Have you forgiven your childhood bullies?

[TOG]

I was bullied at school for 12 years, both physically and emotionally. The neighbor kids bullied me as well. When I went to my parents and tried to talk to them about it, they didn't seem to care. In fact, they also bullied me. Everything that happened at home was my fault. Nothing I did could ever be good enough for them. And it didn't stop. My mother kept criticizing me up until her dying day, and my dad still doesn't think I'm good enough (I'm 56, btw). If I wanted to be bitter, I could find plenty to justify it, but I'm not. I was in my 30's when I was lying in bed and felt that I should pray for the kids that had bullied me as a kid. I got on my knees and started praying for them. At first it was just a couple of the worst bullies, but as I prayed for them, God brought others to my mind, as well as kids I had not been very nice to. I prayed for each one as I thought of them and said "I forgive this person" and asked God to bless them and lead them to salvation if He hadn't already done so. When I finished and got back into bed, I looked at the clock and saw that I had been praying for 3 hours. Even though it had been over 20 years since I'd seen some of those kids and I probably will never see them again, something changed. I felt different the next day. I went to a prayer meeting the next evening after my marathon prayer and told the leader about it. She said that it showed just from looking at me. I was very bitter toward those kids up until that time, but haven't been since. I still had a problem with my parents though, since I was seeing them all the time and was constantly reminded that they looked down on me. I didn't pray for them a lot, but when I started to pray for them every day, the bitterness went away. It's really hard to be bitter toward someone you're praying for. Even if you don't feel like it (and I imagine you don't), pray for those that bullied you. Ask God to bless them and to lead them to Himself. It will be hard at first and you probably won't really mean it, but if you keep praying every day, God will give you the meaning behind the words and the bitterness will go away.

The TOG​

 

[Kathi]

My son was bullied in junior high and he threatened the life of his family.

 

[evenifigoalone]

Although there were kids when I was a kid that were mean, at school and my babysitter's kids, I don't know that it was bad enough to be called bullying. The babysitter's kids, we were kinda "frenemies". I wanted someone to play with, so I didn't try to avoid them. And sometimes they were nice to me, sometimes not. It depended on what mood they were in. That family did have problems...one of the older kids broke into our apartment and stole some random stuff one time. Don't think it was anything valuable...I remember one thing that was stolen was something that belonged to me. What a teenager would want with a stuffed Snoopy, I don't know.

I don't hold it against them and I'm not emotionally scarred from it, which is one reason why I'd hesitate to call it bullying. Though after hearing enough complaints from me, plus what my mom knew about like the break-in and all, my mom eventually found another sitter.

I actually don't respond well to harsh criticism, either, so I think if I had been severely bullied I'd know it. (Though I've learned enough that I tend to emotionally distance myself from people until I know how they'll respond to me.) So I guess I've just been fortunate.:erm

 

[Willie T]

I have to credit some "tough love" on my mother's part for abruptly ending what bullying that may have gotten started.
With five neighborhood kids on my tail, I was running like the wind for home, screaming at the top of my lungs, "Grandma, Open the door!" Little did I know that my mother was home. Just before I reached the back screen door, she gently walked over to it, and locked it. I hit that door, and was knocked back on my butt.

Well, because my mother was standing there, the kids didn't do anything, and just went on home after threatening me some. When I settled down, my mother asked me if I wanted to do something about that sort of thing. I did.

She was dating an ex-ranger, and he began training me that very weekend. Within a month, no one ever picked on me again.

 

[Edward]

Hummm, that kind of makes the future a little bleak.... "The way we judge others is the way we're gonna be judged." (paraphrased to make it easier to understand)

I'm amazed by how many people don't understand that.

This is one of them that scares me a lot. I do understand it. I remind myself of this quite often when people wrong me. As much as I'd like to say that I have pride conquered, I don't, and dealing with people in a worldly fashion is the mistake...but also many times, the only thing that they respect. Also, I'm quite good at "getting people back", so that makes it hard to back off and not reciprocate. I've also realized that even thinking about how I would get them back is a sin and something that God hates, (A heart that devisith wicked imaginations).

Yep. Prides a big one to overcome.

