Starving atop a mountain is not a good way to go. I have some kinda mental problem...either Bipolar I (current actual diagnosis) or Schizophrenia (my community's "diagnosis"). I don't know exactly where you're coming from, but I'm definitely considered a "damaged person" (I'm also highly stigamtized and heavily labeled).
God know where you're at and He'll work with you accordingly. That's what my Pentecostal friend, Verna, tells me all the time. I think she's on to something. God has been kind to and patient with me, and I imagine He'll do the same for you. Hopefully, you'll find genuine Christians in your life who will help you have the best life possible.