Hello! I struggled all my life with a bad self esteem, I couldn't blame my parents or someone specific for it, I had a beautiful family but I received a lot of attacks from the enemy since I was a kid.. It all developed into a bipolarity disorder diagnosis when I was 13 years old.My home was always my safe place to be, but I hated going to school cause I was beginning to get bullied by those typical mean girls, I moved to another school where they weren't so "snoby" but it was worse cause girls were so envious and the bullying became worse, I ran away from home 3 times and I tried to kill myself many times but now that I look back at those times I know that God was always there to protect me and He didn't allow me to kill myself , one of those times I jumped from my bedroom's window and I ended at the hospital with body fractures. My mom's family side were christians so I remember them praying for me and stuff but I just didn't get the point on being christian...YET.
The next years were very very difficult times for me and my family, I was '"controled" by a psychiatrist and of course loooots of medicine, the psychiatrist played my "parents' part" all the time, she was the one that gave me permissions to go out for a little with my friends, to dye my hair, to basically everything.. She was the one that could yell at me if she thought I did something wrong...
I constantly had maniac and depressive periods, I remember being more maniac that depressive, I remember waking up in the middle of the nights with lots of thoughts in my head and lots of energy, I remember yelling to my family with lots of anger for no reason, I remember crying out loud ..almost screaming.. , I remember hearing to depressive music all the time, I remember flirting with lots of guys all the time, I remember trying to hurt and cut myself , I remember I couldn't stay home alone.. I had to be with my parents all the time..they didn't allow me to stay home alone cause they thought I could do something stupid, If I wanted to chat or to talk with someone on the phone it could only be for a little and with my mom by my side, I couldn't even spend time with my dad or brother cause one of the symptoms of bipolarity is "hypersexuality" so they all were afraid that I could do something inappropriate, ETC...
Plus... at the age of 13 I began to have this kind of social phobia.. I hated to go in front of the class cause I had panic attacks.. and they became stronger and more often in time.. I had my group of friends and I loved them, but besides them I didn't like to socialize with anyone else cause I struggled all the time with those panic attacks..
At the age of 17.. I secretly began dating a man who doubled my age.. He was a DJ and he wanted me to run away with him one day and to marry him and live with him. Everytime I wanted to see him.. a friend of mine helped me telling my mom that we were just going to go to the movies or stuff like that.. but one day my mom caught me with him..and this man ran away..
Days before.. my mom met this lady who began to tell her about Jesus..
That day that my mom caught me with that man, we got home and I remember I was crying so much thinking of this man who I thought I was in love with.. and suddenly that christian lady my mom met days ago..came to my house just to visit and talk with my mom, but my mom told her what just happened ..so she went upstairs to my room and she began to talk to me about Jesus too..
Whenever I had the chance.. I contacted the man who doubled my age to tell him that I wanted to run away with him.. I told him I was going to see him the next day when I was supposed to be doing a school exam. But he didn't show up, and it was already time for my mom to pick me up at school and I wasn't where I was supposed to be so she freaked out and she told my dad who was in a business trip and he got so scared thinking that I could escape with this man..so he asked my psychiatrist to send me to a hospital.. and so she did when they found me. The psychiatrist didn't allow the christian lady and a pastor to visit me at the hospital so they visit me when I was already home and that was the day I received Jesus in my heart.. that was the precious day where all things began to change in every area of my life.. I moved to another school where I met very special people who love God and are still very very close to me, one of them is a missioner and through him I met a christian guy who became my boyfriend this year.. we just broke up... but I had the opportunity to experience a beautiful relationship for the first time in my life where we prayed together and we could talk about God between other pretty things..
