[__ Prayer __] Getting it..dealing with it…

[Christ_empowered]

I grew up and spent most of my life in this general area. I’ve been living in a small city near my small hometown. My parents live near me and they are my support system. I have a diagnosis somewhere on the schizophrenia spectrum…schizoaffective disorder maybe just schizophrenia with a lot of depression. And so…

I’m dealing with rumors about things from way back. I never really was a heavy drinker or into street drugs. I’ve always had anxiety and agitation. My first psychiatrist prescribed Klonopin for me when I was still a teenager. It worked wonders at first but I quickly ended up with more anxiety and more severe depression. The taper was brutal and apparently done too quickly.

My family doctor prescribed lots of adderall and various antidepressants. I think the idea was to lift my mood and improve concentration. I was referred to a counselor who has since been reprimanded more than once. I suspect that he is the source of some of the rumors…

That I was a meth addict a coke head did Iv drugs slow learner etc. it’s a little bit crazy making to be 41 years old now and have to deal with people I don’t know openly taunting me with junk that isn’t even true. It’s not that I was too good for street drugs I just didn’t do them. I don’t actually know my iq estimate now but I managed to graduate high school at 16 with surprisingly high sat scores. And…

I dunno at 17 I was driven out of the dorms. Parents paid for an apartment near the school. I was considered a poseur which happens but what’s creepy and unnerving about this situation is that lots are vocal people here locally say things at me…sometimes they’ll even yell…

And I don’t really know that many people here now, aside from my parents.

People woke me up at 4 again and keep taunting etc. believe me it’s not my illness at all.

I do get disability which has been a huge blessing for my parents and me. Some man upstairs yells about me living off his tax dollars? I get a reduced amount of disability because my parents help a lot. I’m thankful especially since I get medical coverage. And…

I do have a conviction on my record. It’s a class a misdemeanor that started as a felony charge. I was given suspended sentence and probation. Basically I was sentenced to the maximum sentence but put on probation. That way if I’d done something wrong I’d potentially have to do the maximum sentence in jail. Deterrent value I suppose. And…

I ended up being released from probation 2 years early. After that a charge that had been dismissed was expunged. That was over 8 years ago.

So…

God is Love. God is merciful. People?!? Oh man

My parents own my modest pleasant place. They were able to buy it outright no mortgage almost 7 years ago. It even came furnished! And…

I’m happy here. I cook I keep a clean place I have house plants and I’ve even been leaving out food and water for random neighborhood cats . It’s a modest pleasant neighborhood but there seems to be a lot of free range rudeness?

So…rambling…

I can’t do anything about rumors or petty acts of cruelty etc but my real concern is that people seem to think that they can control me. That’s kinda my problem. I don’t drink no drugs or fun pills in over 15 years but I’m being insulted and awakened at night and during my occasional naps and…?

Thanks

 

[EstevanL11]

hey there! i hope youre having a free and peaceful moment right now to read this or whenever but I was somehow led here to help someone out, i just had the courage and love for all, i just wanna say that you are not alone. you may hear that alot now a days but i promise you are not an outcast, not a horrible being, and not called by your sin nor wrongdoings, i bet you have such a loving heart and ill always be here to help you out! talk to me whenever youd like and I can truly help. i used to have really bad anxiety, it calmed down but it came back after i got into my relationship with christ, i dont want to ramble about my life, but i want to give you an understanding of how you are not the only one dealing with mental health. yeah it sucks, but it can empower us and bring us closer to god, thats how i got here. Pray it all to jesus tonight, anything and i mean anything. thats on your mind. I have a heart full of everything thats what to talk to jesus, but i struggle with distactions, doubts, etc. ill pray over you tonight and i hope the best for you and your journey in christ, im here, and most importantly, the father jesus christ.

 

[Mare333]

I grew up and spent most of my life in this general area. I’ve been living in a small city near my small hometown. My parents live near me and they are my support system. I have a diagnosis somewhere on the schizophrenia spectrum…schizoaffective disorder maybe just schizophrenia with a lot of depression. And so…

I’m dealing with rumors about things from way back. I never really was a heavy drinker or into street drugs. I’ve always had anxiety and agitation. My first psychiatrist prescribed Klonopin for me when I was still a teenager. It worked wonders at first but I quickly ended up with more anxiety and more severe depression. The taper was brutal and apparently done too quickly.

My family doctor prescribed lots of adderall and various antidepressants. I think the idea was to lift my mood and improve concentration. I was referred to a counselor who has since been reprimanded more than once. I suspect that he is the source of some of the rumors…

That I was a meth addict a coke head did Iv drugs slow learner etc. it’s a little bit crazy making to be 41 years old now and have to deal with people I don’t know openly taunting me with junk that isn’t even true. It’s not that I was too good for street drugs I just didn’t do them. I don’t actually know my iq estimate now but I managed to graduate high school at 16 with surprisingly high sat scores. And…

I dunno at 17 I was driven out of the dorms. Parents paid for an apartment near the school. I was considered a poseur which happens but what’s creepy and unnerving about this situation is that lots are vocal people here locally say things at me…sometimes they’ll even yell…

And I don’t really know that many people here now, aside from my parents.

