Has anyone experienced God revealing the true nature of an ex who was pretending to be a Christian? Any testimonies?

[Michellay]

I’m going to start out on the defense because I know people. If anyone here doesn’t want to respond with the love and compassion of God and wants to shame me for making a mistake, please refrain from responding.

So, I dated this guy for 3.5 months. I’m 47 and he’s 44. He seemed like such a nice guy with direction in his life. Has an amazing testimony and gives all the glory to God for how successful he is now.

After a few dates, he began using very sexual language with me over the phone. I explained my convictions about saving sex for marriage, and he assured me he felt the same way but was just curious about my preferences. I haven't been intimate for almost 7 years, so I was definitely getting very stimulated.

So the next time we saw each other while we were kissing he started putting his hands where they don't belong. I would push his hands away but he was very persistent and I was getting very stimulated. I asked him what about what we discussed and he said as long as we don’t have penetration it’s not fornication. I told him that I don’t agree. So then later on we were kissing again and we wound up doing other things.

The way I see it is that he led me into sin. Felt awful afterward, but he kept telling me not to beat myself up over it. I explain to him that it wasn’t about that, but it was the Holy Spirit grieving. After he finally agreed that we wouldn’t do this anymore I was fine, but eventually it happened again. This created so many trust issues for me. I started questioning how many other women he might have done this with, while he claimed to be a Christian man. So any fooling around we did, didn’t feel special and I felt worse each time it happened.

He advertised our relationship all over the place. Wanted me to meet all his friends and introduced me to his family and his employees. We eventually broke up and he wants things to be amicable between us and have a friendship. I’m playing along, but I want him exposed. He should not be able to get away with this. He thinks he could just lead me into sin and then wipe his hands clean. He says he repented, but I don’t believe him. Anyone that conducts a relationship in that way and can just throw it away without fighting for me when I told him how unhappy I was, definitely did not repent.

I’m wondering how this will unravel and how God will expose him as a charlatan. He has also said on other occasions that he has special favor with God and has zero convictions about masturbation. I want to expose him while not making it obvious?

It does say in God’s Word that he will not be mocked.

Before judging me, please ask questions.

 

[Hidden In Him]

So, I dated this guy for 3.5 months. I’m 47 and he’s 44. He seemed like such a nice guy with direction in his life. Has an amazing testimony and gives all the glory to God for how successful he is now.

After a few dates, he began using very sexual language with me over the phone. I explained my convictions about saving sex for marriage, and he assured me he felt the same way but was just curious about my preferences. I haven't been intimate for almost 7 years, so I was definitely getting very stimulated.

My first responses here (as a man), would be to say that men tend to be very motivated towards becoming one with a woman they love once into a marriage relationship, and if he is considering marrying you then he would be wanting to do so regularly. It will be very important to him to know if you two would be truly happy together, so he was likely checking to see if there would be interest on both sides. This will be true of Christian men just like with non-Christian men.

That's not to say that he should just do whatever he wants, and he needs to be mindful of the Biblical command to abstain before marriage. But his interest in you should not necessarily be viewed as purely self-serving; lacking in self-control, certainly, but not necessarily completely lacking in consideration for you.

I’m wondering how this will unravel and how God will expose him as a charlatan. He has also said on other occasions that he has special favor with God and has zero convictions about masturbation. I want to expose him while not making it obvious?

This is the troubling part right here. Whatever he means by "special favor with God" sounds really off, and zero convictions about masturbating is also a serious red flag. Many if not most unmarried men have problems with masturbation, but there is no Christian man I've ever met who didn't have at least some convictions about it.

Best I know how to respond without knowing the man personally and being able to respond with greater insight into his actual character and hearing him speak for himself. But I can tag a sister for you who might be able to give you more input on the matter.

myangelsb4u

Blessings in Christ,
Hidden In Him

 

[Michellay]

Thank you for your response. I totally understand. I’m a woman that thinks

My first responses here (as a man), would be to say that men tend to be very motivated towards becoming one with a woman they love once into a marriage relationship, and if he is considering marrying you then he would be wanting to do so regularly. It will be very important to him to know if you two would be truly happy together, so he was likely checking to see if there would be interest on both sides. This will be true of Christian men just like with non-Christian men.

That's not to say that he should just do whatever he wants, and he needs to be mindful of the Biblical command to abstain before marriage. But his interest in you should not necessarily be viewed as purely self-serving; lacking in self-control, certainly, but not necessarily completely lacking in consideration for you.


