Foster Care/Adoption

[Mike]

I'm wondering if there are any other foster parents out there. Moreover, has anyone adopted through foster care? We had one child by birth and did foster care for a while. Eventually we adopted two girls.

Having experienced our own and adopted, I can say from experience God places love in your heart you never thought could be there. People who haven't adopted might say there's no way a parent could love a child as their own. Not true, I'm hear to say.

I know in my state, there is a huge need for foster parents. As a foster parent, anything you give to these kids you get back 1000 times. If you've ever thought about it, look into it further. You could be a blessing to children in need of a home and get so much more in return. :yes

 

[jasoncran]

i wish my wife would let me adopt, but i understand why she says no. she isnt able to handle stress as well.

i would have to work a lot and she would have to deal the children.

we christians that are able to adopt the foster kids should do so. that is biblical. James talks about.
an elder in my church does this. he has adopted a few. His family recently took in a crack baby and he has been blessed by this. The little boy is cute. and he growin fast. I think they have just adopted him.

 

[Mike]

Yes, that's good that you respect her view. As with having a baby, you both should make the decision together. You both need to be ready for the commitment.

We'll probably never know what their parents were into, but we're all but sure it wasn't hard drugs. Maybe some fetal alcohol stuff. Bless him for loving the child thru a crack addiction.

 

[jasoncran]

Yes, that's good that you respect her view. As with having a baby, you both should make the decision together. You both need to be ready for the commitment.

We'll probably never know what their parents were into, but we're all but sure it wasn't hard drugs. Maybe some fetal alcohol stuff. Bless him for loving the child thru a crack addiction.

my wife and i cant have children as she has no uterus, she had that removed in 2002. she has children, and grandkids.

i have them to be around at times, but sometimes i wish to have some of my own. my wife has kids from a previous marriage. the biological father is deceased now

 

[Danus]

I'm glad there are people with the and then adopted him. strength and love to adopt. God bless you for that gift......I'm not one of them.

We have some dear friends who have that gift and use it well. They could not have kids of their own. One child they have is a hand full. He's a young man from a broken home, and I mean broken. Drugs, and who knows what.

Our friends fostered him from 5 to 9 and then adopted him. He's now 13. They have had to take him our of school to be home schooled. He's had some learning and behavior problems, but they have done an excellent job from what I can see.

Sometimes they will ask us for advice on situations we can only imagine. I say what I can for them, but I always say "God bless you and I am praying for it all". Recently this young man exposed himself to a young girl in their neighborhood. This has now brought up another more serious issue. He's already been busted on the internet despite filters and such, but they are handling it correctly I think.

I'm not saying my kids are perfect, but I do think I have an advantage given my situation and theirs. I can't speak for all who have adopted kids. Sometimes I take way too much pride in my own children, but what I really realize is that I do not think I could deal with an adopted child over my own. Maybe I could, but it's never been something I've been called to do and I have nothing but respect for those that are.

 

[Mike]

The reason for my post was to see if there are any other people who have fostered children and to encourage further prayer from those who have thought about it. I'm sure there are, with the number of members, but I don't know about "active" ones.

I certainly wasn't looking for kudos. Anyone who has fostered (that I have talked with) would agree that there is much more that you receive than you give. There is a lot of assistance from the state (of Michigan, anyway). Unless they pull the chord, which can happen, our girls even have some college tuition paid for one day. As far as adopting, while formal adoption can be very expensive, adopting through the foster care system is virtually free from expense. So, there's not much heroic in fostering. We've had the girls for about 7 years now, and it's like we can't even remember not having them. I've heard people say you can't love another child as you can a child you bring into this world. I've never heard people say that who have done both. I would say unequivocally from personal experience this is untrue. Our one girl was 18 months when we took her in. We just celebrated her 9th birthday yesterday!!! :bday :candle :heart :heart :heart

I know a few families that have brought children out of orphanages in third world nations <--- heroes!!! They've flown to their respective countries with a suitcase full of cash. I can only imagine the stress.

I hope somewhere down the line, someone who has fostered and/or adopted will see this thread and comment.

 

[handy]

We adopted both of our kids from the foster care system. When it was clear that we couldn't have kids, we turned to adoption. God brought each of our kids into our lives when they were both about 3 1/2 years old. Our daughter suffered more than our son, and to this day we have our struggles with her lack of trust, but she is getting better.

It's simply not true at all that one wouldn't love an adopted child as much as a natural born child. Simply not true.

