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Hello, I'd hate to start out like this, but I'm a tired christian

T

Typewriter

Member
Hello all,

I'm honestly a tired christian, I feel like giving up (no to say that I return to sin). I can't seem to find comfort from the members in my church, they say they love me, but a lot of people have told me that only abandoned me later...

I have un-forgiveness in my heart because I'm an introvert, and because of that I cannot understand anything I read in the bible.

Also it feels like when I pray God doesn't listen to me, but when I think to myself he answers it, this makes me angry because I feel like I'm wasting time when I pray, but when I'm not directing my thoughts to him He listens.

Also this whole God wants glory thing upsets me, it feels like he wants me to suffer just so I can say that He's almighty, rather than helping me because he cares for me.

I know God is not a liar and that He keeps His promises, but I'm still a human with my own individual thoughts, I'm not going to pretend like I don't get mad at God and that I love everything he does.

Also I don't even know if I'm being renewed, the bible says that I must get rid of anger, it says that as if it was just something I can just pickup and throw out. I get angry all the time.

Also, I feel like I'm destined to be condemned. When I read John 13:18 which is talking about what David prophesied about Judas years before he was even born.
If Judas was called by Jesus, that means Jesus had to love him, had a plan for his life, etc, but God wanted to condemn Him, He already knew where Judas would kill himself (in the field of blood).

So what makes this different for me? How do I know if God called me just so that I could try to be holy, but fail at it etc? God already knows the number of people who will be saved. So if he didn't even plan for me to make it, like He did to Judas, why should I even try because I'm finding it impossible to do anything right (not in the sense of "works"), yet I see others who fast etc and do everything, and have the fruit of the Spirit. Maybe I'm just confused, maybe I was destined to fail like Judas, sorry to be so negative but I've been trying to resist and all that stuff, but after falling so many times, I really feel like I'm destined to fail like
Judas did. Thanks and sorry for typing so much I had to get this off my chest instead of waiting for the 20 posts thing to be able to enter the christian only section.
 
Those are some serious concerns you have there.
I can relate. We all get angry at God sometimes. I've had times in the past where the very thought of Him filled me with dread. As for suffering, it's certainly not pleasant...but in the end, it's for our good. I found I've learned the most during the hardest times, and to be perfectly honest now I'm actually thankful for it.
As for Judas, he made his own decision...but since God knows the future, he knew that Judas would make that decision. He loved him anyway, though, even though he knew Judas would betray Him. That's love, isn't it? It's not our works that save us anyway.

In any case, I would like to welcome you to CF.net. :wave I hope that you will be encouraged. :)
 
Yes, hi, Typewriter, and it would be the wish of Christians here that you would be encouraged to make Bible reading your prayerful habit, so that you can daily enjoy a real, saving relationship in faith with the Savior.
 
questdriven said:
Those are some serious concerns you have there.
I can relate. We all get angry at God sometimes. I've had times in the past where the very thought of Him filled me with dread. As for suffering, it's certainly not pleasant...but in the end, it's for our good. I found I've learned the most during the hardest times, and to be perfectly honest now I'm actually thankful for it.
As for Judas, he made his own decision...but since God knows the future, he knew that Judas would make that decision. He loved him anyway, though, even though he knew Judas would betray Him. That's love, isn't it? It's not our works that save us anyway.

In any case, I would like to welcome you to CF.net. :wave I hope that you will be encouraged. :)
Click to expand...
We all do not get mad at God sometime. Do not speak for all christians.
 
Thanks for your replies, I'm actually feeling a bit better now. I guess I was angry with God because I was hurt by a member of church. I know He is not like man, but I still felt like "hey Your children should know how to act, instead of treating me like I have a demon." I felt like I was being persecuted by this member because I'm not as social as others. There was even one time where members laid hands on me because they thought I was in bondage. And thank you for your honesty Questdriven, lol I felt that way towards God earlier, many do not know but Jonah is an example of someone who feared God but was became angry with God.
 