This is the troubling part right here. Whatever he means by "special favor with God" sounds really off, and zero convictions about masturbating is also a serious red flag. Many if not most unmarried men have problems with masturbation, but there is no Christian man I've ever met who didn't have at least some convictions about it.

Best I know how to respond without knowing the man personally and being able to respond with greater insight into his actual character and hearing him speak for himself. But I can tag a sister for you who might be able to give you more input on the matter.

myangelsb4u

Blessings in Christ,
Hidden In Him

Thank you for your response. I totally understand as I’m a woman that thinks outside of the box, especially when it comes to the generalizations about how society expects women to feel about sex. I most definitely want a husband that I’m sexually compatible with. It’s towards the top of the list along with loyalty and kindness. I’ve struggled with masturbation myself, but I feel how it seems from God and I’ve refrained from it for so long. Now that I’ve been intimate with this guy, it has happened several times. Most of the time I have been able to resist, but it’s so much more difficult now. I’m really hoping to get back to where I was before the beginning of this relationship.

Again while I agree about wanting to know if I would be intimately compatible with a man, it shouldn’t be the main focus. We should be getting to know each other on a spiritual level first. And to add, I can always tell if i will be intimately compatible with a man. I don’t need to have those conversations early on. If I thought for a second that the intimacy would be a thumbs down, I wouldn’t pursue the relationship any further.

And btw, I agree that him saying that he has special favor with God is troubling.

 

[KV-44-v1]

Thank you

Does this guy believe in Darwinian ideas?
Does he believe in millions of years?
Does he think the big bang is a fact?
etc....

Examine his worldview thoroughly and see what aligns with - and also what contradicts- the Bible.

 

[Hidden In Him]

And to add, I can always tell if i will be intimately compatible with a man. I don’t need to have those conversations early on.

He doesn't, and for a man it's actually not just about compatibility but willingness. if you were compatible yet unwilling, that's kinda the same as being incompatible. But if you have shown him you are willing at this point, you now simply have to do one of three things:

1. Marry him, soon, so that there is no more burning
2. Set clear terms on how long it will be before you can marry him, and what steps need to be taken (but putting it off long term is fraught with problems and not well advised), or
3. End it.

Otherwise, he has no idea what your intentions are, and will have no idea if he should be waiting or not. But at least now he knows he would be waiting for something good, if it becomes possible.

Hope it works out for you, sister.
- H

 

[Michellay]

Does this guy believe in Darwinian ideas?
Does he believe in millions of years?
Does he think the big bang is a fact?
etc....

Examine his worldview thoroughly and see what aligns with - and also what contradicts- the Bible.

No he doesn’t believe in any of those things you’ve mentioned. That’s not the issue.

 

[Michellay]

He doesn't, and for a man it's actually not just about compatibility but willingness. if you were compatible yet unwilling, that's kinda the same as being incompatible. But if you have shown him you are willing at this point, you now simply have to do one of three things:

1. Marry him, soon, so that there is no more burning
2. Set clear terms on how long it will be before you can marry him, and what steps need to be taken (but putting it off long term is fraught with problems and not well advised), or
3. End it.

Otherwise, he has no idea what your intentions are, and will have no idea if he should be waiting or not. But at least now he knows he would be waiting for something good, if it becomes possible.

Hope it works out for you, sister.
- H

He’s basically without excuse because he did not trust God. He is not expressing the character of Christ. He cares more about sex instead of having a healthy relationship.

He did know. He was able to know when we kissed. It was pretty obvious that I would have been willing. He did not lead with love. He led with selfish desire. He even said that it takes a year or two to get to know someone before they should decide to marry.

I think he needs to be exposed as the charlatan that he is.

 

[Prycejosh1987]

Yes. I used to date alot of girls and intertwine with christian women in youth group. I was one of the only men there. I had no problems getting with girl in my younger days. I have had female friends and what i call special friends. The only problem is girls would leave Jesus and stop contacting me at the same time. Its hard to find someone who remains close to you but hates God. That is impossible, if the person is truly invested in Jesus.

