"Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches now?

[Nikki]

Our church has a lot of small groups that you can join. Well, the teens have their own groups and the parents have different groups they can join. Once a month, the teens and the parents all get together and have a joint service/group and it's great. LOVE it! This past Sunday we skipped the joint service because the topic was Pornography, Homosexuality, Friends with Benefits and other "sexual sins". My girls are 12 1/2 and 14 and I just felt that I needed to discuss that stuff with them before discussing it in a group setting. so, I did just that.

Last night was their normal teen youth service (or so I thought) and they invited a friend. I had no idea that they were going to talk about the same stuff. Apparently an email was sent out yesterday letting the parents know, but I never checked my email yesterday. So my girls invited a friend and I guess she felt very uncomfortable. They're having a meeting next week to inform parents on exactly what they are discussing and answer any questions and concerns. The girls said last night that they were told to say the word "sex". Why? I'm still trying to figure that one out. They DID separate the kids into groups and went into separate rooms (middle school girls/middle school boys/high school girls/high school boys....so 4 separate groups). The friend that went along wouldn't say the word sex. I'm pretty open with my girls, so they weren't as uncomfortable, but I feel HORRIBLE over their friend now and I'm dreading what the mom may think. I don't know if I should call her or not.

So the email says that the next 7 weeks, they are doing a series called "Good Sex".

Here is part of the email: It is a biblical view on our sexuality. Teens are continually bombarded with sexual information so I think it is important that they hear some good, reliable, true information rather than being filled with a bunch of junk. So we are going to tackle this subject together. I ask that you all are involved as well with discussing this with your teen. I know it is a tough subject but they are all yearning to hear from you! I promise!
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So, do you think I should be concerned? Should I call the other girls mom and let her know what is going on?

 

[handy]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

They sent the email out just hours before the class itself!?!

That would get my dander up.

We are really open with our kids about sex, because they are bombarded with sexual messages all day long...but even I would get upset if my church only sent an email out only hours before such a class. Also, why are they having the parents meeting after the class with the kids began...why not before?

Sounds really backwards to me....I'd be making some phone calls.

Bible studies for teens on the biblical perspective of sex are probably a good idea, but I'd really want to review the material before letting my kids join it. Especially today when a lot is taught as "biblical" that ain't necessarily so.

 

[handy]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

And yes, you should call the other girl's mom and discuss this with her. She might not care, or she might be mad...either way, a call from you is a good idea.

Bring this up to the leaders of the class as well...even most schools still put out permission slips before the start of a sex education class...no kid should be there without parents permission and this particular class should be closed to guests unless the leaders either call or write the parent and get permission first.

Gah...

 

[Sparkey]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

And yes, you should call the other girl's mom and discuss this with her. She might not care, or she might be mad...either way, a call from you is a good idea.

Bring this up to the leaders of the class as well...even most schools still put out permission slips before the start of a sex education class...no kid should be there without parents permission and this particular class should be closed to guests unless the leaders either call or write the parent and get permission first.

Gah...

I agree completely. I wouldn't want my kid brought to a church that I didn't attend for this purpose, and especially wouldn't like it if I were surprised by the fact afterwards. Even with some of the churches I've gone to, I'd have some reservations -- but that could be worked out in advance, given the churches willingness to cooperate and not just take things into their own hands.

 

[Nikki]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

I've been accused in the past by friends, teachers, family members, etc for sheltering my kids too much so I just wanted to make sure it wasn't just me that had a problem with all this.

I'm really disappointed in how this entire thing was handled.

 

[Nikki]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

This really makes me mad and sad. We've missed quite a few Sundays and Wednesdays the past few months because I'm starting to see things I've seen in the past with churches. The cliques really get to me too. I dealt with that all through school and now have to deal with it at my job. I hate to say this, but sometimes I feel like I have a closer relationship with God when I'm NOT in church because I'm not having to worry about drama, backstabbing, etc that unfortunately has gone on in every church I've been to.

*sigh*

I wanted so bad for my kids to have a "church family" but I'm beginning to think that's really not important at all.

 

[reba]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

Any group of people will have cliques that is an ugly thing we do.
Your church sounds like most of the AofG churches i have ever known.

The church leaders should have aired, shown, whatever to the parents and let the parents decide if that was appropriate.

I would not trust the leaders from this point on.

 

[Nikki]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

What is AofG? Assemblies of God? I have never really focused on denominations though. I was baptized in a Catholic church, went to a Methodist church until I was around age 12. Then went to Independent churches, Pentacostal, and Wesleyan. I just went to the ones that I felt had good bible based lessons and that we liked.

I just sent out a few emails venting my frustrations over the entire situation. My daughters just said that they don't want to go to youth the next 7 weeks because the series is lasting the next 7 weeks.

 

[reba]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

What is AofG? Assemblies of God?

Yup
You have quite a background ! :yes

Good for your girls.... !

 

[Nikki]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

Yup
You have quite a background ! :yes

Good for your girls.... !

I forgot Baptist. How in the WORLD did I forget Baptist?! lol

 

[Scootaloo]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

Well, it depends on how they are going to present the topic. If they are going to talk about how good sex is, then I think you made the right decision.

