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GOD CAN HEAL AN ANGRY BROKEN HEART

for_his_glory

Fight the good fight of faith
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I felt led to share this today as in my heart someone needs this.


GOD CAN HEAL AN ANGRY BROKEN HEART

Here is my life as short as I can write it and I pray it ministers to all the broken hearts out there and to know there is hope in the name of Jesus. I was brought up with an abusive father, which included a lot of beatings and self doubt in my early years. I learned hate and anger from my dad. My mother and grandparents were my rock of love even though they could not stop the pain of abuse. I went to church as a child so I knew a little bit about Jesus, but was never really into the whole church thing. Church was just a place to go to have some fun with other kids. There are eight kids in my family so I was never alone. Church had fun things to do that we could not do at home.

School was another place of abuse as we were raised on welfare as my dad was disabled and that brought with it much teasing, which is another place that helped build up my anger and taught me how to physically fight back. During my junior year I met a guy who I dated for awhile and he took me to a church. I thought the people were crazy or something, because they were waving their hands around in the air and speaking a funny language, but long story short I did receive Jesus, but not truly in my heart. I soon quit going to church and married another man after graduation and that marriage brought with it a lot of mental abuse. We divorced after eight years and now for the first time in my life I was truly on my own as we had moved away after we got married.

I got into drinking pretty heavy and I went as far as looking for love in the wrong places. If I did not have the money for drinks I would in a sense prostitute myself for drinks thinking that these guys truly like me because they were spending their money on me. I never had that attention before. My wake up call from that was when I got date raped. That opened my eyes real quick to evaluate who I was and what I was turning into. I quit going to the clubs after I met this guy at work and we hit it off so well that we got married three months after dating. Trying to make this short, he turned into Satan himself after we got married. He was a drug user and an alcoholic who beat me all the time and almost killed me once after choking me. I didn’t know he was like this before I married him. Physical abuse will go away, but the mental abuse will stay with you forever.

Now this is where God comes into play. I was going to church during that marriage and getting closer to Jesus even though I truly did not know him that well yet, but he knew me, amen. I was so scared my husband was going to kill me. I was a prisoner in my own house. He took me to work and brought me home and God forbid if he saw me talking to any other guy I worked with. I would get beat up when we got home. I wasn’t allowed to have friends or even talk to them on the phone. He was having affairs left and right and would come home afterwards and beat me up because he thought I was also sleeping around, which I never did and come on he watched me like a hawk.

I knew I had to get out of this marriage as I had everything beat out of me. I hated myself and the world and had no self-esteem left at all. I had no money no car no nothing and I truly felt he was going to eventually kill me. I cried out to God and he made a financial way where there was no way. We had opened a checking account in both our names earlier that day and deposited three hundred dollars, (God working here). When we got home we got into a hugh fight and I told him I was staying home from work because I was to upset to go in so he went to work and I stayed home. God spoke to my heart and told me to call the airlines and see what a ticket cost. You got it, exactly three hundred dollars so I had my sister take me to the bank and I packed up what I could take on a plane and flew home. It hurts the things I had to leave behind, but my life is more important than material things.

Now here I am living with my mother, which would be for ten years, and holding everything inside me because I didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems. My mom and I get along great and we had so much fun in those ten years, but I was still hurting and lonely inside. I needed someone to love me for whom I was and not for what they wanted me to be. Again I cried out to God and started going to a church near by, but wasn’t getting any help from the pastor at all. I would try to talk to him, but all he did was pat me on the back and tell me I was a strong person and I could handle my problems myself. I thought if this is what church is I don’t need it so I quit going.

Again God came to me in Spirit and showed me a revival that was in the paper so I decided to go even though it was far away. I liked the music and a lot of people came and talked to me and I made some good friends that weekend. When the pastor started speaking I walked away to go to my car to leave because the music was done and I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. What he was talking about I could care less until I heard him say, “you are the head and not the tail”, (Deuteronomy 28) and like a bolt of lightning I was drawn back to hear what he was talking about. I never heard anyone preach to my heart like Jesus was using this man that day. I started going to their church because I wanted so much more of this word he was speaking. It was like I never read the Bible before and those words just leaped off those pages and found their way to my heart.

