcome to the forum, you've been given good advice on this forum.
May I add some thoughts.
1st, if you have confessed your sins to God you will have been forgiven, see 1John1:9.
2nd, please talk to your doctor about your mood swings and emotional instability.
If there is an underlying medical reason for this it needs treating.
3rd, talk to your minister for spiritual and social advice..
As has been suggested do talk with your friend, from what you've posted she is happy to be a friend so seek to maintain that friendship.
- Oct 10, 2022
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The sexual impulse is powerful. You aren't the first to discover this in the way you've described and won't be the last. It's good to hear you aren't being swept along by the culture and just diving headlong into sexual activity.
If your feelings for this gal are so strong, why is she not, for you, a marriage prospect?
Again, if she provokes such strong feelings in you, why is she excluded from being your spouse? It's good to honor God, of course, but why does doing so necessitate that your friend not become your wife?
Yes, if you marry someone else, this relationship must end. Absolutely. Nothing is more corrosive and dangerous to a marriage than one or the other of the married pair having a "close friend" that is of the opposite sex.
Why? Feeling as you do, why shouldn't God lead the two of into marriage to one another? It's unnatural, really, to have such feelings and to stifle them for no good reason (except, I guess, to avoid future temptation?). Paul wrote that it was better to "marry than to burn," his suggestion for someone in your situation being to act positively on their "burning" and marry the object of their strong desire, not suppress that desire. (1 Corinthians 7:9)
D-D-W
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You seem to be making a serious assumption here: that God is opposed to you 2 getting married.
Why do you think that?
Paul talks about "casual" sex, specifically with a prostitute, to have a certain binding effect:
1 Corinthians 6:16
Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “The two shall become one flesh.”
BTW - in Hebrew (where Paul quotes from) "flesh" refers to the whole person, what we would call spirit soul and body. Yes the bodies join in intercourse, but the spirits and souls join as well. This is sometimes referred to as a "soul tie." While I do not like that terminology, it nonetheless exists, what ever you want to call it. It is why going back to mere friendship can be very difficult. It is why the mind brings up the coupling, wanting to repeat it. One thing science tells us is that when a person orgasms, what they are doing, seeing, thinking, gets wired into their brain as a pathway to pleasure. IMO this is exactly the difficulty you describe. You did not say "how far" you went, but apparently it was far enough for that bonding to take place, at least in part.
You should talk to her about that. (even if you promised each other to NOT talk about it) And having an opposite sex friend who is so attuned to you is a very rare thing. Consider getting married.
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