Is it okay if I forgive someone but want nothing to do with them?
The heart of forgiving someone is never to rehearse again their sin/offense against you. This is what God does with our sin when he forgives it. "As far as the east is from the west, God has removed our transgressions from us" (
Psalms 103:12). He "remembers no more" the sin He forgives (
Isaiah 43:25; Jeremiah 31:34), keeping them in His back pocket for a later time when we really irritate, or offend, Him and He can pull them out and use them to justify His anger toward us. No, God will always "abundantly pardon" the truly repentant person (
Isaiah 55:7; 1 John 1:9).
Because God forgives in this way, we can always begin afresh with Him; our sin doesn't utterly devastate our
relationship to Him, though it does entirely halt our
fellowship with Him (
Luke 15:11-32). Having repented, then, and been forgiven, we can always begin to walk with God anew, which is, really, the whole point of His forgiving us. We are to follow His example, of course, remaining open even to those who've offended/sinned against us.
Matthew 18:21-35 (NASB)
21 Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"
22 Jesus *said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
23 "For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves.
24 "When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
25 "But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made.
26 "So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.'
27 "And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.
28 "But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, 'Pay back what you owe.'
29 "So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you.'
30 "But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed.
31 "So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened.
32 "Then summoning him, his lord *said to him, 'You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.
33 'Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?'
34 "And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.
35 "My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart."
Is it following God's example for you to spurn the one who has betrayed you? Is this what He's done with you, who betrays Him each time you sin? No.
God calls you not just to forgive this betrayer-person but to love him (or her), which is to desire their best, their well-being,
even at expense to yourself.
1 John 4:7-11
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
9 By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
How do you love someone you've turned your back and on and with whom you will have nothing to do?
In the passage above, John isn't talking about "love" in a soppy, emotional, warm-fuzzies sense, but is talking about a commitment of the mind and will to seek the best for the next person - even if it costs greatly to do so. This seeking the best for the other person, this agape love, isn't predicated on their good treatment of us but is extended by God through you and me regardless of their conduct. Loving this way takes divine power; we don't have this kind of love in-and-of ourselves. But it is held up in the Bible as a signature feature of the true Christian. So, how will you not only forgive, but love with God's love the person who has betrayed you? Rejecting them is nowhere in God's "playbook" for your life, the Bible.
Matthew 5:43-48
43 "You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.'
44 "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
46 "For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
47 "If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?
48 "Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Forgiving and loving others doesn't entail being an idiot, or having no boundaries whatever, however. If a mother has a crack-head son who begs her for forgiveness for stealing money from her purse to feed his drug habit, forgiveness and love don't require that, in the future, she leave her purse about, loaded with cash, where her son can easily get at it. No, obviously, though she has forgiven his theft and desires to see God's best in his life, doing what she can to help that end come to pass (love), she'll never leave her purse where he can get at again.
The husband whose wife has cheated on him with a coworker must forgive her and remain willing to work toward God's best for her, though she has hurt him deeply. But if she has repented of her terrible sin and has pleaded for his forgiveness and he's given it, he'd be an utter fool not to insist on marriage counseling, and upon a job change for her, and that she never have any communication of any kind with her adulterous lover again. He'd be wise to require certain work boundaries for his wife, and a concrete process whereby she can rebuild his trust in her. Most of all, he'd want to know she is working things through with God such that a future adulterous liaison will be impossible.
So, what about the one you've forgiven who's betrayed you? Shunning the person isn't God's way. In fact, it would be sin. But being stupid about trusting them isn't God's way, either. Seek God's best for them as you're able, encouraging them toward Him, loving the person materially if the need to do so arises, but you don't have to trust them without cause, pretending that they haven't shown themselves untrustworthy. You certainly shouldn't step into another circumstance with them that might permit the same sort of betrayal a second time. Neither love nor forgiveness require this. Again, though, shunning the person isn't an option - not for the person claiming to be a Christ-follower, a Christian. See above.