 

[D2255]

I moved away from narcissist 6 years ago. My spiritual discernment wasn't fully developed, 1 Corinthians chapter 2. Was bad experience for several years. I was stuck in situation, until I could move.
Narcissist don't have holy Spirit, Romans chapter 1. Kathairo in Greek means - demonic Spirit or unclean Spirit. Jesus talked about unclean Spirit in luke chapter 4:36. We're talking about Reprobates/narcissist. Adokimos in Greek means - rejected, failing to pass the test. Matthew chapter 21:19. Through holy Spirit we uncover people's lies and traps. Methodeia in Greek means- planned attack.
Katadunasteuo in Greek means - Devil, oppression, bully. 2 Corinthians chapter 10 , Satan is trying to get strong hold in your mind, the body of Christ. Oppression comes from Satan and spiritual realm of darkness. Satan will use friends, neighbors or family to try to get to you. It's psychological oppression or warfare against body of Christ. Intimidation, fear, slander, deception, infiltrate. These are tactics of the enemies. I studied Nehemiah chapter 6. It was painful learning experience, living with narcissist, and moving away 6 years ago. We all make mistakes and I definitely learned from it. My Bible study increased my knowledge and wisdom. Satan uses Reprobates to do his will. Satan is the master of deception. Satan wants to ruin our faith. Take care. Peace.

 

[Tenchi]

I’m going to start out on the defense because I know people. If anyone here doesn’t want to respond with the love and compassion of God and wants to shame me for making a mistake, please refrain from responding.

Well, I don't want to shame you but I do think its important for you as a Christian to describe what you did accurately. Your fornication with your former boyfriend wasn't just a "mistake," it was sin. This is what God calls it. Encompassed in the term "sin" is selfishness, self-deception, rebellion toward the will of your Maker and pride. These are the things that make our sin so terrible, so destructive and spiritually dangerous. Calling sin a "mistake," then, isn't recognizing the seriousness of your sin.

I say all this, not to shame you, or make you feel bad, but because I've done the very same thing, shading my sin such that it was merely "foolish," or "stupid," or, as you put it "a mistake." So long as I persisted in this way of thinking about my sin, however, I continued to do it.

So, I dated this guy for 3.5 months. I’m 47 and he’s 44. He seemed like such a nice guy with direction in his life. Has an amazing testimony and gives all the glory to God for how successful he is now.

This is all rather...sour in light of what he did with you, eh? God doesn't think much of the man who "gives Him glory" from a life of sin.

After a few dates, he began using very sexual language with me over the phone. I explained my convictions about saving sex for marriage, and he assured me he felt the same way but was just curious about my preferences. I haven't been intimate for almost 7 years, so I was definitely getting very stimulated.

It always "takes two to tango"...

The way I see it is that he led me into sin.

Do you think this'll wash with God? On Judgment Day, when you stand before Him, do you honestly think you'll be able to accuse your former boyfriend as you do here and God will say, "Oh, well, that's all right, then"?

After he finally agreed that we wouldn’t do this anymore I was fine, but eventually it happened again. This created so many trust issues for me. I started questioning how many other women he might have done this with, while he claimed to be a Christian man. So any fooling around we did, didn’t feel special and I felt worse each time it happened.

Well, this certainly speaks to the presence of the Spirit within you - and to his absence in your former boyfriend (though, he may be saved but badly hardened in sin, his conscience seared, and heading for a terrible collision with God.)

He should not be able to get away with this.

"'Vengeance is mine,' says the Lord, 'I will repay' It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God" (Hebrews 10:30-31).

You can't do better than God in this department. So, don't try. I'm not saying you should hide his sin (and yours), but that God has ways of exposing sin and bringing the deceitful and wicked down that manage to maintain grace, mercy and love toward them in the process. We, on the other hand, often succumb to resentment and vengeful impulse, being guided by these things rather than by God's priorities. We call it "justice" but it's really just getting our "pound of flesh."

Anyone that conducts a relationship in that way and can just throw it away without fighting for me when I told him how unhappy I was, definitely did not repent.

I’m wondering how this will unravel and how God will expose him as a charlatan.

If the record of the Bible is anything to go by (and I think it is), your former boyfriend is headed toward disaster. God's not soft on sin like we are, though we often think He is. There were those in the Early Church who had "sinned unto death" (1 John 5:16; 1 Corinthians 11:29-30) and I don't think God has ceased to pluck from this world those who profess to be His but who give the lost gross and persistent cause to despise the name of Christ.

He has also said on other occasions that he has special favor with God and has zero convictions about masturbation. I want to expose him while not making it obvious?

It does say in God’s Word that he will not be mocked.

Part of God's judgment upon the wicked is that they cease to see Him clearly - and themselves. That your former boyfriend believes he has "special favor with God" demonstrates this. No man who has acted with you in the way he has knows anything, really, of God at all. He certainly isn't in God's good favor, but is at enmity with his holy Maker. Anyway, let God deal with your former boyfriend - which isn't to say that you ought to hide his sin - remembering that God will do so perfectly, as you and I cannot do with one another.