God started tearing down that wall I had built around me and changed my heart from anger and hate to love and compassion. I met another guy at church and we married and God has been blessing this marriage for many years now and now I teach the word of Gods truths and I emphasize truth, because I want the Holy Spirit to teach me and not man. I’m not saying this marriage is perfect for what marriage is, but we keep Christ in the center of it and never go to bed angry. Thank you Jesus for always walking beside me keeping me safe through the fires of my life.
 
Thanks for sharing. I can certainly relate to your story. I am male. My childhood was dreadful. I only have 3 memories of my father and they are not nice. My mother fell pregnant with me. That was shameful cause my ancestors were Muslim. I was meant to be aborted but thank God it never happened.

Alas though my mother suffered and took her shame out on me, no love at all. Punishment was done in anger, beating and so on, was never told I was loved unless she was drunk. At the age of 14 I was thrown out of the house. I was fostered by a Christian couple who I knew from the Boys Brigade. For the next 5 years my foster dad tried to sexually abuse me 24/7.

Not wishing to over complicate things when I went for counselling in my twenties it became apparent that in my mothers womb I was rejected by my mother even though I was not aborted. I mention this because now I am 47. So I reckon for 40 years of my life I carried a lot of baggage from my mum and my foster dad, hatred, resentment unforgivness. My wife often said to me that I must deal with it and I said never. I wanted them out of my life.
As far as I'm concerned when they were dead I would be free and would have no need to forgive.

Long story short. I went to see my mum today and I told her I loved her, been doing that for the last 15 years.
My foster dad died 3 years ago. I went to him on his death bed and told him I loved him.

What turned hatred, resentment, hoping they would die to release me from my misery (I am so ashamed I felt that way) I knew I had to forgive.

My coping mechanism was gambling, drinking, withdrawing from people and restriction of relationships. I suffered severe general anxiety. That made it so much harder to come before God.

So what changed? In both of these situations I did pray for help. When I prayed God said "Let us go and deal with it, the first time he said it I said no, the second time he said it I said no, the third time he said I said no then he said to me "BILL WHICH PART OF US DO YOU NOT GET? I HAVE SAID YOU AND ME NOT JUST YOU, I KNOW YOU CANNOT DO IT THATS WHY I AM GOING TO DEAL WITH IT BUT I NEED YOU TO CO-OPERATE WILL YOU TRUST ME?

I did and I am so glad I did. I came to realise that unless God had healed me before my foster dad died I would have carried that baggage with me for the rest of my life, even though my mum is still alive if she were not the same applies but now we have a fully functioning loving mother son relationship. Forgiveness was the key and much more trusting God.

I do still have a carry over, gambling is no longer my get out, I do still have an underlying current of anxiety but no where near what it was.

I now feel secure in God and that he loves me, that he will not foresake me, he will not abuse me, he will work in me to make all things good (not the same as making all bad things good) and that he complete the good work he started in me.

More importantly and to me it still blows my mind.

John 17:23

I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.

For those of you who read this if the only thing you get from this is the above verse then I thank God. When we get it then we can trust God, he has said he is not a liar. He is the truth and it is that truth that sets us free.

Amen
 
Wrg, thank you for sharing your testimony. Forgiveness is the hardest thing and it took me 43 years to forgive my dad. Unfortunately he had died before I could tell him that. It's hard to forgive and even harder to forget, but after reading this scripture below I had to sincerely forgive in order fo God to forgive my trespasses. Anger is a canker that will eat away at your soul.

Mark 11:25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Mark 11:26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.
 