People woke me up at 4 again and keep taunting etc. believe me it’s not my illness at all.

I do get disability which has been a huge blessing for my parents and me. Some man upstairs yells about me living off his tax dollars? I get a reduced amount of disability because my parents help a lot. I’m thankful especially since I get medical coverage. And…

I do have a conviction on my record. It’s a class a misdemeanor that started as a felony charge. I was given suspended sentence and probation. Basically I was sentenced to the maximum sentence but put on probation. That way if I’d done something wrong I’d potentially have to do the maximum sentence in jail. Deterrent value I suppose. And…

I ended up being released from probation 2 years early. After that a charge that had been dismissed was expunged. That was over 8 years ago.

So…

God is Love. God is merciful. People?!? Oh man

My parents own my modest pleasant place. They were able to buy it outright no mortgage almost 7 years ago. It even came furnished! And…

I’m happy here. I cook I keep a clean place I have house plants and I’ve even been leaving out food and water for random neighborhood cats . It’s a modest pleasant neighborhood but there seems to be a lot of free range rudeness?

So…rambling…

I can’t do anything about rumors or petty acts of cruelty etc but my real concern is that people seem to think that they can control me. That’s kinda my problem. I don’t drink no drugs or fun pills in over 15 years but I’m being insulted and awakened at night and during my occasional naps and…?

Thanks

Hi CE,
I don't know if you remember me, I used to come to this website a lot until a year ago. My username was Marianne333. I had to change it to Mare333 now after Christian Forums revamped the website. I just read what you wrote, and I will definitely pray for you. I will pray that God alleviates your suffering, and you feel better. I can relate a lot to what you are saying. I too thought that people in my building hated me, nobody said "hi" to me, and when they did say "hi", I didn't believe that it was sincere. I really thought that the world was a terrible, horrible dark place, and everyone was mean and arrogant and condescending, etc. . Then I went through a really dramatic experience, and now I feel like I am in a totally different world. Everyone is so nice. People say "hi," and, "have a nice day" I reconciled with my family, with whom I had a riff for a very long time. I feel like Scrooge in Christmas Carol, because this whole experience humbled me, and showed me how imperfect I am, and at the same time, is showing me how great and wonderful God's world is. And I can't believe how amazing everything is and I am afraid to lose it. I'll pray that God will do the same miracle in your life, and I am glad that you get along with your parents, I think you had mentioned that was not always the case. So please don't lose hope, and know that the world is not a horrible, dark place. Hope this helps, again, I will pray

 

[Christ_empowered]

thank you both! Good to see you posting again, Mare333. Strange, but true: you’ve been randomly on my mind and also in my prayers.

Most people don’t bother with other people. My problem is that I’ve got some vocal…mockers? Enemies? I dunno it doesn’t help that my psych treatment was often dismissive and even cruel. I’m not actually all that super sensitive but because of things that happened I’ve got triggers I suppose.

I’m so thankful that God has changed you and it seems He’s changed your corner of the world , too. Awesome

 

[Mare333]

thank you both! Good to see you posting again, Mare333. Strange, but true: you’ve been randomly on my mind and also in my prayers.

Most people don’t bother with other people. My problem is that I’ve got some vocal…mockers? Enemies? I dunno it doesn’t help that my psych treatment was often dismissive and even cruel. I’m not actually all that super sensitive but because of things that happened I’ve got triggers I suppose.

I’m so thankful that God has changed you and it seems He’s changed your corner of the world , too. Awesome

Thank you so much for the prayers! And it feels nice to know now in hindside that during those times that I was still hurting I was randomly popping up in your mind, and I am sure your prayers have also contributed to the great outcome that I am experiencing right now. I have said a prayer for you, and I will keep praying. Hope to keep running into you on here, God bless

 

[Christ_empowered]

I’m grateful and really just now getting it. Schizophrenia may or may not be a permanent brain disorder but it is definitely a permanent social label . It’s…not a pity party just a statement of fact. I’m considered schizophrenic and that’s about all that society has to offer me.

In my case though God has worked real change and restoration in my life a lot of it after I was labeled…and had already been ripped to shreds electroshocked and estranged from my family etc…

In Christ Jesus I’m living a modest pleasant quiet little life. I’m upset at times because the insults seem so never ending and I’m dealing with taunts and intimidation and social mind games etc but…

Honestly?!? It’s weird how much the lord has changed me my life my situation…

But the fallen often cruel world around me is…

Not really any different than when I got genuinely saved nearly 13 years ago.

