[__ Prayer __] Emergency: Please Read

[lone_pilgrim]

Yeah, I think you're right. If anyone wanted to slip you some kind of drug, it seems they would want to use something that would be more fast acting. What's the use if they aren't around to benefit from it? I still want to find something other than Satan as the reason and will keep praying that this is not what's happening to you, or that if it is, God will somehow get you through it and use it for His glory.

Have you been prescribed any psychological medicine lately? Like for depression, bi-polar disorder, etc? (Please don't be offended, a lot of us have had to deal with these things!) If so, did you quit taking them, or maybe they aren't right for you? A lot of those medicines can cause lots of problems if not prescribed correctly, or if you quit taking them on your own without the doctor's guidance. Just grasping at straws now, still hoping it something less evil than the devil coming after you!

I'm afraid not. I take an anxiety medicine, but I've been taking the same dose for several years now. :/

 

[lone_pilgrim]

Just has another thought while praying for you, LP; You mentioned your two previous boyfriends and your anger with them. I read your thread about that and am wondering if you have accepted God's forgiveness for your part in that situation. Satan loves to attack us through our guilt feelings. You feel that you sinned in your relationship, and you are also angry with them. Whether or not what you did was actually a sin or not isn't important. The fact that you felt it was against God, and did it anyway, makes it sin for you.

But God has forgiven you, completely and without anything held back, as soon as you repented and asked him for forgiveness. It sounds like you are having a hard time accepting that, since you mentioned them in your OP here. You are God's child and he loves you. He is not holding anything against you. Maybe you just need to decide to accept that and move on to whatever great things He has in store for you from here on out? It will be pretty hard for Satan to attack you through your guilt feelings when you no longer have those feelings!

Do you really think that I haven't been able to forgive myself?

 

[lone_pilgrim]

I hadn't thought of that possibility.

 

[Oats]

praying...

I'm a college student too...

I really want to go to a Christian School...


If you need someone to talk to I could pm you...

or call?

 

[Igor]

Hi LP;

Just got home today. Sorry I didn't respond last night. I hope your day is going better.

Do you really think that I haven't been able to forgive myself?

I don't know if I would call it not forgiving yourself as much as not believing that God has forgiven you. But many people refer to that as "not forgiving themselves". A lot of times those feelings turn into anger at the other person if another person was involved. In your OP you said:

...I started having angry thoughts which gave way to suicidual thoughts in connection with how my last two boyfriends wronged me.

I have seen many times in the past when a person (me included!) feels this way, it is because they have not felt forgiven and don't feel at peace with God. To be honest, I don't' know that you did anything that was actually a sin in your relationships with these guys. But in your first post on this forum where you talked about this, you seemed to feel that you had sinned. Maybe you feel they had a part in causing that as well?

If you did something that you felt was against Gods will for you, and have not accepted the fact that He has forgiven you (you have asked Him for forgiveness, right???), this could cause you all kinds of depression as well as anger toward anyone else that may have been involved in it with you. I've been there too, more than once, and had to work through it.

LP, from reading your posts, I get the impression that you are a fine Christian lady that wants to serve our Lord. That's why you are feeling these things. Satan wouldn't be bothered attacking someone who didn't care about serving God. That kind of person is no threat to him! So don't let unreasonable guilt and anger keep you from serving God and from enjoying all the wonderful things He has to give you now and in the future. I'm sure you have already asked God's forgiveness for anything you did that you felt was sin, whether it actually was or not. Now just accept that God has been true to his word and has actually forgiven you. Your standing with Him is just the same as if nothing bad ever happened. Once you accept that, go ahead and forgive the two guys for what they did wrong to you as well. It's not worth hanging onto like this, and God wants us to forgive each other just like he forgives us.

You are free from this if you will just allow yourself to be free! Go on and look forward to that next wonderful thing God is going to give you. He's waiting for you as we speak!

OK, I'm off for a while. I'm a sound engineer for my church and we have worship team practice tonight. I'm still praying for you and will check back here when I get home later.

 

[lone_pilgrim]

Hello,

I think I felt as though I committed sins with them because I engaged in pre-marital sex, which I knew was wrong; however, in my heart I wanted to marry both of the men that I was involved with. One of them talked about us having children some day and the other even bought be a ring (not a wedding ring of course), so I had very much given myself to them fully. When the last guy dumped me I was not angry at God as much as I was made at myself.

Many of my friends said that a lot of what happened wasn't my fault because I made my expectations of what I wanted from the relationship clear. They said that I was tricked and deceived. With the first boyfriend I was a virgin at almost 20, so I know that is completely true! In being naive I trusted people to keep their word about important things. I feel like used goods and a ruined person. I'm still praying about this to this very moment!

A couple of people have suggested that I picked up "demonic garbage" (not sure how else to describe a sexual sin and soul tie) through having sex with them. What are your thoughts on that? I became a very insecure person after having sex...esp. with the second guy it was like my entire sense of self worth was dimished. He would put me down and told me things like, "You aren't that smart. Your not as pretty as you think you are, etc. " It has taken me so much to even begin to forgive him for saying things that I know aren't true.