It's true that in most states, not only does adopting from the foster care system not have much cost associated with it, most costs are completely reimbursed, and in our state, one can receive a subsidy for the adopted child.

As for adopting children from foreign lands, adopting babies here in America or adopting from the foster care system, there is no one that is better than another, God works through it all to bring families together. My daughter's birth-brother was adopted into a family that has adopted several special needs kids from the Ukraine. I truly admire them.

I do think that there is a lot of misconceptions and even fears about adopting, especially adopting from the foster care system, but I will always testify to this: I praise and thank God all the time for closing my womb so that we adopted the kids we now have. In His wisdom, He knew just what He was doing for all our good! :yes

 

[Mike]

Handy, that's so cool!

Our two girls were 18 months and 3 years when we received them, and they had been in the system for about a year. So they weren't impacted consciously. There was a lot of neglect prenatal and after they were born, so there are some challenges at school They're 9 & 11 now. We know the people who adopted their older brothers, and they have more personal issues with what they experienced. When they were found, they were staying in someone's garage with nothing but a mattress and a space heater. It was November (cold) and the 6-month old (at the time) was in nothing but a diaper. I still get emotional when I think about that

When they arrived, the 18-month old was like a blank slate. Never talked, never smiled, couldn't interact... It was clear they had no nurturing.

But besides some learning difficulties, you'd never know it today. God has sustained them and seen them through some rough times. They go to a Christian school, and they have "Celebrate Life Week". They always have a thing where the kids put up baby pictures, and people have to guess who they were. Our kids don't have any, so it's a little awkward for them. But we and the teachers try to make it a positive thing for them.

It's nice to see someone here can relate :yes How old are your kids now?

I was going to PM you, but if anyone else is reading and paying attention, I wanted them to hear more.

Blessings.

 

[handy]

Our kids are now almost 13 and just turned 10. They are both doing pretty well. I could relate to what you were saying about your 18mth. When we brought our son home, even though he was 3 1/2 he said very few words, wasn't potty trained, didn't know how to use a fork or spoon, lot's of way in which he simply wasn't taught.

The bad thing is, he had been in foster care since he was 17months. We adopted him from Oregon, and believe me, Steve and I really reamed them about the "care" he got. What really, to this day, makes me upset is that his schedule was: Up at 7:00am. Nap from Noon until 4:00. Bed at 7:00pm. His bed was a crib with a locked lid, which I call a cage, wouldn't you? So, this healthy 3 year old boy was essentially caged for 16 hours a day. The foster "mother" took all sheets and pillows out of the cage, and he was literally tied into pajamas and given a rubber bath toy to play with. She said she did this because if she didn't he would rip the sheets up, pull the stuffing out of any plush toy and strip out of his clothes. She was worried that he had some serious developmental issues. I suggested that maybe, just maybe HE WAS BORED OUT OF HIS SKULL, YA THINK!!!! :mad

ok, then, all better now. :gah

Anyway, he is doing just fine now. It didn't take him long to catch up and now he's a great student and all around good guy. It's funny, he never used to talk and now the biggest discipline problem we have with him is that he talks too much at school with his buddies.

But, yes, yes, yes, there is an overwhelming need for loving Christians to look to their hearts to take in foster kids. Sometimes the alternatives for the poor babies aren't too good.

Our daughter has more serious issues. She was just 2 1/2 when she was removed from her home, but she had a younger brother and a younger sister, and all three kids were within a year of each other. But, since the mom was very low functioning, and the dad was ( :bigfrown )...let's just leave it at that...our daughter was basically the parent for the little ones. When the police came to take the kids away, she hid the baby in the closet under some stuffed toys and she pushed her little brother under the bed and laid in front of him to try to protect them. When they were taken away, they were sent to different foster care homes, and it affected her profoundly. We tried are best to adopt all three, but the state decided that the little ones were better off in the foster homes they had, as their foster parents wanted to adopt them. Our daughter, acting out because of all the losses and chaos, had been bounced around to different homes, so that we were her 5th home in life. 5 homes in 3 1/2 years. She's really overcoming all of it, but it's needed a lot of patience, love, understanding, and some professional counseling. And Ibuprofen. And sometimes Scotch. Aww, just kidding, just kidding, (seriously, I don't drink). Really, for all the ups and downs, both of them are the most awesome blessings in the world, and I still am amazed that God brought them to us.