Funniest (and true) Creed of atheists and New Agers !

[Karma2Grace]

We believe in Marxfreud and darwin.
We believe everything is OK as long as you don't hurt anyone,
to the best of your definition of hurt,
and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before during
and after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that sodomy's OK
We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better
despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated.
You can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in horoscopes,
UFO's and bent spoons;
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha
Mohammed and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher although we think
his good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same,
at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of
creation sin heaven hell God and salvation.

We believe that after death comes The Nothing
because when you ask the dead what happens
they say Nothing.
If death is not the end, if the dead have lied,
then it's compulsory heaven for all
excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin and Genghis Khan.

We believe in Masters and Johnson.
What's selected is average.
What's average is normal.
What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between
warfare and bloodshed.
Americans should beat their guns into tractors
and the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.
It's only his behaviour that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth
that is right for him.
Reality will adapt accordingly.
The universe will readjust. History will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth
excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds.

 

[ThinkerMan]

Nothing like stereotyping for humor....

We believe in Marxfreud and darwin.

Believe lock-stock-and-barrel? Not at all. Recognize some key contributions they have made, yes.

We believe everything is OK as long as you don't hurt anyone,
to the best of your definition of hurt,
and to the best of your knowledge.

Not okay, just not necessarily always my business.

We believe in sex before during
and after marriage.

Nope.

We believe in the therapy of sin.

Nope

We believe that adultery is fun.

Nope. I don't cheat on my wife. Why do you suppose that I do?

We believe that sodomy's OK

Personally, it's not OK with me. I have no desire to try it. However, I have no problems if others do.

We believe that taboos are taboo.

Nope.

We believe that everything's getting better
despite evidence to the contrary.

As personal freedoms expand, yes, I believe things are generally improving in America. Perhaps not everywhere though

The evidence must be investigated.

Of course it must.

You can prove anything with evidence.

Nope.

We believe there's something in horoscopes,

Nope

UFO's and bent spoons;

Nope

Jesus was a good man just like Buddha

I don't know much about either of them besides what others said about them, but their philosophies seemed to be good.

Mohammed and ourselves.

Not a fan of Mohammed. Yes, we can learn from other good men amongst ourselves.

He was a good moral teacher although we think
his good morals were bad.

If you are speaking of Jesus, his are pretty good...what others do with them is unfortunate.

We believe that all religions are basically the same,

Not at all.

at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of
creation sin heaven hell God and salvation.

Yes they do differ as such.

We believe that after death comes The Nothing

Yup....

because when you ask the dead what happens
they say Nothing.

...although that's not why.

If death is not the end, if the dead have lied,
then it's compulsory heaven for all

Nope.

excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin and Genghis Khan.

I don't pretend to have any idea what a deity I have no idea about thinks of such things.

We believe in Masters and Johnson.

Smart folks. Some good stuff. some bad stuff.

What's selected is average.

Not necessarily

What's average is normal.

By definition. Yes

What's normal is good.

Nope

We believe in total disarmament.

Nope

We believe there are direct links between
warfare and bloodshed.

Except with the game of "Risk". You seldom see bloodshed in Risk. As for other wars, yes, I think it is fairly safe to say if you attack someone with guns and missiles there will be bloodshed.

Americans should beat their guns into tractors
and the Russians would be sure to follow.

Nope

We believe that man is essentially good.

Most are. Some aren't.

It's only his behaviour that lets him down.

Actions, decisions, environment, education, etc. Many things.

This is the fault of society.

Nope

Society is the fault of conditions.

Society is certainly the result of conditions.

Conditions are the fault of society.

Yes, they are self-defining as such.

We believe that each man must find the truth
that is right for him.

So long as it follows the golden rule, yes.

Reality will adapt accordingly.

Nope. Sometimes it should. Sometimes it shouldn't. It should certainly accomidate those who do not harm others.

The universe will readjust. History will alter.

Nope.

We believe that there is no absolute truth
excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

Quaint saying, but not true.

We believe in the rejection of creeds.

Nope. I'm fine with whatever creeds are out there, so long as they do not harm or infringe upon others.

Nice shotgun approach. Unfortunately most of your shot missed the target. Such is the danger of stereotyping people.

Also, in your cut-and-paste job you missed the last phrase...so I'll include my response to that as well.

and the flowering of individual thought.

Absolutely. As a conservative I think competition is a very good thing. More people thinking, more competition, better results.

 

[Quath]

Comparing atheist and new agers is like comparing Christians with Rastafarians. If you lump them together, you get statements that applies to neither.

Quath

 

[bibleberean]

One thing you can do...

You can lump all atheists in one big category...

They are all fools. There are no exceptions.

Psalms 14:1 To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David. The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.