The stuff that happens to me happens to people with psych records criminal records substance use histories poor people people in disability and or welfare and….

Ugh nothing has befallen me except that which is common to man…

It’s weird to me how shrinks said I had severe narcissistic personality disorder and they had to humble me. Their version of humbling me involved over billing insurance involuntary shock cruelty over medicating me and withholding real treatment for physical health problems.

13 years into truly knowing Jesus Christ…

I’m a man who would be homeless or in an institution if it wasn’t for my parents and I have the label of schizophrenia and I’m 41 now so my recovery is really only important to my family and me…

Anyway I actually found my latest labs from a doctors appointment. I ran them by ChatGPT and it seems I’m doing well especially for someone who was told that I had HIV 20 years ago. No referral no treatment prescribed nothing. I did get very physically sick and then turned psychotic so I had a 2nd hospitalization and more involuntary shock and the shrinks there would whisper about cancer and he has 6 months left to live and…

I dunno some people have problem with doctors in general. Im generally ok with doctors just not psychiatrists counselors etc.

Cancer? 20 years of untreated HIV? Maybe ? I’m beginning to suspect it was more about…

Lies. Control destruction slavery and lies.

It’s strange because now I deal with people talking about psychobabble labels and saying he has a conservator he has a guardian he has to move into a group home he should be in the state hospital and…

Eek. But overall? God is merciful. I’m living a life I could not have without my parents who would never have reconciled with me if I hadn’t changed and I only changed in good ways because…

He is able.

It helps at a practical level that I only have a serious misdemeanor conviction on my record..only two hospitalizations both in private places a long long time ago…

And for all the recent talk about my drug use etc I’ve been drug free drink free for over 15 years now. I’m 41 now and I’m not sure what God wants to do with however much time I have left on his earth but…

I’m praying for a way forward. And for His perfect will. His word will not return void…

Strengthen what remains…

 

[Mare333]

I’m grateful and really just now getting it. Schizophrenia may or may not be a permanent brain disorder but it is definitely a permanent social label . It’s…not a pity party just a statement of fact. I’m considered schizophrenic and that’s about all that society has to offer me.

In my case though God has worked real change and restoration in my life a lot of it after I was labeled…and had already been ripped to shreds electroshocked and estranged from my family etc…

In Christ Jesus I’m living a modest pleasant quiet little life. I’m upset at times because the insults seem so never ending and I’m dealing with taunts and intimidation and social mind games etc but…

Honestly?!? It’s weird how much the lord has changed me my life my situation…

But the fallen often cruel world around me is…

Not really any different than when I got genuinely saved nearly 13 years ago.

The stuff that happens to me happens to people with psych records criminal records substance use histories poor people people in disability and or welfare and….

Ugh nothing has befallen me except that which is common to man…

It’s weird to me how shrinks said I had severe narcissistic personality disorder and they had to humble me. Their version of humbling me involved over billing insurance involuntary shock cruelty over medicating me and withholding real treatment for physical health problems.

13 years into truly knowing Jesus Christ…

I’m a man who would be homeless or in an institution if it wasn’t for my parents and I have the label of schizophrenia and I’m 41 now so my recovery is really only important to my family and me…

Anyway I actually found my latest labs from a doctors appointment. I ran them by ChatGPT and it seems I’m doing well especially for someone who was told that I had HIV 20 years ago. No referral no treatment prescribed nothing. I did get very physically sick and then turned psychotic so I had a 2nd hospitalization and more involuntary shock and the shrinks there would whisper about cancer and he has 6 months left to live and…

I dunno some people have problem with doctors in general. Im generally ok with doctors just not psychiatrists counselors etc.

Cancer? 20 years of untreated HIV? Maybe ? I’m beginning to suspect it was more about…

Lies. Control destruction slavery and lies.

It’s strange because now I deal with people talking about psychobabble labels and saying he has a conservator he has a guardian he has to move into a group home he should be in the state hospital and…

Eek. But overall? God is merciful. I’m living a life I could not have without my parents who would never have reconciled with me if I hadn’t changed and I only changed in good ways because…

He is able.

It helps at a practical level that I only have a serious misdemeanor conviction on my record..only two hospitalizations both in private places a long long time ago…

And for all the recent talk about my drug use etc I’ve been drug free drink free for over 15 years now. I’m 41 now and I’m not sure what God wants to do with however much time I have left on his earth but…

I’m praying for a way forward. And for His perfect will. His word will not return void…

Strengthen what remains…

I don’t know if Schizophrenia is permanent or could go away, but there is nothing impossible for God so I pray that He heals you from this ailment and protects you. In Jesus name Amen.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks!

I pray for healing if my schizophrenia, too.