FreeIndeed
Member
I grew up going to church as a youngster and "raised my hand, walked the aisle, and prayed the prayer" for the first time when I was about 10; I saw everyone else doing it and thought it was what I was supposed to do to get myself saved. The problem was, it wasn't real...I knew I didn't want to go to hell, but that was about it.
As I got older, I became more and more rebellious towards my parents, and willing to do anything to fit in with the wrong crowd, but I had my "fire insurance", so I was good. After I graduated from high school, and out of my parents house, I stopped going to church, and thought I could finally do things my own way...no one was ever going to tell me how to live my life again.
On my own, I fell deeper and deeper into sin, doing pretty much anything you could possibly imagine. The deeper I fell, and the stronger my addictions became, the more bitter and angry I got, and for whatever reason I blamed God for all of it. I hated Him for letting me become what I was when I was supposed to be "saved" and under His protection. I hated Christians and would become violently angry when the subject of Jesus, or even going to church was brought up. My attraction to the occult and very dark things was getting stronger and stronger. I ordered some items online and started to dabble in something that very quickly became an obsession.
Finally, after living my life like this for 25 years, I realized I was in trouble. I had no friends because no one could stand to be around me anymore. I was bitter, angry, and hated everything and everyone. I knew I had to make a change in my life, and thought that maybe going to church would help. The funniest part (not ha ha funny, but weird funny) in all of this was that I still believed that I was a Christian because of something I did when I was a child.
In January of 2009, I found a church close by my house, and decided to give it a shot...I really had nothing more to lose. I hadn't set foot in a Bible believing church in 25 years, but figured I could just walk in, play it cool like I used to and blend right in...and it worked for a while. This went on for about five months where I would play church on Sunday and live like a pagan the rest of the week, with nothing ever really changing. And then it happened...
I was sitting there, listening to the sermon, and for what felt like the first time in my life, I heard and understood the Gospel. God revealed to me in that moment that I was a lost, wretched sinner, bound for and deserving of Hell, and there was absolutely nothing that I could do to help myself out of that situation. I had offended a righteous, and holy God in the worst possible way and deserved His wrath. But, Jesus, in His love and mercy, took that punishment and wrath of the Father that I deserved. He died on a brutal death on a cross, was buried, and three days later rose again...and He did it all for me. God brought me to repentance and saving faith at that very moment, and I was born again by the power of the Holy Spirit...and I knew it without a doubt. It wasn't anything that I deserved or earned, it wasn't about saying a prayer or walking an aisle, it was all about God and His sweet, amazing grace being poured out, and saving a wretch like me.
My life hasn't been the same since that day. Yes, there are still struggles, and more failures than I care to mention, but each time I fall, I look to the Savior to pick me back up, because I could never do it on my own.
Praise be to God!
As I got older, I became more and more rebellious towards my parents, and willing to do anything to fit in with the wrong crowd, but I had my "fire insurance", so I was good. After I graduated from high school, and out of my parents house, I stopped going to church, and thought I could finally do things my own way...no one was ever going to tell me how to live my life again.
On my own, I fell deeper and deeper into sin, doing pretty much anything you could possibly imagine. The deeper I fell, and the stronger my addictions became, the more bitter and angry I got, and for whatever reason I blamed God for all of it. I hated Him for letting me become what I was when I was supposed to be "saved" and under His protection. I hated Christians and would become violently angry when the subject of Jesus, or even going to church was brought up. My attraction to the occult and very dark things was getting stronger and stronger. I ordered some items online and started to dabble in something that very quickly became an obsession.
Finally, after living my life like this for 25 years, I realized I was in trouble. I had no friends because no one could stand to be around me anymore. I was bitter, angry, and hated everything and everyone. I knew I had to make a change in my life, and thought that maybe going to church would help. The funniest part (not ha ha funny, but weird funny) in all of this was that I still believed that I was a Christian because of something I did when I was a child.
In January of 2009, I found a church close by my house, and decided to give it a shot...I really had nothing more to lose. I hadn't set foot in a Bible believing church in 25 years, but figured I could just walk in, play it cool like I used to and blend right in...and it worked for a while. This went on for about five months where I would play church on Sunday and live like a pagan the rest of the week, with nothing ever really changing. And then it happened...
I was sitting there, listening to the sermon, and for what felt like the first time in my life, I heard and understood the Gospel. God revealed to me in that moment that I was a lost, wretched sinner, bound for and deserving of Hell, and there was absolutely nothing that I could do to help myself out of that situation. I had offended a righteous, and holy God in the worst possible way and deserved His wrath. But, Jesus, in His love and mercy, took that punishment and wrath of the Father that I deserved. He died on a brutal death on a cross, was buried, and three days later rose again...and He did it all for me. God brought me to repentance and saving faith at that very moment, and I was born again by the power of the Holy Spirit...and I knew it without a doubt. It wasn't anything that I deserved or earned, it wasn't about saying a prayer or walking an aisle, it was all about God and His sweet, amazing grace being poured out, and saving a wretch like me.
My life hasn't been the same since that day. Yes, there are still struggles, and more failures than I care to mention, but each time I fall, I look to the Savior to pick me back up, because I could never do it on my own.
Praise be to God!