 

[Orthodox Christian]

Comparing atheist and new agers is like comparing Christians with Rastafarians. If you lump them together, you get statements that applies to neither.

Quath

Rastafarians have sacraments which come in a sack; ours comes in a jug. We both burn incense, for different reasons.

Here's what that other guy said

They are all fools. There are no exceptions.

There's no sense attempting reasoned dialogue with those who would alternately tell you what you believe and poke you in the eye.

I like Rastas alot better than Fundies. Heck, I like wet, rabid dogs better than I like Fundies.

 

[Quath]

Rastafarians have sacraments which come in a sack; ours comes in a jug. We both burn incense, for different reasons.

Too funny.

I like Rastas alot better than Fundies. Heck, I like wet, rabid dogs better than I like Fundies.

99% of Fundies give the rest a bad name.

Quath

 

[peace4all]

We believe that everything's getting better

well, that just sounds like most of the christians on this forum.

"it doesnt matter what you do, God will still punish you sinners, and i will still go to heaven"

 

[KnarfKS]

We believe that everything's getting better

This is the one that I actually don't think you will find many Christians agreeing with at all. At least not the people who are not extremely sheltered.

"it doesnt matter what you do, God will still punish you sinners, and i will still go to heaven"

No, since I myself am a sinner also I won't pass judgement upon you especially when you don't believe in Christ, so you also don't believe in sin as I do. Therefore there is no point in judging athiests, I would just look like someone putting you down for something rediculous in your mind. I will tell athiests about the power of Christ and what He has done, but the rest is up to you and God. I'm not passing the buck, I just realize I don't have the power to do anything else.(except pray)

And it really does matter what you do, if you accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior, then you will also go to heaven. You may even begin to be sanctified and curb the sin that occurs in your life after accepting Christ through His power and cleansing. It doesn't matter what you did before, it matters when you make that decision to follow Christ.

If you do decide to not accept Christ, then I would agree, there are consequences to your actions. Being a "good" person won't help.

 

[SyntaxVorlon]

Well TM got it in one and BB put in his usual Bigotry. Must be hanging around with too many Rastafarians and praising Jah-Rastafari.

Next you'll be calling Marx and Bentham philosophical compatriots, which Marx would probably include you in the Bourgeoise for, at least when the revolution comes, with an appointment just after the Sirius Cybernetics Marketing Division.

 

[Lyric's Dad]

I like Rastas alot better than Fundies. Heck, I like wet, rabid dogs better than I like Fundies.

Hey! WHAT DID I DO!?!

 

[Featherbop]

We believe in Marxfreud and darwin.

I don't know the percentage of atheists that accept Marx's and Freud's ideas, maybe you meant that for 'new agers'.....but all atheists "believe Darwin" out of neccessity. 'New Age' beleifs often include bizzare evolutionary ideas also.

We believe everything is OK as long as you don't hurt anyone,
to the best of your definition of hurt,
and to the best of your knowledge.

I guess this is the 'best' they can do...

We believe in sex before during
and after marriage.

Everybody(not literally, generally) does sex before marriage, sex during marriage(for a while-then none), and after marriage. Most people fall to sexual sin in some way or another.

We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that sodomy's OK
We believe that taboos are taboo.

Yeah.

We believe that everything's getting better
despite evidence to the contrary.

I assume you mean humanity, or more vaguely, "The World".

Right, but see, they have no other hope. Everybody hopes for something, places hope on something, that is all they have...It is mandatory, most atheists are secular humanists.

The evidence must be investigated.
You can prove anything with evidence.

Of course evidence must be studied....It isn't "proof", just what something seems to be. Evidence can be interpreted. This is by no means, as I see it, an atheist or new age idea only, this applies to everyone.

We believe there's something in horoscopes,
UFO's and bent spoons;

This would be new agers. I can think of very few atheists involved with those things.

Jesus was a good man just like Buddha
Mohammed and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher although we think
his good morals were bad.

Kind of ironic how some atheists deal with comparing 'religious figures', or analizing them.

We believe that all religions are basically the same,
at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of
creation sin heaven hell God and salvation.

I'm sure atheists and new agers as individuals, have differing opinions on these things. It is impossible to lump everyone of them together.

We believe that man is essentially good.
It's only his behaviour that lets him down.

Yes, as secular humanists or new age humanists religions, this is a mandatory tenet. However, man's behavior is not some uncontrollable force that "Lets him down". Man's behavior is up to him(personally), and how he behaves, what he chooses is his own decision.
He lets himself down.

The rest of it isn't clear. I don't know what parts are speaking of atheists, which of new agers, and which of both.

I think you'd make better points if you'll speak of one group at a time. [/quote]

 

[bibleberean]

The one true God calls atheists fools. I only quoted what God has clearly stated... :D

If "alleged Christians" don't like it they can take it up with Him. ;-)

Psalms 53:1 To the chief Musician upon Mahalath, Maschil, A Psalm of David. The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good.

