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[__ Prayer __] doesn't matter

I've come to the startling conclusion that what people 'round here have to say about me really doesn't matter. Jesus saved me in a big, big way, as He has any number of other Christians. Anyway, I can't let what people say around here get me down or mess with what I've got going on in my life. I'm finally smart enough to do college-level work and finish a degree, healthy, increasingly normal. I also get disability and have (thankfully, financially "comfortable") people who are willing and able to take care of me and protect me until I can support myself (which will probably involve moving away, degree in hand).

I came to this realization--which is obvious to most people, lol--yesterday. The neighbors (yes, THOSE neighbors) had people over and they were giving me a hassle. Still talking about warrants and prison and how "he belongs in the penitentiary," stuff like that. They've been talking about warrants and prison for over 2 years now. They used to yell out at me "yeah, put him on work detail!," stuff like that. I've already been through one court case...I now have a misdemeanor (which, according to google, makes me a "misdemeanant") and 3.5 years of probation left. Not a huge deal; $50 a month, face time now and then, don't get in trouble, etc. etc. etc. Oh, yeah...and stay on your meds. That's actually a condition of my probation, so I take it very seriously.

I feel like...well, its sort of like God brought me home, I got saved, and then I learned the truth about my old life and, by extension, a lot about how the "real world" works. Turns out, reality bites. No, really. Losers don't matter, losers go through things, on and on it goes...basically, I was just a weakling on the broad road, and I suffered immensely until Christ saved me. Now, I'm forgiven (#1 thing, I have to remind myself of that) and also...transformed, although I get that I'm now just a very rough draft, a work-in-progress.

But yeah...doesn't matter. They talk about "Federal warrants," as in: go pick up your warrant, he has warrants, the marshals are coming for him, he's gotta get ready for prison, on and on it goes. Like I wrote above, I'm going into year 3 of the "warrants" talk. I don't know anything about the legal system, but I get the sense I'd be in jail or something if I'd violated federal law, especially since I've been on probation for 1.5 years.

They also talk about my sexuality, my schizophrenia, my psychiatric treatment, on and on it goes. Point is: I'm not a member of this community. I'm far outside the group, and I don't have to live here indefinitely, praise God (!). That's what online degrees are for...get your degree(s), move on, move away.

So, yeah...please pray for me, and I also Praise God (!) for bringing me this far. I realize now that part of their "problem" is that God's work in my life runs counter to worldly wisdom. That's true of God's work in general, especially His work in the lives of His children....it just happens that I'm stigmatized and used to be "poor white trash" (excuse the phrase; its The South), so people really let me have it.

OK. I think that's it, lol. Just putting my thoughts together this AM, lol. :)
 
ugh. I know. I looked over my post, and I seem a lil bit...ummm....crazy. I'm very much medicated, I swear to you.

Thanks for your patience. :)
 
ugh. I know. I looked over my post, and I seem a lil bit...ummm....crazy. I'm very much medicated, I swear to you.

Thanks for your patience. :)
You're doing great brother. Thanks for taking the Meds that God has allowed in your life. I know when you are here posting you are working it out as you write. In my older age I talk to myself. Many think some older people have lost it when they see someone mumbling as they shop in a supermarket. HEY all, we're thinking out loud. CE writes, but I scream out loud; why'd you buy that for? It also startles the idiot on a cell phone next to me wandering about aimlessly talking. Until I noticed the object of their first love in their hand (phone), I thought they had to older than me. It becomes especially disconcerting to watch them that use the ear plug models we don't notice. :lol
 
yeah...you're right...some talk to themselves, some write, some do arts and crafts....we've all got to figure things out as we go along, even with Jesus in our hearts. Actually, speaking only for myself, becoming a Christian, getting saved...wonderful, wonderful...one of the huge miracles is that I recovered from "treatment." I always wanted to recover from the shock and head injury and...yeah, everything.

Turns out...I really was crazy when they shocked me, because now that I've recovered, the issues I was facing, some of which I've dealt with most of my life, are back. They're not as vicious and all consuming as when I was younger, but..they're there, in muted, medicated form.

So, I'm no longer a simpleton, but I am mentally ill, and not just a lil bit, lol. Oh well. I've also been blessed with physical health such as I've never known. For whatever reason(s), I was sickly from a young age, like something out of the 19th century. No longer.

Sometimes, I wonder if maybe I was saved (am being saved, I pray will be saved) in part to just...live. To get close to my parents, after years of distance. To write, to read, to live in the strange position of a Schizophrenic from an upper-middle/upper class family. I dunno. The more I think about it, the more the working world seems more and more distant from me, ever more distant as I grow older. I'm not "too good" to work, that's not the issue, its just...even on meds (I take 4 now, plus 1 strictly as needed, non-addictive sedative), there's something about me that "rubs people the wrong way." What is it? Who knows, honestly? Mental illness isn't just hallucinations and mania and extreme depression...for some of us, its being "different" in a way that makes one a perma-misfit.

You're right about keeping SSI. Thanks for that. I keep thinking...will I end up in a group home? Not all of them are terrible, but some are...a lil bit scary. I'm lucid enough, on meds, to avoid hospitalization...that means no long term, state mental hospital stay for me, most likely. My parents--God bless them--are kind and tolerant and amazingly patient, and...I just don't know. Where does anyone go...modern society, for all our talk of tolerance, just doesn't put up with the mentally ill it seems, at least not people like me..at least not me, lol.
 
It's a narrow path we follow so when our flesh pushes, we seem to have a want to ventilate our sins just like stress. I think what brother Eugene (forgive I don't know the tag code) is trying to relay is that we have to let the problems of the world of our past die and be taken out of exietence. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

I have been following your posts closely as well brother and progress is at hand.
 
It's a narrow path we follow so when our flesh pushes, we seem to have a want to ventilate our sins just like stress. I think what brother Eugene (forgive I don't know the tag code) is trying to relay is that we have to let the problems of the world of our past die and be taken out of exietence. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

I have been following your posts closely as well brother and progress is at hand.
Thanks JoJoe. The tag code is using the At Sign @ immediately preceding the name of a member you want to tag.
Without the space between it would be @ JoJoe, but this did not work due to the Space. Now I write it as JoJoe and you should receive an Email notifying you that you have been tagged. :)
 
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