When you want to , but can only

 

[Willie T]

This is one of them that scares me a lot. I do understand it. I remind myself of this quite often when people wrong me. As much as I'd like to say that I have pride conquered, I don't, and dealing with people in a worldly fashion is the mistake...but also many times, the only thing that they respect. Also, I'm quite good at "getting people back", so that makes it hard to back off and not reciprocate. I've also realized that even thinking about how I would get them back is a sin and something that God hates, (A heart that devisith wicked imaginations).

Yep. Prides a big one to overcome.

When you want to , but can only

Yeah, I know what you mean. And, at the core, "pride" is probably close to being the ONLY thing we have to overcome..... I can't think of much that doesn't stem from pride.

 

[Deborah13]

Yeah, I know what you mean. And, at the core, "pride" is probably close to being the ONLY thing we have to overcome..... I can't think of much that doesn't stem from pride.

I believe that unforgiveness can stem from fear.

 

[Mike S]

Who here WAS the bully? Have you been forgiven?

 

[Deborah13]

Who here WAS the bully? Have you been forgiven?

I was not a bully except one time. When I was 10 I accused a girl in my class of stealing from me. I later found that item. When I went to her and apologized she accepted it BUT I will never forget the hurt in her eyes even as she forgave.
She was a girl that many others bullied and accused. I was one of the few who were always kind to her and I had turned on her like a yappy little dog at her heels. I didn't have one shred of evidence against her, not one!

 

[Mike S]

I was not a bully except one time. When I was 10 I accused a girl in my class of stealing from me. I later found that item. When I went to her and apologized she accepted it BUT I will never forget the hurt in her eyes even as she forgave.
She was a girl that many others bullied and accused. I was one of the few who were always kind to her and I had turned on her like a yappy little dog at her heels. I didn't have one shred of evidence against her, not one!

I had a similar incident happen when I was about 15. I was working during the summer for my dad who did house painting at the time. We were working on a house for several days and the young boy who lived there began to idolize me, following me around, just wanting to be around me and please me. I spent time with him, playing football, etc., and then one day - I still don't even understand why - I exploded on him, belittling him, demeaning him, letting him know he was just a little twirp I didn't want hanging around me anymore. I still remember how hurt that little guy was as he slunk away criying, and later I felt like a total jerk. That happened on the last day we were on the job and I never had a chance to go back and make that right. Than happened more than 50 years ago and I still think about that moment, saddened by what I had learned about myself. There was never an opportunity for that young boy to forgive me, and I'm not sure I ever forgave myself.

 

[Deborah13]

I had a similar incident happen when I was about 15. I was working during the summer for my dad who did house painting at the time. We were working on a house for several days and the young boy who lived there began to idolize me, following me around, just wanting to be around me and please me. I spent time with him, playing football, etc., and then one day - I still don't even understand why - I exploded on him, belittling him, demeaning him, letting him know he was just a little twirp I didn't want hanging around me anymore. I still remember how hurt that little guy was as he slunk away criying, and later I felt like a total jerk. That happened on the last day we were on the job and I never had a chance to go back and make that right. Than happened more than 50 years ago and I still think about that moment, saddened by what I had learned about myself. There was never an opportunity for that young boy to forgive me, and I'm not sure I ever forgave myself.

I know what you mean, the shame of what I did to her still sits heavy on my heart. I have tried to find her on social networks, if I ever do I will write to her and apologize again adult to adult.

 

[Claudya]

*insert judgmental comment here*__________________________________

Okay. Since you asked for it.
You sound like a typical victim. Like a bitter hateful old man nobody wants to talk to. Really, reading your post makes me want to punch you. You are a punching ball anyway, so it fits.

Seriously, bullying is horrible and I haven't quite forgiven those that I think are responsible for my bullying experiences and the consequences (personality disorder, self harm, troubled relationships and so on). The harm done by bullies and those who failed to protect you is huge.

But what do you possibly hope to accomplish by holding on to that bitterness? Who do you want to punish by that? The bullies? God? The only one you are hurting is yourself. Really, nobody else. Holding on to that anger is like drinking poison every day. So you want to punish others by poisoning yourself? Huh? That's nuts.