I'm 21 years old now and I'm able to control my panic attacks or bad feelings through God who strengthens me, Since I received Him in my heart I haven't taken medicine for the bipolarity disorder, I began to go to church since that day and I just recently moved to a smaller church where I feel that I'm growing more in Christ, I have a great relationship with my mom who became christian too, I'm studying graphic design and I've been having a strong desire since a couple months ago to do something for God, to serve him... when I became christian my pastor told me I was going to be a missioner one day... so we will see.. i've been praying for God to prepare me and to show me in which area I'm going to serve him and tell the world about him.. I wish one day I can help people who have bipolarity to tell them face to face that all the doctors are going to tell them that it doesn't have a cure and that it can only be controled with medicine... but good news are that for God nothing is impossible.. ! I praise him for healing me from bipolarity and for all those years I couldnt see the light... but He changed my whole life and my whole being and I'm stoked for seeing all the plans He has for me.. cause like a quote says.. as much as you want to plan your life.. it has a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned..That's what you call: GOD'S WILL
The next years were very very difficult times for me and my family, I was '"controled" by a psychiatrist and of course loooots of medicine, the psychiatrist played my "parents' part" all the time, she was the one that gave me permissions to go out for a little with my friends, to dye my hair, to basically everything.. She was the one that could yell at me if she thought I did something wrong...
I constantly had maniac and depressive periods, I remember being more maniac that depressive, I remember waking up in the middle of the nights with lots of thoughts in my head and lots of energy, I remember yelling to my family with lots of anger for no reason, I remember crying out loud ..almost screaming.. , I remember hearing to depressive music all the time, I remember flirting with lots of guys all the time, I remember trying to hurt and cut myself , I remember I couldn't stay home alone.. I had to be with my parents all the time..they didn't allow me to stay home alone cause they thought I could do something stupid, If I wanted to chat or to talk with someone on the phone it could only be for a little and with my mom by my side, I couldn't even spend time with my dad or brother cause one of the symptoms of bipolarity is "hypersexuality" so they all were afraid that I could do something inappropriate, ETC...
Plus... at the age of 13 I began to have this kind of social phobia.. I hated to go in front of the class cause I had panic attacks.. and they became stronger and more often in time.. I had my group of friends and I loved them, but besides them I didn't like to socialize with anyone else cause I struggled all the time with those panic attacks..
At the age of 17.. I secretly began dating a man who doubled my age.. He was a DJ and he wanted me to run away with him one day and to marry him and live with him. Everytime I wanted to see him.. a friend of mine helped me telling my mom that we were just going to go to the movies or stuff like that.. but one day my mom caught me with him..and this man ran away..
Days before.. my mom met this lady who began to tell her about Jesus..
That day that my mom caught me with that man, we got home and I remember I was crying so much thinking of this man who I thought I was in love with.. and suddenly that christian lady my mom met days ago..came to my house just to visit and talk with my mom, but my mom told her what just happened ..so she went upstairs to my room and she began to talk to me about Jesus too..
Whenever I had the chance.. I contacted the man who doubled my age to tell him that I wanted to run away with him.. I told him I was going to see him the next day when I was supposed to be doing a school exam. But he didn't show up, and it was already time for my mom to pick me up at school and I wasn't where I was supposed to be so she freaked out and she told my dad who was in a business trip and he got so scared thinking that I could escape with this man..so he asked my psychiatrist to send me to a hospital.. and so she did when they found me. The psychiatrist didn't allow the christian lady and a pastor to visit me at the hospital so they visit me when I was already home and that was the day I received Jesus in my heart.. that was the precious day where all things began to change in every area of my life.. I moved to another school where I met very special people who love God and are still very very close to me, one of them is a missioner and through him I met a christian guy who became my boyfriend this year.. we just broke up... but I had the opportunity to experience a beautiful relationship for the first time in my life where we prayed together and we could talk about God between other pretty things..
I'm 21 years old now and I'm able to control my panic attacks or bad feelings through God who strengthens me, Since I received Him in my heart I haven't taken medicine for the bipolarity disorder, I began to go to church since that day and I just recently moved to a smaller church where I feel that I'm growing more in Christ, I have a great relationship with my mom who became christian too, I'm studying graphic design and I've been having a strong desire since a couple months ago to do something for God, to serve him... when I became christian my pastor told me I was going to be a missioner one day... so we will see.. i've been praying for God to prepare me and to show me in which area I'm going to serve him and tell the world about him.. I wish one day I can help people who have bipolarity to tell them face to face that all the doctors are going to tell them that it doesn't have a cure and that it can only be controled with medicine... but good news are that for God nothing is impossible.. ! I praise him for healing me from bipolarity and for all those years I couldnt see the light... but He changed my whole life and my whole being and I'm stoked for seeing all the plans He has for me.. cause like a quote says.. as much as you want to plan your life.. it has a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned..That's what you call: GOD'S WILL