God says atheists are fools and there are those who claim that they follow Him and His word that have a problem with that...

I am not too concerned with what atheists think as they have a severe handicap... 8-)

 

[Orthodox Christian]

The one true God calls atheists fools. I only quoted what God has clearly stated... :D

If "alleged Christians" don't like it they can take it up with Him. ;-)

Psalms 53:1 To the chief Musician upon Mahalath, Maschil, A Psalm of David. The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good.

God says atheists are fools and there are those who claim that they follow Him and His word that have a problem with that...

I am not too concerned with what atheists think as they have a severe handicap... 8-)

I don't deny what scripture says, I just think the pot ought not call the kettle black.

There are several kinds of fools, according to hebrew scripture.
There are people who are just senseless: nabal
there are people who are arrogant and stupid:kesil
there are those who despise wisdom, and who mock and quarrel:eviyl

Scripture identifies unbelievers as senseless. Scripture identifies believers and unbelievers alike who despise wisdom and mock as EVIL.

I've seen no hatred for knowledge or wisdom among the atheists here, but I have seen arrogance, mocking, and stupidity among those who call themselves Christians here.

If you gonna be a fool, be a fool seeking instruction.

But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

Hope you like it hot.

 

[SyntaxVorlon]

Yeah, well you and God can do battle against me in a horse drawn chariot and we can see who'll win. I'm afraid however that there is some bad precedence for you in this scenario.

 

[Orthodox Christian]

Yeah, well you and God can do battle against me in a horse drawn chariot and we can see who'll win. I'm afraid however that there is some bad precedence for you in this scenario.

Can you swim? I know that was an issue for the Egyptians in chariots.

 

[SyntaxVorlon]

Yeah, well you and God can do battle against me in a horse drawn chariot and we can see who'll win. I'm afraid however that there is some bad precedence for you in this scenario.

Can you swim? I know that was an issue for the Egyptians in chariots.

I'm making reference to a story in which one of God's chosen, despite having God on his side in battle, lost to superior weaponry.

 

[Quath]

I'm making reference to a story in which one of God's chosen, despite having God on his side in battle, lost to superior weaponry.

Yeah. The chariots of iron from

Judges 1:19 - And the Lord was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.

Quath

 

[bibleberean]

God was not overcome by chariots of Iron...

Treasury of Scripture knowlege gives the reason...

"Not because the iron chariots were too strong for Omnipotence, or because he refused to help them; but because their courage and faith failed when they saw them."

Judges 1:27-32; Joshua 7:12; Matthew 14:30; 17:19-20; Philipians 4:13

chariots Exodus 14:7-31; Joshua 11:1-9; 17:16-18; Psalms 46:9

Atheists and skeptics are so quick to think they have found some huge problem...

Commentator Poole writes:

"On account of their unbelief, whereby they doubted and distrusted God's power to destroy those who had chariots of iron and so gave way to their own fear and sloth, whereby God was provoked to withdraw his helping hand from them, and so they were really made impotent, as they were unwilling.

See Joshua 17:16.

 

[Quath]

God was not overcome by chariots of Iron...

Treasury of Scripture knowlege gives the reason...

"Not because the iron chariots were too strong for Omnipotence, or because he refused to help them; but because their courage and faith failed when they saw them."

I thought you were a literalist. The passage is very clear. The reason the inhabitants were not driven out was "because they had iron chariots." This passage does not say "because the Isaelites were cowards" as you are trying to rewrite it to say.

Quath

 

[Orthodox Christian]

God was not overcome by chariots of Iron...

Treasury of Scripture knowlege gives the reason...

"Not because the iron chariots were too strong for Omnipotence, or because he refused to help them; but because their courage and faith failed when they saw them."

I thought you were a literalist. The passage is very clear. The reason the inhabitants were not driven out was "because they had iron chariots." This passage does not say "because the Isaelites were cowards" as you are trying to rewrite it to say.

Quath

And herein is the issue, because everyone applies literally the parts of the bible that they wish to be literal and figuratively the parts they wish to be figurative. This includes people who are not 'believers.'

We all do these things with many other things as well, not just the bible. We contextualize and rationalize, because ultimately we want to believe as we believe.

And pehaps we should- if we approached everything factually and literally, where would romantic love, religious faith, hope, or even humanism be? The facts must be considered; but without some kind of faith- even if just in oneself- what would we be?

BTW- the scripture from Judges says that the Lord was with Joshua. By this, it does not mean that God was standing next to Joshua and involved in the fight. I think of the scripture that says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I haven't tried benching 800 pounds, but I don't believe for one second that I can, even with Christ within me. Is Christ weak? No, my faith is. As a man thinks, so he is.

And that is my contextualization.