I lived a life of sin and felt like I didn't need the God of the Bible. I got myself into major trouble after becoming mentally ill. God answered the prayers of my family and led me safely back home. I realized how much God loves me then and the stuff you talk about fell into place. I became very grateful to God just to be alive. I wanted to know who this God was who loves me. Then I wanted to be his servant because I was so grateful. I lost my friends but God has brought new people into my life. I lost my job but I'm ok. I am still ill but it doesn't change how much I love God. God didn't owe me anything yet he loved me. God did the same for you. Pray for God to open your eyes to how much he loves you because he does. Then you will just be amazed that the God of everything would even listen to your prayer as I am.
 
I'm not sure if my reply was posted, but thank you guys for your replies. Thanks Questdriven for your honesty, I can admit that I've felt that way about God many times. And after reading the the book of Jonah (at least from my understanding): God doesn't have a problem with us being mad at Him, even though He's always right. Sometimes I even tell Him that I'm mad at him (in a respectful manner of course).

And I admit I'm having issues accepting God's love, I've been abandoned by a lot of people who said they loved me when I was very young. It's very difficult for me to open up and accept affection now and show it.
 
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Typewriter said:
Hello all,

I'm honestly a tired christian, I feel like giving up (no to say that I return to sin). I can't seem to find comfort from the members in my church, they say they love me, but a lot of people have told me that only abandoned me later...

I have un-forgiveness in my heart because I'm an introvert, and because of that I cannot understand anything I read in the bible.

Also it feels like when I pray God doesn't listen to me, but when I think to myself he answers it, this makes me angry because I feel like I'm wasting time when I pray, but when I'm not directing my thoughts to him He listens.

Also this whole God wants glory thing upsets me, it feels like he wants me to suffer just so I can say that He's almighty, rather than helping me because he cares for me.

I know God is not a liar and that He keeps His promises, but I'm still a human with my own individual thoughts, I'm not going to pretend like I don't get mad at God and that I love everything he does.

Also I don't even know if I'm being renewed, the bible says that I must get rid of anger, it says that as if it was just something I can just pickup and throw out. I get angry all the time.

Also, I feel like I'm destined to be condemned. When I read John 13:18 which is talking about what David prophesied about Judas years before he was even born.
If Judas was called by Jesus, that means Jesus had to love him, had a plan for his life, etc, but God wanted to condemn Him, He already knew where Judas would kill himself (in the field of blood).

So what makes this different for me? How do I know if God called me just so that I could try to be holy, but fail at it etc? God already knows the number of people who will be saved. So if he didn't even plan for me to make it, like He did to Judas, why should I even try because I'm finding it impossible to do anything right (not in the sense of "works"), yet I see others who fast etc and do everything, and have the fruit of the Spirit. Maybe I'm just confused, maybe I was destined to fail like Judas, sorry to be so negative but I've been trying to resist and all that stuff, but after falling so many times, I really feel like I'm destined to fail like
Judas did. Thanks and sorry for typing so much I had to get this off my chest instead of waiting for the 20 posts thing to be able to enter the christian only section.
Click to expand...
God is in you, God is with you, and God is for you. This makes you one with God. You are a Christian in training. Which means it is a process. The bible tells us if you believe that God has been merciful to all of your sins and iniquities, God can then write on your heart. When you believe this the blood of Jesus can continue to cleanse you. This is the key! Please, please re-read this over and over again! This means He will teach you, guide you, open your eyes, and give you wisdom and understanding you seek. God has promise He will teach you and you will know Him (if you believe what I have highlighted for you). Know need for condemnation or to be sin conscious. Jesus forgives all sins. You will receive many good ideas on this forum; make your choice a Godly idea.
 
Here is what I would suggest. It is clear that the church you are going to, is not helping you much spiritually. So it would be good to find another church that has good bible studies.
 
Sorry to tell you this but the Christian only section is fairly empty most of the time. Little strange huh? Listen to iLove that does sound like a Godly idea.
 
Edward: There is indeed such a range of human experience recorded in the Psalms. We can't read them too much (we hope, in the light of New Testament revelation also).

Blessings.
 
I always find Psalm 23 so uplifting, peaceful, and comforting. I recite it and linger over each line and meditate on what it is saying to me about God and about what He does for me and what that says about my relationship with Him. The whole Psalm is His promises to me and speaks of love and grace. Try it, I think you'll like it.

Rest only in Him. He loves you so.
 
