[__ Prayer __] freedom from oppression

[Christ_empowered]

Bondage. Captivity. Oppression. That's what sin, satan, self, death, and the world had me in, big time.

I've been genuinely saved--and that by a miracle--for 4 1/2 years. I'm now physically healthy, of sound mind, smart, normal in ways that matter, reconciled to my (loving, kind, long-suffering) parents, and...and...

I find that what little I can rememer of most of my "life," pre-Jesus (I was given heavy, involuntary shock "treatments" at age 20 and again at age 23...), oppression defined my very existence. Oppressed, then punished for reacting to oppression, punished for "not knowing your PLACE IN SOCIETY!," etc...on and on it goes. Not that I was sinless or anything, just...wow. For any numer of reasons, my existence was miserable, I was blamed for being miserable, on and on went...

...I ask that you pray for total and complete freedom for my family and for me, too. I don't know what to do, where to turn. I've prayed that The Lord will guide me, and also that He will work with me so I am willing to be guided.

My life--I have one now, in Christ--is peaceful, quiet, safe, and comfortable. I am blessed. The Lord loves me, and He's seen fit to spare me, save me, and pour into me, into my life...because He is Love.

I'm beginning to think that this talk of "warrants," etc. is revving up because of God's work in my life. I've finally prayed that God will take the burden of all this oppressive nastiness around me from me, leave it at the foot of The Cross, and do something constructive with it. I certainly cannot, that much is clear.

Lately, people in the neighborhood have been yelling about how I "don't respect authority" and "don't know YOUR PLACE IN SOCIETY!" etc., along with their usual taunts that seem to come out of old psych records. Thing is...not to sound anti-psychiatry (I don't think antipsychiatry has any more real solutions that psychiatry, btw...), but I think Mental Health, Inc. is a bunch of junk. Seriously. Yeah, some people are misfits and maybe can't work, at least not at most jobs. Is that really a "mental illness" ? No. I don't think so. Mental Health, Inc. seems to be about power, control, labels, profit, and...lies. Lies, lies, lies, all the time lies. Its not just me, either. I was reading about it...you know 1 reason why there's so many more people on disability for various "mental illness" complaints, both in the US and in the UK? Well, part of it is economic, of course, but it looks like...its the shrinks! The drug people up, label people, electroshock people...and then we, the "mental patients", can't work, can't get hired, can't function, etc...so the "experts" at Mental Health, Inc. get the gov't to pony up to keep their victims in "treatment". That's for the more fortunate among us, of course. You know how psychiatrists are always complaining about how homeless people need "treatment" (read: more gov't $$$) ? Yeah...here's the thing...one set of shrinks tried to send me to a homeless shelter, after giving me heavy electroshock and refusing to treat a near fatal sleeping pill overdose. My best guess is that a lot of those people you see on the streets are there --because-- of Mental Health, Inc. Just sayin'.

OK. I've rambled more than I should have. Sorry about that. Point is...I'm blessed beyond measure, I'm alive, healthy, smart, remarkably...whole...and that isn't how things usually go for people like who I was, before Christ. God's work in this world is always met with opposition. I've had more than my fair share of completely unnecessary bondage, captivity, etc., and I pray for total and complete freedom, for my family and for me, too. Thanks.

 

[Eugene]

I've prayed that The Lord will guide me, and also that He will work with me so I am willing to be guided.

Hi Brother Christ_empowered, your request is a certainty as we read in Php 2:13. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

I'm beginning to think that this talk of "warrants," etc. is revving up because of God's work in my life.

AND

Lately, people in the neighborhood have been yelling about how I "don't respect authority" and "don't know YOUR PLACE IN SOCIETY!" etc., along with their usual taunts that seem to come out of old psych records.

Until you are ready to isolate any possible illusion from reality I personally believe you'll always be haunted from accusations of our enemy. Satan knows our weaknesses better than we do, and is a viable foe to any peace we enjoy in Christ. I think I've told you this before, but I've known people diagnosed with schizophrenia that could be watching TV and hear similar voices from the set saying what they didn't want to hear. From what I've heard, it is many times their conscience they're not completely clear from that is condemning them. There certainly is the possibility you live around a bunch of real nuts also, but you need to ascertain for sure if it is you or them being the root of your problem.