Bullying is a hard to forgive thing. Nobody expects you to do that right away easily. But you could make a start if you stop feeding that anger in your head. Stop phantasising about school shootings. When those thoughts come up distract yourself. You know Jesus said that anger is like actually killing? So the least thing you could do is stop feeding your demons.

 

[Deborah13]

Okay. Since you asked for it.
You sound like a typical victim. Like a bitter hateful old man nobody wants to talk to. Really, reading your post makes me want to punch you. You are a punching ball anyway, so it fits.

Seriously, bullying is horrible and I haven't quite forgiven those that I think are responsible for my bullying experiences and the consequences (personality disorder, self harm, troubled relationships and so on). The harm done by bullies and those who failed to protect you is huge.

But what do you possibly hope to accomplish by holding on to that bitterness? Who do you want to punish by that? The bullies? God? The only one you are hurting is yourself. Really, nobody else. Holding on to that anger is like drinking poison every day. So you want to punish others by poisoning yourself? Huh? That's nuts.

Bullying is a hard to forgive thing. Nobody expects you to do that right away easily. But you could make a start if you stop feeding that anger in your head. Stop phantasising about school shootings. When those thoughts come up distract yourself. You know Jesus said that anger is like actually killing? So the least thing you could do is stop feeding your demons.

Wow, imo, you have said a mouth full and given the cause. "Stop feeding your demons."

 

[Edward]

 

[Genesis Owl]

I've forgotten about my childhood bullies.
When I read of those who bully children in schools today and how their victims commit suicide, or a distraught victim ends up bringing a gun to school and blows the bully and innocent people away, I figure I got off light back in the day.

I was raised around guns in a responsible family of firearms owners. It never once occurred to me to grab a pistol and go to school and even the score. I took it, when I realized what I was seeing others suffer was far worse. And I comforted myself knowing that sooner or later I'd graduate and be free. While those prone to the punk personality would just grow into older punks. And once adult and in the real world they'd suffer for it in ways that didn't apply now as juveniles.

And sure enough, they do. In "Zero Tolerance" work environments their behaviors won't be tolerated. They'll either be fired, or have to go to some sensitivity training course. Compliance contingent on their job security.
The bad thing is, bully kids tend to grow up and give birth and raise bully kids. And those children are the one's that make those headlines I spoke about earlier. Violence is a vicious cycle. It all is given birth in the mind.

 

[Edward]

...

I was raised around guns in a responsible family of firearms owners. It never once occurred to me to grab a pistol and go to school and even the score. I took it, when I realized what I was seeing others suffer was far worse. And I comforted myself knowing that sooner or later I'd graduate and be free. While those prone to the punk personality would just grow into older punks. And once adult and in the real world they'd suffer for it in ways that didn't apply now as juveniles...

Violence is a vicious cycle. It all is given birth in the mind.

Me too, I was raised with loaded guns all over the house. Consequently, my kids were raised with loaded guns all over the house. I had the kids up at the target range when they were 3 or 4 shooting 22's and so forth. I remember I would take shaken cans of soda and let them shoot them, and when they would the can would explode and spray soda everywhere and they got a big thrill out of that, but then, many times I would go pick up the split can and bring it to the little guys and tell them to "fix it", "make it better", "this is what will happen to your brother or mommy if you shoot them", "this is real, not TV"...over and over again to get it into their heads the danger and finality of the consequence of shooting someone. I dreaded an accident of this sort because my wife was terrified for the safety of the kids (rightly so), and I didn't want to let her down, so I just drove this into them as much as possible, and when they were very young, so they would learn it good. Kids <6 years old soak up learning like a sponge and are total intake during those years.

It worked. By age 10, I was letting them keep loaded handguns in their bedroom. I felt they were responsible enough to be safe, and the off chance was that they could perhaps save their mother someday if they were home invaded while I was at work or something. It worked. Now kids fight like cats and dogs sometimes, and never once did either of them even threaten to get a gun. I had done well, praise the Lord.

I remember that day it really hit home for me that they inadvertently let me know that they were (really really) safe. They were about 12 or 13 and were keeping guns in their room. They had friends over and they were in there playing video games with them. Then one of the kids called me over. I went to the door and he handed me the 3 handguns that they had in their room and said, dad can you put these up for awhile until our friends leave? The one kid, I'm not too sure about if he is safe or not, and I do have to go to bathroom sometimes...Oh! I felt such an enormous relief and sense of pride in my kids at that moment that it is indescribable. I went to the wife and said hey, how about THAT, hey?!