Deborah13 said:
I always find Psalm 23 so uplifting, peaceful, and comforting. I recite it and linger over each line and meditate on what it is saying to me about God and about what He does for me and what that says about my relationship with Him. The whole Psalm is His promises to me and speaks of love and grace. Try it, I think you'll like it.

Rest only in Him. He loves you so.
Click to expand...

Deborah: Good to read also in conjunction with John 10, re. the 'Good Shepherd', and Isaiah 40, which speaks of the Lord feeding His flock like a shepherd, and gently leading the tender lambs.

Blessings.
 
Eph 6:10 NIV Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Eph 6:11

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
Eph 6:12
 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Eph 6:13

 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Eph 6:14

 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
Eph 6:15

 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
Eph 6:16

 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Eph 6:17

 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Eph 6:18 and pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people.
 
Carolyn:

Great verses from the whole armor of God passage in Ephesians 6.

A man called William Gurnall wrote a commentary on it called 'The Christian in Complete Armor'.

Blessings.
 
My first message timed out. I wanted to tell you, Typewritter, that you are definitely a Christian who is being attacked by the enemy.
You are not possessed or in need of deliverance. You do need to see some light at the end of the very dark tunnel you are in.
The enemy attacks when we are down. And to make things worse, we sometimes help him out by agreeing with his half truths and
lies, and by kicking ourselves for our mistakes. We tend to be a lot harder on ourselves than God is.

I went through depression after the death of my dad and even wondered what kind of god would allow his only son to die on a cross.
WOW. Talk about seeing the glass as half empty. I couldn't see His Love when it was right in front of me! But He hadn't left me.
My christian small group leader kicked me when I was down, even my dog died within a month of my dad's passing. Kids were in
school and husband at work--I felt the empty house and lonliness in my grief. I read the book of Job.

Prior to this, My walk with God was renewed in 1970. It was then that God told me I needed to forgive the meanest, most hateful
and bigoted person I knew, my father in law. He had threatened me because of my faith several times and constantly ridiculed me.
I couln't forgive or love that man. But God turned the verse in 1 John 4:20 on me, which I had always pointed at my father in law.
Ouch! "If someone says I Love God and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen,
how can he love God whom he has not seen?" I told God I was lost because there was no way I could love that man.
That was what God was waiting to hear. Someone in the small group told me to thank God for him anyway, and to ask God to
love him through me. Now, this was a whole new concept to me, but I dutifly did what she recommended. I can't say that it
helped. I would get my attitude right, remember that Jesus died for him too and it was while we were yet sinners that Christ
died for us. I would ask Him to give me His forgiving heart since He hung on a cross and said Father, forgive them, they know
not what they do. So I would spend a couple of hours in the guy's company and he would say or do something else that
would absolutey destroy every spiritual bone in my body. I was back to square 1.
God knew just what I needed to teach me to allow Him in me to love the unlovable and forgive the unforgivable. I never did love or
forgive him as God does. But I was able to forgive and love the small group leaders who have been cruel and unloving as well as other
Christians. And I forgave quickly because I can't stand being out of fellowship with God. I forgave knowing how prone I am to offend
others, even those on this site, and it brings me to my knees. I don't want to hurt anyone the way I have been hurt.

OK, one of my problems is lack of tact, so I will try to explain this gently. I used to be the most shy, introverted, selfconscious person you
can ever imagine. I could never say anything for fear of being ridiculed and by the time I had rehersed it and thought about it, the subject
had changed so it was no use to try. People who know me here will never believe it. God did a 180 degree turn around on me to the
point that some wish I were uh, more tactful and less outspoken.

One of the best ways to overcome depression and being introverted is
to help people who are less fortunate. Some work in soup kitchens. I worked in nursing homes training aides and leading a hymn service.
Others do hospice work. God can use our sensitive natures to His Glory. But you have to force yourself to do it.
God bless you today. May He comfort you and lead you by your hand. May He open your eyes to see all the angels fighting on you behalf.
And most of all may you put on the full armor of God: including His salvation, His righteousness, His faith, His Word, His Spirit, His Gospel, His
peace, and His truth. Paul left our His Love, but I will include it in this benediction.
 