Now why would I say that? Over quite a span of time you've expressed the same complaint, but in the past you've said neither of your parents have ever heard anyone yelling about warrants, etc. I'm not sure, but I don't think I've seen you write about hearing someone yelling about felonies lately, and I wonder if that's due to your concerns while you were on probation now being taken away? I've suggested this before, but is there any way you, or you parents would buy a recording device to be planted in a location of your yard that would capture the accusations you think you are hearing? Just ensuring the source of agitation might give you peace you've yet to realize, and of course I do not know if there would be legal sources available to put a stop of their harassment.
Blessings CE in Jesus' name, and I continue in prayer for you.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, eugene.



something's going on around me. for some reason, I was up at 3.45 AM this morning. I guess some people around were drinking and/or drugging. I heard yelling about "he'll be in JAIL by the time we get thru with him!," etc. Not even 4 in the morning. :-(

I don't know what to make of the whole thing, honestly. I still, even now, try to piece it together from a worldly perspective. P!ssed the shrinks off, clearly. There's that...which can be a fatal mistake for a "mental patient," believe you me. But, hey; I'm in the world, but not of it now, thanks to Christ. Soooo....

....sooo, I gotta listen to Verna more often. Satan is very real, very cunning, and very upset that one of his victims is saved, set free, and now...somehow...remarkably...whole. "Normal"? Sure, that's relative, I guess. Whole? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I'm physically healthy, smart, I have a normal light in my eyes, no premature aging, my irreversible hair loss has given way to incredibly thick hair (I mention that time and time again because...clearly...God's saying something there, and not just to me, either...). I'm even up to 5'10 or so, which is in the average height range. Nothing wrong with being short, but I think I may have been short because of stress and malnutrition, honestly. So...God is good!

Social class issues, obviously. My parents were working class (but well-educated) when I was a kid, then respectable, now they're apparently more on the "well-to-do" end of the spectrum. God has been good to them, too. Mama's headed for retirement shortly. I'm very happy for her, and I'm also happy that she'll be here, at the house, doing her thing, while I'm here. Makes me feel...safer. More secure. I know, I'm in my early 30s, grow up, etc....but: things were rough there, for a while. In the "real world," when you're sick, weak, labeled, destroyed, low status, oppressed....bad things happen, a lot of time worse than what I was subjected to, even.

--ugh-- I get the sense that I was expected to march off to prison with that mess I got into. I certainly wasn't expected to bond out, get a plea bargain, get probation, live with my parents, complete probation, and call it a day. Maybe that's one reason people will yell about "public defender," and "f@ggot! judge TOOK PITY on you!," etc. ? Oh, and I'm now labeled "Schizophrenic." As in..."its his fault he has Schizophrenia! and "so what if he has Schizophrenia? crazy f@ggot can still go to prison!," etc. The official label ("diagnosis") is still Bipolar I of some sort, I think, but...yeah. The locals have spoken: "f@ggot developed Schizophrenia," "ain't their fault he got Schizophrenia," etc.

I'm blessed to be on disability. Helps my parents tremendously , gives me heatlh coverage. I doubt anyone would hire me. Even if I did get a job, it wouldn't be long before they made my life hell. Too smart, too average, too stupid, too skinny, too fat, balding, too much hair, too uppity, trying to special, spoiled, loser, rinky dink middle class, oh...well, just cuz they have more $$$ than me doesn't mean they're better than me, etc.etc. etc. On and on it goes...

God is good! I was obviously brain damaged after psychiatrists got thru with me. I'm not saying I was sinless or blameless, but...I sho nuff didn't sign up for shock "Treatments" and all that jazz. Now, I'm smart and healthy, no major physical problems, nothing that screams "brain damage!" now...which is a miracle. The result?

"he needs to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!" and "I don't CARE what the doctors did to HIM!," etc. Can't complain too much. I live here, in a nice house with loving, kind parents. They even baked a big ol Stouffer's lasagna last nite (made my day, btw). I can't work, but then again...I live better than most "mental patients" on disability, that much is clear. I've been spared a felony. I don't live in unrepentant sin, darkness, and chaos.

I just...well, I've prayed, recently, for God to forgive me my fear and replace my fear with the perfect love that casteth out all fear. What's going on around here? I dunno. Nobody's gonna tell me, that's for certain. It seems that I messed up in my teens, the shrinks have labeled and condemned me from day 1, I was sick and not going to live much longer for a while there, and...grace saved a wretch like me (Praise God!).

Please keep on praying for my family and for me. I do appreciate it, I really do. I sometimes wonder: where to go, what to do, now? And my answer? No clue! I overheard neighbors at an apt. complex I live in while out of state talking about getting me committed to one of the bigger state hospitals. Lovely. Good thing I kept the rent paid on time...

Ugh. Thanks again, and please keep on praying. I don't know what to make of this situation, why people insist on being ridiculous, what's going on, etc. Things have actually improved in some respects. I just don't think there's a way for me to integrate into this community, and that is...what it is. Beats prison, jail, the state hospital, real poverty, etc.

Thanks again for the prayers+replies.

 

[Eugene]

I sometimes wonder: where to go, what to do, now?

Brother Christ_empowered, get a recording of what those neighbors are yelling, and allow your parents to hear it.