Even now, that they're 28 & 29 and full grown punks of the world that are into all sorts of iniquity and lack of respect for others...they joke about a lot of bad things, but have never even joked about doing something bad with a gun, nor have they ever got into trouble with one. Praise the Lord for that!

This may sound like a good thing to do, and on a certain level it is, for there is no safety in ignorance...but I don't recommend that you let your child keep guns in their room. Don't do it. The only reason that I was able to do this, is because I grew up with them, liked them and lived, eat and breathed guns for a long time and the amount of dedicated effort that I put into it was enormous, and they were young. Plus I am obviously blessed from the Lord in this. Pride can make us think that, oh I can do that...but it only takes once for a mistake of the highest magnitude, and we're talking about childrens lives here.

but do teach your kids gun safety, even if you do not like them or own them. You have to keep in mind that one day they will go over to their friends house, and their friend will pull out dads 38 that he keeps in his sock drawer. They have to know how to react. There is no safety in ignorance, so teach them.

 

[Genesis Owl]

You are blessed.
Sadly, guns are often vilified because irresponsible gun owners buy guns.

I'd rather own a gun and not need it, than need a gun and not have it. But sadly, the irresponsible are what get the press when their child decides they're going to play with a friend to see which is faster. The bullet they fire toward the end of the hallway, or their best buddy as he tries to race the trigger pull.
That one actually made headlines in my home state years ago. Guess who lost?

To date, I've never heard of a child bringing a gun to any of the public schools there so as to commit violence on students, much less opened fire. Thank God. Because, and with regard to generational bullies, most of the punks I suffered in school are still there and raising their kids.
That was apparent when at graduation as virtually every other girl in the uptight cliques were pregnant and showing in the procession line. And directly across from them walking in the boys procession, were their future shot-gun husband/daddy to be.

 

[Edward]

Thank you.

They both lost. Even if one did survive. Think about it.

 

[Obadiah]

It's interesting seeing the different ways that some have dealt with bullying in school and the differing results now that they are in adult life. To be honest, some of the bullying that I've read about here isn't really all that worse than what I've seen a lot of others experience in their growing years, including myself. But the reactions to it and the results of those reactions sure vary greatly from person to person, such as wanting to murder entire schools full of kids! It seems the biggest difference is in how we all dealt with it in our own minds.

I can only hope and pray that those of us that have been mistreated at times could react in some similar way an old friend of mine from High School reacted. He too was bullied all through school in much the same ways I've seen described here. But his reaction was to make fun of his many bullies instead of to spew hate and threats of violence against them. To him, that was his retaliation for what they did to him and it seems the end result was much better. He had a talent for both music and comedy, and used that against them by writing some funny songs that subtley poked fun at a lot of them and at the things that were "important" to them. Really, only those of us who knew him well knew the meanings behind some of what he wrote and it may seem like not much of a retaliation, but the point was he used something positive (making people laugh and have fun) to also make him feel that he got his payback (without resorting to any kind of sin or thoughts of violence). In fact, it kind of did the same thing for those of us who would sit around with him at the school lunch table and brainstorm ideas too!

But the important thing is that my friend's methods he chose for dealing with the bullying were healthy, and in the end beneficial rather than destructive to him. In fact, many years have passed since we were in school and he STILL writes his funny songs and enjoys every minute of it! Today his songs are famous and his latest album just hit number one on the charts. Yet knowing him as a friend from childhood as I do, I can still see in a couple of his new songs some veiled jabs at his old school "acquaintances" that "weren't so nice" to him. In truth, he's been an inspiration to me in how to deal with the "less than nice" things that happen to most of us in life.

 

[reba]

going back to the 50s I got teased a lot for being a PK... you cant do this or that cause your a preachers kid... my sweet reply " ya wanna bet"

I could hold my own fairly well.. In grade school i could whip most the boys in arm wrestling .. had enough brains in high school to not challenge them...

I believe strict compliance to school uniforms to the shoes and socks would curb a lot of the trash..