I am also sad now because I will have to tell my future spouse how stupid I was in giving away my virginity. Believe it or not I did value it. I'm so embarrassed by my poor decisions. I feel like the person I was at 18 would never have wanted this life for me; would not have behaved this way.

 

[jasoncran]

forgive yourself

you must. i lost mine at the age of 20 to a stripper and also i cant give blood.

wonderful bisexuality.

God forgives. so we must repent and also let go.

learn from the mistake and not to repeat it.

 

[theLords]

Hello,

I think I felt as though I committed sins with them because I engaged in pre-marital sex, which I knew was wrong; however, in my heart I wanted to marry both of the men that I was involved with. One of them talked about us having children some day and the other even bought be a ring (not a wedding ring of course), so I had very much given myself to them fully. When the last guy dumped me I was not angry at God as much as I was made at myself.

Did you break the soul tie to those men?

I hope you're feeling better today.

 

[lone_pilgrim]

Did you break the soul tie to those men?

I hope you're feeling better today.

I did. I guess what I feel is guilt over poor choices.

 

[Alabaster]

I have been there, dear. Open your bible and read until God speaks to you.

 

[theLords]

I did. I guess what I feel is guilt over poor choices.

It certainly sounds like a spiritual attack. Ask the Lord to help you forgive yourself and ask Him to cleanse you in the blood of Christ. Ask Him to show you the power of His redemption. "Beauty for ashes," right?

Most importantly, hang on to the rhema Word God gave you: "Trust God, trust in God." Stand on the logos Word of God as well!

I pray that you feel the Lord's comforting presence during this difficult time.

How are you feeling now?

 

[Igor]

Hello,

I think I felt as though I committed sins with them because I engaged in pre-marital sex, which I knew was wrong; however, in my heart I wanted to marry both of the men that I was involved with.

This affects your relationship with God. Anything that separates you from God can open you up to attacks from Satan. I'm not necessarily talking about demon possession or anything that serious. But even those irrational thoughts of killing yourself, feeling stupid and worthless, etc can come from Satan trying to convince you that you are a bad person and you have irreparably screwed up. But it's not true.

A serious question for you; Would you feel better had you not "sinned"?

I feel like used goods and a ruined person. I'm still praying about this to this very moment

I'm sure (and I'm assuming) you mean that at least part of those prayers were prayers asking for forgiveness. You don't need to pray about this any more. It's over. You are not used goods or a ruined person. Please read this again; You are not used goods or a ruined person. You are a wonderful creation of God that he loves dearly enough to sacrifice his own son's life in the most terrible method of execution ever devised by man to save you from condemnation. Do you believe this? Why would He do that for you if He thought so lowly of you? You are His little girl that he loves dearly! If He does not see you as ruined or used goods, you have no right to see yourself that way, and no one else has any right to look at you that way. You are a prized possession of God, and he is not going to give you up so easily!

A couple of people have suggested that I picked up "demonic garbage" (not sure how else to describe a sexual sin and soul tie) through having sex with them. What are your thoughts on that?...

My thoughts? If you're asking me, to be honest, I'm not real sure what a "soul tie" is. Someone suggested it was a concept from "new age". If that's where the term comes from, I have to admit I'm pretty ignorant on it. I'm more of a person to just look at what the Bible really says. (What it actually says without the influence of traditions, purposeful mis-interpretations, mis-use, and all that stuff.) Based on that, I would have to say that i don't believe this is what happened to you. But I'm a little hesitant to go into it to deeply on an open forum. Maybe you should PM me if you would like to talk more deeply about this.

He would put me down and told me things like, "You aren't that smart. Your not as pretty as you think you are, etc. " It has taken me so much to even begin to forgive him for saying things that I know aren't true.

He's just being a, er, uh... Well, don't get me started on what he's being. You know what I mean. It's good that you are beginning to forgive him. Not that he deserves it, but because you deserve to be freed from the burden of carrying this around with you. Forgiving him will free you!

I am also sad now because I will have to tell my future spouse how stupid I was in giving away my virginity. Believe it or not I did value it. I'm so embarrassed by my poor decisions. I feel like the person I was at 18 would never have wanted this life for me; would not have behaved this way.

No, you are not stupid. You know what? You got me thinking about how I have turned out compared to the person I would have wanted to be when I was 18. I'm not what I wanted to be either. Anyone else thats at least several years past 18 feel this way???

I've been attacked by Satan, and had suicidal thoughts too, LP. In fact, I seem to have met Satan face to face one night (and this was confirmed by Christian counselors, but, once again, not something I think I really want to go too deeply into in a public forum). But I stuck to the true word of God and quoted scripture to Satan himself. (Never underestimate the value of memorizing scripture. It comes in handy when you really need it!) Sticking to the truth of God's word and claiming it's promises got me through and will get you through this as well. Today I no longer think suicide will end up being the end of me! You too will get through this by allowing God to help you and by accepting His love and forgiveness. I promise you, it's true!