Christ_empowered
Member
- Oct 23, 2010
- 14,237
- 10,721
ok. so, i've posted all kindsa stuff here about the horrors of psychiatry, etc. etc. etc. and....
now, by God's grace, I kinda wonder...what happened? was there an operation? shock 'treatments' ? if so...why is my IQ up? not that having a high(er) IQ is some kind of merit badge, but...with all that brain damage, you'd think I'd be...not doing well. and...
more importantly, I -am- saved. I have been for almost 7 years now. Did I make a "decision for Christ" ? Maybe? I'm not anti-Arminianism (hope that's spelled OK), I'm just...well, it felt like a tug, a pull, towards Jesus. I did the praying (and the crying), but...He did a lot to provide what I needed to beg for forgiveness. so, there's that.
I'm also seeing that I can't talk it all to death. Call me...captain obvious. LOL. But seriously, now that God has willed to make me healthy, make me intelligent enough, make me.....whole is what I keep praying for, and its playing out as me being increasingly...normal, in meaningful ways....
? what really happened, anyway? does it matter, now? oh, and reconciliation with my parents. That should have been further up there, but I get the sense that our reconciliation required -a lot- of change, on my part....change in ways that would, in fact, require divine intervention, if not a straight up miracle.
So...there you go. some taunting, etc. continues. It is what it is, basically. I get the sense -some people- don't want me living anywhere near them. Ugh. I say -some people- because...I think most people mind their own business, basically, and I doubt I'm someone they actually think about very much, if at all.
oh, and...'treatment.' its funny, how now that I'm considered 'schizoaffective,' and the emphasis is on moving on....I'm...well...moving on (psych speak: "recovering"). I'm not gung ho about pills and such, but...I take 2 things, every day. the new one is....an antidepressant. I'm not 110% convinced that 'severe mental illness' actually....comes from the brain....but, as band aids go, the 2 rx things are easy to tolerate and I'm now living with less...crazy-ness, basically.
The --big-- change, of course...is Christ's work in my heart and life. draw nigh unto me and I shall draw nigh unto you (paraphrase, so no " "). I prayed for an 'attitude of gratitude,' and now I'm glad I did...im not 110%, but having -more- appreciation of God's Goodness= a bit more joy, as I lean on Him and...over time, of course...learn to abide in Him.
I don't know where my life is going, honestly....or if there's much in mainstream society for me. not trying to beat myself up, its just....well, good thing my parents are so kind. its a rough world out there, especially for vulnerable people. God is Love, and He has seen fit to show a good bit of His love to my parents and to me, and...
I -am- increasingly thankful. I am also, over time....getting over it, I think.
now, by God's grace, I kinda wonder...what happened? was there an operation? shock 'treatments' ? if so...why is my IQ up? not that having a high(er) IQ is some kind of merit badge, but...with all that brain damage, you'd think I'd be...not doing well. and...
more importantly, I -am- saved. I have been for almost 7 years now. Did I make a "decision for Christ" ? Maybe? I'm not anti-Arminianism (hope that's spelled OK), I'm just...well, it felt like a tug, a pull, towards Jesus. I did the praying (and the crying), but...He did a lot to provide what I needed to beg for forgiveness. so, there's that.
I'm also seeing that I can't talk it all to death. Call me...captain obvious. LOL. But seriously, now that God has willed to make me healthy, make me intelligent enough, make me.....whole is what I keep praying for, and its playing out as me being increasingly...normal, in meaningful ways....
? what really happened, anyway? does it matter, now? oh, and reconciliation with my parents. That should have been further up there, but I get the sense that our reconciliation required -a lot- of change, on my part....change in ways that would, in fact, require divine intervention, if not a straight up miracle.
So...there you go. some taunting, etc. continues. It is what it is, basically. I get the sense -some people- don't want me living anywhere near them. Ugh. I say -some people- because...I think most people mind their own business, basically, and I doubt I'm someone they actually think about very much, if at all.
oh, and...'treatment.' its funny, how now that I'm considered 'schizoaffective,' and the emphasis is on moving on....I'm...well...moving on (psych speak: "recovering"). I'm not gung ho about pills and such, but...I take 2 things, every day. the new one is....an antidepressant. I'm not 110% convinced that 'severe mental illness' actually....comes from the brain....but, as band aids go, the 2 rx things are easy to tolerate and I'm now living with less...crazy-ness, basically.
The --big-- change, of course...is Christ's work in my heart and life. draw nigh unto me and I shall draw nigh unto you (paraphrase, so no " "). I prayed for an 'attitude of gratitude,' and now I'm glad I did...im not 110%, but having -more- appreciation of God's Goodness= a bit more joy, as I lean on Him and...over time, of course...learn to abide in Him.
I don't know where my life is going, honestly....or if there's much in mainstream society for me. not trying to beat myself up, its just....well, good thing my parents are so kind. its a rough world out there, especially for vulnerable people. God is Love, and He has seen fit to show a good bit of His love to my parents and to me, and...
I -am- increasingly thankful. I am also, over time....getting over it, I think.
