I understand your hesitancy, man! Truly. As far as that's concerned, I don't believe God will speak to you audibly. He won't author confusion in your life. I don't believe He speaks audibly most of the time, anyway. The Bible says that we see things now as though through a dark mirror. We prophesy, but prophesy in part. We know, but we know in part. The Bible says that His voice is still and small. Sure, it has also said He has a voice like many rushing waters, but I believe such a revelation to man on a corporate level is yet to come... in the next life. When Jesus manifests Himself to us, it is in great demonstration of agape love. His sheep are led to Him, even run to Him because of His love. It is the assurance that He is in love with us, that His mercies are renewed daily. It is a fresh renewal and reminder that He hung upon a cross for our sake, truly in love with mankind, not because we deserved it by our own merits but because He chose it to be so. It's a fresh reminder that we do not have to strive to earn His affection, it is ours, we are His. He won't forget us or leave us, even an earthly mother can never forget the child who once nursed at her breast, even an earthly father loves his child because they are his progeny... not because they bring home medals or trophies, just because they are his sons. The sons don't have to earn it. It just comes natural. How much more is love displayed from the Father in Heaven? Infinitely more. In the voice of the Lord there is the assurance that we are more than estranged orphans, we are sons and heirs. Come up from underneath the table, eat of the fatted calf, you were not meant for crumbs. Shake off your beggar rags, I have prepared for you a robe and set of armor. The voice of the Lord says come and rest. The battle is mine. Vengeance is mine. The voice of the Lord says rise up from despondency and the vanity of grappling to attain me through the natural mind, for I am seen even through the faith of a child, not scrutinized through the intellect which I, Myself have fashioned. Even so His love remains. He will see you reformed and refined. When you come into a new season of faith the Holy Spirit will applaud you and breathe a new life into you, pat you on the back, you will understand that it was nothing that you ever could have done, but rather His work, His grace and mercy which shines upon you and draws you near again. I know because it was the same way for me. I fell out of Christianity for several years, utterly convinced that there are no gods to know, and suddenly He revealed to me that it was all Him. My heart had been hardened against grace because all of my faith was not in God's mercy, but in my own works to save me.