Fraternity/Social Problems

[sinc86]

Hello everyone! I am brand new to this site and I am seeking for some encouragement/advice. I have been in a depression slump lately and I need some advice and words of encouragement, but first let me give you the story.


I am a senior this year attending college in Ohio. I have been pretty active at my school for the past four years. I have been apart of a fraternity for the past four years and that is where the problem is...

My freshman & sophomore years I was the social butterfly. I knew everyone, I partied, I went out all the time, I hung out with the guys, I did a lot of things I am not proud of... and then the end of my sophomore year I met a girl and all that changed.

I have been with this girl for a year and half now and I know she is the one. I love her to death and nothing will ever change that. Unfortunately she lives 2hrs away from me and I only get to see her on the weekends... which has caused a problem with my fraternity brothers...

My junior year I stopped "partying" and looking for a "good time" I stayed in more and spent more time with my girlfriend and focusing on school and bettering myself as a person and as a christian. I would miss a lot of our fraternity events on the weekends and all the parties that were going on... and I got some junk for it, and it really got me down. One kid in particular has really gotten to me these past two years... He is just a little punk, but he seems to find a way to get to me all the time. Last year (my jr year) he always gave me junk about not going to anything anymore or being around on the weekend. Just saying really hateful things and what not. Him, along with my other fraternity brothers were giving me a hard time my entire junior year because I stopped going to all our "mixers/parties/drunk-havens" Finally I made the decision to move off campus and get away from the fraternity house life.... and thats where I am today...

Now in my senior year I am still apart of my fraternity, but I do not go to many events and I do not drink or party or any of that at all. I have been focusing on school more so now, and I have been job searching like crazy. However, this past week we had our recruitment events to bring new members into the fraternity and when I went back to these events to help out that same little weezle, Riley, gave me junk for not being there. He called me a "sell-out" because I dont go to anything anymore, at least the parties and what not... and this is where my problem is...

I have always been one to let what others say get to me more than I should. I always take what people say to me to heart. Whether it be good or bad, I am always taking things to heart. I care to much what people think about me and I always have... this past week I have been really down and depressed because I feel like I get talked about by the other guys how I am "too involved with my girlfriend" or how i am a "sellout" and it really bothers me... I hate feeling this way.

I feel like I have somewhat abandoned my friends ever since I have been with my girlfriend, but then I think where in the world would I be if I didn't have my girlfriend. If I didn't have someone who pushes me in life to be everything I can and more. I would be right there with all the other guys partying, drinking, having sex, and feeling guilty about it.

The bottom line is that is not my lifestyle anymore. I don't drink, party, or do anything like that. I feel so much more mature then the other guys in the fraternity and it bothers me. I feel a greater connection with people in their 30's, 40's, and even 50's then I do people my own age. =/

How can I learn to not listen to what others think about me?

 

[Mike]

Welcome to CFnet.

I took a similar path through college. I met my (now) wife in my Junior year, and I too was in a fraternity. Only, I was at a school in Michigan, so I was much better off right there! ;)

The thing is, being in a fraternity, when it's all so much a big deal, you think this is life-long decision; that you will be friends with these guys for years and years. Then you graduate, and everyone goes on with their "real" lives.

Take a tip from Rob Williams in "Good Will Hunting". Tell them you went to see about a girl.

Oh, and stay away from the sex. You've already done something, so you're no longer virgins, but it doesn't mean you can't start that commitment today. Dedicate this holy relationship to the Lord, and be in prayer.

 

[Tidus]

I think many Christian guys who have "found the faith" in their teenage/early 20s years can probably relate to your story.

For me it was very similar, I hung out with guys who simply did not believe in God and therefore had no intention of ever living out a Christian way of life. When you live like that you can get into really bad stuff, and I found myself drinking excessively and going out alot, starting very young.

When you make that decision to give yourself to God though, all that changes. The day I become a Christian I decided flat out that I was never going to drink or go out into the club scene ever again. I also never hung out with the same friends again. I know that feeling you describe, where you feel as though you might have abandoned your friends. I think this is totally natural though. When Jesus called the disciples they literally dropped what they were doing and walked out of their lives to follow him, and that's how I would describe what happened when I became a Christian.

When Jesus calls us I think the price is often everything- our home, our friends, our personal goals in life. The call is simply more important, it's your destiny.

About the frat guys giving you a hard time- try not to worry about it. That is the natural reaction of someone who is still "in the world". It can be confronting to see a friend pursue their Christian faith and head down a pure, narrow road in life.

And about your girlfriend, I would invest your time into her, because it's her you'll be committing your life too, not your friends lol. Just treasure the relationship and keep your eyes on God so your priorities stay right. The narrow road is the only road worth walking.

God bless ya

 

[SMOOCH]

Hello everyone! I am brand new to this site and I am seeking for some encouragement/advice. I have been in a depression slump lately and I need some advice and words of encouragement, but first let me give you the story.


I am a senior this year attending college in Ohio. I have been pretty active at my school for the past four years. I have been apart of a fraternity for the past four years and that is where the problem is...

My freshman & sophomore years I was the social butterfly. I knew everyone, I partied, I went out all the time, I hung out with the guys, I did a lot of things I am not proud of... and then the end of my sophomore year I met a girl and all that changed.

I have been with this girl for a year and half now and I know she is the one. I love her to death and nothing will ever change that. Unfortunately she lives 2hrs away from me and I only get to see her on the weekends... which has caused a problem with my fraternity brothers...

My junior year I stopped "partying" and looking for a "good time" I stayed in more and spent more time with my girlfriend and focusing on school and bettering myself as a person and as a christian. I would miss a lot of our fraternity events on the weekends and all the parties that were going on... and I got some junk for it, and it really got me down. One kid in particular has really gotten to me these past two years... He is just a little punk, but he seems to find a way to get to me all the time. Last year (my jr year) he always gave me junk about not going to anything anymore or being around on the weekend. Just saying really hateful things and what not. Him, along with my other fraternity brothers were giving me a hard time my entire junior year because I stopped going to all our "mixers/parties/drunk-havens" Finally I made the decision to move off campus and get away from the fraternity house life.... and thats where I am today...

Now in my senior year I am still apart of my fraternity, but I do not go to many events and I do not drink or party or any of that at all. I have been focusing on school more so now, and I have been job searching like crazy. However, this past week we had our recruitment events to bring new members into the fraternity and when I went back to these events to help out that same little weezle, Riley, gave me junk for not being there. He called me a "sell-out" because I dont go to anything anymore, at least the parties and what not... and this is where my problem is...

I have always been one to let what others say get to me more than I should. I always take what people say to me to heart. Whether it be good or bad, I am always taking things to heart. I care to much what people think about me and I always have... this past week I have been really down and depressed because I feel like I get talked about by the other guys how I am "too involved with my girlfriend" or how i am a "sellout" and it really bothers me... I hate feeling this way.

I feel like I have somewhat abandoned my friends ever since I have been with my girlfriend, but then I think where in the world would I be if I didn't have my girlfriend. If I didn't have someone who pushes me in life to be everything I can and more. I would be right there with all the other guys partying, drinking, having sex, and feeling guilty about it.

The bottom line is that is not my lifestyle anymore. I don't drink, party, or do anything like that. I feel so much more mature then the other guys in the fraternity and it bothers me. I feel a greater connection with people in their 30's, 40's, and even 50's then I do people my own age. =/

How can I learn to not listen to what others think about me?

You ever think to leave and renounce your fraternity, its not exactly the best place to develop as a christian anyway. God can offer you more connections than any group of ppl can.