 

[Christ_empowered]

you're right, eugene. the problem is that they seem to usually stay in their yard...and YELL. Once, my parents were in my room, helping me with stuff. We had my windows open for ventilation. This one dude who is forever over at that particular house....was laughing like a crazed hyena. I mean, he was so loud, so mean-spirited sounding, it was more than a little bit...disconcerting. I told my parents then that he was one of the people who enjoyed tormenting me. I dunno. I think my dad expects me to just roll with it (?). I don't think he quite "gets" it, kinda like he doesn't quite "get" what its like to be bashed on the head with a pipe for being a pretty lil gay dude, I guess (?). Nothing against him; I just don't think he's had the life I've had, that's all. He grew up going to private, Christian schools, all that jazz. We're not exactly on the same wave length, it seems.

Yeah...so, my parents have a bigger yard in this neighborhood. This one set of neighbors, their back yard has a chain link fence around it, and it juts out into my parents' back and side yard. Then there's a row of mostly smaller, rental houses out behind my parents' back yard. My mother, in particular, doesn't care for most of the people back there. She's upset because some of them clearly, clearly neglect their pets. She even thoguht about filing a complaint, but...we have to live here, so she just feeds the dogs when she sees them. Its that bad.

Anyway, I get it from all angles. I realize that I was wretched and all that, but this is hardcore. The other day, I was in between songs on my phone, and some dude out back yelled out and called me a "passed around loser." Oh, so --special--, lemme tell you.

The lay out makes me wonder how I'm going to get a recording. The other thing is some people --have-- gotten in the yard. Once, when I'd first moved home, a rednecky sounding dude was right outside my window, talking about "what I did to him...he had 6 months left to live...HA HA HA!," etc. Awesome. ((backstory: 10 years ago, I moved to another part of the state, trying to finish up college. I didn't realize it, but I was sick to the point of being very, very, very near death. God is good!).

Somebody stole my dad's tool set a while back, so he's got a camera out there for all that. I've told him that people yell and stuff. For a while there, the parents told me to "adjust your medicines," but now...I think they're starting to get what I'm saying. My dad seems to let it roll right off of him, which kinda gets to me, honestly. I mean, would he like to be harassed, yelled at, have people yelling nasty sexual stuff at --him-- ? I'm gonna take a wild guess and say...NO. No, he would not. My mother at one point said she's going to need to names, dates, etc., because she talks to the neighbors around here now and then, so its kind of an awkward thing to discuss out of nowhere. At least there's that...she gives everybody's dogs treats when she thinks about it, and I think that has made things a little less intense than they might be otherwise. Maybe....

So, yeah. There ya go. This early AM (not even 4 am!) thing was extra creepy. I thought I heard some hardcore bird noises, because my parents have all kindsa trees, plus they're into birds now, so they've put in feeders, bird baths,etc. Then...I realized: it was some dudes making loud noises, then they started talking about "jail," etc. Like I said, not even 4 AM.

Ugh. I just...don't...know...what to do. Turns out, when the docs at that last (2nd) mental hospital said I had cancer and would be dead within 6 moths...it wasn't just some shrink-y mind game, hahaha, kinda thing. Nope. Dying. Very, very, very much dying. Clearly, I didn't die, but I wasn't genuinely, truly, healthy until fairly recently ((that's a miracle, of course; I see that now. I didn't for a long time....). I also realize now the shrinks at that hospital weren't playing around when they said "he's had a lobotomy" and "he's severely brain damaged" and "he has a unique form of intelligence." Man oh man...isn't psychiatry --fun-- ?

I praise God for His love and mercy and genuine compassion. I pray, Lord Jesus, that you'll have mercy on me, a sinner, yet again. I sho nuff need it.

Thanks for the replies+support, eugene. Oh, and your prayers, too...please, please, please keep those prayers coming. God's work in this world is --always-- met with opposition. A servant is not better than his master. If the world first hated Jesus, they'll sho nuff hate you/me, too, especially when stuff like this happens ((the good stuff)).

Ugh. Still...somewhat frustrated, lol. Thanks again.

 

[Eugene]

I was in between songs on my phone, and some dude out back yelled out and called me a "passed around loser." Oh, so --special--, lemme tell you.
The lay out makes me wonder how I'm going to get a recording.

If you're hearing what the neighbors say from outside your home, there are recorder pickups available far more sensitive that the human ear. In other words, if you can hear it, it's certain to pick it up. Get the proof dude. :yes

 

[Winnie]

Go to a large prayer forum on facebook and youll get over a hundred people pray for this to quite down. Man, those prayer work. Ive used it and go in there and pray. 'Prayer warriors' its called. If you dont have an account, some people only use fb for limited reasons. Or start a new account and go under a different name.