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[__ Prayer __] Heart Aching deeply /hurting relationship with God : (

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velarey

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I joined this forum, to find comfort through my fellow Christians, because I felt this was the right thing to do, and felt you would be of great help with my pain that attacks my relationship with Christ and my everday life ..
Basically, I'm 22 years of age and I fell in love/still am with a man (Eric ) who broke my heart and twisted my world.
I have not had very much experience in the dating world,but I knew with God's gudiance, I would be the best girl friend a man could have.
We dated for 7 months, and in that time I gave him my world. I was soo thankful to finally meet someone who felt, could reach me in every way and make me smile like no one had in a while, I committed myself wholeheartly and stuck by him every inch of the way--even when I knew I should walk away. He and I communicated soo well and have an understanding we have remainded friends--though for now, I have separted myself because the pain is too great for me, since he is with someoone else.

Eric broke up with me during that time we date twice, said he did not think we would work out long term-he kept saying we are from, "different cloths" ...he is a country man, who grew up in a small town,
I'm Hispanic, not sure if culturally was an issue of why he felt we would never work out, but he always, from the beginning felt we were ""too different".'..and felt apprehensive about continuing with me
..BUT we got back together after the two months of not dating--because we remained friends through out that time. ERiC stated, he was drawn to me and could not go without seeing/being withme and realized this during the break up.. stated i was amazing.

The break up was one of the most painful things in my life to go through. I cried day and night, because I felt like I gave him my world-and loved him for who he was and felt like this was going to be another pain of love to endure. and wondered why I always give so much and get hear break

God was there for me, and though I cried my self to sleep everyday, I knew in my heart God was there-though some days were tougher than others, but always wondered why my love life has alwasy been so painful. You see, before than my heart kept being shattered by men, and well it was not until I was 20 that I dated and things in my love life started to evolve, before than I barely dated.... and all I have ever wanted was a God-fearing, hardworking man---and i felt and feel Eric was it.

God brought him back to me, and there was not a day that went by that I would not thaship, about an hour or so ..

I gave this man soo much, --this was a long distance relation
I would always drive to see him, and seeing him and he's dog Dozer, was the high light of my week.
To me, driving to see them, was the best thing in my life because I was in his arms.
Everyday though--i also felt like i had to enjoy every moment, because i never knew if Eric would relapse and decided we were '"too different'"and break up with me.

Well, we dated and barely argued though there was serios issues we discussed, even about our religion. Eric did not like I was not Catholic, I informed him, by birth I was and now am non-denominational and I informed him, I was willing to convert--but we praise the same God,so he should not get too upset. He also did not like that I am a vegetarian. Eric hunts and feels like animals are for humans to kill and eat. I even went hunting with him, so he could see I am not an anal peta activist, like he thought I was. Eric got very heated when aruging about these topics...he is a very stubborn, and can be closed minded...so closed minded, that i feel that is why were are not together anymore : (

Eric said that he had many firsts with me, and Eric made it clear to me, I was the first hispanic/minority he has ever dated.
Basically, though we cross due to similar thoughts, and actions, Eric and I did have our own beliefs in deep and lights issues--

After getting back together, Eric took me to meet his parents---I never ever imgained this would happen, because Eric was always inadvertently pushing me away--never treated me like a girl friend deserves---he admitted this after breaking up and knew while dating, it was mostly a one way relationship. Also, Eric has dated a lot, but has only taken 3 girls home---
so at the point, I knew I have meant something to him----------------
After this, Eric broke up with me again---and this time
around it was harder than the first, I went through major depression and cried myself to sleep everynight. Eric stated our differences was the problem.-------------Eric has never admitted that he or his parents has trouble accepting me due to cultural difference, but a close friend to Eric informed me, Eric felt his parents and him, did not think I would fit into their family because of our cultural differences... well enough to feel comfortable--so that s why Eric broke it off

After breaking it off- we still remaind firends--though I had to separate myself for a while due to the pain. After 3 months of no communication, we talked again. I hung out with him. IERic again, told me he wanted to commit to me, but felt he had things he himself needed to work out,
BUT he said he was not a guranteed, he said there was other women too, and he wanted to comitt but could not--he told beautiful things, i felt were true--BUT he just never enclosed himself with me..
always felt he could not be open minded about our differences...


