First post: I don't get it.

[classie787]

First post here; sorry if this is in the wrong subforum...was going to place in General Discussion but figured I am a new member.

I really don't know where to start, but...

I don't get it. I've attended Church several times, although I'm anything but a regular church-goer. Perhaps that is part of the problem. I read various passages from the Bible irregularly, so I'll admit I'm at fault once again. But I just don't understand many of the concepts; I'm often left frustrated after reading the Bible. I feel distant from God. I've had severe depression for over eight years now and I feel no hope. I feel that God is vastly separated from me. I don't know Him. I feel unable to reach Him.

And reading the Bible just makes me feel worse about myself. So much talk about Hell and eternal punishment. I have been told that God loves us more than we can ever know...but why then would He ever give up on us and toss us into an eternal pit of fiery Hell? That doesn't sound like love to me. I'm currently in love with the wrong person; it has made my life a living Hell. Despite rejection, do I wish anything bad to this person? Of course not. But if we reject God we're handed over to Satan? I don't understand.

At the onset of these problems I'm having, I quickly saw them coming. I'd pray every day for God to intervene; I didn't want to have feelings for this girl. I went to church, I prayed, I prayed for others. And what happens? I'm totally in love and my life has been Hell. I can't get out of this depression myself. I've asked repeatedly, knowing that persistence sometimes can be key, but to no avail. I don't even know why I should have to ask for His help. I don't know why I should have to be persistent. If I, myself, see my neighbor drowning in his pool, do I not help him? I do not care if he doesn't ask...I know he needs help. If God loves me so, then why won't God help me? I forgot the passage, but somewhere in the Bible it is assured that if we want/need something, we need only to ask and we shall receive. Of course, it has to be right...I cannot ask for a million dollars. That is selfish. But Jesus would heal those with emotional/physical problems in His time. I feel I would've been a candidate for His healing.

I don't know. There's a lot of passages in the Bible that confuse me, upset me, etc. But instead of dragging this post on, I'll end here and see how this goes. For all I know this may be an unfriendly forum; I've visited many non-religious forums before in which everyone attacks one another. Very unpleasant.

 

[reba]

Classie there are a few folks around here who will be of real help to you! Some who have been about where you are!

Hang around, look around, most the folks here are good bunch of Christians!

 

[classie787]

Thanks Reba. The last religious forum I visited/joined was full of spam posts...just hoping this one is a good one!

 

[handy]

Classie,

It sounds as if you are really burdened between struggling with the depression, loving "the wrong person", as well as not having a true connection with God at this point in time.

I am curious as to what your testimony is? It doesn't sound as if you were raised in a Christian home and are a long time church goer, so I am curious as to when you became a Christian?

As I was reading your post I was reminded of what Jesus said in the parable of the seeds. A sower cast seeds out and some of the seeds fell on rocky ground, some in thorns and weeds and some in the good soil. The seeds on the rocky ground quickly rooted and started to grow, but they didn't establish roots and therefore withered and died. The seeds that fell into the thorns and weeds were choked out by them and died. But the seeds that fell into the good soil grew and multiplied and gave forth fruit.

Jesus later explained the parable to his disciples and He explained that the seeds that fell among thorns and weeds were like people who hear the gospel, and respond to it, but then the burdens and cares of life weigh in on them and choke out the word of God.

You seem to sort of be in this category, you've received the gospel somewhere along the line, or at least I'm assuming that you have (that's why I would like to hear your testimony), but the burden of the depression, the love that you have that is a source of hurt, as well as other things are weighing in on you and God's word, which should be a source of life and comfort to you seems more about death and destruction.

Would you mind sharing your testimony with us. I hear your pain and confusion, I really do, but it's hard to know which direction to go in here until I can understand more of your story.

Meanwhile, I am glad you're here and hope that you will find good fellowship and help here.

 

[classie787]

Handy, thanks very much for the response!

My parents never spoke of religion. I knew very little about the Bible or God until I was about 23 and starting to have severe depression. A neighbor of mine was/is a pastor, and he gave me an awesome Bible (Life Application Study Bible...really makes things easy to understand!). He met with me several times to discuss what God has in store, how Satan fights hard to separate us from God, etc. From there I started going to church...for a while. I read a bit of the Bible, and even ordered some children's Bibles (I know, I know) that I read in full (few hundred illustrated pages, each) to get a groundwork of what the complete story is. The neighborhood pastor also gave me a book "The life of Jesus" which I read, and a video about Jesus (don't remember the title) which I watched with my cousin. Due to my problems, some of my family members went to church for a while, read some of the Bible, etc.

But perhaps you are right; I have now been exposed to the Word but life's complications/heartaches have separated me from God. I don't know why or how. I feel that I am worse off than before; now if I sin, I am worse off than I was years ago because I know now what sin is, what qualifies as sin, etc.

Maybe I just get angry. My pastor told me that God is all-knowing, all-powerful. He can change anything--anything at all--in an instant. This depression, heartache...if He so chooses it can end at any time. Why then has it not?

Sorry, there's just so many things floating through my head it's hard to discuss them in an organized fashion.

Again, thanks for the replies

 

[Aardverk]

Welcome. Sorry to hear of the pain you are going through. Many of us have been in similar situations and it seems impossible that it will ever end but it usually does. Just don't expect any miracle cures even though this is a Christian Forum;)

The old adage, 'time cures all' isn't far from the truth but talking about your problems to caring people is a good idea too. I wish you well.

For all I know this may be an unfriendly forum; I've visited many non-religious forums before in which everyone attacks one another. Very unpleasant.

As a non Christian I take a few attacks here but there are some very wise and lovely people here too. Good luck.