But then again, if they are trying to teach abstinence and traditional views on sexuality, then I don't see why it would be a bad thing. Just because a girl knows what sex is (I did from a very young age, being a curious girl, and my parents never lied to me) doesn't mean she'll want to go out and have it. If your daughters learns what sex really is, and not the meaningless animal behavior that American media perpetuates, then she should know better than to make poor decisions. :3

 

[Nikki]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

Well, a lot has happened since I posted about this last night. Several emails were exchanged and I was thanked for speaking up. They said it was handled completely wrong and that this opened up communication between leaders and that this will never happen again. A few also said that they too believed that the middle schoolers should NOT have been a part of this "series".

I know some are mad at me, but I don't care anymore. I wasn't going to sit back and say nothing. At least I have support from some.

 

[Peggie]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

Honestly, there is not such thing as good sex (except for married couples though) but frankly its not a good topic even for adults. Teens these days need to be guided properly because they might take things the wrong way, there might be misconceptions on their side thinking. My girls know that being sexually active is morally wrong and it also gives you high risks for getting diseases such as std, hpv and hiv. And hopefully they will also realize that its hard to raise a baby at a young age.

 

[abide]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

Our church has a lot of small groups that you can join. Well, the teens have their own groups and the parents have different groups they can join. Once a month, the teens and the parents all get together and have a joint service/group and it's great. LOVE it! This past Sunday we skipped the joint service because the topic was Pornography, Homosexuality, Friends with Benefits and other "sexual sins". My girls are 12 1/2 and 14 and I just felt that I needed to discuss that stuff with them before discussing it in a group setting. so, I did just that.

Last night was their normal teen youth service (or so I thought) and they invited a friend. I had no idea that they were going to talk about the same stuff. Apparently an email was sent out yesterday letting the parents know, but I never checked my email yesterday. So my girls invited a friend and I guess she felt very uncomfortable. They're having a meeting next week to inform parents on exactly what they are discussing and answer any questions and concerns. The girls said last night that they were told to say the word "sex". Why? I'm still trying to figure that one out. They DID separate the kids into groups and went into separate rooms (middle school girls/middle school boys/high school girls/high school boys....so 4 separate groups). The friend that went along wouldn't say the word sex. I'm pretty open with my girls, so they weren't as uncomfortable, but I feel HORRIBLE over their friend now and I'm dreading what the mom may think. I don't know if I should call her or not.

So the email says that the next 7 weeks, they are doing a series called "Good Sex".

Here is part of the email: It is a biblical view on our sexuality. Teens are continually bombarded with sexual information so I think it is important that they hear some good, reliable, true information rather than being filled with a bunch of junk. So we are going to tackle this subject together. I ask that you all are involved as well with discussing this with your teen. I know it is a tough subject but they are all yearning to hear from you! I promise!
-------------------------------------------------------------------

So, do you think I should be concerned? Should I call the other girls mom and let her know what is going on?

I am now seeing this post for the first time. I believe as a mother you should know what is best for your girls. At times children can be influenced the wrong way by children within the church. I have seen this in my church. Stand up for what is right.. and it is good that your girls are taking a stand. Sex is for married folks. Teaching children about sex education is good, but going into explicit things is uncalled for.

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

So, do you think I should be concerned? Should I call the other girls mom and let her know what is going on?

First, as to your immediate concerns, absolutely the other mom should know what the subject matter is going to be if she continues to attend Bible study with your girls. That's not something that come as a surprise to her later on. The church could have done a better job informing parents of the upcoming series, as well. But as to whether or not you should be concerned, it is far too late for you to worry about that.

I work with our youth and children's ministry pastors on drug, alcohol and tobacco education. The main reason I became involved is that parents simply won't broach these subjects at home because they don't have enough information, aren't comfortable discussing it and think "my kids won't ever do this." That last assumption, however, is a load of male bovine excretory material.

It is the same with sex. Before I began an across the board education program for parents and children regarding my subject matter, every time one of our three youth/children's pastors would dare mention drugs, alcohol, tobacco (and it is the same with sex) some parent would come up to them and complain that "I'm the one who needs to give them that information, not you." To which the pastor would say, "Great! Have you?" The answer was invariably "well, no."

That is where I came in. The issue is not whether or not they should be exposed to the information. That's a given: They're going to be exposed to it somewhere, regardless, so it absolutely has to be exposed at home and at church. The issue is how it is presented and how well prepared both the parents and the children/youth are to discuss it.

You're making the right decision if you are going to work at getting the right information, the biblically based information, on the subject of sex into your girls' heads. In fact, 12 and 14 are a bit too late to start. Like the subject of alcohol, drugs and tobacco, education on sex has to start much earlier. In fact, it is never too early.

No biological details need be given to six year olds, don't get me wrong. But the discussion of respect, proper attitudes and interpersonal relationship can help build a foundation for the more serious discussions that have to come later. The fact that sex is common among church-going youth, as common as is drug and alcohol use (and that's way too common, more so than I'm sure most parents suspect) is an indicator we don't do the job very well, either as parents or as churches.

A few also said that they too believed that the middle schoolers should NOT have been a part of this "series".

Those leaders a completely and totally wrong!

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

Re: "Good Sex" series for youth. Should I be concerned? Is this normal with churches

Oops. Duplicate