God desires to prosper his faithful serveants

[jasoncran]

no, i always believed this. you are making the mistake i did with jenn.

when i came to the lord this is how i was.

couldnt hold a job. i was kicked out the army,even though the guard took me.
had no car.
lived with mom and dad till i moved back to the state of la. there i joined the guard
didnt socialise well with women or men at times
full of anger
occultic
the bi thing

i came to god to overcome this stuff as i wanted really hard to change.
in less than two yrs(not always the case and this was gradual)
had car
had held a job for more then a yr(save mcds)
in less then 10
college
marriage
improved by soldiering skills

i didnt ask for the old plymouth reliant.

God told me i would have one. and i didnt believe but he told me where to go and also that on march of 1998 i would have one.

and it came to pass.

and a ton of more

you all only know the tip of the iceberg on what God has done for me.

trust me!
i mainly talk about my bi thing but that is so little of what i was, and the hurts and anger etc.

since this is my testimony, and this whole reason i bring this up is the lord is leading to say this also reminding me of what i prayed for at the alter yrs ago.

i will start with my self-loathing

sometime in my life i was told by my dad or the devil that i was worthless.

i fed it too long and i begin to hate me. yet in all that i wanted to fit in.
i didnt know how to socialise and also hated when the girls dated the jerks in high school, and also they mocked me.

so i begin to learn how to block the pain as needed.(big mistake).
i wanted to be told i was special,yet didnt care at the same. the more i stuck out the better.
and that didnt satifisy me.

yet when i got saved. this was taken slowly from me. the lord tells us this

yet while were yet sinners God loved us and sent his Son to die for us.

and the devil is a liar,thief and commeth to kill and destroy. he hates humans.

but God made me a what i am, he made me strange. this is hard thing for me to be me. sounds silly.yet it is true.
he gave me emotions as all of us should have and express. yet to this day i hate them. i let them be open as i need to for it is said

for we have not a spirit of fear, but of a sound mind. and perfect love casteth out all fear.

when i was in my twenties. I wanted to avenge myself on those that hurt me, sure i wouldnt do it oh but i thought of it and held some grudges.

this to had to go. for as they that were that hurt me. so i became! soon i was at times hurtful, and other things. it was more self-destructive then upon others. but the pain/hate was real.

this was taken as well.

i cried upon the alter at church for months this'God i dont want to be poor,jobless. i want a family the means to provide'

hmm i will leave at this as this very hard for me to say. and almost impossible for me to speak about.

my wife knows little of this time as i am not that person anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!