Hi Igorstash, nice to meet you. Im sorry that youre not doing too well. I know how it can feel like despair sometimes.
These are pretty broad strokes you are painting a picture with. So all i can do is answer in a likewise manner.
I would pray for a new perspective.
God does snap His fingers and fixes things instantly sometimes. But for the most part, He deals in process and progression. For example, when He created the plants in Genesis they sprouted forth, they didnt just pop up out of nowhere. It will be the same for our lives, process and progression. Look up how many years it takes Him to fulfill His promises to Abraham to have a kid or for David to become king. Its takes years and sometimes decades. Its almost like a race of standing still, still in spirit, obedience and peace until God moves.
He speaks predominantly through scripture, that will be the easiest way to hear Him. You will be reading and out of nowhere a verse will speak directly to your situation, from Gods lips to your ears, and it hits like a ton of bricks.
Also. More broadstrokes. If you are unhappy about how life has panned out for you, money, relationships with others, career, whatever may bother you. Its important to remember that this life and world isnt the real one, it will all wither away out of existence. Its the spiritual world that is the real one, and its what we look forward to.
Some people believe Jesus died so that we can be comfy in this counterfeit world. They do good deeds to get blessings. Its not the case. There are people that despise God and do bad things and get good things like job promotions. On the other hand some people that love God, do good things and get bad things like losing jobs, going to prison, or what have you. We dont do good to get good. We do good to honor God. And whatever happens in this life as a result of that, whether good or bad...its not too important. As long as we remain faithful, in step with the Spirit and obedient, its the next life that is important.
Hope some of this made sense. All the best.