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Welcome to CFnet! :wave

I'm just popping in to say the 20-post rule only applies to including links to personal websites in posts. Members need only be approved and have confirmed that they are Christians when they registered. You had access to the Christian Talk & Advice Forum once you were approved. :)

I truly hope you find His Peace and Love for you.
 
I would say that if you never get mad at God, you're probably not being honest with yourself. Even if you really never do, it doesn't mean you love God any more than someone who does. David got mad, frustrated, impatient, etc. with God, yet God called him a man after His own heart. You're attitude sounds like self-righteousness to me. And this hurting, scared, suffering person opened their heart to us and all you could focus on was yourself. Where's the love and concern for this person. Our love for God is shown by how much we love others. So I would not brag about how much you love God. Remember, Jesus said the man who went away justified is the one who prayed, "Have mercy on me a sinner," not the one who claimed to be righteous.
 
I don't understand. Why does being an introvert cause you to be unforgiving?

Your sins were already taken care of on the cross. Where sin abounds, grace abounds MORE (Romans).

The thing about forgiveness is that it's a choice. And just because you forgive, doesn't mean the feelings will go away. Choose to forgive, and then treat that person as if they had never hurt you. Don't listen to your feelings. Though they are real, they aren't always true. God wants us to live by His truth, not by our feelings. The world tells us to follow your heart. Don't follow your heart, lead your heart. I rarely feel like God is listening (probably because I had a childhood where I was ignored). But I CHOOSE to believe He listens, whether I feel it or not.
And the God wants glory thing. I think He cares more about blessing you, than He does about receiving glory. But even so, I think giving God glory is for our benefit, not His. I think it builds our faith in Him. It reminds us of all He's done for us. and He definitely doesn't WANT you to suffer, nor does He cause it. Suffering is a part of life, because we live in a sinful world. He allows suffering because it shows us how much we need Him. Somehow it refines us. Just remember, Jesus suffered more than you will ever suffer. He understands.
And no, God didn't want to condemn Judas. Judas chose his own path. God knew the path He would choose. But the Bible says God doesn't want any to perish. But we have free will and can choose our own way. Just the fact that you are concerned about it, means that God still holds you in the palm of His hand. Ad He who began a good work in you will complete it, even if it doesn't seem like He's doing anything. He is the author and finisher of our faith.
What makes it different for you? Judas didn't have to perish. He could have repented, and He would have been forgiven. But he didn't. Instead he killed himself because he didn't believe he could be forgiven. But you are already forgiven. I John 2:12.."I write to you little children, because your sins have been forgiven for His sake."
We aren't saved because of what we do, but because of what Jesus did. I John says, "I write to you, that you not sin. BUT if you do, you have an advocate with the Father, Jesus, who is the atoning sacrifice for our sins.
And it's ok to be honest with God. He can take it. He won't get mad or get hurt. Read the Psalms. David was honest with God. He committed adultery and murder, yet he was called a man after God's own heart. Why? Not because he was good, but because David knew his own wretchedness, and he trusted in God to save Him (Psalm 51).

I Think I understand. I grew up in an abusive home. I spend the first 20 years of my life alone, friendless, thinking God rejected me ( because my father did ), feeling I was worthless and could never please God ( because I could never please my father), and feeling lost and condemned because of it, angry at God for letting me be abused and letting me suffer. Even though I grew up in the church and knew the Bible backward and forward, I never felt like I could live up to it. I saw others who seemed to be so spiritual and did everything right, and I wondered why I couldn't, why I was such a failure. But I held on to that faint glimmer of hope, and faith that God could save me like He promised. Twenty years later I'm still a wretched sinner, but I think on the day when We all stand before God, I think I'll love Him more than anyone. Not because I'm so righteous, but because He said, "He who is forgiven much loves much." Our love for Him will be in proportion to how much He has forgiven. And boy, is there a lot in me that He's forgiven. I think the most important thing I've learn over the years is that the more we try to be good, the more we fail. The law can't make us better. It can only show us our sin.
So stop trying so hard to be good, because you can't. Instead, start resting in God's forgiveness. (That doesn't mean we give into sin. It means when we do sin, we don't condemn ourselves. The Bible says that when our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts. I hope some of this helps. The Christian life is difficult. But you can't fail unless you want to, because Jesus will NEVER leave you or forsake you, even if it feels like He has.
 
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