WEll, we NEVER : ( got back together, Eric is seeing someone else. It has been a month since he informed me of this news, and i am in great pain.

Eric and I still remaind friends .**** I feel deep down Eric wants me but he will never come around. Eric insisted he did not want to lose me--told me he would give me the world as a friend,because dating wise, he never did.

WELL as stated before -- i have separated myself, because it is very painful to me..Id like to get in touch with thim again, once I have found someone else, the pain is closed.
BUT I am NOT sure when this will be and evrryday is a battle--some better than others, and it makes me sick sometimes--literally...I miss him so deep and am so hurt. I just WANT this pain/misery and love to end---it makes my life hard, and my relationship with Christ
That is why I am asking for help, and guidance. He plagues my mind everday and i miss him so greatly.
I know God is with me, but sometimes i feel enclosed, like I want to reach out to God, but the pain is very great that I feel I am not giving God everything....I want to give God everyting and not ask him in pitty why me, but it is hard.... ..

Eric and our relationship has been a huge burden in my life; inrionicaly it has also been a huge blessing
I got close to God and refused to give up in during tough times, my mom and I have become the best of friends...BUt

I 'm in great pain silently, and sometimes cry-because I get nostalgic --little things sometimes remind me of him. Ive been hurting for while due to this issue...
SO please HELP Pray for Eric and I--for the pain, and my faith.., I tryto keep my chin up--Sometimes
days are soo ugly, sleeping is what keeps me away from the pain.
I Want God to hold me. I want to truly smile again

Thank you, and God bless

*M*
 
Oh Honey my heart just breaks for you, so young and loving so sincerely. Honey don't change who you are, there's a man God has already in the making for you and your loving heart....but understand sweety it may not be Eric.

Sometimes parents can be the primary reasoning why some don't stay together. And funny thing, in the states none of us are a 100% purebreds, but some think they are....there's always some new blood down in the blood line some where with our descendents. I'm cherokee/welch/irish. About the only purebreds I would think would be of Jewish/Iran/Iraq/Muslim descent. But here in the states country folks can be judgemental on cultural and bringing new blood in their so called purebred country family.

Just know that we are so bless that Christ made a way for us to be part of HIS family without prejudice, and for that I am so thankful that I didn't have to be Jewish to be accepted by Christ as brethern. Honey continue to let our Lord be a lamp at your feet to guide you and mend your heart through this. And I think you putting some space between you and Eric is the best thing right now. I understand you want to remain friends, but is that the best thing? Be prayerful in what direction our Lord wants you to move in this situation, and don't give way to what God has called you forth to be in HIM, and HIM alone.
In other words, don't step out of your moral character to keep a man that God may not have brought into your life.

There's a vegetarian out there for you girl! And maybe Eric is afraid of difference, he may be afraid of change, but whether you're born into Catholism or not, whose to say you're not worthy to be part of the body of Christ in his family? I have such a hard time with denomination at times, and religious practices......I just say I'm a child of God when they asked what denomination I am. I go to a pentacostal church, and automatically they think I drink poison and handle snakes, and roll on the ground etc. etc. etc. But whose to say what's in my heart or your heart, but God alone no matter what denomination your in.

If this was meant to be with Eric, believe me nothing would get in God's way of making it happen. Be/remain obedient in Christ sweety. I will be praying in one accord with our brethern here for God's will to be done. When times get tough, hold on to the fact that we have you covered here in prayer and don't hesitate to keep hope in that, and in our Savior most of all. God Bless sweety!
 

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