Christ_empowered
Member
had to do a little grocery run today. big box discount place, not even 8 AM yet. OK. so..tension, I guess? some worker...was literally yelling junk about me in the aisle over, deliberately loudly enough for me to overhear. No, -not- hallucinations. That's what's...so frightening, or was...till Jesus lifted a good bit of the fear away. "...perfect love casteth out all fear..." I don't think I'm -there- yet, but He's moved (and is moving) mightily in my life, so...OK. got the goods, did my self pay, rolled out.
didn't spend tons of time with the parents today. mama was tired. dad was already napping (thank goodness...side note: he keeps himself busy, and it gets worrisome, at times...but he naps, so...OK...). I was able to pick up a small item mama and I both like at the grocery place. with supply chain weirdness, I -do not- hoard, but...grab it when you can, am I right? right...
and...the sense I have now of not being "sick," per se, just...in a process of learning and doing things better, in Christ. lower doses of the heavy hitter ("atypical" tranquilizer -- not knocking it, but it is sort of like...hibernation, or an emotional cocoon...lower doses have less of that effect, plus my thinking is clearer and my mood is even, but on the brighter side of things...), just 1 drug for "mood stabilization" (read: fewer low ends, less agitation when I do hit a low end...), and...and...
the taunts are bad. I try not to call my counselor too often, but...people were literally yelling things like "he needs to be COMMITTED" and "he needs to be in a GROUP HOME!" and...
I think there was a time when either/or/both would have been...sad, but maybe a reasonable approach...but not now. I've been in this place (indicates nice, modest and clean and safe) place for over 3 years, now. no arrests, not even a traffic ticket, no drugs, no drink, nothing...crazy in the sense of out of control, chaotic, in need of correction and such. and so...
what gives? "God's work in this world is always met with opposition..." is all I can think of, honestly. Scripture indicates that there's no law against the fundamentals of Christian morality...mind your own business, try to get along with people, take care of family who can't fend for themselves, basics...
but that doesn't mean it won't cause some level of friction, especially in my case, because...
"well, at least he -became a Christian...- " is a pretty common insult disguised as a compliment towards me, 'round here. "Bible Belt." ugh. I don't know if The South is better than other areas of the US, about the same, or just...well, this is where I -am- , so stop analyzing and play the hand I"m dealt....
but yeah. God is Love. God is Good. God is also, thankfully, merciful. I have...a growing appreciation for God's handiwork in my life and my parents' role in it. had to get one of the bathrooms reworked a bit (2 bedroom, 2 bath number), and...
OK, so the dude who did the work was nice enough, and I"m mellow, so no friction. his last day...he was sweeping up, and I got out the dust pan and helped him out a bit, and...
its not that I'm an amazing Christian and oh so proud of a maybe 1 minute effort to help someone clean up -my place- (LOL), its just...
even 2 years ago, I wouldn't have done that. Its not that I'm amazingly humble, now, just...more genuinely Christian, more genuinely -human- and not so caught up in my own junk, and...
kind of sad thing? I could tell by his facial expressions that he was surprised. not taken aback, dramatically surprised, just...not at all what he expected. And I don't think its just from -me- that he didn't expect it, I think...
yeah. I used to day dream, and think of a place where I could live a simple life, where people wouldn't be an odd mix of harsh materialism and heady and high minded (mix of small towns, colleges, small cities in this area...), and now I've been saved for over 9 years and Jesus has changed and is changing me, and...
-shrug- maybe there are places where people are less ridiculous, in some respects...not entirely sure, though. heady and high minded seems to be true of much of the broad road, and I think its getting worse, becoming more pronounced, and...yeah. yeah. so, thankfully...
its not that I'm 110% dead to self and all, but I'm not as heady and high minded as most people on the broad road, and Jesus has made noticeable changes in the very core of my being, the way I really do things, and...
I'm thankful. Oh, and the fear is lifting, too, thank God for His mighty work in all aspects of my life.
didn't spend tons of time with the parents today. mama was tired. dad was already napping (thank goodness...side note: he keeps himself busy, and it gets worrisome, at times...but he naps, so...OK...). I was able to pick up a small item mama and I both like at the grocery place. with supply chain weirdness, I -do not- hoard, but...grab it when you can, am I right? right...
and...the sense I have now of not being "sick," per se, just...in a process of learning and doing things better, in Christ. lower doses of the heavy hitter ("atypical" tranquilizer -- not knocking it, but it is sort of like...hibernation, or an emotional cocoon...lower doses have less of that effect, plus my thinking is clearer and my mood is even, but on the brighter side of things...), just 1 drug for "mood stabilization" (read: fewer low ends, less agitation when I do hit a low end...), and...and...
the taunts are bad. I try not to call my counselor too often, but...people were literally yelling things like "he needs to be COMMITTED" and "he needs to be in a GROUP HOME!" and...
I think there was a time when either/or/both would have been...sad, but maybe a reasonable approach...but not now. I've been in this place (indicates nice, modest and clean and safe) place for over 3 years, now. no arrests, not even a traffic ticket, no drugs, no drink, nothing...crazy in the sense of out of control, chaotic, in need of correction and such. and so...
what gives? "God's work in this world is always met with opposition..." is all I can think of, honestly. Scripture indicates that there's no law against the fundamentals of Christian morality...mind your own business, try to get along with people, take care of family who can't fend for themselves, basics...
but that doesn't mean it won't cause some level of friction, especially in my case, because...
"well, at least he -became a Christian...- " is a pretty common insult disguised as a compliment towards me, 'round here. "Bible Belt." ugh. I don't know if The South is better than other areas of the US, about the same, or just...well, this is where I -am- , so stop analyzing and play the hand I"m dealt....
but yeah. God is Love. God is Good. God is also, thankfully, merciful. I have...a growing appreciation for God's handiwork in my life and my parents' role in it. had to get one of the bathrooms reworked a bit (2 bedroom, 2 bath number), and...
OK, so the dude who did the work was nice enough, and I"m mellow, so no friction. his last day...he was sweeping up, and I got out the dust pan and helped him out a bit, and...
its not that I'm an amazing Christian and oh so proud of a maybe 1 minute effort to help someone clean up -my place- (LOL), its just...
even 2 years ago, I wouldn't have done that. Its not that I'm amazingly humble, now, just...more genuinely Christian, more genuinely -human- and not so caught up in my own junk, and...
kind of sad thing? I could tell by his facial expressions that he was surprised. not taken aback, dramatically surprised, just...not at all what he expected. And I don't think its just from -me- that he didn't expect it, I think...
yeah. I used to day dream, and think of a place where I could live a simple life, where people wouldn't be an odd mix of harsh materialism and heady and high minded (mix of small towns, colleges, small cities in this area...), and now I've been saved for over 9 years and Jesus has changed and is changing me, and...
-shrug- maybe there are places where people are less ridiculous, in some respects...not entirely sure, though. heady and high minded seems to be true of much of the broad road, and I think its getting worse, becoming more pronounced, and...yeah. yeah. so, thankfully...
its not that I'm 110% dead to self and all, but I'm not as heady and high minded as most people on the broad road, and Jesus has made noticeable changes in the very core of my being, the way I really do things, and...
I'm thankful. Oh, and the fear is lifting, too, thank God for His mighty work in all aspects of my life.