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Girlfriend problem in Christianity

A

AcesHigh

Member
Hey, I am 17 years old and currently I do not have a girlfriend but there's one that who's interesting and she likes me and probably I like her. As I've raised as a Christian, I am trying to act like a Christian. It's been hard for over years but each day I think I believe more and more in Jesus and God. However, if I am going to start dating her, she probably would like to have sex at some time. Well actually I would like to have to because it's part of commitment and stuff. I am just a teenager, why Christianity says that should wait for the Marriage? I think she would break with me or any one else if I told that 'Hey let's have sex in 10 years when I am ready for marriage, then let's have children and no sex with condom' This is somehow annoying because if I'm not in a relation ship, it makes me depressed and 'lonely'. Help me!

Thanks,
Ben
 
Ben,

I really feel for you kids today... How sex is almost demanded of you... as you put it, "it's part of commitment and stuff"

This is backwards from what the Bible teaches us. In the Scriptures, first we are to commit to each other in marriage, then we can have sex. Marriage is the commitment, not sex.

Being as someone who started out life prior to the sexual "revolution" and knowing the "before and after" as it were, I can assure you... you poor kids are not better off with the sexual pressures you face. No generation is perfect by any means, but relationships were more stable back when it was clear that sex was for marriage.

Which is part of the reason why Christianity says, "you should wait for the marriage." The biggest reason though is because God says you should wait for the marriage. And, we are blessed when we do things God's way. So many people, especially children from broken homes with broken relationships don't understand how blessed it is to do things God's way.

Another thing that complicates life for you kids today is that you're expected to wait until you're 25+ to marry... when your bodies are mature and ready for sex by the time you're 17 or so.

However, each generation has its issues that must be brought to the Lord. Some generations face famine, some face war, some face severe persecutions from evil governments... You guys face this over the top "EVERYTHING IS ABOUT SEX ALL THE TIME" emphasis where ever you turn.

But, just as previous generations have had to learn to walk faithfully before God in the issues they've faced, you need to learn to walk faithfully as far your sexuality is concerned... and for a Christian, that means no sex until you have committed yourself to a wife.

One of the fruit of the Spirit, which God provides to all who trust in Him, is self-control. Self-control is vital to exercise while one remains single. However, there is more than just self-control... there is also joy and peace... two things that God can give you as you wait.

I don't recommend that kids have girlfriends and boyfriends... That's not to say that I don't think you shouldn't go out and spend some time with a friend of the opposite sex... just that the relationship shouldn't get too deep too soon... and it's best to stay in group settings.

It just seems way to unreasonable to expect two healthy young people who are attracted to each other to spend hours alone with each other and not be tempted to have sex....

The answer to your depression and loneliness is to get out and be with friends and others... and also to get busy doing the things God would have you do. God has good works for all of us, doing them is our "ministry"... Become involved in the ministry God calls you to. And remain faithful to His principles... In due time, you will meet a wonderful woman and be able to make that commitment to her.
 
I think you will need to try asking girls you're interested in out on a date before you can make assumptions that they all just want to have lots of premarital sex.
 
AcesHigh said:
in 10 years when I am ready for marriage
Click to expand...

IMO, It's not at all healthy to have such a distant expectation for marriage.

IMO, if you and a girl are ready for sex, you're ready for marriage. If the girl isn't marriage material, not only don't have sex with her, don't continue a relationship with her.
 
The truth is, she does not think like you because she is a girl. You don't think like her and you assume she thinks like you.

Girls are not after sex in marriage and they require your love. They want to have sex with the man they love which males dont understand. But males are different. They seek sex first for them to love in marriage. In reality, no man can ever truly love a woman without sex which women will never understand. Both meets perfectly in marriage.

Sent from mobile.
 
AcesHigh said:
Hey, I am 17 years old and currently I do not have a girlfriend but there's one that who's interesting and she likes me and probably I like her. As I've raised as a Christian, I am trying to act like a Christian. It's been hard for over years but each day I think I believe more and more in Jesus and God. However, if I am going to start dating her, she probably would like to have sex at some time. Well actually I would like to have to because it's part of commitment and stuff. I am just a teenager, why Christianity says that should wait for the Marriage? I think she would break with me or any one else if I told that 'Hey let's have sex in 10 years when I am ready for marriage, then let's have children and no sex with condom' This is somehow annoying because if I'm not in a relation ship, it makes me depressed and 'lonely'. Help me!

Thanks,
Ben
Click to expand...

My youngest daughter is now 26 and unmarried. She said to tell you that if she will not wait then she just isn't worth it. She says you shouldn't worry about things like this. Girls don't always want sex they're not like guys, they think and feel differently. If it causes you to worry and step outside what you know God wants for you then it's just not worth. Wait you'll be glad you did. Jesus understands all about this problem. Talk to Him. Be strong. God Bless
 
AcesHigh said:
Hey, I am 17 years old and currently I do not have a girlfriend but there's one that who's interesting and she likes me and probably I like her. As I've raised as a Christian, I am trying to act like a Christian. It's been hard for over years but each day I think I believe more and more in Jesus and God. However, if I am going to start dating her, she probably would like to have sex at some time. Well actually I would like to have to because it's part of commitment and stuff. I am just a teenager, why Christianity says that should wait for the Marriage? I think she would break with me or any one else if I told that 'Hey let's have sex in 10 years when I am ready for marriage, then let's have children and no sex with condom' This is somehow annoying because if I'm not in a relation ship, it makes me depressed and 'lonely'. Help me!

Thanks,
Ben
Click to expand...

Hey Ben,

Look, Ill say this to you first. It is a great goal to get to know someone first before you marry them. In your case, you seem to have produced a time limit of 10 years. Let me give you advice on that, people don't change. If a girlfriend disrespects you, curses at you, has a short temper, then guess what? You are stuck with that whether you think you can change it or not (if you marry her). Here is the point I am trying to make. Getting with someone, then waiting 10 years will not help your cause. In all honestly, that person will eventually get tired and leave due to lack of willingness to commit. If you are with someone for a few years, and they are amazing for you, then don't fear the next step (marriage). Embrace it, because what you see is what you get. Don't let the amazing ones go because you have an age limit on marriage.

Back on topic: You may have heard this term here and there, "Don't go fishing in polluted waters." In other words, if you go to look for women in bars, what will you get? You will probably get a woman who likes to go out, drink, and have a good time. As you may expect, not many women like that have good morals and values. Find a church (if you already haven't), and look for women there who have the SAME morals that you do. Then, all of the sudden, you no longer have to worry about having sex before marriage, as long as you find someone there with your morals.

Women are amazing. God created them to fill a void in man's heart, to be a companion created specifically for us. Just make sure you pick the RIGHT ONE, regardless if you feel lonely or not. Don't settle for someone with different morals.

Good luck with your situation!
 
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