God is good. To forgive is not to forget but to forgive is to choose to remember no more. It's to put it aside and to lift it up. I think God forgives us of our sins because of what Jesus did and he has asked us to be like Jesus who forgave our sins. If I died during my period of unforgivness would God say to me "Sorry Bill your out? I used to but now I don't. Yes God will judge my heart and actions of faith and belief but I think he will say you are in.

Theologian Lewis Smedes writes, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
 
That's a good quote as we do become our own prisoner within our self if we fester in unforgiveness. Doesn't mean God rejects us, but only means our relationship with Him is weak as God knows the heart.
 
That's a good quote as we do become our own prisoner within our self if we fester in unforgiveness. Doesn't mean God rejects us, but only means our relationship with Him is weak as God knows the heart.

It's a good job he is faithful even when we are not.
 
I dont think there is anything wrong with being angry at certain situations in life.

Jesus was angry, God was angry, Jesus is angry, God is angry. God destroyed citys. Jesus drove people with whips and called them hypocrates.

God has a lake of fire.

There is forgiveness and unforgiveness with God.

Love and forgiveness is Good. Wickedness and evil is not.

We are not commanded to love the evil things people do. The evil within. But forgive and pray they might repent.
 
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God's anger was righteous and fair, never exacted in hate.
 
God's anger was righteous and fair, never exacted in hate.

I agree as the only one good anything God does is just and fair and knowone can complain with his judgements and there is no valid excuse. We already here these days non believers say if there was a good God he would not allow evil and suffering and disease and disasters type stuff.

God did say he hated esau. God did say he is the creator of both good and evil, that gets me thinking, if he is good, what was he before he created good. If good and evil were created.
 
God created all things good, but the evil was not from God, but that of a rebellious spirit that was found in Lucifer/Satan. Satan has always challenged the authority of God through counterfeiting everything God does. He uses his angels (demons) to help accomplish his goals by deceiving the minds of those without knowledge and truth of Gods word. This is why bad things, even death, happen to people who seem on the outside to be good people, but void of God on the inside. Satan is the father of lies and can transform himself into anything he chooses like the serpent in the Garden of Eden and an angel of light that deceives the world. Satan was a created spirit without form so in order for him to deceive the nations he has to use something of substance to accomplish this and this is why it is so important to learn how to discern the spirits that are out there whether they be of God or of Satan as his spirit can enter into anyone he chooses if they are not of God, (Ref: read 2Peter Chapter 2).

Gods judgements are righteous in all things concerning man.
Rom 2:1 Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.
Rom 2:2 But we are sure that the judgment of God is according to truth against them which commit such things.
Rom 2:3 And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God?
Rom 2:4 Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?
Rom 2:5 But after thy hardness and impenitent heart treasurest up unto thyself wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God;
Rom 2:6 Who will render to every man according to his deeds:
Rom 2:7 To them who by patient continuance in well doing seek for glory and honour and immortality, eternal life:
Rom 2:8 But unto them that are contentious, and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, indignation and wrath,
Rom 2:9 Tribulation and anguish, upon every soul of man that doeth evil, of the Jew first, and also of the Gentile;
Rom 2:10 But glory, honour, and peace, to every man that worketh good, to the Jew first, and also to the Gentile:
Rom 2:11 For there is no respect of persons with God.
 
your posts helped me. I came to The Lord angry...and I was in denial of my anger and broken-ness. Not a good way to be, trust me.

Now...I mean, I'm not #1 Christian Supreme, but Jesus has taken a lot of bitterness and hurt and un-forgiveness out of my heart, and He's teaching me how to deal with some ongoing problems (see my many, many posts about neighbors and shrinks, lol). I'm even to the point where I can pray for some of my enemies by name. For a long time, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I could pray "please bless my enemies, above and beyond what they actually need," but I couldn't say peoples' names. That hurt too much. Now, I can.

Thanks again for your posts.
 
Christ_empowered, it's a day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute walk with Christ that we submit all to Him and allow Him to keep our feet straight as we walk in Gods mercy and grace.

Col 3:1 If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.
Col 3:2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.
Col 3:3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.
Col 3:4 When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.
 
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